- Member Since 6th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen April 10th
BleedingRaindrops
Just a critic who happens to write about pastel colored magical talking ponies
BleedingRaindrops
Joined 6th Mar, 2012 ·
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that story was..... strange .. but it still caught my emotions ^^
Could you say what was "strange" about it? I'm always looking to improve.
A nice emotional piece. I wonder if Twilight's own realization about everyone's and Ponyvile's morality--and her own lack of--was the real unconscious reason she left?
This was very good. There's room for another part if you chose to pursue it. I'd read it.
(I was surprised at how many common elements there were in that thing I sent you, considering neither one of us had ever read either story before).
5544437
No. I don't think there is another part to this. The point was that Twilight had to come to terms with the changes in Ponyville, and the friends she'd lost. She'd never be the same, but that was okay. Maybe there's another story that comes after, but it's not part of this story.
Wow. Like...wow.
This was definitely emotional. I liked how Discord appeared first of all - it seems he's finally understanding friendship. Then there's how each of the Mane Seven's lives turned out. Rarity moved away, Fluttershy died, Pinkie Pie tried to hang herself, Rainbow Dash reacted badly and left, Spike left, Ywilight ran away to another dimension (apparently) and Applejack...well heck, she's the only one who kinda continued on with life. (Those events probably didn't happen in that order). But I feel a little confusion there as well: did this all start when Rarity moved away or when Fluttershy died (of whatever she died of)?
Also, take a look at this excerpt from chapter 1:
While I understand what Twilight was feeling, I also couldn't help but feel like Twilight was being a bit selfish. She wasn't understanding that everyone moves on at some point.
Anyway, thank you for writing something that managed to give me feels. I happened to learn a bit about friendship myself.
6594880
That was kinda the point.
As for everypony's outcomes.
Rarity moved away first.
Spike left a few months later
Fluttershy died a few years later.
Pinkie Pie hung herself left a few months later when Twilight's castle dissolved and Twilight lost the will to stay.
Twilight and Rainbow Dash then left the same day.
Applejack stayed and took care of Pinkie Pie.
Hope that helps put it in order for you.
6595031 Ah. Okay, thanks! Write more amazing stories like this in the future!
So was she literally hiding out in an enchanted comic book? Because I wasn't sure what to think of this at first, but that really caught my attention.
Solid moral, though I'm not sure I ever felt like I knew quite what had happened.
7449693
A pocket dimension she discovered and then hid with her own spells, then placed inside of a comic book from which she got the idea for the name of her personal little world, which she then further enchanted to be sure she would never be found. It was a pretty crafty self exile. But yes.
7449715
Which part was confusing?
7450869
Okay, the comic book thing is really cool then. :)
The part I was confused about was what happened. Specifically, what would drive Pinkie to suicide, unsuccessful though she may have been. It sounds like Rarity pursuing her dreams broke something in Twilight, so she left, something something Pinkie tries to kill herself, Rainbow Dash throws a tantrum and leaves and also Fluttershy's dead somehow? I guess she could have just died of old age at some point. But I definitely felt like there was one crucial detail I was missing.
7451920
Ah, that. Yeah I suppose it would make more sense if I were to write a short scene or something explaining each of them, especially the conversation between Twilight and Pinkie Pie. I hate to reveal the stuff between the lines on this one but I suppose Pinkie's is a little hard to follow. Here's the way I imagined it in my head:
Twilight was already stressed out from her royal duties, upset that it took time away from her friends, and she began to blame herself when she missed out on their lives. After Rarity left, Spike just suddenly didn't want to be there. He got really sad, and one day he just left—nopony knows where he went. Twilight again blamed herself that she couldn't keep him happy, and was very distraught that that he left at all, since he was a big part of her world, and his absence left her heartbroken.
Pinkie noticed that Twilight was upset, and spoke to her. When she realized Twilight had lost the will to remain princess, she tried to talk her back into it, but her own emotions got in the way. Pinkie is very sensitive, and is very quick to blame herself for everything.
When Fluttershy got sick, It put Twilight nearly over the edge, but she held on until Fluttershy actually died, at which point something snapped, and the magic holding her castle together vanished. When Twilight's castle fell apart, Twilight lost the will to stay, and when Pinkie realized Twilight had no intentions of staying, she assumed she was just a bad friend and that Twilight didn't like her. She was already unstable after Rarity and then Spike, and Twilight pushed her over the edge.
In the next few months, Rainbow Dash could tell Pinkie was really upset about Twilight leaving, and went to drag Twilight back to town, but it was too little too late. She blamed Twilight for Pinkie Pie of course, and both of them assumed the worst before even visiting her at the hospital.
Applejack was the only one who stayed.
7452054
Now see, that all more or less makes sense. It would cheapen the story if you sat down and explained things that way in-text, but a few extra details would definitely help. I think you just went for the oblique angle a little too much, and a lot is lost because of it. Not always a bad thing, just didn't quite work this way.
7452137
Easier said than done, and I'm not sure I'm still invested in this story enough to do that. I might give it a shot for the sake of quality, but it's a long shot.
Actually, I still have the old Gdoc. Do you think you might be willing to point to a few specific spots that could use some touching up?
7452149
Give the EQD email a minute to come through. :B
7452896
*waits patiently for email to show up*
7457479
I guess by 'minute', I actually meant 'week', they're being slow <.<
7457752
*patiently waits*
Iliked it. I feel much of my life mimics Twilight's. Death, depression, sadness, I've seen alot of those these past few years. Change is the worst thing for some.
But its daunting that, with the exception of Rarity, that the entire group would live such sad lives. Maybe one or two, but for all to have fallen on such hard times is a bit of a cosmic stretch.
That said, it hit close to home. Glad I took time to read it.
7508826
Equestria Daily also thought as much
You can has review!