• Member Since 14th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

UglyTurnip


I'm still a crossover crackfic author, but I'm no longer a college student or a filthy console peasant.

T

Story starts out fairly light-hearted, but later on, dark moments begin to seep in. The gore tag is used to describe the deaths of non-sentient creatures in moderate detail. The sex tag is for mild sexual humor, no r34. I do not believe the content in the story requires a Mature rating.

Note: This Story is not meant to be taken completely seriously. This is a semi-parody of Crossovers, Human X Pony, and Human in Equestria. That being said, please feel free to point out any unlampshaded plotholes or anything of that nature. Also, please DO criticize this story if you don't like it, because I feel like I need more constructive criticism.

During Der Riese, Nikolai and Dempsey are backed up and separated from Takeo and Richtofen. To make things worse, Nikolai is suffering from a terrible hangover and is unfit for combat. Dempsey manages to fight on, until he runs out of ammo. In desperation, he switches to his Wunderwaffe, but misfires, hits the teleporter, and sends Nikolai to Equestria.

At first, the drunk Russian does not feel very happy having to spend the rest of his life in a land of "girly, rainbow-farting" ponies. However, when he meets the town drunk, Berry Punch, he hits it off well with her, and they become fast friends, but Nikolai feels something in his gut, something he never felt before to anyone, not even his past nine wives. Could he actually be falling for Berry Punch?

Meanwhile, Dempsey and Richtofen work on a way to bring back Nikolai to their world, despite Takeo's protests. Will they find a way to bring back their lost friend? And what if he doesn't want to come back

Crossover with the Call of Duty Zombies series.

Chapters (33)
Comments ( 176 )

Great writing, need more.

And there's the contest I was waiting for that to happen

I thought this was gonna be a really shitty crossover. But you have exceeded expectations and made this story actually good. Now all you gotta do is stay out of the story and we're good. Oh and you have issues with describing ponies. Like adjectives wouldn't explain the pony correctly. Like in one of the chapters (I could look if you want) said purple hoof to describe Pinkie.

4660246 Was it the one where my author avatar got slapped and Pinkie said "You're so funny?"? If it was, then that was actually describing Twilight doing the slapping while Pinkie just laughed it off.

I didn't really word it that well, though, my bad.

4661680 Ok yeah. I reread some of the parts. When Nikolai was apologizing to Bon Bon I thought he was talking to pinkie who was in the barrel. But it makes sense now. Just must've been reading to fast.

Luz

I haven't read it yet, but if this story includes Monkey Bombs...

I'll fave the shit out of it.

4670978 Aw shit, that would have been a fantastic idea. Too bad it's kinda too late to just say "oh btw Nikolai haz munkees lel".

But that would have been great. Maybe I can still do a bit with the others involving monkeys. . .

Luz

4672630

You totally forgot the other wonder weapons, eh?

Oh and btw, Der Riese is one of my favorite maps.

4672894 Well, I was going to include the Ray Gun, and I already included the Gersch Devices as a gag, but the thought of monkeys slipped my mind. I think I can find something to do with them, though. Thanks for the idea!

Now you started it berry

Good filler chapter. I wonder what the scientist next scheme is.

4726693 No worries, Chapter 9 is already being worked on. :twilightsmile:

Most people dislike it when a character breaks the fourth wall. I am not one of them. Please continue.
Oh, and tell the guy complaining about the wall collapsing that I did it, and that I'll be waiting with my '87 by the complaints box. I'll see you... in the next chapter.

I'm going to have to look into this really soon, looks promising. Favorited and liked :moustache:

'Hands,' she mouthed, maintaining some kind of deranged slasher smile.

why

4832534 Cause this story cheaply uses overused memes! :twilightsheepish:

Nikolai pretended to pull out a radio. "Commissar, this is Nikolai, we have a downed horse, repeat, a downed horse. Searching for survivors, over and out," he glanced up to see Fluttershy giving him 'The Stare', causing the drunk Russian to go silent.

That is my new favorite paragraph.

TLP

I love this. Best CoD: Zombies crossover I've read so far!

Liked and favorited.:rainbowkiss:

ohh i cant wait for more ^^

Comment posted by Kiu1q2w deleted Sep 22nd, 2014

You are a genius, UglyTurnip, along with whoever came up with the idea. If it was you, I applaud you even more. Can't wait for the next chapter!

5041583 don't lie, you little shit.

5042267 :derpytongue2: Fine, Marc is an idiot.

Flash Sentry dead. +8000 likes and instant feature

Nooo unnamed guard one died! We're screwed!

Horray! Flash died! You should make a chapter where the drunks have to tell Twilight.

It was Richtoven's pet Graig ain't it?

5195287 Not a bad theory, but no. Craig actually had no real relevance to the story whatsoever and simply existed for a joke.

*hears growl*

Oh, h-hey Craig. Uh, I didn't mean what I just said. W-we're all friends he- AAAAUUUUGGGGHHH!

That was pretty good can't wait for the next chapter.

YESSSSSSSS! REZNOV! Reznov was always my favorite :pinkiehappy:

........Reznov? I'm an expert at zombies not history....

WHY SO SHORT!? I WAnt more. I just can't wait.

"It has been too long my friend. How have you been?"

"It has been shit."

"I assume that it's these things."

"Little bit. At least Takeo is not here."

"Who?"

"Stupid Japanese person."

"Ah! I understand completely."

5493286 If Gary Oldman narrated the History Channel in Reznov's voice I would always watch it.

Comment posted by Fading Soul deleted Feb 1st, 2015

Shit just got serious... (Cue soundtrack for badass Russians)

4660246 dude... i cant even begin to say how much i love that profile pic... all the thumbs up to you.

Not long after that, a piece a poop broke through the glass rooftop and landed on Takeo's hat.

Wut

That ending do best fucking ending:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

5612496 I think their in ascension the monkeys invade every five rounds to stell their perks and whatnot

5615442 Yep. You could even say that they aren't prepared for the shitstorm that's coming.

Wow, that sounded slightly funnier in my head...

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