• Member Since 17th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 30th, 2017

MissPegasis


E

On the Longest day of the Thousandth year, Princess Luna returns. Celestia wishes to protect her vulnerable little sister at all costs so Nightmare Moon may never return. Twilight becomes suspicious of this new 'princess' after reading the legends prior to her return. Can Twilight save Celestia from the death beneath her nose? Will Celestia love Luna as she needed, but allow her room to live her life? Will Luna forgive herself for her actions? Also, who's really in danger here?

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 5 )

This is good! Didn't see any problems with it.
Faved and tracking!

The core idea... isn't bad. I like where you're taking this, but it's very possible for something like this to jump the shark early, and ruin everything.

Also be careful about how you implement dramatic and dangerous moments. You're actually really good at making scenes emotive without telling us how we should feel, but you need to practice your pacing as well as your ... well, settings, really. Alittle extra time to set the scene or build up the setting you use can make a lot of difference.
Keep reading, and keep practicing your writing.

4548497 Thank you :pinkiesmile: I could be biased and say my writing is great, why change perfection? But I realize there are flaws. and to be honest, I can't see them myself most of the time so thank you for the constructive criticism :twilightsmile:

I'd still like to see where you take this. It's a refreshing idea, really.

:fluttershysad: I mean, the way it was started felt too easy. "oh hey, everything is fixed after a thousand years" doesn't feel right, but with the resulting change in everything else, it's going to be interesting from here on out for sure.

And the butterfly of chaos flaps it's wings. :twilightsmile:

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