“So, lemme get this straight. We’re Cutie Mark Crusaders Chicken Rescuers, right?”
Sweetie Belle regarded Scootaloo with a look one might give to child who just spent the last twenty minutes kicking the back of your seat, and then, once you’ve turned around to confront the child, pretends like they don’t know what you’re talking about. Needless to say, it was a very annoyed look. “Yes,” she said, “we’re going to rescue Fluttershy’s chicken that got loose.”
“How do you even tighten a chicken?” asked Apple Bloom.
Both Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo ignored her.
“I mean, it seemed like a good idea at the time,” said Scootaloo, “but now I’m starting to wonder what a chicken-rescuing cutie mark would even look like, and if I’d even want one. Like, who wants to rescue chickens for their whole life?”
Sweetie Belle sighed. “Look, it’s not so much that we actually want chicken-rescuing to be our cutie mark. It’s more the cathartic feeling we get from simply trying to further ourselves toward a goal, while ignoring obvious clues that would lead us to our real talents along the way. Remember,” she said, “we’re just dumb kids, and we’re easily distracted, so it makes sense that we’d jump at the opportun—Look!”
Sweetie Belle’s hoof suddenly shot out as she pointed at a bush rustling in the distance. It rustled a few more times, drawing the other ponies’ attention.
“Wh-what do you think it is?” asked Scootaloo, shivering more from the cold than fear.
Apple Bloom cracked her knuckles, or she would have if that were possible for horses. It was more of a symbolic gesture than anything. “I don’t know, but I’mma go in there and beat it up. That’s what Applejack would do.”
Sweetie Belle looked over at Apple Bloom. “Yeah, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. Do you just do whatever your sister does?”
Apple Bloom shrugged. “I think that’s just so supposed to be my character, or somethin’. I seem to change every other day, so I dunno.”
“Uhh, guys,” said Scootaloo, tapping the two fillies on the shoulder. “Did you forget about the monster in the bush?” She pointed to the bush as it started to rustle again, and more vigorously this time.
“I swear, if a something stupid like bunny rabbit jumps out I’m quitting this story,” said Sweetie Belle with an exaggerated roll of her eyes.
“Doesn’t look like any rabbit I ever saw,” said Scootaloo. “It’s too big. I bet it’s a—” She cut herself off mid sentence as the beast leapt from the bush. “Werewolf?”
The werewolf gave a howl that would’ve chilled the bones of a frozen skeleton, then stared straight at the fillies, its yellow eyes glowing in the dark.
“Huh,” said Sweetie Belle, pursing her lips. “I wasn’t expecting that. I’d run if I were you, Scootaloo. I’d bet all Rarity’s money it’s going to go after you.”
Scootaloo blew a raspberry while waving her hoof dismissively. “Nah, he’s too nice to do that. Right, boy?” Approaching the werewolf, Scootaloo reached up and began scratching behind its ear. It thumped its foot gleefully, then gave another howl and ran away. “Told ya,” said Scootaloo smugly.
“I wouldn’t get too cocky if I were you,” said Sweetie Belle, equally smugly, as she nodded at the bush that had started rustling again.
Scootaloo glanced at the bush. She looked back at Sweetie Belle. “Twenty bits says this time it’s an oliphant.”
Apple Bloom raised her eyebrow. “An oli-what?”
Sweetie Belle laughed. “Just because your fancy talking money told you that, doesn’t meant it’s going to be true. There’s no way something as big as an oliphant could hide in that—Oh sweet Celestia.”
Sweetie Bell’s eyes went wide as a massive oliphant rose from behind the bush. It stood at least a hundred and fifty feet tall, and its massive tusks knocked down trees left and right. As it bellowed a somber call, the oliphant lumbered off into the forest.
Scootaloo smirked. She held out her hoof. “That’ll be twenty bits.”
Grumbling, Sweetie Belle fished around in her pockets, which she totally has by the way, for the money, then handed it over to Scootaloo begrudgingly. “How’d you know it was going to be an oliphant?” she asked.
Scootaloo counted out the bits to herself. Once she was satisfied, she shot Sweetie Belle a smug grin and touched her forehead with a hoof, saying, “I’m psychic.”
Apple Bloom frowned. “I thought y’all needed a doctorate for that?”
“No, that’s psychology, Bloom,” said Scootaloo with a roll of her eyes. “I can predict the future is what I’m saying.”
“Oh yeah?” said Sweetie Belle, walking over to Scootaloo and poking a hoof into her chest.” Prove it. How are you gonna die this time?”
Scootaloo’s lips tugged into a grin, and she leaned against a nearby tree branch. “I won’t,” she said.
“Won’t say how?”
“Won’t die.”
Sweetie Belle raised an eyebrow. “How do you know that?”
“Because Fluttershy’s going to save us,” said Scootaloo with a smirk. She tapped her forehead again. “I’ve seen it.”
“Mhmm,” said Sweetie Belle, nodding her head slowly. “So does that mean we’re done here?”
“Yep,” Scootaloo chirped.
“Well then…” Sweetie Belle said, shrugging. “I guess this chapter’s over. So long, farewell, aufiderzein, goodbye.”
“Sayonara, suckers,” said Apple Bloom, waving at no one in particular.
Scootaloo then saluted, said, “Peace out, fools,” and the three fillies continued on with their mission of finding Elizabeak like nothing had happened.
So.... this chapter, eh? I want to say I'm sorry it's so fucking stupid... but I'm not. Given that it's April Fool's, I'm entitled to some silliness, so I'm taking advantage of that.
Don't worry. This will be the only chapter like this. All the others will be, well I hesitate to say "normal", but status quo at the very least. All this silliness is a one time thing, so everyone can go ahead and starch their jimmies to keep them from getting rustled.
pretty sure the german is "auf wiedersehen"
this needs more likes
Entitled to silliness? Yes. To errors? No. Spotted a few spelling bits here and there, as well as stray words. Nothing big. Still liked the chapter. Anyways, on to other things.
~Grand Panda
4168100
Editing and basic proofreading is for chumps.
See, there are no exceptions to death, except for silliness, because Rule of Funny. But then suddenly ded.
4168028
SILLY
HARDER
First off, I'm pretty sure it's spelled Psychic.
And second...
4168237
SILLINESS INTENSIFIES
Cutie Mark Crusaders Fourth Wall Breakers! YAY!!!
Meh, you're forgiven. This time.
Scootaloo's on the soy sauce!?
4168587 that is such a neich reference. Love it.
*facehoof* This day man... This day.....
LOL good chapter though...
I get the joke with the title. There is a movie of almost the same name.
If Scootaloo were turned to stone by the cockatrice, would that count as her dying?
I guess this either means that Scoots is learning from each death, or she really IS a child of Cthulu. Either way, Scoots is becoming psychic; eventually she might even be able to predict Pinkie Pie!
Of course, it could just be that Scoots got... stoned... just off screen.
I was expecting either Sweetie or Bloom to die instead. This was actually unexpected.
4168702
It's right there in the title. I think that rather widens the niche.
4169638 Wow.... I totally missed that. T_T
4168117 In your defense, save for when I'm writing, and thus mentally preoccupied, I have some insane eyes for mistakes in writing. No idea where I even picked it up. I hate writing and am not all too fond of literature as a medium of expression, which is weird because I take writing my stories very seriously on most occasions and tend to very much enjoy quite a number of stories, this one included.
~Grand Panda
4168255 GOHAN BECOMES THE MOST POWERFUL IN THE UNIVERSE BUT STILL CAN'T DO CRAP.
4168286
Sillyness is the opposite of intense
that's right
it's outtense
4169464 Or she's the child of Slenderpony
4170028 DOOOOOOOOOOODGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm aware of why this chapter is like this, but I still don't approve. Making a comedy less funny for AFD is really backwards and bizarre to me, and it's even more inexcusable if this is a legitimate part of the story and not just something you'll get rid of later. Sure, it's acceptable now, but on any day other than April 1st it's just another chapter of the story, and compared to all the others it's not really any good, and that lowers the overall quality.
God, I feel such a grump. I'm criticising an April Fools' joke chapter in a comedy fic. I feel like I've become everything I ever hated.
4168587 That could explain a few things...
Hah! That was a good end- Oh, geeze. I almost un-faved it.
Scootaloo dies from bees in the end, huh? That... stings!
That's all I got.
A filly killed by bees? My briefcase full of bees should put a stop to that!
Huh, an oliphant actually exists. It is the medieval french saying of elephant; learn something new everyday
4168057 It is most definitely "Auf wiedersehen". I didn't notice it before, but now it bugs me.
4168028 the ending of this chapter reminds me of this
Did that oliphant take lessons from ursarkar creed or something
I'm mainly just impressed that the oliphant was able to hide behind the bush.
Congratz, you made my day, i love how Sweetie is aware that they are dumb kids ignoring obvious clues about their talents
Wait, so Scootaloo can tell how she's going to die every time?
4168057
I took a German class this year, and I can say without a doubt that you are correct.
4175479 yup i guess that sums it up, but she can't change it; fixed point in time
The fourth wall has more holes in it than queen Chrysalis' legs!
Call the inter-dimensional mason!
4175940 huh, okay. But even in the ones where she could probably stop it. Like in winter wrap up, or dragonshy?
4175559 Advice: Don't take comments seriously on a story that is a ridiculous farce.
4168117
Having two subjects means you use the verb's plural form.
4179201
Two things:
1) "are" is the plural form of "is", so what was written is already correct, but I'll explain why.
In the context of the sentence, "editing" and "basic proofreading" are meant to be read as two separate actions, not one joint action, which is why I used "are". Technically, it could also be written with "is" (which, again, would be the singular form), but it would mean I'm talking about editing and basic proofreading as one action, which is not what I meant.
2) If you're going to bother to correct someone's grammar, at least make sure you're right first.
4179533
Except that the post I was replying to actually says
and I put the 'are' in bold and underlined so as to emphasize the difference, which I guess didn't translate well.
So. Yeah.
4179707
Oh right... yeah.
Welp... now I feel like a dick. Uhh, sorry, man. My bad. I was wrong, you were right.
I bet 20 bits that scootaloo will get a cutie mark dealing with necromancy or something related
G-G-God dammit...authors note ending!
4170520 You are my hero for posting what needed to be said of scootaloo!
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THIS STORY SUCKS BALLS SENOIR BALLS
Oh my… The German translation is two words. 'Auf Wiedersehen'
Animaniacs keeps coming to mind this chapter for some reason.