Discord, the Spirit of Chaos, has been defeated, trapped in stone by the Elements of Harmony. The two newly crowned princesses, Luna and Celestia, scout his palace and find a vault full of treasures and wonder.
Amongst Discord’s greatest treasures, Celestia discovers a strange golden mask, almost insignificant to the naked eye. Celestia soon learns there is a history exists behind the mask… and the one inside of it.
Inside the mask is a being who was once a ruler in a time before time. His name: Mata Nui.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Bionicle or MLP: FIM. The former belongs to Lego, while the latter belongs to Hasbro and Lauren Faust.
Boring? Afraid so. I didn't really enjoy the story due to the very issues you listed. There was no conflict, no plot, merely a recap and an encounter. I also caught the Monty Python reference, but it didn't belong there.
My thought is that this could have been so much bigger. Something with conflict, an issue to be solved with the Great Spirit's help. A little more adherence to Celestia staying in character would have gone a long way too.
Happy birthday and all, but telling your readers about that fact doesn't really have a place in the story.
3656799 I don't know it was a nice read and is a good recap for those not familiar with bionicle. Not all stories have to have conflict like when you tell some one about your day. Does that have to have a conflict or plot?
I say keep going with the story
3657488
Actually, I'm kinda with Mysterious Stranger on this one. While it's not necessary for there to be conflict, the story should be captivating enough for audiences to read. It's true that my story does give good information for those not familiar with Bionicle, but the recap could have been shorten by A LOT. As it is, I just think it's a little less than "meh."
3657601 I understand and still a good read to kill time
3657601
The fact you're able see your own weaknesses gives you a tremendous advantage over many other writers already. Some shut down after criticism. The ones who stay in the game become stronger at writing. I think you're the latter.
3657488
No it doesn't, because that is not the same kind of story as found in books, movies, TV shows, and fanfiction. Plot is as crucial to those kind of stories as characters. Even in slice of life stories, there is always some form of conflict. Information is nice, but it is not a story in itself any more than imagery is. Rather, they are both a part of the whole.
3658114 agreed, but I just like it for it is
3658153
Sure, I wasn't trying to imply that this story can't be liked. That is 100% a matter of preference.
3658321 I know
With all the hype you've been building in the forums, I was certainly interested to see this. It was a good little read, and I liked that surprise near the end, but then the next logical question is, what happened to the Toa, Matoran, Glatorian and Agori? Critically speaking, all I can say is that from now on you should get someone to double check for grammar and spelling errors before you submit something, because I did notice a few. In fact, I'd be willing to do that myself, if you're interested feel free to P.M. me about it.
Good luck getting more views, and happy writing!
3661116
Thanks for the review, but I think the story doesn't really live up to the hype I built up. As for the Agori, Toa, Glatorian, and Matoran, well, I was just assuming they either went into hiding or scattered across the world. And yeah, I do need to work on my spelling and my grammar. I'll send you a PM when I have the chance. Thanks, again!
-W.S.
Oh my god the nostalgia is nigh UMBAREABLE!!!! This was actually freaking awesome! Kudos, dude.
3661192 you should make another chapter were they meet again after the nightmare moon insident
I rather enjoyed it. It sets up mystery, which is what I loved with Bionicle. Where are the Toa/Matoran/Gladitorian/Agori and the rest? What hand do the Great Beings have in this? I hope for a sequel.
I would love to see more of these two interacting. Like if they had kept in touch, it would also be a good way to show Celestia's growth over the years.
3791892 Actually, I'm planning to write another MLP/Bionicle fic, a series of vignettes and not just a one-shot. I could show Celestia and Mata Nui's relation. That's a good idea. Thanks.
-W.S.
3778973 I want to know what happened to them too. Like they're no longer exist ? And could it possible that they're like the ancestor of the ponies before time?
the past one must learn from it before the mistakes of it repeat an new
3661192 have you ever thought of continuing the story where mata nui returns to their aid maybe even goes to the equestria girls universe