A "Princesses" Night

This story has been marked as having adult content. Please click below to confirm you are of legal age to view adult material in your country.

Confirm

Comments ( 17 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 17
- Newest First
- Oldest First

elmago02

elmago02 #1 · Jun 10th, 2014 · · ·

You know, the description isn't supposed to be a summary of the story. It should be more like a "hook" to get people interested in what they might find in it.

Comment posted by theotherwall deleted Jun 10th, 2014

Not A Pony

Not A Pony #3 · Jun 10th, 2014 · 1 · ·

4524409

I disagree. The description here gives a good idea of what to expect. Especially in clopfics like this, it's a good thing for the reader to know what to expect from the story, and this does a good job of it.

Author: I feel like you're rushing through the story a little too fast, you should build up to the "main event" more, and make the reader wait for it a little.

vinyl_dashy2

vinyl_dashy2 #4 · Jun 10th, 2014 · · ·

4524409
4524527 Thanx for the tips. I'll look into those things next time. I appreciate the feedback on what I should improve!

iamli3

iamli3 #5 · Jun 10th, 2014 · · ·

don't you meant a 'princest' night??.....

SirRage

SirRage #6 · Jun 10th, 2014 · 1 · ·

The biggest issue with this story I had was the pacing. It was rushed. There were times when it read like whole paragraphs of information was missing. And a single sentence stated something that should have been expanded into a paragraph or something.

Assuming the princess were perverts behind closed doors then most of their characterization was alright. Still, it felt a bit forced.

SirRage

SirRage #7 · Jun 10th, 2014 · · ·

4524409
I agree with you on that. This is a condensed first quarter of the story, or something like that.

There should be as little overlap as possible between the hook and the story. Some is alright, but it should put your reader in the mindset of what they will be getting into.

Frankie2