• Member Since 7th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen June 30th

ShikimaAkemi


I'm a freelance artist who enjoys creating Twidash (and others) stories in her spare time :D

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A MLP series of short tales, related to the main 6 and their friends! Magic, friendship, love, and tons of fun! Find out what the girls are up to when they are together and want to play!

That was just the promo guys. now, to the real point.

Here you have my first fanfiction for MLPFIM that MAYBE will include some EG stories as well, depending on my mood, these chapters will be uploaded as far as I get the time, so no date in particular. All the chapters are one shots, no relation between one another, unless they do remember something from the previous chapters of course, what will happen for sure. Pretend you're watching a new season that will never be released ^^

The chapters will be listed with a short description in here, so this section here will be modified constantly. The stories go around the main six, most of them are just two or three of the main six, sometimes it will involve the Princesses, Spike, the CMC, or another random Characters, including my OCs from my Ask Blog :D
Cover art will be added another time, just let me finish it please OwO

I hope it all works as friendly as possible, so we can get a great time ^^

Now, let's begin, shall we?

CHAPTER'S LIST:
1. Rainbow Crash...: ... And how she got a reading day with Twilight every week...: Twilight is ready to start her favorite activity: READING, when out of the blue, her pegasus friend decided to pay a visit to the library... through the roof...

2. Puffy, Cutie Cloud: Just a little interaction between Me, Dash, and the cloud she was lying on...

3. It's Over...: No matter how hard they try to deny it, it was over for Twilight Sparkle, and Rainbow Dash...

4. A Roll on the Hay: Just two cute fillies having fun together...

5. What's so interesting anyway?: Pinkie saw something, but what?

6. One More Try... : Probably the biggest challenge for Dash, AJ And Rares...

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 26 )

her pegasus friend decided to play a visit to the library... trough the roof...

How does one 'play a visit'? =P I think you meant 'pay', good sir. Also, 'through' the roof, and not 'trough'.

4307233 Oh my, why thank you so much for your help :)
I changed that already ^^ If you happen to ever notice one of those little skips of my keyboard, please do tell me, I need all the kind help I can get :D

Just to clarify, I'm a lady :twilightsmile:

Ahm, would you mind if I ask, would you please be a dear and tell me what did you think of my story so far? It is the first time I write something on english, so I would love to know someone's opinion about it :scootangel:

4307360
My apologies, miss. I'll be sure to get it right from here on out. :twilightsmile:

Now, the fic itself. If this is truly your first time ever writing a story in English, then I must say that it is a whole lot better than most that I have seen. A lot of writers who are relatively new to the language make a lot of mistakes in the proper usage of the language's rules. You, however, had a few points down pat.

Now, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but that does not mean it's flawless. There was plenty of times where sentence structure fell through and caused noticeable issues with the writing. While you most certainly did have some points of English well and truly handled, there was just as many that you could stand to work on and improve.

PLEASE don't take this as a bad criticism. I want you to know that I completely support the idea of learning more and getting better, and that will only happen if you continue to write! :twilightsmile: Despite whatever flaws there are, those flaws will never get fixed if you don't continue to practice and learn from them. Keep on writing and keep on practicing at your English and one day you will be perfect at it!

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Now, the above points were specifically talking about your writing and your English, and it was NOT referencing the story or the characters. I will be reviewing that now.

As far as the story goes, it was pretty damn good! The pacing felt believable to be honest and it didn't feel forced. Granted, some of the dialogue between the characters could be found to be lacking, but that is only due to the points I mentioned above in regards to your capability with English. The way the dialogues went, as well as the flow through the conversations, felt pretty well done and it was entirely possible to see the characters acting the way you had them written. They were all fairly 'in character' too which was another plus point. I definitely enjoyed reading it.

In the end, it could stand to see some improvement, but that improvement can ONLY come from further practice and understanding of the English language. Your ability to weave a story is already pretty good, and it can only be made better if you were able to tell the story as accurately as possible.

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Some of the best ways to learn English while you're writing are:

1) Get an editor who REALLY knows how the English language works to go through and fix up your writing. Then, YOU look through and find every change that the editor made and recreate it for yourself. Find the things that the editor did and learn why it was done that way and then practice it.

2) Try reading out loud the words and sentences that you write down. See how they feel when you speak it, and if it feels off to you? It's probably because it is.

3) Keep a dictionary nearby at ALL TIMES. If you're learning English, I would not recommend a dictionary that is gigantic, as those will often have descriptions of words that are so complex, you'll have to look up the words IN the description just to know what they mean. No, what would benefit you the most would be a "Children's Dictionary". Now, I know, it says it's for Children, but that's a GOOD thing. That means it's a dictionary which has the intention of teaching kids who don't know the language too well yet. It's a perfect tool for someone who is learning English as a second language.

4) Read! A LOT! Challenge yourself and read stories which have been written in the language you're attempting to learn. Honestly though, I would NOT recommend doing so on this website, as a lot of the stories on this website are not written with the rules of the English language in mind. A good chunk of the stories on Fimfiction break a lot of the common rules of English. No, I would suggest reading books that have been published by professional writers.

5) Ask questions! If you ever are confused about a specific rule or word or the reason why something is what it is, ask someone. Don't be shy like Fluttershy. Ask! Heck, ask ME if you want, I don't mind answering questions for someone who is genuinely trying to learn. :twilightsmile:

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So there. That's that. Have a good night! :twilightsmile:

4308851 here's the thing, English is nearly impossible to fully map, as there are even rules that are broken consistently. Then again...

Oh and I did like this story.

Quick question; what is your primary language?

4314510
Not true, honestly. I can say that with certainty, as English is one of my primary skills. I am a professional editor outside of this website, and I can say for absolute certain that English is pretty well mapped. The misconception about it being not fully laid out only comes from the fact that most people don't know all the rules and just assume that the way they've been doing it is correct, even if it actually isn't. After all, how are they supposed to know if it's wrong or not if they don't have all the data yet?

4314617 what I meant is more along the lines of when you learn primarily in school the diverse language of English; you are constantly given new rules that override the old ones. However it is not my intention to confuse myself anymore, so I stick to the rules that don't relate to spelling, seeing as I am pretty adept at spelling standard words.

4325988
That is true, but our current academia is fairly lacking. It does not properly educate our youngsters, and so they are raised thinking things are more complex than they actually are.

Also, not to be rude, but you improperly used that semicolon. Just thought I'd let you know.

4326027 I know that I did not know that the aforementioned semicolon was not positioned correctly.


However I do see where I went wrong with it, well at least I try to understand English... As some people are idiots at my school, for example: someone put a twisty tie in the end of a computer cord. Nearly cost the school it's floor and walls... Oh well, all that ends well... Frankly it just ends well.

I should probably start reading through an English Grammar Guide... As though I have not yet noticed, my grammar is yet to suffer the reparations.

*Smiles* Hehe, need moar.

4314526 It's Spanish I think... or something similar...

4314526 Thanks a lot!! OwO
And, yes, yes it is spanish ^^
I wanna learn some other languages too :)

Also, sorry for the sooooo late reply, I must say, I used to have lots f time to write on the past, but now, I barely have some time to draw things to myself,least to write D:
I promise I'll try to chow my presence around here more often this year, by the way, dear, I posted a new chapter for this story, I would be glad if you come to read it ^^

Greetings!! :D

4308851 Hello again!

My sincere apologies for the late reply to this, when I mentioned that I have a big lack of time, it is because I do, due to work and some other things around :)

Now, I took on your advices, and I've been writing *on my notebook that is*, and I have already seven stories, I even added a new chapter here, I would like it if you could give it a look, and comment me, please, if you could be a dear ^^

Now, I was wondering, since I started, I wanted to get someone to read my stories before I post them, proofreader, I think that's the word I have heard around here, anyway, I was wondering, would you please be so kind to do that for me? As you can notice by now, my time to write is limited, so probably I would be doing a fic per month as much, what I doubt, but maybe that would be the number of times I would be around this site to post something, so I wouldn't be bothering you that often. :)

Oh! And thank you kindly for your nice words about my first attempt at writing on english, I appreciate it ^^:heart:

5903426 Thanks a lot! ^^
In June I'll post another fic here :)
I update on this site every two months, it could be a new chapter for this fic, or a brand new story, so keep an eye! :D

Keep up the great work!:raritywink:

Sooo, Daring Do and Rosetta Stone in the Jungle of Perils?

From a far corner of the library, a frustrated groan escaped the baby dragon's mouth "Argh… chill-pills girls, it's just a book! Sigh…" Spike retorted, leaning against one of the bookshelves, crossed arms and frowned face.

You had me going there, I thought they were referring to something else, but nah!

Intrigued now, Fluttershy decided to follow her friend's eyes, trying to figure out what she was looking at so intensely. As if that was her cue, Pinkie drew a mischievous grin on her face. As fast as light, she turned to the side where Fluttershy was, and gave a peek on the shy pegasus cheek, whose reaction was a cute squeak, sinking herself in the ground, covering her deep-red face with her front hooves and wings, while Pinkie giggled and patted her on the head.

“peck”, I think. Also, it wouls seem that you’re incapable of writing longer stories that don’t involve Twidash, from my observation.

Comment posted by ShikimaAkemi deleted Jan 24th, 2019

8936264
Thank you for the correction on the "peck" word, it helps me since English is not my natural language.

Also, and I'm not intending a confrontation here, but that last comment of yours seems very rude, don't you think?
Consider that you're comunicating through text here, so you need to be careful with your words' choosing, because, what you write, may sound nice and polite in your head, but it could be misinterpreted by the person who reads it.
I do have the hability to write long or short stories in different topics, in fact, taking the shortest ones was my challenge at that moment, since I always write stories with at least two or more chapters, here I wasattempting to do something that was a complete story, but as short as possible, without losing coherency; also, keep in mind, this is fanwork, wich I do not get paid for, I do what I enjoy, and what I love the most is Twidash, I do write about some other ships/characters I like, but it is when and IF I want and/or have the tine, so nothing forces me to make something bigger about the others if I do not want to, plus, I explained that thsoe last three chapters were written in one single day, all of them, to share during the special months, becuase I had no time to transcribe the longer stuff I have.

Thank you again for checking up my shor stories, I hope that you enjoy the new ones if you come back.

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