Rainbow Crash...
And how she got a reading day with Twilight every week...
By Akemi Shikima
Twilight was sitting on the library, focused on reading her newest book: Daring Do and the Black Crystals. It was brand new, still folded on its plastic wrap, ready to be opened; she felt butterflies on her stomach for the excitement, the same excitement she felt every time she was ready to learn and practice a new spell.
Carefully, she started to open the plastic wrap, willing to unfold it, but, it would have to wait...
"LOOK OUT BELOW! "
That scream... that unmistakable voice producing that scream... Twilight could just snort in deep frustration when without any warning, she felt the pressure of a certain furred weight on top of her back, followed by some dust falling on her nose, making her sneeze...
Darting her muzzle to the air, she could just let out two single words in response to this new event:
"RAINBOW DASH!"
Rainbow could just turn her head to one side, ending face to face with a purple stare, a stare that could easily compete with Fluttershy's; knowing herself with no escape, the cyan pegasus played the only card she had left: pull a silly grin o her face from ear to ear, flat her ears to her head, and try play the cool:
"Hehehe... Ahm, hey, egghead..."
Twilight just huffed in silent protest, never breaking the eye contact with her friend:
"Ahm... excuse me? " A sheepishly smile drew its way on Rainbow's face, once she knew pretty well what was coming...
“Excuse me... Excuse me?! Get off of me, NOW!"
No wasting any time on a second thought, Rainbow Dash jumped in the air for the scary shiver she got running through her back after that cold scream from Twilight, shaking her hooves and wings for the impression, who could have said her best friend got such a powerful voice, it was twice stronger than Princess Luna's "royal tone".
"Sigh, Twilight, cool down..."
"Don't you dare try to play "the cool" on me, Rainbow Dash, that's not working!" Said Twilight while pointing at her flying friend with her right hoof.
"Fifth time. This is the FIFTH time THIS WEEK that you crash on my library! And it's just WEDNESDAY!"
"I'm sorry, Twilight, I swear; I'm trying a new trick, and you know how it goes." Rainbow said while landing on the floor.
"... And just WHY don't you go practice to the far outsides of Ponyville?" Twilight retorted, still the angry glare on her expression.
"Well, uhm, you see... it is... there's this reason, a good one... I, ahm... " Rainbow felt her wings trembling while she was between tapping her chin with her hoof, scratching the back of her head, and caressing one hoof with the other, feeling Twilight's merciless glare over her, waiting for the answer...
The door of the library cracked open, saving Rainbow, or at least, that's what she thought:
"Hey ya Twi! Oh, hi to you too, Dash!" Pinkie Pie entered the library, bouncing like always, with a helmet on her head.
"Hi, Pinkie" answered the unicorn on a deep tone. Never breaking the cold glance she got over the pegasus.
"H-hey, Pinks..." That was the only Rainbow Dash could manage to mutter, never loosing the eye contact with Twilight, always flattened ears and twitching wings, her nerves betraying her, for she knew his time she had gone just too far.
"Wow, Dash! I knew you would crash on Twilight's library, but I never knew you would do such a mess."
"Wait, what?!" That was Twilight's shock speaking for her.
Now both Twilight and Rainbow turned to see Pinkie Pie while their eyes grew triple their size, Twilight for the confusion, Rainbow, on the other hoof, started to freak out; a panic attack overcame her the mere moment she turned to see her pink friend, shaking desperately her hooves in the air with a begging face, trying unsuccessfully to make Pinkie Pie shut her muzzle... too late...
"Pinkie Pie, you knew Rainbow Dash would crash down on the library? How did you know it, your pinkie-sense? ... And why the hay are you wearing a helmet?"
"Of course not, silly filly, Hehehe. I knew all along she would totally do that! That's why the helmet." Pinkie gave three taps with her hoof at the helmet on her head to empathize her answer "She had planed it since two weeks ago, and she went to ask me for help, so she could catch your attention, and then she could ask you a big bright question! By the Way Dash, did you ask her yet?" Pinkie finished her monologue with a huge smile o her face.
Feeling defeated, Dash just answered frustrated on a low voice to her pink friend, while pinching her nose with her hoof:
"... No, Pinkie Pie, I haven't asked her yet..."
"Oh well, I'll leave you two so you can ask her!"
Pinkie Pie disappeared bouncing trough the library's entrance, leaving a confused unicorn, and a really embarrassed pegasus behind.
Both stood there in complete silence, Rainbow didn't dare to talk or face her friend; Twilight blinked twice before she could shoot her mouth and break the silence:
"So... what's the story, Rainbow? And I want the truth now..." Was the last Twilight said.
No, there was no escape, Rainbow had to talk, she wanted it or not, so, she just left escape a single sigh in protest, her head hanging to the floor, her eyes averted to whatever but Twilight, and she spoke:
"Well, I suppose there's no point on hiding it any longer..."
"I doubt so..."
"Ok, thing is... I KINDA crashed on purpose on your house..."
"Kind of?" Was Twilight's almost apathetic answer while watching the mess around.
"OK, OK! I DID IT on purpose! You happy now?!" This was Dash's defeated scream.
Now it was not just the embarrassment speaking for her, but her frustration, all that planning, well done calculations, mental practices, and the way she pictured on her head how she would phrase it to her unicorn friend, for nothing!
"Huh, I pretty much got that clear, but what I really want to know, is why did you do all that?" Twilight fixed her eyes on her friend; the anger was gone, replaced with confusion, and something she couldn't define at that moment.
This question send a new shiver to Dash's back, she knew her friend would lecture her, and probably she would vanish her from the library and prohibit her the entrance to it for at least half her life, but along with this back-shiver came a sensation of butterflies on her stomach, thanks to Twilight's voice full of concern and sweetness; with that, she got the nerve to keep talking, yet ears and voice as low as always, and her wings still shaking a little on her sides, so, after a deep breath, she spoke:
"I... I was trying to look casual, so nopony would wonder why I came over here. I wanted to come ask you if I could borrow your Daring Do books, but you know I don't want anypony to mock me about the whole reading thing, or think that I'm an egghead now, and all that... No offense Twilight, I mean, you're awesome that way, and it totally suits you, 'cause you're pretty smart and all, you think fast, and you know a lot of things, and you know I would never use it on you like an insult, and you're Princess Celestia star student, Princesses' students are suppose to know tons of stuff, but, for a pony like me, that is always on the race and all, they ALWAYS assume that I'm just too dense and half brained to that sort of things, just like with feelings or the girly things, I'm NOT girly frou-frou just like Rarity, but I DO like to look good sometimes, just like on the Gala... It can get pretty annoying once you piece everything together, you know?" The last part came out of Rainbow's throat with a broken tone, like she was about to start crying.
Then, silence came again, but just because Twilight was thinking hard: on one hoof, she saw the clear hurt on Dash's face, that saddened look was something she never saw before on Rainbow Dash since she met her, that deep and sensitive side of the cyan pony was something she'll never let anyone see, maybe because of her self-pride, or maybe, just maybe, because that way she was protecting herself, and Twilight knew that feeling pretty well, because, on the other hoof, right now her head recalled a similar moment on her life, with that exact same feeling, the one on the back of your head that tells you that no matter what you do, everyone doubts of you, that memory was from the day she told her parents she was moving to Ponyville because she would be closer to her friends, at what her parents' answer was "What friends? You've never had any friends; you're not the kind of pony to make friendships..." That was the most hurtful thing they have ever told her in her life, and Shining Armor noticed that, and was the only one that actually believed on her statement, her parents needed from Princess Celestia's confirmation on her daughter's new studies on friendship to believe, and then yet, they just saw it like that, another "Princess' star student assignment".
Without noticing the moment it happened, Rainbow felt a warm presence under her head, Twilight was nuzzling tenderly her head against Rainbow's neck, Dash corresponded immediately, pressing her chin on Twilight's head in the softest of ways, and wrapping a hoof under the unicorn's neck, both with a warm smile on their faces.
After a minute or so, they decided to break the friendly hug to talk again, being Twilight the first to talk, always with a sweet smile on her muzzle:
"You know? You didn't have to go through all this just to come borrow the books, Rainbow, you know by first hoof that I would share them with you with pleasure" now she draws a playful grin on her muzzle “besides, I hope you do remember this is a public library, now do you?"
"... hehehe, yeah, I think I kinda forgot that..." They both started to giggle.
"I noticed that. Anyhoo, I have a proposition for you: why don't you come here once a week and we read together? I always wanted to have somepony to read with; besides, here I have food, the fireplace, tons of cushions; we have everything we could need."
"You, you really mean it?" Twilight nodded happy “AWESOME!" Rainbow jumped and made some little loops for the emotion, landing back on the floor with a huge smile and flapping wings "Now we're reading buddies!"
"Just one question, Rainbow Dash: weren't you buying the books already?"
"Oh, that, well, let's just say I got ran out of bits, so I couldn't pay them anymore." She answered sheepishly rubbing the back of her head with a thin pink hue on her cheeks, she knew the reason for her broken money-saves, but again, too cool to admit the real reason.
"Since which number?"
"Number three..."
"Oh..." Both of them started to giggle again, and stopped after few moments for the lack of air.
"Well, I think I hafta start to clean up this mess... sorry for the whole thing Twilight..."
"Don't worry, Rainbow." Was Twilight's answer with a warm smile on her face.
Rainbow took some steps, and shacked her hoof on the messy ground, revealing the still plastic-wrapped book; she took it on her muzzle and walked closer to Twilight, offering her the book, which Twilight took on her magic grip.
"I guess you were about to read it." Rainbow caressed her left hoof with the right one.
The unicorn contemplated the book for a brief moment, and then a timid smile drew its way on her face:
"This one can wait until we reach it. What do you say if we start today with the first book of the series?"
"But, but... what with the mess?"
"Allow me..." With a glow of her horn, the whole room was covered in purple magic, and turned everything back to normal "... done!"
"Wow... You, really, are, AWESOME, TWILIGHT!" Rainbow screamed, darting to the air, just to dart herself to hug her friend.
"Hehehe, thank you, Rainbow." She said with a soft voice and a little blush, regaining composure really fast "Now, can we start?"
"I'm right behind you, egghead..."
With that last statement, and a slow trot upstairs to Twilight's room, they started to share a new bond on their already strong friendship, just by sharing something so small like a book...
The End
How does one 'play a visit'? =P I think you meant 'pay', good sir. Also, 'through' the roof, and not 'trough'.
4307233 Oh my, why thank you so much for your help :)
I changed that already ^^ If you happen to ever notice one of those little skips of my keyboard, please do tell me, I need all the kind help I can get :D
Just to clarify, I'm a lady
Ahm, would you mind if I ask, would you please be a dear and tell me what did you think of my story so far? It is the first time I write something on english, so I would love to know someone's opinion about it
4307360
My apologies, miss. I'll be sure to get it right from here on out.
Now, the fic itself. If this is truly your first time ever writing a story in English, then I must say that it is a whole lot better than most that I have seen. A lot of writers who are relatively new to the language make a lot of mistakes in the proper usage of the language's rules. You, however, had a few points down pat.
Now, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but that does not mean it's flawless. There was plenty of times where sentence structure fell through and caused noticeable issues with the writing. While you most certainly did have some points of English well and truly handled, there was just as many that you could stand to work on and improve.
PLEASE don't take this as a bad criticism. I want you to know that I completely support the idea of learning more and getting better, and that will only happen if you continue to write! Despite whatever flaws there are, those flaws will never get fixed if you don't continue to practice and learn from them. Keep on writing and keep on practicing at your English and one day you will be perfect at it!
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Now, the above points were specifically talking about your writing and your English, and it was NOT referencing the story or the characters. I will be reviewing that now.
As far as the story goes, it was pretty damn good! The pacing felt believable to be honest and it didn't feel forced. Granted, some of the dialogue between the characters could be found to be lacking, but that is only due to the points I mentioned above in regards to your capability with English. The way the dialogues went, as well as the flow through the conversations, felt pretty well done and it was entirely possible to see the characters acting the way you had them written. They were all fairly 'in character' too which was another plus point. I definitely enjoyed reading it.
In the end, it could stand to see some improvement, but that improvement can ONLY come from further practice and understanding of the English language. Your ability to weave a story is already pretty good, and it can only be made better if you were able to tell the story as accurately as possible.
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Some of the best ways to learn English while you're writing are:
1) Get an editor who REALLY knows how the English language works to go through and fix up your writing. Then, YOU look through and find every change that the editor made and recreate it for yourself. Find the things that the editor did and learn why it was done that way and then practice it.
2) Try reading out loud the words and sentences that you write down. See how they feel when you speak it, and if it feels off to you? It's probably because it is.
3) Keep a dictionary nearby at ALL TIMES. If you're learning English, I would not recommend a dictionary that is gigantic, as those will often have descriptions of words that are so complex, you'll have to look up the words IN the description just to know what they mean. No, what would benefit you the most would be a "Children's Dictionary". Now, I know, it says it's for Children, but that's a GOOD thing. That means it's a dictionary which has the intention of teaching kids who don't know the language too well yet. It's a perfect tool for someone who is learning English as a second language.
4) Read! A LOT! Challenge yourself and read stories which have been written in the language you're attempting to learn. Honestly though, I would NOT recommend doing so on this website, as a lot of the stories on this website are not written with the rules of the English language in mind. A good chunk of the stories on Fimfiction break a lot of the common rules of English. No, I would suggest reading books that have been published by professional writers.
5) Ask questions! If you ever are confused about a specific rule or word or the reason why something is what it is, ask someone. Don't be shy like Fluttershy. Ask! Heck, ask ME if you want, I don't mind answering questions for someone who is genuinely trying to learn.
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So there. That's that. Have a good night!
4308851 here's the thing, English is nearly impossible to fully map, as there are even rules that are broken consistently. Then again...
Oh and I did like this story.
Quick question; what is your primary language?
4314510
Not true, honestly. I can say that with certainty, as English is one of my primary skills. I am a professional editor outside of this website, and I can say for absolute certain that English is pretty well mapped. The misconception about it being not fully laid out only comes from the fact that most people don't know all the rules and just assume that the way they've been doing it is correct, even if it actually isn't. After all, how are they supposed to know if it's wrong or not if they don't have all the data yet?
4314617 what I meant is more along the lines of when you learn primarily in school the diverse language of English; you are constantly given new rules that override the old ones. However it is not my intention to confuse myself anymore, so I stick to the rules that don't relate to spelling, seeing as I am pretty adept at spelling standard words.
4325988
That is true, but our current academia is fairly lacking. It does not properly educate our youngsters, and so they are raised thinking things are more complex than they actually are.
Also, not to be rude, but you improperly used that semicolon. Just thought I'd let you know.
4326027 I know that I did not know that the aforementioned semicolon was not positioned correctly.
However I do see where I went wrong with it, well at least I try to understand English... As some people are idiots at my school, for example: someone put a twisty tie in the end of a computer cord. Nearly cost the school it's floor and walls... Oh well, all that ends well... Frankly it just ends well.
I should probably start reading through an English Grammar Guide... As though I have not yet noticed, my grammar is yet to suffer the reparations.
4314526 It's Spanish I think... or something similar...