• Member Since 4th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 20th, 2012

Brawney Hooves


Comments ( 39 )

Cool. Let's see where this goes.

Erm, before reading: Mistakes in the summary.

Harbanger --> Harbinger
furure --> future
apocalipse --> apocalypse

950405 dude it seems like you just sh*t out awesome fanfics:pinkiehappy:

After reading: I like the premise, but there are three big things that are throwing it off.
Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling.
Maybe have a pre reader or friend go over the chapters before you submit them?

Anyway, I can't help but read Alpha's speech in the voice of Legion... :pinkiehappy:

Cheers ~GA

Interesting. :moustache: Let's see where this leads.

This kinda reminds me of AI Artificial Intelligence and Bicentennial Man :twilightsmile:

951495 Bicentenial man was one of the influences.

It has potential, but this chapter alone feels incomplete, since nothing really happens.

At the same time, that's what a prologue is for.

She got to her feet and trotted over...

She got to her feet...

Feet?

Twilight will surely believe Lyra,you know talks about strange creatures that aren't in Equestria.

This is great! Looking forward to more.

Also, does alpha look like a Geth? He does have a single eye, and he is humanoid in shape, so it would seem likely.

1093910 Actually when I think of Alpha I think of one of the alpha series from Bioshock 2.

1144964 No more like subject delta except for the air tanks on his back.

Forgot to favourite this back on chapter 1.... whoops.

950398 I don't know... Harbanger could have been intentional, if you know what I mean :raritywink:

Can i haz update? plz? :derpytongue2:

1399423 I'll try to update soon. Right now I am suffering from writers block for that story.

Reader to Author, Author, acknowledge.
Requesting Tactical MOAR at this location, over.

Reader to author, Walkie-Talkies are pretty fucking fun, no matter what your age is, over.:rainbowlaugh:

Okay, I do like your story, there are just a few things you should probably do.

1. Try to space out more, when I first clicked on chapter, I am immediately hit with great walls of text.
2. Try to indent whenever you end a conversation.

That is all I can see so far, good story.:ajsmug: just need to fix a few things.:trixieshiftright:

1511338 Unit, explain to ex-009 here, why is these no updates?

1511338 *pathetic whining noises* Update, pwease?:applecry:

Agreed, Unit OOM-9 awaiting mission update

Just asking does the cover art look like a Geth unit by any chance?

1857567 Thank you for the suggestions. :twilightsmile:

1879514

2155631

2214461

I'm sorry to say I cannot really update the story right now due to two reasons. First because I cannot get back onto my old profile. So the only way that I can is if I make a part 2 like I did with Wings 2. And the second reason is because my proofreader for it bailed on me due to some RL things. So until I find someone to proofread it, its going to look horrible.

Again sorry everyone. I'll see what I can do.

2226216 Yes it is. Its Legion I think. But neither he, or the geth have anything to do with this story. Sorry for the delay.

1511338
When do you think the 3rd chapters due to drop? I'm really liking this story so far.

Login or register to comment