come-hither

*has flashbacks of Chivalry*

You really like saying 'core', don't you.

4588551

My first mature fic here, so I'll admit to working from a clop thesaurus that is probably not as far ranging as it needs to be.

I have to run to work in a couple of minutes, but I'll give it another read and see if I can't swap some of those out. Thanks for keeping me honest on that.

4588565 Nothing to worry about - the story itself is very solid, and it might be just me being a nitpicky sod.

Perfect way to start the day(week) ^^

4588590

Not a problem! Nitpicky readers find the little things that always find a way to slip past us authors, but it helps us improve in the long run. :)

I do have to agree with 4588551 - you've over-used the word 'core' a tad. But other than that...

i.imgur.com/icDAk.gif

Have a new follower.

One of the finest pieces of erotic literature from start to finish I've ever read.
Or in layman's terms,jesus fucking balls that was stupidly hot and romantic.

4588878
Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll go back this evening and clean up that word usage too, so thanks for the tip as well. :)

Also called diethyl ether, diethyl oxide, ethyl ether, ethyl oxide, sulfuric ether. Chemistry, Pharmacology . a colorless, highly volatile, flammable liquid, C 4 H 10 O, having an aromatic odor and sweet, burning taste, derived from ethyl alcohol by the action of sulfuric acid: used as a solvent and, formerly, as an inhalant anesthetic.

(ether)
I think you meant æther or aether.

4589103
*facepalm*

See, this is why chemistry was one of my worst classes. I'll fix that asap. ;)

4589148 glad I could help.

4588909

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :D

Absolutely brilliant, as I've come to expect from you, my friend. A wonderful climax to a beautiful story, very fitting. Some parts seemed to stretch on a little bit, but I know many other readers like the anticipation and build-up, so you're not guilty of any crimes here. I still enjoyed the ending immensely, and I'd gladly recommend this to anyone.

4.5/5! Well done!

It would feel so perfect if the two of them exchanged 'I love you' gratifications at the end of the fic... it just feels empty without it. Other than that 10/10 would cum like a girl again.

4590710

I'm glad you enjoyed the story! I avoided the I love yous because even though both characters were harboring at least some feelings for each other, I didn't want to rush them quite that much.

Given their mutual attraction, the hook up coming before the real, more permanent connection made more sense to me.

Thanks for the feedback though!

4591038 I suppose I can accept that... still their relationship felt like a one-night stand for me even though it wasn't. That's what I'm getting at.

4591090
I see your point as well, and it is certainly valid. I anticipated someone getting the one-night stand vibe, so I tried to address that in a couple of ways:

1. A few thoughts from Rose that hint at her desire for more than just a single sleepover
2. Rarity's statement that she wanted Rose to stay the night. (at least to me, I see such a request differently than a 'pass out after farking' sleepover, lol)
3. Roseluck's statement after giving Rarity the flowers.

I suppose I wasn't totally successful in that, given your original comment. And I'm sorry if you got that vibe from the story, despite my efforts.

Still, I appreciate the feedback very much. It only helps me get better next time.

4591160

Eeyup. Thanks for pointing it out. Fixed!

Commence read.

An end to a well written story.

4591339

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

4591153 Hoo you better...

Also, if you like, would you like to give me your thoughts on my Rarity clop fic here?

4591753

I most certainly can. I'll add it to my to-do list and endeavor to get feedback to you quickly.

4591760 Aight cool.

4590683

Thank you so, so much. That means more than I can tell you.

4588878
4588590

FYI, I went back and swapped out a majority of 'cores' for something else (or in a couple of cases, just edited the full sentence that they were in to negate the need for the word entirely.

Thanks again for bringing it to my attention!

4591895 I wouldn't mind seeing this continued, honestly. There's potential for a whole shipfic here, IMO.

An absolutely gorgeous end to a beautiful peace. And incredibly steamy to boot. Looking forward to your next fic

Sorry for not getting to it as promptly as I normally do, but I have a lot of stuff to do since school's started again, but now I can give you my thoughts on the last chapter.

Well the sudden change of style was what surprised me the most about this chapter. The first chapter was filled with teasing imagery and dialogue; something I would equate to it is a very risque piece of artwork, nothing totally explicit, but very suggestive and erotic. The second chapter was very sensual and very erotic, it was a very good way to step up what was established with the first chapter, I would compare it to something like very sensual erotica, not raunchy, but graphic and explicit enough to get the blood flowing. While this chapter was. . . a bit of a step down from the last one. Don't get me wrong, the imagery was very well done, the descriptions were very good, everything technical checked out, the flow overall was smooth– but there were just a couple of parts that were shaky (I assume they are the parts that you had to rewrite several times because it fairly shows in the end product) though they didn't really affect it overall, and I also noticed a subtle change in style– and I'm not saying that it is a bad thing– it's as if unlike the previous chapters the style and story didn't match up as well, but that could be attributed to something else. I guess its equivalent would be an artistic nude photo-set, yes it's explicit, sexy, and can be sensual, but admittedly not very erotic.

In terms of just being a story it was very well written, but with the way that this was set up it kinda fell short compared to the previous chapters. The style also seemed to feel out of place compared to the other two chapters. My guess is is that you overworked the chapter in too short a timeframe, in my experience sometimes you need to stop working on a chapter you're not happy with and take a step back because if you keep continuously working on a chapter it can be detrimental to the overall quality. It's like working with dough, you have to knead it to get it just right, but overdo it at first glance it seems just fine, but you'll end up getting really tough bread in the end when you bake it. So you gotta let your mind and muse rest for a bit when working on a chapter. I understand with your perfectionism, I get that too sometimes, but there are times when you just need to step back and take a breather and things will turn out better.

Like I said this was a good chapter, but fell short when put up against the previous ones. I didn't enjoy it as much as the first two, but it was still a good read.

will rose and rarity do any tribbing in the future?

I dunno if I can call this clop.

It was so damn adorable! Absolutely wonderful bit of storytelling.

4604347
Thanks!

4603144

Will they? Eh, probably, if I know them. But, unless I went back and expanded this more, I won't be writing about it.

That was great but it is mark incomplete is this right or is it complete Though I wouldn't mind if there is more If there is more I WANT MOAR If that is alright with you.

4608456
Glad you liked it! It's marked as complete on my end, but I'll double check Fimfic settings. But, yes, this is a complete story. :)

I loved this quite a lot.

4758349

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

hot stuff!

4993342

Glad you enjoyed it!

Thank you for writing this, GMP. It was quite enjoyable and I must say that the descriptions stand up well and the interactions between the two was very erotic indeed. No clop, this. This is an erotic story about two ponies who are more than just the words on the page. This is two ponies very much into each other and desiring something that both have wanted for some time. The build-up before, the resolution, all of it served very well to bring us to the, erm, climax of the story.

Well done.

5211311

Wow, thank you so much for the wonderful feedback, and I am glad that you enjoyed the story so much! Coming from someone of your skill and reputation, I take that as very, very high praise.

Seriously, thank you. :)

-GMP

5211884

It puts my first attempt at an erotic story to shame, that's for sure. I wish I could do something like this. It was good.

So... yeah. But srsly... mine is bad erotic fic. I want to bury it, but... it's one of my most popular stories. (only other one over 2000 views aside from Mother)

Except for first chapter. It should have been a clopshot, honestly. One-shot joke expended quickly.

5211904

I could say a similar thing about my first story. It was a simple TwiDash fic, written for one of their prompt challenges. It's one of my more highly viewed stories, but it was really, really rough around the edges.

Still though, I have to believe that the author who crafted Ghost of a Rose in such stunning perfection can knock a full-on erotic story out of the park. ;)

#youcandoeeettt

i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png

5333377

Woohoo!! Thank you so much!

10/10 You are a winner. Your prize? A favorite!

5655451 Aw, thanks!

Glad you liked it!

First off, I have to apologise. I favourite them weeks back, and back then, I only read the first chapter. It wasn't until now that I actually came back to this and finished it off.

But wow. I mean, wow. I don't think I've read any other story on this site that has the amount of sexual tension this one does. I mean, these two just kept building and building that erotic mood, and it really came off as such. Beautiful pacing, beautiful wording, beautiful imagery. You painted the scenes perfectly, and these two just played off each other every moment. Heavy props.

There are no negatives I have. I suppose the only thing that may have detracted from my experience is the overuse of the word "core". I didn't count the amount of times you used it, but it was abudantly clear and noticeable. Other than that, it's all great from my end.

I shall remember this, and recommend to others whenever I get the chance to. Brilliant work.

5898513 Thank you so much for the kind words, and I'm glad you liked the story! :)

You're right about my overuse of 'core', too. I went back and took some out right after I published the last chapter, but there are still a few too many. Just shows that my clop thesaurus needs some more expansion.

Thanks again!
GMP

I read all three chapters in one sitting. It was glorious. Descriptions and dialogue were on point and you paced everything well. Emotionally, it was one of the loveliest fics I've read. Thank you.

6431866 Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it!