How fragile is a young nation? Discord plays games with the lives of thousands, and in particular enjoys pitting a fledgling Equestria against an equally weak Human kingdom. Between skirmishes, disputes over territory, and raids, is there any hope for either civilization?
Author's Note: This is, initially, a mostly Elsewhere fiction; it progressively becomes less and less so, but nevertheless, this is a warning for those of you who aren't fans of that particular subset.
As of 1/21/2015, Cancelled.
Chapters (12)
Okay. This is why I disapprove of anonymous downvoting.
There is nothing wrong with this story. It has humans, but posits them as one of the races of Equestria, not OP, not particularly special, with only one dude who has magic and he isn't godly overpowered. It's well written. Characters we recognize turn up in the first chapter despite the author's note stating this is a mostly Elsewhere (what does that mean, anyway?) There is no reason whatsoever for there to have been four downvotes and only one upvote (I added an upvote).
See, the only value whatsoever to the downvote is to alert you that a story is crap. If a story has a massive imbalance of downvotes to upvotes, it probably has Super Brony With More Power Than Discord or maybe an Alicorn OC or mabbe its jus riten liek this with no gud speling or punkchuation. I avoided reading this story for a bit because of the high downvote ratio and was surprised to discover THERE IS NO FREAKING REASON FOR THE HIGH DOWNVOTE RATIO. Seriously it looks like trolling or someone didn't read the fic at all.
I really wish they would implement more accountability on the downvote. Like, you actually have to read the whole story or at least scroll to the bottom of it and click something in order to be able to downvote, or it would require you to add a note explaining why you downvoted, or something. Right now it's too damn easy to downvote just for the sake of griefing.
4100807
Thank you for your support!
Are there any recommendations you can give me so that I may improve? I know I'm a bit wordy at times, but I'm trying to rectify that by using different styles/tenses of writing.
As for the question . . .
Elsewhere fics are stories that are centric around a cast of OC's, with canon characters rarely appearing, and when they do it's mostly as cameos (of course, in some situations they are/become more prevalent). A great example of an Elsewhere fic would be almost every Fallout Equestria fiction ever made.
4101062
You're at a level where I really can't... all I can say is practice, practice, practice. Your writing is decent; the story's confusing so far, but it's confusing in the way that seems like maybe you intended it to be confusing, so I can't say one way or another. Others might be willing to go through and nitpick your grammar and spelling to death, but unless I'm specifically doing an editing job, I tend to view that in gestalt, ie, is it enough right to indicate that the author knows what they're doing and mistakes are likely typos?
The story's a little stiff so far. It doesn't flow. Though I was utterly horrified when the pony who was barely recovering from almost dying was turned into a block of cheese, so I think you're starting to pick up some emotional resonance. It'll come out better as there's more of it; the entire first season of Star Trek TNG was utter crap, and Babylon 5 didn't get good until halfway through the first season. I don't think there is any one specific thing you can do to get better, just do more of what you're doing until it starts to flow more naturally.
Good start, you have me hooked... Can u keep it up?
Weeeell then these ponies are very backwards thinking aren't they?
4195561
Weeeeellllllllll . . .
Yes, there is a bit of backwards thinking and such, but I'm hoping that the fact that neither society is exactly advanced makes it a bit more acceptable.
As for inherent strangeness of creation myths . . . well, humans societies used to believe that the Earth was the center of the universe and entertained the concept that sacrificing hearts was the only way to ensure the raising of the sun; they're really strange from an outsiders view, and I was hoping to emulate that.
If you're still hooked, I'm happy that I managed to keep you entertained!