After finally getting back to Ponyville, Princess Twilight Sparkle is trying to piece her life together. Ponies don't act the same around her anymore, some of her friends treat her differently and on top of that she's trying to sort of her own emotions toward a special pony.
After a mission by Celestia goes wrong, Twilight disappears and everything goes wrong.War, natural-disasters and strange things happens all over Equestria. What to do?
Author's note:
I finally got myself a editor. My new yankee friend bholley, and together with him I hop to make something wonderful! His novel: 'Hurricane' is freaking awesome and you should really check it out!
This is my first try in writing a series in English. This is a original story, not one that I translated from my old day when I wrote FIM fics in Swedish. Thanks to this I would like you, the reader, to correct me whenever I do anything wrong when my first graph of a chapter comes out, so I can learn by my mistake before bholley edits it.
I make a story for myself and for you, the reader. But this is also a way for me to learn this languish better, that's why I'm doing it this way.
Also, this is going to take part after Episode 1 in season 4, so if I get this story done after the season finally and my story son't fit the lore of the series, remember... alternate universe.
You should also know that while I will never portray sex in graphic ways, I will go in to the subject and portray the sexual development of some characters, since I do believe that discovering and exploring sexuality are a big part of anybody... anyponys life. Sooo... no sex scenes, but there will be sex in the story... if that makes sense.
Looks interesting, I'll give the story a whirl. When the next chapter comes out I'll be sure to star on it. I'm currently trying to work on my own trilogy. It's very time consuming.
~RDT
Well chapter one is very interesting, more so than I expected; although there are a few grammatical error which I would be glad to help you with. Other than that, looking forward to the next chapter!
~RDT
3695206 All help I could get would be splendid. I'm trying to find a editor, but that's harder then it seems. Even though Sweden is the best country in the world in terms of the english (except for the english speaking countries... most of them), there is still a challenge in writing a english novel to me since the grammar is so different.
And please don't be offended, but english is such a boring languish compared to Swedish. I mean, swedish is called the singing-languish for a reason, and it's so hard to me to put some flavor to a text that doesn't expresses itself (that's why Shakespeare is always so refreshing to me), and for the fact that I don't master the written languish of english all that well.
So if I do anything wrong, just keep correcting me so I can learn!
3695424
I will have more time come Wednesday to help you out; I'm kinda' busy at the moment, but I know what your talking about. It took me almost 3 weeks to find an editor of my own and even then she wasn't that constant (she got better though) but when I have time I would be glad to look over and help you edit and refine your stories.
I will be getting a portable device soon so I will be able to help out more often than I could right now. But the best times to reach me are on Wednesdays.
I have to agree English is pretty boring, but I can't say anything concerning Swedish seeing as I've never heard it before.
Keep up with the story and I'll get back to you when I can!
~RDT
3707494 Thanks!!!
So how was the new chapter? Yay or nay?
3707580
I liked it, a lot, although the grammar and spelling errors are still there probably due to the fact that it was a translation from Swedish to English.
What I would reccommend, especially if you have an email in google, go to docs.google.com and it acts just like a word processor. Then all you need to do is type your story out in Swedish or English (either way) and translate it into English. The program will give good options to help out the spelling and grammar errors, and if you want to, you can share the file with me at my email.
Just let me know if you are interested and I will message you my email.
If you have any other questions, feel free to contact me. I'm always here to help.
Great story, can't wait for the next chapter!
~RDT
Actually, I don't translate it from swedish to english. I write it directly to english, it's just that I'm not as familiar to the rule of the english languish as I am in swedish.
Dude, I'm gonna be honest with you. I like your story, the idea is great, but the grammatical and spelling errors are starting to bug me. Usually, I'm not bugged by these kinds of things, but you literally have them in every paragraph. I know you're from a foreign country, but please do yourself and your story a favor and find an proofreader, one that speaks English.
3736311 Sure thing, any good once you could recommend?
3736322 well I might be able to help. I can't promise you my grammatical fixings will be perfect, but you can count on me to have the spelling right every time
and honestly that annoys people a lot more then a few missed commas
Wait wait wait... are you offering to be my editor?
3736355 yeah why not i'll help you edit your story
3736355 I'll get started on the beginning tomorrow and mail it to you when I'm done
3736511 Thanks man, much appreciated
3736511 Oh, and I just did some editing myself with a proofreader on the prologue, could you check it out again to see if it did the work?
3736538 Have you already made the changes. If you have then yes it still needs work. If you haven't then send me the changed version, to look over. You know, while I'm helping you edit I might as well give you tips on your grammar. Just in case you try to write another story in English. Can't help you with spelling that's something though that's something you'll have to fix yourself, or in this case I'll have to fix
3736620 Haha, no I just made the changes like 20 minutes ago, after you told me to use a Proofreader. Now I have... 15-20 minutes ago. To be honest, I'm so bad at computers that I didn't even know those existed...
I really like the storyline you have here. It shows a lot of promise and potential length. I think your characterization of the ponies involved seems accurate too, which is fantastic! If you would like another proofreader or if Drax gets frustrated or too busy to look at it, I would love to help you out. I'm a native English speaker (American) but I study Spanish so I understand the difficulty of trying to express yourself in a language you're less familiar with. The great thing is, in what you've written I can almost always tell what you're trying to get across. You'd want it polished for the contest, I'm sure. But I really like it! Let me know if you need help with the dullest language on the planet!
3736739 Wow this day has been amazing for me here. I 2X my views, my ratings with 50%, got a new chapter out and 2 awesome guys offer me editorial help.
'BEST... NIGHT... EVER'
Thank you so much, I will keep in touch. I would love it if you just corrected me and my mistakes. Hell put it in the comments for all I care, because I want to get better. When it comes to the other things a editor do you can't help me much, since the real meat of the story come after this arc. And let me tell you all a secret... this story is going to have 4 arcs (six if you count the prologue and epilog... but that hasn't counted for like 200 years, so whatever).
I might need some real editorial help in arc 2 and 3 when atmosphere becomes more heavy in terms of telling the story.
Any, thank you and keep being awesome!
Your trouble with the English language was a bit distracting at times. Overlooking that, however, you have a great story here. Keep up the good work!
3738602 Yeah, I know. A big reason why I'm doing this is because I want to get better att the English-languish.
But lucky for me (and you), I maybe have gotten myself an awesome editor!
I approve this typo.
A comment on your story description:
novel and novell is not the same thing what you want is short story
A very common mistake, even my English teachers made it a few times.
3757786 Thank you, now I know!
Nice chapter!!
3777048 Thank you!!!
Nice chapter.
3809000 Tack så mycket!!!
3809204
du är välkommen
Hope Google Translate translate well.
3809239 Haha well enough.
In Sweden we actually say 'Var så god' which is ruthly translated to... be so good... you I see why you don't use that in English. Imagine it:
'Oh thank you very much!'
'Be so good!'
... awkward
I don't like the sound of this, and that tragedy tag doesn't help.
i.imgur.com/Tsg6sSk.png
MOAR NAO!!!
3898693 Oh, and your not worried about the sad or dark tag, huh? Mohahaha.
Nice so far, but I don't get why everyone says Twilight had to stay in Canterlot after she turned into an Alicorn when it's clearly shown in Season 4 that she's still living in Ponyville
You just had to put this shit into this, had you?
3902192 Thanks for the fave and I'm glad you enjoy my story so far. For your question:
Well... I do tell in the description that it takes place after the episode 1 of season 4 (it was after this episode I started to plan this story), it's never clearly said that Twilight moved back to Ponyville. And while I do love season 4 so far I bugs me as hell that you never see her doing any royal duties.
The Twilight of season 4 is a character that has already gone through her arc in the story. She suppose to know friendship on a higher plane (also a fault with season 4, but I can't be to nick'picky since its the formula of the show). So to take her character even farther I want Twilight to not to show only capable of leading a group, but a whole country, as is her duty as a princess. And her duties called for her to be in Canterlot... well, in the prologue and chapter 1 at least
.
And for the thing with the Doctor... well, let me just say that time-altering magic is going to play a big part of my series so I needed to explain how I make the laws around that field clearer, and using the Tardis was the easiest way. My point was that time magic made two points in time connect while the Tardis don't because its already there, so they don't work the same way. And, well... I'm a huge Dr Who fan since I was a kid so...
I plan like many author to create many stories with different characters around my MLP universe (if you like opera music you are going to love my next project
), so putting the Doctor in was also if I ever wanted to tell a few Doctor Whooves stories.
Plus... Alternate Universe tag means I can get away from it. Call it cheating if you want.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE PRINCESS LIKE A BOSS
and here i was thinking he was going to suggest a drinking game between himself and the princesses
more
4222104 Oh, that would just be absurd... wouldn't it?
The tragedy tag scares me.