• Member Since 6th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen Aug 22nd, 2017

Unbridled Dolly


Don't be a soft goat

E
Source

I worked my whole life to stop this from happening. Yet here I am, hidden in the shadows, rain mingling with the tears running down my face. And I'm helpless to stop it.

Each chapter is a different sad story about one of the main characters. PLEASE NOTE THAT THEY ARE NOT LINKED.This is my first Fimfic story, so if you find anything at all wrong with it, tell me in the comments section or PM me. All constructive criticism is welcome.

The cover art belongs to JinYaranda on DeviantArt.

Table of Contents

Forgotten- Rainbow Dash
Ascension- Princess Twilight Sparkle Poem/Song
Supernova- Celestia [REWRITTEN!
Void- Luna- Partially inspired by Void by Jorofrarie.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 55 )

Dear dolly1,

This story is a bit short, so to make it slightly longer, I think that you should add something on how Rainbow Dash's wings got destroyed or just explain it more. I'm not a professional though, so it might just be my personal opinion. It was still good though, just that was a shame.

- butterscotch001

4455280 In addition to that statement, I'd like to add that, if, Rainbow Dash's wings got broken, then why couldn't she have them fixed.

I'm a bit confused as to what is going on with Twilight in this piece. And, I know poetry, much like painting, is a bit fluid in its form, but this poem seems kind of flimsy to me. (By that, I mean it has no set style to it. It's missing a certain je ne sais quoi.)

4456142 Sorry. That's what happens when I try to compose poems in the shower. Please try to warn me against it in the future. If you want/need an explanation, I'm putting it in the author's notes.


4455280
4456130
For the first one, I couldn't really find a way to make it longer without ruining it. I can do short tragedies, like this, not long ones. You probably figured that out by the abysmal Celestia story though. I might continue the first in the future though, maybe, maybe not. I'll see.

This is without a doubt the weirdest freaking thing I've ever read in my life.

In a good way though, a David Lynch kinda way. Fav and Like! :twlightsmile:

4562327 Your writing style, it has this wonderful bizarre cadence to it, it's really effective actually. The repeatition in the first chapter, the poem in the second, it's really fun to read! :twilightsmile:

4562348 Thanks. It's something I kind of do to make it seem dramatic, and to tie the whole story together. I'll be doing it again for sure in Void, and maybe in Supernova, but in Supernova it will probably be different. Not really sure yet.

:raritycry: What's going on?:pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh::scootangel: Seriously...are all the chapters linked together, like the Project of Desire thingy is what caused Rainbow Dash and Twilight to be alone...or something?:pinkiesmile::twilightsmile::scootangel::unsuresweetie::trollestia::moustache::facehoof::rainbowlaugh::rainbowderp:

And, :raritydespair::raritycry:, it was touching...:pinkiesad2::heart::fluttercry::fluttershbad:

4600006 Nah, none of them are linked. They are all separate story lines. I should probably add the Alternate Universe tag. And say that they're not linked. And thanks. That's... a lot of emojis there...:rainbowderp::rainbowlaugh: Rainbow Dash is alone and forgotten for a reason that I know, but am not disclosing yet because I might make a prequel someime in the future. Twilight is alone because she is immortal, and every pony she loved has died except for the princesses. Luna is alone because the ponies tore apart space-time itself, and everything but her ceased to exist.

4600028

Okay' yeah, but I was thinking something crazy:

Since way all tore the space-thingy apart, RD is alone like Luna, and...I dunno how that's linked to Twi...maybe she thought her friends were dead because of that or something...:rainbowlaugh: Me and my crazy ideas...:scootangel:

4600057 Ya. I don't get how it could be linked either. Maybe Supernova and Ascension, but not the others.

4600062

Mmhmm- wait what?:trixieshiftright::pinkiehappy: Spoiler alert! Supernova might be linked to Ascension, huh?:rainbowlaugh::trixieshiftright::yay::facehoof: Sorry. Anywho, are you happy?:pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh: Rando question of the day...:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::scootangel:

So, Luna is stuck in an abysmal silence while stuck in between universes due to something called Project Desire? :trixieshiftright: Very good. Writing has definitely improved. :pinkiehappy: Looking forward to more.

4606875 Yes she is. I might expand upon it more in a different story, but not yet. And thank you. I've been working on it. I'm also rewriting Supernova.

I really like this story, but I'm kinda confused as to why you separate each paragraph with the dots. Other than that, I love this!:pinkiehappy:

4637242 I separate them to show that I will be explaining a different aspect or topic of whatever chapter it is.

4637264 Ah, okay, makes sense now. :twilightsmile:

4637276 :twilightsmile:Glad I could explain it.

I have accomplished so much, yet he bad

yet the bad.

Yay! I agree with>>4455280 You should describe how Dash's wings got destroyed and why is she hiding? Great Chapter though!:pinkiehappy:

4645618 Oh, thanks, I probably should have edited it. And I'll probably write a continuation of some sort, but I seriously doubt many people would read it.

☺ Please make more. Now >:o I order you to make more!☺ P-Plz :fluttershysad: By the way very good story. :yay::yay::yay:

4646520 Heh, thanks. I am currently rewriting the third chapter, Supernova. Due to the difficulty of rewriting stuff on my phone, it may take a while until I get it out. I also have absolutely no clue what to write for the next stories. Though, I may write a sequel or prequel or go into further detail for the current stories, but I'mnot really sure how good it would be or how many people would read it.

This tugs at the feels.
All of them.:pinkiesad2:

Heh, was real fun to read though it was rather depressing, also I applaud your ability to make me feel sad. I am going to go cry in a corner now.

4660549 Thanks. And I'm sorry I made you cry, but that was kinda the point.

Nothing's wrong with the chapter, it's just short?Why?

4673788 I'm terrible at long chapters. You should have seen how terrible Supernova, the third chapter was. It was 1,399 words long. I had to take it down and I am currently rewriting it.

This is really good, it's evenly spaced out (though they're all short), your descriptions are nice and of the right word choice, and each sentence holds lots of emotion. Definitely a great read so far.:pinkiehappy:

4688819 Thanks. I'm sorry about the length, but I can't write long stuff. I tried with Supernova, and I ended up having to take it down. I'm rewriting it.

4688828
It's fine, as long as it still has all the emotion in the sentences, it'll be another good chapter.:raritywink:

I like this chapter, and it makes me wanna know why Rainbow is in this state of sadness.

4731761 I might make a sequel one day. Maybe, maybe not. I have to rewrite Supernova first, though.

The feels. The feels!! ALL THE FEELS!!!!!:raritycry:
Seriously, though. This is a huge tear-jerker, especially Supernova.:fluttercry:
It's incomplete, but I absolutely have to give this great piece a rating.:pinkiesad2:
9 out of 10.:pinkiesad2:

Who and where is the wise guy who stabbed Celestia?!:flutterrage:
Me and my Iron Man suit and Terminator have a few "words" to impart to him!:pinkiecrazy:

4874789 Thank you. I really wasn't expecting to get that kind of reaction, and your comment really made my day. :twilightblush:




4874798 I was thinking that I might write the story from his point of view. I'll be posting a blog about it sometime soon.

4876032 1.) :raritywink:
2.) Remind me if a Terminator, assassin (i.e. Ezio Auditore), or Iron Man (or Iron Stallion) arrives to get him.
'Cause apparently raising the very thing that grants life to all in Equestria is way to freaking much.:twilightangry2:

Seriously, I felt genuinely sad during Supernova. Not many stories can make me do that, if any. Those are bonus points right there. :scootangel:

That 1 disliker is the guy who thought raising the freakin' sun was too much.

4877782 Oh, he had his reasons all right. You just don't get to know them.:pinkiecrazy:

And seriously, thank you so much.:twilightsmile:




4877787 That one disliker is from back when I still had the first absolutely terrible version of Supernova up.

This is very well done. I like the how it flows and the unique style. I look forward to seeing the rest of this.

Just read Supernova and I liked it. Well done. Solid 7.5 out of 10. :pinkiesmile:

wow i never thought i would be saying this but i felt truly sorry for celestia im not really a big fan of her but this makes me feel like i shouldnt have bashed her so much.......IM SORRY SUNGODESS:raritycry:

5013627 Nah, you shoulda bashed her. SHE DESERVES NO PITY.

Hi there! I'm Scribblestick, here on behalf of WRITE to offer some friendly writerly advice.

Forgotten

I like what you have on this one. The repetition of " I worked my whole life to stop this from happening. Yet here I am" does a great deal to show RD's sadness, anguish and regret, and the whole thing left me feeling sad for her and wondering what had happened to bring her to this point. Unfortunately, that's where it ends; you hint at some sort of accident or disaster, something that went wrong to land her here, yet this is never explored or explained in any real depth. I guess what I'm saying is this is a good picture of Dash at the end, but I wish it would go on so I could find out how this happened and delve even more into her sorrow.

Ascension

Ah, poetry. Not really my forte, but I'll give it a shot.

I read this through twice before reading your explanation, and I didn't reach the same conclusions you did. I'll try to explain my interpretation line by line.

So long, so far,
I wish I'd been sub par.

Twilight wishes she was subpar, or in other words, not outstandingly talented among unicorns. She wishes, looking back, that she'd had an average life.

Now I might,
See the light,
That you bring,

Because Princess Celestia is so associated with light, I thought of her at this line, as though she is looking to her old mentor for guidance as to what she should do next.

I wish I was
Taken by the king.

She wishes Sombra had won. Interesting.

And though I thought,
We would be together,
Forever,
'Til my death
I now have a wreath.
Of roses, five white roses,
Signifying, a lost love

Twilight's friends have passed away, establishing this as the source of Twilight's sadness. I thought this section was really good, as one has to infer this interpretation.

The missing dove,
Has no mercy

I really have no interpretation for this.

The queen of love
Reduced me to this.

This made me think of Cadance, the character whose talent is spreading love. She has somehow become queen and has reduced Twilight to sorrow.

Being poetry, it makes sense that this would be open to interpretation and not give all the answers. I don't have much else to say about it.

Supernova

As per your author's note, I am curious as to why Unidentified Unicorn Dude thought Celestia needed to die, and how he figured out how to do it. It turns out these questions are irrelevant to the story you want to tell, so might I suggest you ignore the details of how Celestia was mortally wounded? The amount of detail you give of the incident suggests it hold a greater importance to the story than it actually does.

Also, if Celestia is actually exploding with the force of a supernova, wouldn't that tear the entire world apart? Unless I missed something where she teleported away at the last second.

Void

Your imagery and descriptions in this story are amazing, particularly of when Luna "loses" the word to the void. Again, I'm left wondering what actually happened, but since it's based on another story, I'll assume I just have to read that story to get it.

5243751 Oh, thank you! And yes, I am planning a continuation to Forgotten, even though I originally wanted to leave it open to interpretation.

For Ascension, I only put that in the author's notes because someone was complaining they didn't understand it. I was going to take it out, but I somehow never got around to it. And by "the missing dove has no mercy" I meant it to symbolize her perpetual grief at the loss of her friends, since doves are usually associated with love.

Celestia did not explode with the force of a supernova. She just exploded with a lot of force, though Luna had put up a barrier around her to protect everypony. And actually, the reason the murderer killed Celestia is important, but I have yet to write (or plan) the sequel beyond the basic plot.

Actually, I only used the basic idea (that Luna is the last thing left in the universe) of the other story. The rest is all mine, and if you read it you'll notice many major differences. But, again, there is a reason, and I will (eventually) write a sequel. I will write some sort of continuation for all of them, I just don't know when.

Thank you so much for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.:twilightsmile:

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