• Published 8th Nov 2014
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Change - BleedingRaindrops



Hoping to find something she'd lost, Twilight Sparkle returns to her old home, Ponyville. The rundown town still holds a few surprises, and some old faces. Sometimes a good friend is all you really need to face the night.

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Seeking Something Lost

The sound of bubbling oil and sizzling dough assaulted Twilight’s ears as she mindlessly powered the machine with her horn. Surrounding her were rows upon rows of carts containing stacks upon stacks of freshly baked toroidal pastries. Or as most ponies called them, doughnuts. The greasy metal and scummy floor of the dimly lit room looked strikingly clean compared to the state of her magically dyed coat. But this was actually the highlight of her day. Sort of.

A door to her right swung open and a pegasus pony wearing a store uniform and a very clean apron strode in. She had a bright white coat and curly golden locks. Her skin showed a few wrinkles but she carried herself with a youthful energy Twilight was envious of. Her boss, known to the public simply as Surprise, owner of Sprinkles and Surprises. Her eyes scanned the room quickly and then landed on Twilight.

“Oh, there you are, Starlight. I need another batch of Moonlight creams and a dozen Zap Apple Sprinkles.”

Twilight nodded wordlessly, and applied the proper modifications to machines two and three. Surprise scurried back out to the main room without another word, leaving Twilight to her thoughts again. She levitated the Moonlight cream and the Zap Apple filling from the storage bin and placed them in their respective machines. Somepony rich must be out there, because Zap Apple doughnuts were very expensive, seeing as how the only place to get Zap Apples was Big Apple Orchard.

Twilight set the machines to go and let herself slip into the same monotonous trance she had for the past… Twilight blinked. How long had it been? It seemed like just yesterday she’d wandered in here and started boiling innocent pastries in oil. Big Apple Orchard was just a painful memory she’d worked very hard to forget. Twilight hadn’t set hoof there since the days when she was princess of friendship. What a brilliant idea to settle working in a doughnut shop that got part of their supply from the wretched place.

Twilight shook her head. Those years had been her biggest mistake. Friends didn’t make things better, they just made it more painful when the inevitable happened. Princess Celestia had been wrong, and Ponyville had been doomed from the day Twilight Sparkle first set hoof there.

Surprise only came in a few more times, usually just to pick up more doughnuts and carry them into the main counter area. It was otherwise quiet, the hum of the machines drowning out any painful thoughts. When the bell finally rang to signal the end of the day, Twilight took her time shutting the machines down and dragged her hooves sluggishly across the floor.

She gave a nod to Posey on her way out. The yellow earth pony quickly scooped up her danish and scurried out the door, letting a few snowflakes flutter in.

Twilight gulped. Past that door stood the outside world, where everything was either warm and sunny or cold and windy and everypony except for her was happy no matter which. Twilight tried to contain her excitement as she reluctantly lifted her hoof and stepped forward.

Twilight pulled her scarf tighter around her neck as she stepped out into a mild flurry. Candor liked to have winter early for some reason, but for the life of her Twilight couldn’t imagine why. She glared up at Firefly, who was too preoccupied with adjusting the clouds to notice. The breeze bit at Twilight’s ears as she walked, and she slipped into a nearby alleyway to escape it. She was greeted with the familiar sight of dumpsters and discarded garbage, as well as the occasional frozen puddle. Candor’s latest decorations.

Twilight caught sight of her reflection as she passed over one and stopped. Her re-tinted gold eyes stared up at her with a lifelessness that would have shocked her years ago. Her midnight coat was getting shaggy, and Twilight could not help but notice the gray leaking into her silvery black mane. Gone was the cheerful smile that had greeted Spike every morning, or the fierce determination that had faced down Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis, and Tirek.

Twilight sighed. It must be nice to have Surprise’s energy. The ragged unicorn looking up at her didn’t even halfway resemble the alicorn who had walked out of Ponyville all those years ago. She didn’t even have her friends to support her this time, to drag her back to reality and show her how everything wasn’t so bad. Just as well. Everything was so bad. What was the point anymore? She was without friends, without her crown, without even a tenth of her magic. Nopony even knew who Twilight Sparkle was anymore. She had died the day Starlight Twinkle strode into Candor.

Twilight lowered her head so that her horn nearly touched the ice, then let her body follow. Why did Ponyville have to die? Why couldn’t she save it? What use was a princess who had no subjects to rule over, or protect? What reason did she have to even continue existing? Surprise didn’t need her. She didn’t technically exist. And who would miss her? All of her friends were gone, and Princess Celestia didn’t even care enough to look for her. If she had, she’d have found Twilight by now. She hadn’t exactly made it hard. Okay she had, but it was for a good reason. Twilight Sparkle was a useless excuse for a princess, and deserved to vanish, unnoticed, forgotten.

What would be the best way? The most painless? The cleanest? The least noticeable? Perhaps, her birth had given her one last gift. Earth ponies couldn’t do magic, but Twilight could. She could become a block of ice. Without a preset counter spell, she would be helpless, locked into her inevitable fate until spring, when she would melt away, and nopony would ever have to know. Even if Candor dissipated and somepony found her, they wouldn’t know what they had found. It was perfect. The feel of magic aura surrounded her horn, and a single tear froze on her cheek as she released the spell.

“You’re slipping, Princess.” An all too familiar voice called out from everywhere at once. “The Twilight Sparkle I know would never cast a transformation spell without giving herself an escape route.” The ice beneath her sprouted eyeballs where hers had appeared to be, and the whole sheet swirled to life. It rose up and coalesced into a form Twilight hadn’t seen in decades. The magic in her horn dissipated, shattering the spell and leaving a still silence in the air. Discord leaned down and closed Twilight’s jaw with a soft paw. “Giving up on finding answers? That doesn’t sound like my old friend at all. Are you sure you’re her?” He turned and stared with one very large eye into her own downcast gaze.

Twilight looked away. “H-how did you find me?” The words were almost voiceless, spoken through trembling lips.

Discord rolled his eyes and flicked her nose. “Oh, dear Twilight, don’t insult me. As if your disguise wasn’t flimsy enough. I must admit it took us a few decades to find the doorway to your little pocket dimension here, but if you really wanted to hide you should have picked a name that didn’t match your own so perfectly. I mean, really. Twilight Sparkle? Starlight Twinkle? O-ho, very original, I must applaud you. I would expect nothing less from Princess Celestia’s prized pupil.”

He’d donned a graduation cap and held a scroll in one paw. Twilight stared at him deadpan, lacking the enthusiasm to glare. If he wanted to taunt her for running away, let him. “The makeover was a nice touch, though I think you missed a few feathers when you lost the wings, and I doubt anyone other than Princess Luna would appreciate that shade of coat.” He ran a few claws down her back as he paced a tight circle around her.

“I applaud your location for this little sojourn, however. I wasn’t aware you were a fan of Supermare.”

“I’m not. Spike was. That’s his comic book.”

“Still trying to find to lost friends I see.”

“What do you want?” she breathed, any strength having left her voice. Discord simply twirled himself around and worked his overactive tongue, as usual.

“Oh, it’s not what I want, Twilight, but rather what you want. For somepony so intent on getting back what she lost you seem pretty bent on avoiding the one place you’ll find it.” He held out a finger to let a butterfly land on it. No, actually, it was a moth, with a yellow body and pink dappled wings. He stroked it gently, staring expectantly at her. Twilight blinked slowly and looked away.

“She’s not there. She hasn’t been for years. None of them are.”

“Oh, and how would you know? You never visit. I’ll bet she’s just dying to see you.”

Emotion that hadn’t stirred in years flared up inside Twilight and her horn lit up in an instant. “You take that back!” she half shouted at him, her voice breaking into a sob at the last moment. Tears formed in her eyes as she glared at him. Oddly enough, she met that very same glare in his eyes. This wasn’t the prankster she used to love to hate. There was something else brooding behind those old eyes.

After a moment, Discord simply threw up his hands in front of him. “Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. All I know is if you really didn’t care, that little jab wouldn’t have bothered you, and ‘Posey’ I believe her name was, wouldn’t have been so fond of you. You’re looking for something, Twilight Sparkle. Something you lost long ago, and a little butterfly told me it currently resides in Ponyville. But of course, you don’t want to go to Ponyville, you’d rather stay here and sell doughnuts to an ersatz ensemble of your long lost friends for the rest of your miserable life.” He pulled a zap apple cream doughnut out of the air and took a bite out of it, flattened eyes daring her to retort.

Twilight looked down at the thickening snow. “Not anymore. I’m done selling doughnuts. I just want it to be over.”

“Well, then you’ve got nothing to lose, haven’t you? I think you at least owe your friend the honor of one last hug, don’t you? How very selfish of you, to rob her of that, when she did so much to help you while you were around.” He flicked her painfully across the face with his tail.

Twilight didn’t move. Deep ridges set into her brow as his words hit like a speeding Rainbow Dash. Twilight groaned at that thought. She couldn’t even get her friends out of her head.

“Well, I can see you really don’t care about your friends. Fine, go freeze yourself. I’ll see you when spring comes.” A gust of wind blew down the alley, carrying Discord along with it in an icy blast that struck Twilight across the face.

The moth he’d been holding fluttered down afterward and landed on Twilight’s nose. It flapped its wings a few times, then took off and disappeared into the sky. Twilight looked back down at her sheet of ice, summoning up her magic once again.

Her friends weren’t there. They wouldn’t be.

The spell grew stronger, building in intensity.

They’d abandoned her. She’d had to leave.

The wind picked up, swirling about her and creating a small vortex of snow around her horn.
Twilight glared at the sheet of ice, daring it to challenge her resolve. She was going to do this. She couldn’t take her life anymore. It had to be done.

But what about Fluttershy?

The ice shattered as the spell collapsed around her. Twilight fought to maintain it, but it was too late. She’d lost her focus, and the magic she’d built up had escaped.

“Dammit!” She smashed what was left of her frozen puddle with a hoof, then collapsed onto the ground, crying. Discord was right. She had to go back. Just one last time, to say goodbye. She owed it to Fluttershy, and Discord.

~ ~ ~

Butterflies flapped noiselessly around the great tree, in memoriam of the pony who had once cared for them all. It was a beautiful sight, but Twilight couldn’t approach. The old cottage had been empty and uncared for for over a decade, and the Everfree had moved in, swallowing up the flower meadow she and the others had helped plant. The only thing preserving Fluttershy’s house was the tree that had sprung up around it, protecting it from the twisting vines that now covered the path, barring Twilight’s advance further.

The cold autumn breeze blew through Twilight’s mane, sending chills down her spine. She wrapped her scarf more tightly around herself and ruffled her remaining feathers. The only other sound besides the wind was the leaves crunching beneath her hooves. Gray clouds covered the entire sky, just like they had since the day she’d left. It almost seemed fitting that the sun never shone on this place anymore. Twilight didn’t like remembering.

Twilight gave a last mournful look at the flock of butterflies, faithfully guarding the tree, then turned away. Whatever it was Discord had sent her here to look for, it wasn’t this. She wandered back into town, her hooves carrying her to the only other place that felt relevant: The charred remains of Golden Oaks Library.

Ash littered the ground around the old tree. Nopony had dared approach it after that day. Broken bits of wood were everywhere. Twilight kicked a gray lump on the ground in front of her, flipping it over. Part of it crumbled into ash, but the cover had remained mostly intact. The words came back with a multitude of memories she’d tried to forget.

Super Natu

It had been so long since Twilight had seen this book—since she’d even set hoof here. It was a strange feeling, being back. Discord had told her she might find what she was looking for here, but Twilight wasn’t so sure. There was nothing here that she wanted, and there was nopony to greet her either. Not even Spike or Owlowiscious.

Twilight nearly cried as she remembered that day. The silly bird had come to her one night while she was studying, and had been so helpful ever since. She never did learn where he came from, but he was a good companion. He didn’t deserve what had happened.

She took a few steps closer, stirring up some of the ash covering the ground near her old home. No. Not anymore. She really shouldn’t be here, but it held the most memories, and she found herself unable to leave. There was nowhere else she wanted to be right now.

Twilight paused by the door, or what was left of it. Spike should have been here. He was always here, ready to welcome her home. But then he’d just vanished one day. No warning, not even a letter. How could he have forgotten about her?

She looked up through the now missing floors of the great oak tree. There were so many memories here. Some were happy, some were painful, but Twilight turned away. No. She didn’t want to be here. Whatever she was looking for, it wasn’t here either, and there was a lot of the old town she still needed to see.

Eventually her hooves found their way to the Carousel Boutique. The windows were boarded up, the exterior decorations stripped, the paint sprayed over several times. The place was little more than an empty shell of a memory. Twilight didn’t try to break in. She knew what was in there. Rarity hadn’t come home since before Twilight had left.

Sweetie Belle had tried to take over the shop, but she didn’t have her sister’s talent for designing. The boutique had gone out of business, been sold back to the town, and had everything inside removed. It had been abandoned for years, until some of the younger fillies and colts had vandalized it and used it for a clubhouse. They had also eventually left, but the old place still held the scars.

Twilight wasn’t sure why she’d come here. Maybe some small part of her hoped that she’d find Rarity, but the rest of her knew that Rarity was never coming back. She’d left all of them behind to chase her own dreams. She didn’t care for them at all. Twilight shook at the thought. Why did everypony have to go? Why couldn’t they stay behind so she didn’t have to feel alone? She stomped her hoof and left.

Apparently Sugarcube Corner was next on her list of stops. Why here? Twilight didn’t want to go in, but she still hadn’t found what she was looking for. Just a quick look, and then she could leave. Twilight slowly pushed open the door and stepped inside. The Cakes had moved out long ago, leaving the place to Pinkie.

Twilight scanned the main room, but there was nothing here other than a few discarded bags of flour, and a lot of mold. Twilight gulped, and pressed a hoof onto the first stair leading up to Pinkie’s old room. Her heart began to race, and not because the boards were old and creaky. A lump formed in her throat as she climbed. She knew what she was about to walk into. Oh, Celestia. Whatever she was looking for, please not let it be this. Finally Twilight reached the top of the stairs and reluctantly pushed open the door.

Everything was just as they’d left it all those years ago. Withered balloons littered the floor and hung eerily from the upper loft. The wallpaper was torn and brown stains were splattered over what was left. Confetti was spread across the small carpet, collecting in large concentration near the opening of a faded blue cannon. A long crack ran the length of the barrel, and one of the wheels that had once held it lay on the floor, broken off at the axle. It was like a party gone wrong, and Twilight was the unfortunate guest.

On the bed lay a crumpled note in Pinkie’s mouthwriting. Twilight didn’t need to read it again. She looked up at the rope hanging from the rafters. They still hadn’t taken it down. A lump formed in Twilight’s throat, and the tears welled up under her eyes. Pinkie had always been afraid her friends would leave, but Twilight had never imagined it would actually happen, or what Pinkie would do when it did.

Why? Why had Twilight come back here? She’d known what she would find. Her very presence wouldn’t just make it all better, make them all come back. But she couldn’t let go of what used to be here. There used to be so many happy memories. Where had they all gone? Twilight tore herself away from the wistful scene and fled back down the stairs, nearly tripping as one of them broke beneath her hooves.

She didn’t bother trying to find Rainbow Dash. Nopony had seen her for years. The last thing she’d done for the old town was make it rain for three weeks, setting the sky permanently gray. She was the reason everything was always so gloomy.

No, there was only one place left to go. One pony Twilight had to visit to maybe find what she was looking for, if she even knew what that was. Twilight raced as fast as her weary hooves would carry her. She passed an old broken scooter as she ran past the stream bed, still trickling along. Everypony was gone.

No, not everypony. As she bounded up the hill, Twilight’s eyes fell upon row after row of apple trees, fully laden with ripe apples. Her heart fluttered as she passed under the wooden archway marking the entrance to Sweet Apple Acres, but it sank when she saw the sign was rotted and cracked. She slowed to a meandering stroll, barely finding the strength to climb the hill to the farmhouse. Much of the old orchard was dead now. The apples no longer grew in the outer fields, and the trees there were inhabited by bats.

There was a light on, so she knew somepony was home, but it had been so long since she’d been here. Would they even remember her? Twilight walked up to the door, took a deep breath, and slowly knocked. A minute passed. Two minutes. Three. Twilight sighed. It was probably a bad time. She turned and trotted away, back down the path. She’d found nothing. Discord was wrong. There was nothing here.

Twilight heard a low creak behind her, and flicked her head around.

“Huh? Who’s out there?” a familiar voice called out. Twilight held her breath. After so many years… the door creaked all the way open, and the wide brim of a stetson had poked its way around the edge, followed by a knotted blond mane and finally, an orange face with freckles. Those old green eyes Twilight had come to love locked on to her, and widened instantly.

“Applejack.”