Twilight managed to off the first dov that was willing to talk instead of kill on sight I have to side with the dov though as Twilight's comment of Celestia granting her Spike made it sound like he was an object. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Thanks for the positive comments, guys! I just moved the story from fanfiction.net last night, after I finished chapter five - I'll try my best to have chapter six done in a couple of weeks, but between work, procrastination and general laziness I usually don't have my chapters done until the twenty-eighth of each month. Keep an eye out!
Just read all the chapters and loved 'em, with all the fast-paced shenanigans Twi and the others get into. Especially liking the group of adventurers, mostly for "coincidental" reasons. An elf, argonian and orc group? That sounds similar to the characters me and my friends have in Skyrim, so it's hard for me to NOT read and enjoy this, almost guiltily. It's indeed a nice change of pace compared to the few other Skyrim/MLP crossovers fics that just feature a stereotypical Nord Dragonborn or featuring Skyrim just with all the characters replaced with ponies. Not only that but this is also rather well-written, and I do enjoy that after just being exposed to a few... less than optimal stories I've read recently. Props to you good sir!
(Wall of text incoming.)
HOWEVER, for constructive criticism I suppose I must be honest with one major pet peeve of mine. For example I find it very silly in how Twilight has become a bit of a "damsel in distress" type character, who seems unable to fend for herself. For a My Little Pony fanfiction that's supposed to have Twilight as the main character, its irking to me to see her play second fiddle to this group of random adventurers unable to defend herself and act more like a burden than anything to this group.
Luckily you made it so she's at least made a crucial difference in certain essential scenes, but it still doesn't seem enough to do Twilight's character justice. I mean come one she's one of the most powerful unicorn magicians in the show who has been seen handling a variety of often dangerous and scary situations with her magic, facing them head on with courage and determination (Ursa Minor and the Changelings for example). Shouldn't she have been able to handle those bandits near the start? And what of her other kidnappers, whom seemd to just come out of nowhere as some, at least from my point of view, plot device? As far as I know her magic wasn't disabled or anything at these times, so I don't see any excuses for why she didn't at least TRY to help herself even if she were too exhausted to be that effective. It's confusing that she didn't try a spell or something, when we've seen she's capable of wrecking enemies when she's angry (poor elf/vampire...)
You don't have to have her overpowered and destroy all opposition or constantly teleporting out of danger (though that would make logical sense...meh.), just at least be consistent in how she deals with certain situations and on par with the group by being a more helpful/active "spell-tosser" as Urgak put's it, and have her shoot a few more destructive or, even better since she's adverse to killing people, paralyzing/tricky spells at her foes in order to be a valuable asset thet the adventurers would actually find worth keeping rather than "that purple horse that got herself caught twice and won't stop whining".
Well I guess you can say my ONLY frustration is in how Twilight doesn't seem to be playing a very big role in this story thus far save for specific vital moments, and I'm somewhat afraid that all this is going to amount to is Twilight following these heroes around Tamriel and watch them kill stuff, but this is mostly a PERSONAL opinion 'cause hell, I don't see anyone else complaining. It's interesting that she's kinda learning like she kinda set out to do and I really like her interactions with the group when questioning things and trying to learn about her environment, but I feel it'd be better if she played a more "hands-on" role in their adventures while she tries to get home.
...But hell it still seems somewhat early to be properly judging this tale, and it's YOUR story anyways so I have no right in telling you what kind of story to write (hell, maybe you have a good reason for certain events happening, maybe one I've missed or hasn't been explained just quite yet?), rather I'm here to just enjoy it for what its worth (which I REALLY am thus far) and possibly just voice my opinion. Hell, I rarely COMMENT on stories on this sight unless they really grab my attention, so that's saying something. I still deeply enjoyed this story despite all that unimportant stuff I've wasted time whining about, and will favourite this fun story to keep an eye on it, no matter where this goes. Can't wait for the next chapter, and here's hoping Twilight and her new friends can kick some dragon ass! FUS RO DAH!
...I need to go to bed now. Didn't realize what time it was when I read and wrote this. Damn fanfictions, stealing sleep....
522298 I actually squeed a little when I read your comment. I -thrive- on constructive criticism, and the fact that you quoted Urgak tickles me pink. I'll admit, I've been kind of keeping Twilight in the background for the most part, which is something that bothers me as well. This is the first major work I've attempted, and I think I bit off a little more than I could chew at first by trying to juggle four main characters. However, (Small spoiler alert) Twilight -will- be taking a more hands-on, active role in the story in and after the next chapter, specifically for one reason you cited: she's adverse to killing things. Really, the only combat-oriented spells she knew in the show (that I can remember off the top of my head, anyway) were the spells she used to defeat the Ursa Minor and the Changelings - honestly, I'm not sure what to do about the Changeling issue. I went into this story thinking she didn't know dink about combat, but now she's been used as a Gatling Gun. ><; However, the Ursa Minor spell combo was more-or-less creature-specific, and wouldn't really work on a group of cut-throats. xD Oh god. Sorry for the wall - it is getting late, and I'm getting a little dumb and rambly as the clock ticks. TL;DR, I'm gonna try to fix most of my foul-ups with Twilight in the next chapter, and I promise you'll love it.
Also: Your praise ended my shitty day on a happy note. Thank you.
522331 Thank you too. Glad you cared enough to reply to my critique and I'm happy to hear that I've somehow managed to brighten up someone's day. Always worth it. Keep up the good work, my good man and I'll be continue to read from the shadows.
543714 Yeah, I got tired of being tucked away in the crossover corner of ff.net, so I figured why not? Got a pretty wonderful response, so far. :3 I just need to stop procrastinating on chapter six.
Dear Celestia, I'm on the fence about something here...
If Twilight ever finds a spell tome... she's going to be devastated. She'll read it and be able to produce the spell--only to have the book to crumble to ash upon finishing it... That's going to destroy her... Twiight--reducing a book to ash?
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I (re)learned that when you don't have the Stare, never fuck with a dragon. EVER.
You frost-bitten student,
Twilight Sparkle
Twilight managed to off the first dov that was willing to talk instead of kill on sight I have to side with the dov though as Twilight's comment of Celestia granting her Spike made it sound like he was an object. Can't wait for the next chapter!
This, so far, is a very nicely-done fic. You've pretty much portrayed Twilight in Skyrim the exact way I imagined. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the positive comments, guys! I just moved the story from fanfiction.net last night, after I finished chapter five - I'll try my best to have chapter six done in a couple of weeks, but between work, procrastination and general laziness I usually don't have my chapters done until the twenty-eighth of each month. Keep an eye out!
Oh snap! NOW i'm hooked. I wanna see how they handle this dragon
Just read all the chapters and loved 'em, with all the fast-paced shenanigans Twi and the others get into. Especially liking the group of adventurers, mostly for "coincidental" reasons. An elf, argonian and orc group? That sounds similar to the characters me and my friends have in Skyrim, so it's hard for me to NOT read and enjoy this, almost guiltily. It's indeed a nice change of pace compared to the few other Skyrim/MLP crossovers fics that just feature a stereotypical Nord Dragonborn or featuring Skyrim just with all the characters replaced with ponies. Not only that but this is also rather well-written, and I do enjoy that after just being exposed to a few... less than optimal stories I've read recently. Props to you good sir!
(Wall of text incoming.)
HOWEVER, for constructive criticism I suppose I must be honest with one major pet peeve of mine. For example I find it very silly in how Twilight has become a bit of a "damsel in distress" type character, who seems unable to fend for herself. For a My Little Pony fanfiction that's supposed to have Twilight as the main character, its irking to me to see her play second fiddle to this group of random adventurers unable to defend herself and act more like a burden than anything to this group.
Luckily you made it so she's at least made a crucial difference in certain essential scenes, but it still doesn't seem enough to do Twilight's character justice. I mean come one she's one of the most powerful unicorn magicians in the show who has been seen handling a variety of often dangerous and scary situations with her magic, facing them head on with courage and determination (Ursa Minor and the Changelings for example). Shouldn't she have been able to handle those bandits near the start? And what of her other kidnappers, whom seemd to just come out of nowhere as some, at least from my point of view, plot device? As far as I know her magic wasn't disabled or anything at these times, so I don't see any excuses for why she didn't at least TRY to help herself even if she were too exhausted to be that effective. It's confusing that she didn't try a spell or something, when we've seen she's capable of wrecking enemies when she's angry (poor elf/vampire...)
You don't have to have her overpowered and destroy all opposition or constantly teleporting out of danger (though that would make logical sense...meh.), just at least be consistent in how she deals with certain situations and on par with the group by being a more helpful/active "spell-tosser" as Urgak put's it, and have her shoot a few more destructive or, even better since she's adverse to killing people, paralyzing/tricky spells at her foes in order to be a valuable asset thet the adventurers would actually find worth keeping rather than "that purple horse that got herself caught twice and won't stop whining".
Well I guess you can say my ONLY frustration is in how Twilight doesn't seem to be playing a very big role in this story thus far save for specific vital moments, and I'm somewhat afraid that all this is going to amount to is Twilight following these heroes around Tamriel and watch them kill stuff, but this is mostly a PERSONAL opinion 'cause hell, I don't see anyone else complaining. It's interesting that she's kinda learning like she kinda set out to do and I really like her interactions with the group when questioning things and trying to learn about her environment, but I feel it'd be better if she played a more "hands-on" role in their adventures while she tries to get home.
...But hell it still seems somewhat early to be properly judging this tale, and it's YOUR story anyways so I have no right in telling you what kind of story to write (hell, maybe you have a good reason for certain events happening, maybe one I've missed or hasn't been explained just quite yet?), rather I'm here to just enjoy it for what its worth (which I REALLY am thus far) and possibly just voice my opinion. Hell, I rarely COMMENT on stories on this sight unless they really grab my attention, so that's saying something. I still deeply enjoyed this story despite all that unimportant stuff I've wasted time whining about, and will favourite this fun story to keep an eye on it, no matter where this goes. Can't wait for the next chapter, and here's hoping Twilight and her new friends can kick some dragon ass! FUS RO DAH!
...I need to go to bed now. Didn't realize what time it was when I read and wrote this. Damn fanfictions, stealing sleep....
522298
I actually squeed a little when I read your comment. I -thrive- on constructive criticism, and the fact that you quoted Urgak tickles me pink.
I'll admit, I've been kind of keeping Twilight in the background for the most part, which is something that bothers me as well. This is the first major work I've attempted, and I think I bit off a little more than I could chew at first by trying to juggle four main characters.
However, (Small spoiler alert) Twilight -will- be taking a more hands-on, active role in the story in and after the next chapter, specifically for one reason you cited: she's adverse to killing things. Really, the only combat-oriented spells she knew in the show (that I can remember off the top of my head, anyway) were the spells she used to defeat the Ursa Minor and the Changelings - honestly, I'm not sure what to do about the Changeling issue. I went into this story thinking she didn't know dink about combat, but now she's been used as a Gatling Gun. ><; However, the Ursa Minor spell combo was more-or-less creature-specific, and wouldn't really work on a group of cut-throats. xD
Oh god. Sorry for the wall - it is getting late, and I'm getting a little dumb and rambly as the clock ticks.
TL;DR, I'm gonna try to fix most of my foul-ups with Twilight in the next chapter, and I promise you'll love it.
Also: Your praise ended my shitty day on a happy note. Thank you.
522331 Thank you too. Glad you cared enough to reply to my critique and I'm happy to hear that I've somehow managed to brighten up someone's day. Always worth it. Keep up the good work, my good man and I'll be continue to read from the shadows.
Arkannna, is that you? :D
541666
:D Yes it is.
543688
well, good to see you brought your story to fimfiction :D
now if only i could get off my lazy flank and write my story :s
543714
Yeah, I got tired of being tucked away in the crossover corner of ff.net, so I figured why not? Got a pretty wonderful response, so far. :3 I just need to stop procrastinating on chapter six.
583574
If I weren't feelin' so merciful, I'd beat'cha with my rifle, Riflemen.
But I love you anyway.
One thing i would like to see more of is how the others are handling this (Twilight's friends reacting to the current situation)
616709
*Grins* All in good time, friend. All in good time.
Dear Celestia, I'm on the fence about something here...
If Twilight ever finds a spell tome... she's going to be devastated.
She'll read it and be able to produce the spell--only to have the book to crumble to ash upon finishing it... That's going to destroy her...
Twiight--reducing a book to ash?
Anyhoof, on to the next chapter!
*dragon stops "frosting" Twilight*
"I could of just torn up the contract" *collaspes*
Because Dragons are far more deadly then people claim, if your level 50, your SUPPOSED to own them.
That might be an error. Thought I suppose it is technically true.
2021717 you should see the big libary from avater the last airbender its huge