• Member Since 10th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Broken Phalanx


Perpetually perplexed.

T

Due to circumstances beyond his control, Compassionate Counsel's practice is teetering on the edge of financial ruin. However, salvation appears in the form of a mysterious letter arranging for 11 appointments, paid in advance.

The question is, though, is he qualified to actually help the pony in question?

The answer is no. No, he is not.

* * * * * * * * * *

I plan on using both sad and comedic elements in my story; the reason why it's 'slice of life' alone is because, I'm hoping, both of those sides of the spectrum will balance out somewhere in the middle.

Well, that, and Sad and Comedy can't both be placed on one story.

* * * * * * * * * *

I will be using Kilala97's characters for this story, so if that's not really the cut of your jib, this should technically count as a warning as well as a declarative statement. They start showing up in Chapter 3, for those of you pondering why they aren't in the first or second chapter.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 28 )

I bet this gets featured

4884593
That is an honor I've yet to receive; thank you for the show of support, though. :twilightsmile:

So this is pretty good.

4884737

Thanks for the praise! I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter. :twilightsmile:

4885668

Well, that's a heck of a coincidence; I wonder if the ad programs just look for similar words and then put advertisements as such.

It'd definitely explain all the tissue ads I saw when I was reading sad fiction. . .

I am loving this story so far. Even taking out the references to kilala97's characters you have really made the superman impression (as in I believe your characters and their situation.) I eagerly await more of the story. I get the feeling that Twilight's issues go far deeper than the mere glimpses we have seen and is fitting that a character of her type and age would have more problems. Expecting great things
Darthsylar12

4955987

I'm glad that I've managed to hook you! I hope that you find the ensuing chapters enjoyable as well. :pinkiehappy:

And Kilala97 has an Alicorn Princess called Nidra, who's the daughter of Luna, so, yeah. Five Alicorns.

Wouldn't that be six since Valiant Heart is an alicorn as well?

Seems pretty good read. Keep doing the good work.

4956713
. . .
Damnit. How'd I miss that guy?
*does all the facepalms*

Thanks for telling me that; I would've done this entire thing without remembering that guy. Cripes.

Huh, it lives. Great chapter

5495986

Indeed, so it does.

Thanks for the compliment. :twilightsmile:

JBL

This has been an excellent read so far. Keep it up. :twilightsmile:

5512982

I hope to! Thank you for taking the time to comment. :twilightsmile:

JBL

Well, from the start, him taking on Twilight as a patient has brought him nothing but increasingly bad fortune. It's a wonder he hasn't snapped yet.

5517352

Well, you know what they say; sometimes, bad things happen to good folks. Some might even wager especially to good people.

Be that as it may, perhaps he will lose it, and lose it hard, and the story will end in an asylum, with him talking to his own shadow as his own miseries swirl about him like a maelstrom of sorrow and malcontent as madness finally besets him for once and for all, his entire life nothing more than a wishful aspiration as the light of hope finally dies once and for all and darkness befalls the scene. . .

. . .

Naaaaahhhhhhh. . . But seriously, prolly not. :rainbowlaugh:

I'm liking the caracterization, and the interactions, good chapter

5535741

Thank you! I was really hoping everything was in-character for the longest time; there are another draft that, when I reviewed it, absolutely failed this test, and is currently resting in my recycle bin. :rainbowwild:

Half the story focused on boring ponies that were just added in with almost no explanation or introduction. I barely could pay attention to each pony's name and who is who because it went by so... brokenly paced, that it might as well have not been there at all. It's a serious issue. Perhaps ask someone to double check on how to fix it?

5538857

Gotcha; I'll make an effort to fix pacing issues. Thanks for the advice! :pinkiehappy:

EDIT: And, of course, make each pony more interesting; I'll make an effort to find someone to look over my work prior to publishing it.

5538877
Welcome! :pinkiehappy:
If the grandchildren and the whole scene with them were a bit more revised and refined, it could be better in general IMO. I think there's a group on here that might be able to help you with it, some kind of editing group? The name escapes me. It might be a good idea to make a thread there.

JBL

Looking forward to the next update! *hint hint* :raritywink:

5595294

Yeah, sorry for that. Been slogging through life stuff at the moment; it WILL update, I can guarantee that, but at the moment I can't really get to my standard computer. Sorry for the delay. Thanks for the enthusiasm, though. :twilightsmile:

so gooooooooood me gustaaaaaaa

This is a wonderful story. I hope to see more of it soon.

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