- Member Since 22nd Feb, 2012
- offline last seen January 10th
A Hoof-ful of Dust
You can't see the forest...
A Hoof-ful of Dust
Joined 22nd Feb, 2012 ·
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The cover art is the best part.
Ah, xenosexual logistics. Sometimes, there are compatibility issues.
Most amusing. Thank you for it.
Such a funny twist lol
What, this again? This tired old joke is based on a misconception so blatantly wrong that it's actually more funny than the original joke ever was.
——Yeah, I know this was just a silly little one-shot you didn't put too much thought into, but... well, like you said, this is something I need to "get out of my system".
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This shit is not merely speculation assumption—it's obviously well supported that ponies are little compared to humans, at least in terms of height.
Horse penises are so large in real life because:
• Horses are not especially flexible (in comparison to humans) and are not able to touch hips during coitus (again, unlike humans), so it has to be long enough to reach from the stallion's groin to the mare's cervix—roughly half of the stallion's penis never even touches a mare. Since MLP:FiM ponies do not seem to have the same flexibility problems (they're notably much more flexible than real horses), they wouldn't need such long penises to successfully mate—in fact, a needlessly long penis should be somewhat of an evolutionary disadvantage, since most of the length wouldn't be useful.
• Real full-size horses are MUCH more massive than humans; riding horses range from 380–600 kilograms (840–1300 pounds), whereas the average human weighs about 60 kilograms (132 pounds)—that's about 6–10 times less than the horse. Meanwhile, canon MLP:FiM Ponies probably weigh slightly less than the average human at about 50 kilograms (110 pounds), based on volumetric estimations. This makes them more comparable, in terms of proportions, to large dogs like Great Danes (or to humans for that matter) than they would be to real horses.
A foot long penis on a MLP:FiM stallion would be so ridiculously large for his body that it would stick out between his front legs when erect—that's downright comically large, and is not necessarily something the stallion should be proud of. Furthermore, only about half of its full foot of length would comfortably fit in the average mare without penetrating the cervix (which is bad)—and six inches is the length of the average adult human male's penis. So, surprisingly, we would be rather compatible with Ponies sexually.
4557759
Looks like I said the same things you did, only with more pictures to illustrate my points.
4558236
Well, I felt the need to clearly demonstrate that dem pones are little, man.
4558440
Thanks.
I'm actually fairly certain this applies to most common mammals, as well.
I feel so sorry for the guy...
4557892
I was about to post a mathematical argument showing that the ponies are the size of large dogs, but you show that with pictures and mathematics. ¡You get a vestigial first digit some atavistic ponies have which the dragons and minotaurs call a thumb pointing upward!
Speaking about mathematics, remember to celebrate TauDay.
4559287
Large dog seems to be the most common size people go with, roughly, if fanart is anything to go by. I can't help it if I'm not the only person who doesn't hold with that size comparison thing based on the candy cane.
4559287
I've also done calculations which estimate that the average pony weighs between 40–70 kg (88–154 lb), if you're interested in taking a peek.
4559461
Not to mention the comparisons with other objects like apples. And animals like full-scale flamingos, pony-horses, and cows. And the (unfortunately) canon Equestria Girls. And common sense.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/533/757/4d4.png
th06.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2012/179/d/0/my_little_pony___how_____little______by_eagle1division-d556k0u.png
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/8/3/65700__safe_twilight+sparkle_rainbow+dash_pinkie+pie_fluttershy_rarity_applejack_princess+celestia_spike_apple+bloom.jpg
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/8/9/395227__safe_twilight+sparkle_fluttershy_princess+luna_princess+celestia_spike_equestria+girls_princess+cadance_angel+bunny_spike+the+dog.png
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/8/8/69807__safe_rainbow+dash_size+chart_height+chart_size+comparison_size_flamingo_the+more+you+know.png
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/134249626280.png
i711.photobucket.com/albums/ww118/AAKRON/69765__safe_twilight-sparkle_fluttershy_applejack_scootaloo_apple-bloom_sweetie-belle_hubble_cow_size_cow-scale_height-chart.png
These ponies are obviously not very big, a fact which is apparent in so many ways that you simply can't ignore it without coming off as desperate or in denial. Ponies have been consistently demonstrated to be little at an estimated height of around 100 cm tall.
4561288
You posted those. And, I dunno, might just be me, but the last one there makes the ponies look like a completely different size to the rest.
You've also missed the shot from the Weird Al episode that has Cheese Sandwich quite literally in a line-up showing what his height would be (somewhat higher than all those size comparisons "prove" and a bit taller than the rough size I was working off of). The sizes vary within the show so no truly "accurate" measurement can ever come about.
4563884
—It's you. They're depicted as being around 3'3" in the "cow comparison". That's consistent with most other estimations.
Those numbers don't have a clear unit (like feet) attached to them, so they could be any unit of length imaginable, both real or fictional, and we would not be able to tell from that alone—because they never told us. Thus, this scene is actually much less reliable than even the admittedly flimsy "eight-foot candy cane" approximation—at least in that one they mentioned a unit of length!
Furthermore, this scene is actually a call-out, a scene that references easily-recognized real-life objects and situations for an effect, without worrying about the internal consistency of the show's setting, and then never brings it up again. Much like the sometimes mentioned yet always elusive "hydroelectric dam" and "video arcade machine" featured at certain points in the show—they're not intended to be serious, well thought-out parts of the show's setting; they were merely meant to be easily-recognizable to the audience, in order to invoke a certain reaction—and that's it. They have no deeper meaning than that.
4563947
I was never sure how to tell which parts of the show were meant to be throw-away gags that have no bearing on the setting and which parts contributed to the ongoing lore; just how do you discern such a thing?
4564179
Consistency is a good way to tell. If it's inconsistent with the rest of the setting, it's probably an outlier, and you should treat it thus.
God, I hate it when fics feel the need to point out what doesn't need to be. Just like previous comments have said, yes, the size doesn't matter and these ponies are little, anyway. Nothing I hate more than when I pick up a clopfic, and they bring up this issue. "Oh dear, a little hairless monkey dick again! Guess I have to use a growth spell on it."
Like, could you imagine that shit in real life? Get a girl home, everything is getting steamy, and then you pull your pants down... And she starts laughing at you?
I don't know about you, but i'd deflate like a balloon and kick her out.
Seriously, clopfic writers, please stop using this shit. It's a turn-off and I can't finish your fic because it angers me so.
4579877
Some dudes are into that. Like, exactly that. That's their bag. Diff'rent strokes, and all that. Not my thing, but, y'know, don't judge.
4579937
Aye, a good point. A warning label then, at least.
That one line had me laughing so hard my coworkers thought i was choking!
4586453
You probably shouldn't read junk like this at work, then.
...Which line was it?
Well... that was... something that happened...
Clever, maybe?
Yeah, I'll go with clever.
4656906
It's really the complete opposite.
Unless you meant rustling the jimmies of a couple of people who have thought for way longer than I ever will about pony/human relations, in which case, yes, that was absolutely my grand plan and not an awkward side-effect at all.
Missed this one from a while back, finally got around to. I'll give the execution a good larf and leave the kvetching to the comments where it's already been done. Nice job capturing the style, tone, and voice of your typical second-person HiE fic. Different than the rest of your works, too. Well done.
Heh, you actually missed something:
And at the start of a paragraph, too, for shame!
5668281
Finding typos like this is a bit like having a zit: you don't really want other people seeing, but getting rid of them is so satisfying.
Dick hating weasels are not funny. Dickius irae weaslus is a pernicious beast by land and my great great grandfather Greenhill was savaged by a whole pack of them whilst serving in France.
War. War never changes. But the weasels who hate divks? Those are new.
This is "aw hell hold my beer and watch this" given story form and I chortled mightily
*snickers* Still amusing.