• Member Since 6th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

BleedingRaindrops


Just a critic who happens to write about pastel colored magical talking ponies

E

Rainstream is a talented young weather mare with a big heart and an even bigger affinity for rain. Her past is clouded and dark, but she likes to focus on the positive, and help other ponies understand how to find joy in a storm. When a young colt from her home village comes over for a visit and gets trapped inside with her during a storm, Rainstream offers him the comfort of some stories from her younger years, and finds part of herself in the process.

Cover art by Viwrastupr

[No longer dead! A friend gave me some advice on how to fix it. Once I figure out some life issues and finish advancing a different story, I will return to this]

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 34 )

This was a rather entertaining read, mostly error free from what I could tell and Rain seems like a relatively well thought out character on the part of the author. I find it a little odd that if she's so sensitive about her trophy she'd keep it in the guest house of all places though, hidden away or not, you're practically begging for this scenario to happen.

Not to mention the idea of a guest house being kind of silly. Most people can barely manage one house let alone two.

That's pretty much my only nitpick though. Wouldn't mind reading some more of this whenever you get around to it.

6877731
Yeah, I had wondered about that, but Rain told me it was okay. The trophy wasn't something she liked to keep near her, and it was tucked away in the corner of the high shelf. She just knocked it down accidentally when List startled her. And you'll find out in a later chapter but Rain actually has more money than she knows what to do with. The guest house just serves as a physical address because her real house is a cloud home that she brings with her as she travels.

I'm glad you like Rain. She's been with me a while and I'm very proud of her. Next chapter we should see her when she's much younger.

Ms. Sunspot appeared just below and ahead of her, primaries flared out fully to create the eddies that would allow Rainstream to piggyback on the same wind she was using to fly, then the two of them pulled slowly out of the dive, and began gliding down toward a large cluster of clouds near the mountains.

-From the context this seems to be Ms. Meadowbloom.
-This would be a good place to start a new sentence: "fly. The"

Thank you for the story. :twilightsmile:
I have one question - while reading the first chapter I got impression that List is a foal or at least a young teenager (at least he acts and Rainstream threatens him as such).
But in the illustration they look like they are the same age.
So how old is List?

7004142
List is Just reaching adulthood, and Rainstream has a small frame.

I like your characterization of Fleetfoot. She's not altruistically nice nor is she completely self-absorbed, but rather a believable balance of the two. I also like the way you made Rainstream a rain-making prodigy but still didn't give it to her for free.

Rainstream’s chest feathers stood out,

I haven't seen a pegasus with feathers on their chest.

“I hadn’t realized it yet, but my cutie mark had appeared sometime during the making of that rain.” List gasped, which made Rainstream smile even wider.

Rainstream is speaking, but List is the subject of the sentence. I suggest:
"Rainstream smiled even wider when List gasped at the revelation."

Fleetfoot chuckled. Alright then, little miss rainmaker, let’s get some clouds.

Missing quotes on Fleetfoot's dialogue.

Fleetfoot attempted to reign her in

rein (also missing period)

Alrighty then, no idea what Playdough even is. Super. Ever make mud castles?

Playdough probably isn't a trademark in Equestria, so it shouldn't be capitalized (either that or the previous occurrence should be capitalized as well).

Remember how different it felt when you used pegasi magic to mold the cloud?”

pegasus (not plural in this context)

This was in my 'To read' box for far too long.
I'm liking it so far, very detailed and well written. Looking forward to more.

On another note, Japan?!? Well... now I'm jealous.

7227910
Don't be jealous. I had to go through three months of hell, another month of rigorous combat training, and learn two years worth of knowledge in eight months just to be granted the opportunity to be sent here. Plus I don't have the liberty to go wherever I want like most civilians would. Anyone with enough willpower could have done it, and it has its merits, but it wasn't easy, and you wouldn't envy the full extent of what I did to make it here.

That said, I don't regret any of it. Best decision I've ever made. Just remember if you are ever envious of what someone has to look to what they did to get it, and then think again if you still envy them.

Thank you for the compliment on the story. It may be a few weeks because I'm out on a field op right now, but I am eager to write more about Rainstream, and she is eager to have her story told.

7229030 I am envious of the fruits of your labors, but believe me I do understand that there is always a high price to pay for anything worthwhile. If there isn't then we would never fully be able to appreciate it. My father was an army combat veteran from long before your time. I never loved or respected anyone as much as him. So any time I come across someone brave enough and strong willed enough to actually stand up for what they believe in, they get my respect.
Sorry it took so long to read Tales of the Rainmaker. I also still have Applejack learns to Rock Smash, and The Pony on the Wall to still read as well. Mainly it's because my 'To Read' list grows faster than I have time to catch up on. I have 53 still to go from various authors. But I will get there. I had actually stopped playing WoW until the next xpac, just so I could focus on catching up on reading and getting two of my stories off of hiatus.
Anyway, take your time with your story, and don't rush to finish, your fans will still be here whenever you do. :pinkiehappy:

7230182
Oh, believe me I know the struggle. There was a time my 'Read Later' list was over 200 stories. I'm holding it at 150 right now, and I make regular checks to see if I've lost interest in some of the stories in there, but new ones just keep coming at the same rate I'm going through them. Don't feel bad. I'm honored that you think so highly of my work; I've still got a ways to go, but it's nice to know my stories are enjoyable to read.

If you can’t fly in the rain, forget about making rain for a living, never mind for fun. If you can’t do this, you’ll never be a weather pony.

Missing end quote

Rainstream pumped her wings, causing the surrounding sky to blur as she sped around the cloud in a very tight formation.

pattern (It's not a formation unless you are doing something in a group)

His concern faded into a smile after seeing she was alright. “Glad I caught you,” he said.

Haha, in any other context, that would be a fairly neutral thing to say, but here it sounds like a pick-up line. (Pun intended. :derpytongue2:)

7390338
Well, it is intended to be a pick up line. He likes her.

Thanks for those other two.

If Rainstream and her friends were voiced, what would they sound like?

7409981
For Rainstream, I would ask Tara Strong to do her best impression of Fluttershy.
List I'm not sure of, but Stormfeather sounds just like Sebastian Stan

This chapter switches between story and flashback a lot, and not all of it is actually being said. I've placed all of Rainstream's flashbacks in italics. Hope it helps.

It does help. It would be very difficult to track without that. It's still a little confusing that the flashbacks are not in chronological order, but it's not too bad.

She stuffed the last tuft of cloud into place and curled up into a short twirl, then dove for speed and pulled up toward the cabin.

extra space

“My coat even matches the clouds, but everyone always knows where I am, and expects to see me do something like… this.” Stormfeather hung his head, still holding his hooves up. “I can’t do anything like this. I’m just starting weather basics right now, and if I don’t pass…”

Raindrops poured down his face. Rainstream let out a quiet gasp that barely concealed a sob.

That sentence should be part of the previous paragraph.

“N— No… He didn’t want me.” Rainstream turned her face away so he wouldn’t see the tear escaping her eye.

I don't understand why Rainstream is upset. The thing Stormfeather valued in her was the thing she valued in herself. The fact that he didn't take advantage of her on their first night shows respect, not indifference. So far, he seems to have been a complete gentleman, and very careful of her feelings. Present-day Rainstream seems to be afraid that her new friend will abandon her, but in the flashbacks, she is the one that keeps leaving. I understand that Rainstream is miserable, but Stormfeather is the one I really feel sorry for the most.

7413064
Ah, but Rainstream hasn't been completely honest either. She's been lying to List in order to hide the parts of her past she's ashamed of, or that are too painful to remember. And Stormfeather hasn't completely kept his distance. I skipped what happened over night, and I hope it's spelled out well enough between the lines. I should be able to clear this up in the next two chapters.

Thanks for the edits.

One of the reasons I like this story so much is how well developed and realistic Rainstream's emotions are. The slight taste of irrationality that anyone would feel when dealing with someone they feel strongly about. As well as the need to take shelter in their 'haven' (in her case the rain), when feeling emotionally overwhelmed.

Bravo once more.:twilightsmile:

I just finished 'Lightning and Thunder'.

Freeow! That explains quite a bit. But a couple of questions are now in even MORE need of answering.
I am now anxiously awaiting the next chapter.:pinkiehappy:

7441872
>TFW your story begins demanding you
:applejackconfused:

This chapter was excellent! Very moving.:fluttercry:
Stormfeather's memory loss was completely unexpected, and heart-wrenching. I can only hope Stormfeather's father is unaware of his son's intentions for Rainstream that evening, or else I worry that he will storm in and blame her.
('Storm' pun completely unintentional).

7691660
XD I really wasn't sure how best to handle it, because I know you've read Lightning and Thunder (even though it's gone now). Rainstream definitely regretted the events that took place that night, but I wasn't sure how many liberties I could take. I hope it turned out okay :scootangel:

And I'm really sorry I keep dragging this out. I thought I would have gotten to the reason present day Rainstream has abandonment issues two chapters ago :applejackconfused:

7692291 Don't feel like you have to rush anything. You're fans aren't going anywhere.:raritywink:

“I’m cleaning up a storm, dummy.It’s pouring rain, and I’m flying.

Missing space

“Well, then. I guess today’s the day I really learn.

Missing end quote

You’re not supposed to be broken like this.

Missing start quote

“Okay, okay, maybe not. But could you please think about it.”

“Okay, okay, maybe not, but could you please think about it?”


Rainstream's feeling of guilt is not surprising, but it can't be more that about 10% her fault. Stormfeather was an idiot and idiots get hurt.

7710414
Thanks for the edits. I've fixed those now.

And yes I know it's not really her fault, but she's irrational.

7711815 Also, sorry it took so long for me to get around to reading the chapter. Things pile up.

7712134
No problem. Thanks for the feedback.

Okay. Let's get started. Review mode on! Be aware my review is also a statement of my opinion. You can disagree, ignore of even pretend my review doesn't exist if you want.

Perhaps consider. "I can't believe the rain didn't fall, we're quite lucky to see the show," the earth pony bragged to the unicorn. Says the same and it could give an greater incentive for the unicorn to respond.

I think would in the next sentence after should be could. "Oh, I know right, that could have been a disaster." Next paragraph. Consider separating her thoughts into different paragraphs.

Rain?

Disaster?

It has more impact to the reader, this way in my opinion.

Hmm. Duh! Seems out of place. Consider removing it and placing at the end to make more impact. If you think it works where it is, feel free to disagree with me.

Comma after Actuallly. "Actually, I was just showing you the way back to the city."

Comma instead of full stop here. "Alone at last," she sighed,.... By the way. I like her chest tightened and she backed away slowly, crouching low to the ground. It's a good action sentence describing what she does. :twilightsmile:.

Next paragraph after that is very good and I enjoyed reading.

Capital letter after a question mark. "List?" She asked.

Hmm. First impression of List is he is a bit shy and is deep thinking enough to think he'll get mad Rainstream mad, but without considering that has consequences too.

Heh. Like. After a few groans from her unfortunate hug victim-there were always casualties in a Rainstream hug-she set him down. :twilightsmile:.

Hmm not sure why this is two paragraphs when it could be one.

"Come on, you can stay at my place tonight," she beckoned with her head, and led him across the meadow. Is a possible solution and makes two paragraphs into one.

Like this paragraph. "No." It sounded like he wanted to be grumpy, but was too defeated to find the gusto. :twilightsmile:.

Comma here or an explanation mark here. "Oh! But the rain is great... and maybe comma after coat too. "It's so cool and refreshing and when it runs down my coat, I can feel all my stress and worries just washing away."

Perhaps change quickly here into swiftly as you've mentioned quickly before. He swiftly obliged, and she headed into the kitchen.

Capital letter after question mark again, sorry. :fluttershysad:. "Rain?" He called out as he walked into the kitchen.

Like the next paragraph. It relays not being organised in a humorous way. :twilightsmile:.

Cloudsdale is a place name and must be capitalized. Oh, to be a Cloudsdale weather pony. Still, I like the descriptions before that.

Perhaps dramatize. "Huh!?" Rainstream looked down. Start new paragraph here.

"Oh heh," she blushed, and pulled the pot out of the water.

Comma after Immediately. Immediately, she recognised...

Okay. Flying trophy, she feels as if she has to hide it. I'll read on to find why and this story maintains my interest up to this point.

Final error. A small speech mark at the end. "It all started when I was a filly..."

Okay. Long review. I hope I've contributed something useful. Bye for now. Discorded Imagination.

7866794
Um... Can you use quotes? I appreciate the feedback but a lot of these are difficult to understand without specific context.

Also, did I request a review? I've been so active lately I forget.

Freeow!
That was quite a ride.
It was as interestingly complex and well orchestrated as Rainstream's routine!
I honestly don't know what to ask for at this point in regards to further stories, but if they are as well crafted as this one, I'm sure I'll be more than satisfied.:pinkiehappy:

8245956
And to think I don't even edit these beyond basic proofreading. :derpytongue2: I'm flattered.

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