Uhg... At least it's over.

339463
You have a huge hate-boner for Sleepless, we get it.

339538 "Obtaining the truth is simple. All you have to do is believe that it is the truth… In which case, why…? What sense is there in yearning for truth? Close your eyes. Lie to yourself. Live in blissful ignorance… It is a much smarter way to exist."
Essentially, he made AJ a liar and a deceiver, not only to herself, but her friends. Not to mention this ship is one of the more retarded ones. What's next, Spike and Gilda?
29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0giowqPgP1qj73e2o1_500.gif
And this guy has a severe problem with verbose. A good half of this story could of been chucked out. Here's an example of what I mean:
I removed the paperclip from the corner of the folder. Upon examination, I saw that it was a thin metallic strand that had been folded into an oblong spiral by some mechanical process. I assessed the inch-long device between my fingertips. The surface felt cool to the touch--and firm, yet clearly it retained enough pliability to allow documents to be slid into the inner loop. As I stared at the tiny object in my hands, I felt a subtle pounding in my head, like the beat of African tribal drums. Inexorably, my other senses became muffled, and the ambiance of the office faded away until none was left but the devilish helix in front of me. Those malignant coils began to draw the whole of my being into them, and I felt as if I were about to pierce a veil into another world. Just as suddenly, the feeling passed. I feared for my sanity.
You see how irritating that writing style is? I mean, could he repeat himself anymore? I was just describing a paper clip I noticed. The Twilight series had the same writing problem (on top of a ton of other things) of overly explaining shit.
His character assassination didn't help at all. either.

I usually like your stories, but this one... eh, I just wasn't feeling it.i.imgur.com/GXPFy.png

339572
I can post gifs too!
i.imgur.com/jtQU0.gif
i.imgur.com/Qw5tU.gif
i.imgur.com/GwvwW.gif

332426

Uh.

Um...help me out here, AJ.
(Cue earthy banjo-plucking, appropriate for an Applejack monologue)
"Aright, I know you got yer high-falutin' laws and all that, but this here hat is made from a natural-dead cow. Ain't nothin' wrong or cruel that went on. And besides, my daddy bought this back in the day - way before that law was even written down, y'see."
"So I know you mean well, but this hat kinda means a lot to me. And it ain't like we got a constable out at the Acres all the time anyway, and...what's that? Royal Guard? Now hold on a min - now come on, no reason to - aright fine, be that way. You bring it on!"
CHK-CHIK
"You can have mah daddy's hat when you pry it from my cold, dead hooves."

Seriously though, you got me. Didn't even think of that.

339683 These are your fans, Sleepless. I hope you're proud.
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110317133835/mspaintadventures/images/d/d1/Karkat%27s-Sprite.gif

Well it's finally done and ....*sigh* i just couldn't get myself to like it even if it has all the makings of good writing I just couldn't get past how you developed AJ. Throughout RR the way she behaved and shown was unique compared to everyone else and made for a really heartwarming scene with her and Twilight and was a really good example of the friendship between them and it was just that, but here it goes from "I'm sorry but I just don't bat for that team but still you guys are my best friends" to "It turns not only do I swing that way the only person I have so far shown to have any affection for what so ever is a mare."
But who knows maybe I'm interpreting this wrong maybe she was just so shocked from the loss at the rodeo to realize fully what she did or not
*sigh again* I just don't know what to think. It feels to me at least a betrayal to her character but again i may just be interpreting this wrong if someone could respond on what went on it would be most appreciated.
All in all I just couldn't like it but still well written.

339748 I think you hit the nail on the head. You pretty much summed up what was wrong in this fic, even to the fanon of the authors previous' stories.

Yes. Yes. Yes. God, you are amazing, Sleepless. Your character depth is just exceptional, and I really think you played on something quite fundamental in AJ's personality here. We know that many of the main 6 demonstrate behaviour that is not always coherent with their element (Rarity's drive for fame, prestige etc.) These behavioural traits aren't a complete juxtaposition with the element, but they do exist as a contrast nonetheless. I love how AJ struggles with who she thought she was and what she is subsequently feeling. Whether or not she would feel these feelings is largely irrelevant. This is fiction and it is shipping fiction; assumptions have to be made. She is feeling these emotions, and the way you handle this fact is perfectly in-character. AJ struggles to admit to herself that she may have been wrong, because that would mean she lied to herself, which would go against everything who she is meant to be. This kind of character development is just why you are one of the better authors in the fandom. The characters grow in your stories. They make mistakes, they struggle to understand what they are feeling, and that is something universal that everyone should be able to relate to.

Well done, Sleepless. I really enjoyed this, and I look forward to what you have coming next!

339898 You know what's also considered good and in character and not a total character assassination? The Tails of Spikes Harem, Spikey Wickey, The seven Spikes, Spike's Sexual Misadventures, and Warming Up. (holy crap, why are they all Spike stories?!) RaiginSemi has a better grasp of the characters, and he's a hack (he's gotten WAY better, but still). Thinking this is in character is like thinking Cupcakes and The Rainbow Factory could happen.

339950 Hmm, I am not quite sure you completely understand what I am talking about, but frankly, that's alright. We all have our own headcanon and that influences what we like in terms of stories. You don't have to like this if you don't think it's in-character, and that's ok. It is your opinion after all!

339748

Uh... since when was this supposed to be in canon with Romance Reports? This is set up to follow the show, and the plot of The Last Roundup. It never claims to be in canon with his other stories.

And I think you're all way off base claiming that he "assassinated" AJ's character. What Sleepless did in this story was pretty much exactly what AJ was doing in Last Roundup. Hiding the truth from her friends and fleeing Ponyville because she was ashamed. Seriously, go watch LR again. Compare AJ's actions and attitude in the show to Sleepless' characterization here. It's pretty spot-on.

And NaturalGlitch... seriously, do you not have anything better to do with your time than troll?

339998 ...I like your response. Since I already faved one of your stories, I think I'll just add you to my watch list.

The main thing about this authors writing style is that it's totally wasted in these clop stories. It's way overly verbose, but that style would be perfect for a detective noir, paranormal, suspense horror story or something, not this. I was bored just reading AJ go on and on and on...

340020
Sleepless said it was in continuity with romance reports in a blog post and I don't dislike the fact she lied to her friends in like LR I'm upset because her sudden change in orientation renders one of my favorite scenes from RR moot that's all there is to it really.

340020
"It never claims to be in canon with his other stories."
Yes it did. It states that it has mild continuity with RR.
"It's pretty spot-on."
Except AJ fessed up to those lies, while in this story she just lies to herself some more and creates her own truth. She blinded herself. AJ hates keeping secrets, but not anymore I guess. Not to mention it's just "I like you" "I'm not gay" "Yes you are" "Okay then".
"And NaturalGlitch... seriously, do you not have anything better to do with your time than troll?"
Typical. The term troll is so over-used that now having a different opinion is considered trolling. If I was trolling, I would be using the memes that go along with it, not actually coming up with actual criticism. And try to respond to my directly next time if you want to address me.

SleeplessBrony, why must you make me like ships that I didn't think were really that great? First Twilight and Cheerilee and now Cherry Jubilee and AJ. I enjoyed this thoroughly.

I like what you did with Applejack's character. Funny in retrospect.

Well I liked it, I have to admit I'm always curious about people takes on AJ's thought process and behavior during the episode. I also wish there was more out there for Cherry, she seems like an intresting character to me but isn't used all that often. I like the Cherry you have here, I like that she has some backstory to her and the way she acts. I also like the questioning you did have AJ do through this, maybe not answering the hows and whys but at least showing that they were there.

I feel that TLR is a bit of a loaded episode thanks to AJ not being 100% truthful throughout it, and as such anything dealing with that topic that allows her to still retain the lies and half truths tends to get shoved into that debate. I like that you let her have a lie at the end, I tend to get annoyed with stories where AJ can't lie and doesn't hide anything at all. So letting her decieve and get her secret worked in my opinion since no of the characters are perfect and they do all have their times of acting against their element.

I wish we'd gotten a little more exposition at the end to help explain the attraction more, there is some I'd personally just like more.

Also, I did love her interaction with Rainbow at the end. That was pretty dang cute.

340065
The story doesn't mention being in canon with RR, and I hadn't been following his blog posts. So, okay, in light of RR, yeah, this makes AJ's character seem farther off. Not in following though, I'd still say it fits her LR personality. If her friends hadn't found the ribbons in the show, she wouldn't have admitted what happened at the rodeo. Since they never found evidence of her relationship with Cherry, she never admits to it.

As for her change from resistant to accepting feeling cheap and rushed... it really wasn't. Not when you keep in mind that it is a clopfic, and sex is to be expected. AJ wasn't hardcore straight, and that's why she blew Cherry off the first night. She was unsure of her self, caught off guard by the advance, and confused. The progression after that night and into the following day, then the next night with Cherry felt natural.

And 'trolling' doesn't require the use of cheap memes (ignoring your use of memes in your second comment, even). It just means posting in a non-constructive manner to get a reaction. Which, you know, posting dumb jokes about shipping and computer-smashing gifs kinda counts as. Those are not constructive criticism. They are "I dislike shipping/clop, so rather than disregard your very obviously marked shipping/clop story, I'm going to post comments on it telling everyone how much shipping/clop offends me!" At least, I have to assume that's your complaint, because your initial comments never voiced one. They just voiced rage. All of your comments so far on this story basically make me agree with EndlessNight. You were offended in some way by Romance Reports, and you want to drag that out by commenting on Sleepless' future stories with how much you hate what he writes. You don't come off as someone who wants to post 'constructive criticism' so Sleepless can write better stories.

340225
"All of your comments so far on this story basically make me agree with EndlessNight."
You didn't like my .gifs (which represent my initial reaction), but you agree with a guy that did the same thing (just to piss me off). Okay.
"the next night with Cherry felt natural."
It also left a giant chunk of AJ fanon character in RR completely moot and pointless.
"If her friends hadn't found the ribbons in the show..."
AJ can't lie to save her life and it would of been obvious.
"...she never admits to it."
And that's the problem. She creates a lie that then turns into her own truth. That's like stealing something, but since no one brought it up, it's okay. Not only is she lying to herself, but she's lying to her friends, and to Cherri if it's ever brought up. All AJ did was dig her own grave.
"I have to assume that's your complaint"
It's not. I have no problems with clop. If you don't believe me, check my favorites and tracks.
"You were offended in some way by Romance Reports"
One word. Verbose. And it seemed (like in every story Sleepless writes) that he's only using 20% of the actual canon and just filling it up with swamp water. Not to mention that he thinks that these stories hold up with the canon of the show and it's actually more in character than the actual characters in said show. He's got a bit of an ego.

340293
About AJ's characterization in RR being rendered moot... I'm not convinced by your arguments. In RR we only ever saw things from Twilight's perspective. Now we're seeing things from AJ's perspective, and the events surprise her greatly. When she returns to Ponyville she doesn't feel anything for Rainbow, so it was clearly just a one time thing with Jubilee. Her RR characterization isn't left pointless, it's expanded.

You also keep saying verbose. I've never seen that as a problem with his writing style, and I'm honestly confused as to where you're getting it from and why you seem to think it's a bad thing. Can I get a few examples of them that you dislike?

No, not the paragraphs of descriptions you yourself wrote here and on the fimchan thread when you were complaining about this fic, I mean actual ones from the story.

And please, be polite about it. I know we have differing opinions, but the majority of your comments here have been rather caustic and rude. If you have criticism and you want it to be heard, you have to be fair about it, not posting whiny gifs that make everyone dismiss you as a troll.

That breaking sound?

That was my heart.

Asshole.

340676
"You also keep saying verbose. I've never seen that as a problem with his writing style, and I'm honestly confused as to where you're getting it from and why you seem to think it's a bad thing. Can I get a few examples of them that you dislike?"
Not right off hand, but what I mean is that it seems like a MGS game, where some of the sense just take way too long. But, I will say that when it comes to describing the actual clop, his verbose style really shines. I can almost see it happening. That's when I think verbose is the most appropriate and effective writing style. It's just, does the reader really need to be beaten over the head with AJ's indecision? It's like in Other M when Samus was monologing to herself. Not to mention that this chapter is a bit heartbreaking. Read TheLastHeroOf*InsertHere*'s comment. That pretty much sums it up for me.

339683

Oh my god! That first gif!
I'll lol about it until the end of time.
Oh god!

340293
My agreement with EndlessNight was this comment 339538

It had nothing to do with your gifs, or his. It was the fact that you obviously did not enjoy this story. And stuck around for three chapters and at least a dozen comments making sure everyone knew you didn't like this story.

And yes, I already agreed that this story clashes with AJ's personality in Romance Reports. It does, however, fit her personality in Last Roundup pretty well. Maybe she can't lie, but she was pretty good at omitting the truth even if her friends knew she was hiding something.

I still don't really get where you're going with the 'creates her own truth' comment you've made several times, so I'll just stop arguing it. Obviously we interpret AJ's actions and motivations differently, and I won't try to change your opinion.

And as for my assumption, what it means is that your first comments were highly ineffective.
"Oh god, another one of these. smashcomputer.gif" does not make me think you had an issue with this individual story. It sounds like you have an issue with the genre. It does not give 'constructive criticism'.

And we'll just have to disagree about verbose writing being a problem with this story. I like Sleepless' writing style, and I think it worked really well showing AJ's stream of consciousness for this story.

Well if you consider, that probably was the best way to end the story if it was going to be accurate to the show

339572>>340024>>340293>>341182 = "OMG VERBOSITY"

The main reason I like Sleepless' style is that he tells the stories from inside the characters' heads. It's trivial to write "Applejack felt [emotion]." It's non-trivial to explain why and how she is feeling [emotion]. And it is emphatically non-trivial to make the reader feel [emotion] along with her for the same reasons that she feels [emotion]. Accomplishing that feat requires words, so Sleepless uses words.

You seem to prefer a telling style, or at least a style in which the narrator reports what is going on but has no reaction to it. And there are tens of thousands of authors who are more than happy to provide that style of writing to you. I understand the appeal of trolling (and BTW, saying "I'm not a troll, srsly guise" just means you're good at trolling, not that you're not trolling), but you should just go read that stuff instead of actively choosing to partake of things which you know you don't like.

(Inb4 the reply includes an intelligent-sounding variation on "me trolling? lolumad butthurt fanboy")

345032 If you like his writing style, then you would absolutely adore Metroid Other M. Because, you know, I didn't quite get that she misses the metroid baby if she didn't talk about it over and over and over again.
I don't mind his style of explanations. He just uses it too much. In the clop scene, now that's where his style shines, but for the most part, it felt like reading the scrip of MGS4 just to get there. It's sometimes a little much is all. There is such a thing called "less is more." But, as with Applejinx, this writing style is growing on me. It's kinda like a J-RPG were you have to play for a few hours to get the game rolling. It's not bad, but it can be a little much.
If he applied his style in a different genre, like a paranormal mystery, he would blow the minds of his readers. If he did a creepy pasta or used a mythos for inspiration, he would be great. But with clop... it's still pretty decent.
It doesn't help that he tries to tie in the episode and his previous works together. He also seems to be complaining and making fun of me in a forum somewhere. But, whatever.

345396
I think 'poking fun at you' would be more accurate, heh. Shows there's no hard feelings for criticism.

345421 Yeah, I guess. He seems alright.

340024 I actually really like Sleepless's verbose writing style in his clops. It helps establish how a character thinks and more importantly what they're thinking about while everything is going on. A writing style that focuses too much on whats going on and not enough about what the character is thinking at the moment is, to me anyway, sleazy. Porn or clop doesn't necessarily have to be all about the fucking. A person is thinking a lot during romance, and i think Sleepless's style is classy and deep, which allows the reader to get comfy and come away feeling far less like a pervert then they frankly should

347475 Ahem... 345396 Yeah, I agree with you.
Wait, your user name is RestlessBrony, and the writer's user's name is SleeplessBrony... Is there a guy out there with a user name of Bronybrony, or RestlessSleep? ... I like that name. That should totally be mine now. Oh well.

I admit, the idea of the ship turned me off when I saw this. But Sleepless, I admit, you are one of my favorite authors so I'd give it a shot. And you know what? I was rather impressed. It didn't read like Romance Reports, true. Honestly, it reminded me abit of Louis L'amour or something in that style. But here's the thing: You were writing Applejack, and it worked. It had a grittier feel to it, which was appropriate for a character like her. I liked the flowery language of Romance Reports because it was about Twilight, who I think would see the world in that tone. Your story about Pinkie and Rainbow had that playful and upbeat feel to it, and this felt like I was reading a story where dust would be blowing in the street and some lonesome whistle blowing somewhere.
Or maybe I'm a sap LOL.

As a reviewer, I admit the flow was abit choppy, and I'd kind of like some resolution to this sometime in the future (sequel or something, after your Twilestia stories, natch), but I think you've done well.

And if you ever take challenges, I've got a few for you LOL.

Now back to my own stories.

I have to admit it was rather different from your usual work, but I take it was a try at a new style, like the threesome one tried to be more "male porn" (or however to put it xP) but I quite like it tbh. Was kinda soothing to read. The massage scene managed to touch my one true weakness: Massage hehe. Characterization was good imo, enjoyed most of the small details. And I gotta say the pre-sex scene was well made emotion wise, I think heh. I think there was a bit more time skipping and whatnot then usual, possibly, but it kinda fit with the slightly choppy flow. Was almost expecting (~40 %) AJ to ask RD to "substitute for a tree" sometime later in the week, just to try it once. But overall, was enjoyable as said :P

I liked it.

Much like Romance Reports, I must admit I do like the internal monologue and details presented, but, the story felt...off, for me in comparison to RR and Like Fine Wine (I am still reading to others, so bare with me).

That said, I cannot point out in which specific part it felt wrong, but, it did...ehh, sorry, but have my thumb up anyway.

In regards to what NaturalGlitch brings up, hey I fully like seeing what others say about the story. The negative aspects that are pointed out generally HELP author's most of the time. I DO agree, in some parts of the stories I have read, some parts can be pruned here and there, shaving off the excess of background debate inner-conflict (some, not all, as I said before I LOVE self-conflict more than even some character conflict).

That said, to the fans, it's ok if others don't like your favorite author =) I STILL get stuff from my brother and friends for not liking Led Zeppelin (yeah, not the same as books, but sort of a controversial statement amongst my friends at least!), but we agree to disagree, and yeah, I don't fully hate on the band. I guess I am just weird...=p

Very good story, Kinda reminded me of Romance Reports, I love your writings.

339702
It's easy to find your potholes when they're so few and so far between, especially when every word of your fic is so memorable <3

A perfect ending to a relentlessly clever in-between-quel.

Right, it took me a few months to get to this one, mostly out of cannot-be-bothered-ness. Also, I really don't like tearing into authors I like when something not quite up to par comes down the pipeline.

In this case, I find myself in the rather uncomfortable position of having to agree with almost everything NaturalGlitch said (except for the whole thing about the stories being overly verbose). Applejack doesn't work the way she is described here - not in the regular MLP:FiM universe, and not even in the RR verse. The clop was pretty good, but even that felt random, compared to the buildup the sex scenes got in RR and LFW. The character work, on the other hand, was bad; I'd go so far as to call it atrocious. Sleepless, I'm really happy for you, and I'mma let you finish, but if this is the best you can do for Applejack, don't bother writing her at all. No story at all would still have been better than this unintentional (I sure hope it was, at least) character assassination.

Fortunately, "Up in the Clouds, Down to Earth" seems to prove that this unholy abomination was a fluke. (Is that actually a word you can use for a singular negative event?) Obviously, Fluttershy and Big Macintosh are more up your alley.

I still think this is one of the best characterizations of Applejack ever, actually, but I guess everyone else is only happy when she's baring her midriff and saying "Howdy" over and over again like a backwards jammed-up southern automaton?

Anyway good writing, yes, okay I went to college I'm supposed to be able to review things competently, uh, I like it and it's a good story

I give up
Cherry Jubilee is awesome

1747561

YOU ARE SO RIGHT.

IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY.

...Seriously though, I'm glad you liked it.

Well, I finally got around the reading this. I'll admit, after RR, and especially after the first chapter of Getting to Know HIm, I was so caught up in "Applejack just doesn't roll that way" that I couldn't see how this premise could possibly work. Especially in the universe you set up.

That said, you still made it work. And, really, you did it the only way you could: suppressed feelings. It still feels kinda forced in some areas, particularly where Cherry's coming on to her in the first chapter. Somehow, I seriously doubt Applejack would let things get that far before she noticed anything. (Also, the "I don't like massages as the spa" may have to be updated. She seems to like it just fine to me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAQTmNFi_iA )

As for the writing: I think I finally know why the whole "present tense" thing works. It's because it reads like roleplay. Heck, you could almost break your fic apart into back-and-forths between two RPers and it wouldn't feel out of place. In fact, this is both its strength and its weakness. In the "cloppy" areas, this works to its advantage. In the "not-so-cloppy" areas, it wears a little thin. In particular, some of the phrasing is actually distracting, and I kept thinking to myself that parts of it could be written a bit better. Let me pull out an example:

"For a pony that rarely leaves home, Applejack feels like she’s been a lot of places. And seen a lot of things. But this here might be one of the prettiest."

Why periods? Why not, say, dashes?

"For a pony that rarely leaves home, Applejack feels like she’s been a lot of places — and seen a lot of things — but this here might be one of the prettiest."

Come to think of it, there are a lot of places where your phrasing seems "broken". You like to use a lot of short sentences in a row, which messes with pacing, and periods seem to be your "go to" punctuation. I can understand this in the "internal dialog" parts, but for sentences that simply describe the scenery, or are there to fill in the gaps, it has a bad feel to it. It's distracting.

As for the story itself (what little there is), I'd say you hardly need the first part of the opening chapter. The parts of her outside bucking trees (heck, even the part where she's really *bucking* a tree) seem unnecessary, and could be summarized in the meatier parts. There's plenty of meat to fill up a chapter, even if you took out the fluff.

For the "I'm coming on to you" part in chapter 1, I liked the way she dealt with it in RR when Twilight was combing her mane. That "that's nice, sugarcube, but my door don't go that way" mentality. Sure, it takes a while for her to catch on, but it doesn't get much further than combing her mane. I'm struggling a bit with how to pull this off in a more realistic way, but I would have put in another chapter of meat before getting to the massage. You handled the whole "I've never done this before, now what?" part in chapter 2 so well, I wanted more of it. The part leading up to the massage leaves a wide-open opportunity for just that. Even adding one more encounter would have made the final product that much sweeter.

I admit, I haven't read chapter 3 just yet, but I get the sense it's more of an epilogue than a chapter. I'm not expecting it to change my opinions of the first two chapters. I'll let you know if it does, though.

Anyways, that's my 2 cents. Take 'em or leave 'em.

Oh, and... hats off to ya.

hey, I expected it to be bad and I was so wrong!
Your Applejack is so fine. In fact you are the only person I've read so far who can get Applejack right. And this makes me kinda sad...

I'm going to be boring and steal Varanus' comments on this story, because they express just about all I need to say here:

I really loved this, a wonderful exploration of AJ and her insecurities, especially in light of her struggles in RR. Great work as usual!

And thanks very much for this. It's a sweet story that shines a pleasing light on AJ.