Of Vodka and Cider

by UglyTurnip

Of Confessions and Kisses

"Man," Dempsey groaned, immediately following it with an unflattering belch. "I ate way too much cake back there."

Nikolai glanced at his friend's slightly expanded gut. He had a newfound respect for Dempsey, as even he had out-eaten even the likes of Pinkie. Still, he couldn't help but smile smugly at Dempsey's pain.

"I better not hear anything about how I drink too much vodka," Nikolai joked, taking a swig of said drink. Neither of them knew what ungodly hour it must've been, but it was likely far too close to sunrise for either of them to get a good night's sleep. Not that it bothered them, of course; it had been a fun night. Now, though, the two of them had left the bar. At this time of night, the cobbled streets of Ponyville were all but deserted.

"What can I say? She knew just what my appealed to my sweet tooth. She must be practicing some form of witchcraft."

"With Pinkie Pie, I wouldn't doubt it."

Dempsey yawned. The fatigue from this long and boring day was finally beginning to set in. "Man, I think I could go for a 12-hour nap right about now."

"Where are you staying, anyway?"

"Twilight said something about making space in her broom closet. I'm not thrilled about the offer, but it's not like I have many options."

"Hey, no fair! Nikolai was never offered her broom closet when he got here."

"Considering how you plotted to overthrow the monarchy and replace it with a communist regime, I'm not surprised," Dempsey retorted, a sly grin plastered on his smug face. "She said something about running a test on me, though. Some science mumbo-jumbo way above my pay grade."

"And you accepted it without any questioning?" Nikolai questioned in disbelief. "Bad move, Dempsey. Nikolai will pray for your safety."

Dempsey shrugged. "If I have to choose between sleeping on the street and being some guinea pig, then I'll be a guinea pig any day. I think you're just jealous that I'm sharing a house with a princess."

Nikolai chuckled drunkenly. "Jealous? My housemate is at least hundred times cooler than Twilight. Berry lets me sleep in the attic."

"Was that before or after she learned of your nine dead wives?"

"Eight," Nikolai corrected. "The ninth one is still alive back on Earth. Well, she was before the zombies came, anyway. Maybe becoming a zombie actually improved her looks, no?"

"Do you plan to make her wife number 10? Going into the double digits of marriages with a pony?" Dempsey playfully nudged.

"You know Dempsey, you talk a lot, and yet everything you say is incredibly stupid."

"Hey, I'm just wondering. You do spend quite a lot of time with her."

"To think I'd ever fuck a horse," Nikolai groaned. "Nikolai thinks it would be worse than fucking one's own mother."

"Don't Russians have a thing for fucking horses, though?" Dempsey questioned innocently.

"Hey! What happened to Catherine the Great was a myth! What do they teach kids in American schools?"

"Not to fuck horses, that's for sure."

Nikolai blew a raspberry in Dempsey's face. "That's surprising to hear, Dempsey. I thought Americans loved their horses."

"You don't always fuck what you love."

"And you don't always love what you fuck."

The both of them erupted in voluminous laughter that probably awoke the nearest neighbors. Not that they cared, however, for it reminded each of them of the banter thrown about as they walked Earth together, gunning down zombies from Shi no Numa to Der Riese. It was something Nikolai missed, being able to gun down hordes without worrying about protecting others.

Maybe he should go back.

"So, do you actually like her?" Dempsey inquired with genuine curiosity, unknowingly snapping Nikolai out of his thoughts. "I mean, there aren't a lot of options here, exactly. I can't say I blame you."

"Nikolai does not fuck horses," he reminded, though he felt his heartbeat increase once more at the implication. "Women are too much trouble anyway, human or horse."

"Amen!" Dempsey cheered, carelessly slapping Nikolai on the back. Then, he stretched, emitting a long yawn as his eyelids drooped just a little lower. "Anyway, I have to get home now. It's been a pleasure, old friend."

"Same here," Nikolai told him with a smile. "We should do this again sometime."

"And we will," Dempsey confidently insured as he turned away. "Good night, Nikolai."

"Night, Dempsey!" Nikolai called out, then he turned his own back on his friend and started the walk home.

But even in the lonely darkness, half-drunk and genuinely tired, Nikolai's thoughts did not grant him the peace he desired. Dempsey's words echoed through his mind as his the silhouette of his home became visible in the faint moonlight. Could he really be falling for a pony? Why? How? It made no sense: there was no political gain from marrying some commoner, and even then, he found the idea itself abhorrent. And yet, despite every ounce of his rational being firmly believing that, something else lingered. It was something Nikolai had never felt before in his entire life, not even for his past nine wives.

Love.

It was worth more than all the breweries in Moscow.

So, with that realization squarely in his mind, Nikolai found his way home, fumbled through his pockets for the key, and opened the door. It creaked ever so slightly as it revealed Berry sleeping peacefully on the couch. The moonlight kissed her face ever so slightly, and her chest rose and fell with her snoring. It was loud and obnoxious to most ponies, but Nikolai wouldn't have traded that sound for the world.

"This is home," Nikolai said to himself. "Nikolai is home."

Suddenly, Berry stirred, her eyes fluttering open lazily until they caught a glimpse of Nikolai.

"O-oh! You're back!" she exclaimed excitedly, sitting upright as a blush pinkened her cheeks. Nikolai had no clue whether it was from alcohol or something else, but he didn't care.

"Heh heh, Nikolai is back, alright," he chuckled in that typical laid-back Nikolai voice. But it soon faded, leaving the air around them still and awkward.

"Heh, yeah. Good to have you back," Berry stated just as awkwardly. "Are you still thirsty?"

"Not really."

"What?" Berry inquired, cocking her head in disbelief. "Really?"

"OK, maybe a little bit," Nikolai backtracked. "But that's not what's important right now, you know?"

"What's the matter with you?" Berry yawned. "Are you sick?"

There was a real concern in Berry's eyes, and Nikolai didn't doubt for a second just how monumentally strange this had to be for her. For all she knew, this could be a random dream. Good thing Nikolai knew better.

"No, Nikolai is fine," he reassured as he sat next to her on the couch. There was another awkward period of silence as Nikolai searched for the right thing to say.

"I suppose I never thanked you properly," he finally said.

"Huh?"

"For taking me in," Nikolai clarified. "You gave me a home that I didn't deserve."

"Oh, Nikolai," Berry cooed. "Don't say that. You're the best friend any pony could ask for, not to mention that you saved my flank all the way back in Stalliongrad. As far as I'm concerned, you own this house just as much as I do."

She wanted to add 'Because I love you', but she found the phrase too hard to spit out.

"These past few months have been so strange," Nikolai confessed. "First, the zombies, then ponies, then zombie ponies, and now. . . Work. Nikolai is ready for things to go back to normal."

"Well, it shouldn't be long. Twilight's smart; she'll think of some way to get you ba-"

"I'm not going back."

Berry paused. "W-what?"

Nikolai nodded. "I'm not going back. I don't want to. There's nothing waiting for me, there. Well, except for ninth wife, but she is a bitch. Not like you; I like you."

Berry blushed. "Aww, I like you too, Nikolai."

"Nikolai has never felt such a connection with anyone else before," he admitted. "Not even with my best drinking buddies back home, not even with Dempsey. . . I feel like I can really be myself around you, you know?"

"Well, what are best friends for?"

Nikolai sighed. "Berry, Nikolai. . . Nikolai is in love with you."

Berry Punch gasped. "Say that again?"

"Nikolai is in love with you."

"Now, can you say it one more time while pinching me repeatedly?"

"Berry!"

"Sorry, I need to make sure I'm not dreaming."

"Fine," Nikolai chuckled as he began to pinch her flank. "Nikolai. Is. In. Love. With. Yo-"

Berry made the move. Their lips met in the dim moonlight, and a low hum of pleasure escaped Berry Punch. The two unlikely lovers shared their first kiss together in silence, caressing one another, saying nothing. Nikolai's breath reeked of liquor and other smells Berry did not dare to think about, and that was why she loved him so much. Sure, he wasn't the most prestigious of heroes, but Berry wouldn't have traded him for a battalion of history's most handsome stallions. He was the one for her, and if he was human, so be it.

Finally, they broke the kiss, and they both came away blushing.

"Wow," Nikolai chuckled. "That was. . . That was impressive."

Berry giggled. "You're not so bad, yourself."

There was another awkward silence.

"So, how long?"

"Hmm?"

"How long did you have these feelings for?" Nikolai clarified.

"Ever since Stalliongrad, I suppose. And you?"

"Nikolai just now noticed them, but who's to say how long they've been there."

"Well, I don't care how long they were there," Berry stated blissfully. "What matters is that it's all out. What do you say we just. . . Sit on the couch and hold each other tightly?" she suggested dreamily.

But Nikolai shook his head. Abruptly, he stood up and made his way to the stairs. "We can't do that yet, Berry. Nikolai needs one more night of rest, first."

"Wait!" Berry exclaimed, rising from the couch and trotting quickly after Nikolai. "What are you talking about? What do you mean!?"

Nikolai turned to her and flashed a cocky grin. "Nikolai feels like it's time for the grand finale."

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

What's Der Riese?

[Night_Flicker]

Omg this story isn't dead?!?!

A surprise but a welcome one for sure, I'm so glad its back!

[Derpy_DragonV1]

This story is fn good. Get it because fn hehefn heh...fuckyou.

[Lunar eclipse airsoft]

Pls tell me there more to this it cant end not like this

[Valuable Ashes]

Berry and Nikolai, ain't that a something.

[Nutella-warrior]

PLS COME BACK! I NEED MORE!!

[Foxtrot315]

Well lads the story is in hiatus and it might be awhile maybe never but I will wait non the less

[Hank_Hoses]

Why must every good story I find have to be cancelled, never finished, or on hiatus.
Hope this will be continued eventually.

[Scrotium]

This stories pretty good bro