Of Vodka and Cider

by UglyTurnip

Meanwhile, at Kino

Author's Note:

This chapter is just the sub-plot. So, of you're not interested in that, you can just skip over this chapter.

More rounds had passed in the abandoned theater, but not much else had changed for the three super-soldiers. Richtofen had run off once again, leaving Takeo and Dempsey to watch over the last remaining zombie.

"What's taking Richtofen so long?" Dempsey frowned to Takeo as the two were followed by a single Nova crawler. All had been quiet in the theater for several minutes now, and the German had been missing for all that time.

"Your guess is as good as mine, American."

"He just went and left, too. There was no explanation. That nasty pervert's probably playing with a zombie corpse."

Takeo sliced his sword through the air, as if trying to make a point. "There's no telling what that German is doing. I think I would be much more competent as a leader than he."

"Maybe you should lead, then. I could back you up."

Takeo shook his head. "I'm too paranoid about the consequences. Richtofen would probably want to kill me. . . Very slowly," he shuddered slightly. "Besides, I would hate Nikolai too much to accomplish anything."

"Yeah. Maybe I should lead."

Takeo allowed himself a small, sly smile. "Silly American. You're too stupid to know how to rescue that dishonorable Russian."

"Still, I would be able to do better than the Doc, right?"

"I'm not exactly-"

"Tak!"

The prideful Japanese man laughed.

"So, what exactly did you two mean?"

Dempsey and Takeo jumped when they heard Richtofen's voice. Sure enough, the doctor stood nearby, holding a small sack. The nearby Nova crawler was now circling Richtofen, but not attacking him.

"Um. Well, you see. . ."

"Dempshey. . ."

"Honor!" Takeo interjected. "I sure do love it!"

"Takeo, we have no time for your Lawful Neutral-ish outbursts! I have a plan!"

Dempsey rolled his eyes. "I can't wait to hear it."

Richtofen smiled. "Glad to hear it, Dempshey."

The American groaned, not sure whether Richtofen had caught the sarcasm.

"Now," Edward smiled, picking up the nonviolent crawler. "This zombie is needed for my next plan."

"Why is he suddenly harmless?"

"This was my pet. His name is Craig."

"You have a pet zombie?"

"I've always had. He used to be a scientist, until he tried to defect to the Russians. Hitler wanted to make an example out of him."

Dempsey gagged. "So, you. . . Turned him into one of those things."

"It was one of Maxis's failed experiments. Blame him. I just took him as a pet. I tattooed his forehead with the Illuminati eye, and his arm with a swastika."

Dempsey and Takeo glanced for the first time at the crawler. Sure enough, the tattoos were in their appropriate places.

"Enough of this," Takeo spoke up. "How will this demon help us bring back the dishonorable?"

Richtofen reached into the sack he was holding and pulled out the meteorites that he had found scattered around the theater. "Do you see the teleporter here?" Richtofen patted the stage's strange machine. The crawler in his arms was strangely docile.

"Well, yeah. We're not blind."

"Perhaps we need pure 115 to get to Nikolai. Luckily, Nova crawlers like Craig here emit a gaseous form of the element. Dr. Steiner wanted to make Craig's kind a biological weapon against the Allied Powers. But Maxis and I wanted to use him for scientific purposes. If Nikolai is not detectable on Earth, that means he's in an alternate universe. Maxis and I know little of alternate universes, but Hitler's tracking device could find anyone from anywhere. They must exist."

"Wow," Dempsey was taken aback. "That was actually logical. Who are you and what have you done with Edward Richtofen?"

"I hate you, Dempshey."

"There he is."

"I will go link the teleporter," Takeo offered. He ran away before either could respond.

Richtofen carefully set the rocks on the teleporter floor, and allowed Craig to sit patiently next to them.

"This will be perfect, ja? We'll get Nikolai back, and I came resume my reign of terr-. . . Terrifically awesomeness!"

Dempsey shrugged. "It will just be good to finally have someone in this group who recognizes my badassery again."

Takeo rushed back onto the stage. "It is ready."

Richtofen pumped his arms in the air. "Perfect! Everybody, file in."

"We're coming, Nikolai."

"Coming to purge your dishonor."

The button was pressed, and the four figures in the teleporter vanished in a bright light.

. . .

Of course, their attempt at reuniting with the drunk Russian had failed. When the three humans opened their eyes, they saw themselves descending on a lunar lander. Craig was nowhere to be seen. As the lander descended, the color was drained from the area, creating a black and white view of the starting room. Once again, the group had only managed to go to the next map.

Richtofen's face contorted into one of extreme disappointment. "Verdammt."

"Are you O-"

"VERDAMMT! VERDAMMT! VERDAMMT!" Richtofen roared, causing Dempsey and Takeo to jump back in fear. A normal Richtofen is bad. A wrathful Richtofen is terrifying.

Samantha, who had been quiet for all this time, finally reminded them of her ghostly presence with her demonic laugh.

"You were mean to daddy, Eddie. This is your punishment!"

Dempsey walked over to a nearby phone, picked it up, and began to dial a number.

"Oh, excellent idea, Dempsey!" Takeo complimented. "You're calling your government for reinforcements!"

"Huh? Oh, no. I'm calling the Ghostbusters. There's something strange in this neighborhood, alright."

Takeo looked like he had missed the ice cream truck. "One of the world's greatest mysteries is how America became a superpower."

"Um, need some beans for the chowder here!" They heard President Kennedy exclaim on the phone.

"Richard Nixon is not part of your balanced breakfast," Another familiar voice picked up on the phone, followed by a shotgun blast and the death cry of a zombie.

Dempsey hung up the phone. "This plot-line keeps getting wackier all the time."

Takeo glanced between him and Richtofen, who was lying in a fetal position, and only nodded.

Comments

[brandonvortex]

ohh i cant wait for more ^^

[Kiu1q2w]

You are a genius, UglyTurnip, along with whoever came up with the idea. If it was you, I applaud you even more. Can't wait for the next chapter!

[UglyTurnip]

5041583 don't lie, you little shit.

[Kiu1q2w]

5042267 Fine, Marc is an idiot.

[UglyTurnip]

5042727 I'm... You know. . . I just. . . Nevermind

new1.fjcdn.com/comments/taste+the+rainbow+_3c1b5ebff55a267635ac6e3fb25b100d.jpg

[bennygrey]

Acenssion is Best map