I'll take this chance to tell you that I love every single one of your stories. The way you take us inside the characters' minds is absolutely amazing, and ever since I read Romance Reports (Twi is best pony ), is even then just a small fraction of what keeps me wanting more of your writing, everything is just... perfect! Please keep it up!
If she didn't lie to herself, at least for a little while, it wouldn't feel impactfull, So I liked this, a lot. Wonderful freak out and I liked the thought process she had.
Fluttershy stopping by with eggs like she always does, all blushing and muttering – Her accent fell off here. Boy howdy can’t wait to get a taste of these cherries. – I laughed pretty hard at that, that's great foreshadowing. There are indentation issues throughout the story. Excepting, obviously, the intentional indentation play during the climax (pun fully intended) of chapter two. “Bucky McGilligan lands solidly against the trunk...” – It's Bucky McGillicuddy. Arguably, it's also Kicks McGee instead of Magee. “...fly off on flight’s of fancy.” – Flights. “...a growling hunger just barely whet.” – Should probably be whetted, although I do appreciate the wet/whet homophony. “She doesn’t pay it any mind.” “Now what just a darn minute...” – “what”. “...tangled up with some mother mare,” – “Other,” I assume. “Uh...y’know, if. Righ?” – Right. “...throws it’s hooves up in consternation.” – Its. “...as she pulls, calling goosebumps to attention all over her body.” – That narration is unclear as to whose body the goosebumps are on, and whether they're being raised or whether they were already there and are just now being noticed. “...looking back up at it’s owner.” – Its. “...about to take a jump and win the whole darn thing.” – I love that turn of phrase a lot. “...and chomping at the bit.” – Champing. The denouement was heartrending. Poor Applejack. : (
313813 'Champing' is technically correct, however 'chomping' is also acceptable because it's so commonly used, I hear both at horse shows and around the barn.
You know, that was exactly the kind of story I wanted to read from you after Romance Reports. I always thought AJ got the short end of the stick in RR, which is fine, I guess, since it was Twilight's story anyway. But I really wanted to read more about her, she came across as very lonely and frustrated there. It's nice seeing that explored a little more.
And as with Romance Reports, I don't mind that I'm actually reading a clop story, because you put enough story around it to make reading this worthwhile.
There is one thing though that just destroys things for me, and that is use of the word 'arm'. It is fairly clear these are not anthropomorphic ponies, but actual four-hoof ponies, and that means the use of 'foreleg' rather than arm.
It really does wreck otherwise brilliant writing for me. Please, please consider using foreleg rather than arm. Ponies don't have arms, they have legs, fore and hind, and words are the only way that pictures and images can form in text. The right word is a important to a story as the correct graphic element or texture is to a game.
"In other animals, the term arm can also be used for analogous structures, such as one of the paired forelimbs of a four-legged animal or the arms of cephalopods."
Furthermore, while I would never berate any author for the use of the word foreleg, the word would imply that the front two limbs of a pony are used just like the rear limbs, as legs, and this is simply not true. In the show, a pony's front limbs are used to manipulate the environment, to pick up items, to hug. These are not the sorts of actions associated with legs, they are things one generally does with one's arms.
(inb4 that Wikipedia article is edited to not have the line I quoted anymore)
Now, onto the story at hand... I am thrilled to once again read about the world of Romance Reports. I am happy to see us in the mind of Applejack, who bordered on being an antagonist for part of RR and will likely be an antagonist in the FlutterMac Chronicles (or whatever it will be called); a chance to be the protagonist and focal point of a story is just what the doctor ordered for the farmmare. But I am most intrigued by the simple truth of what this story implies: that the events of Romance Reports did not, in fact, throw us right off the rails of the show, that episodes still happened.
Even before the end of this story, I find myself curious about how other episodes went down in this universe. How did "Luna Eclipsed" go down with that unresolved tension between Twilight and Luna? Were the events of "Hearts and Hooves Day" averted altogether, or were the CMC kept in the dark about their teacher's alternative lifestyle, leading eventually to the former lovers being forced back together via magic? (Not to mention the repercussions from Twilight and possibly Fluttershy afterwards. Or the re-repercussions when Cheerilee realizes the love poison formula came from Twilight.) How did Cheerilee react to Future Twilight in "It's About Time"? (I swear I'm not just fishing for a threesome there...) The possibilities...
Sleepless, you are sitting on a veritable motherlode here, and I for one wouldn't mind you mining it for all it's worth.
God damn, Sleepless, it's been too long! I have been waiting for another piece of yours for a very long time! And to finally get something... well... made my day.
This here, this is marvellous. Your depictions of the characters are magnificent and just feel so natural. And your writing style! //swoons I love how you structure internal monologue. It jumps to and fro, backwards and forwards, just like real thoughts do.
In other words, this is just fantastic. I can't wait to see where you take this story, and I am confident it will be brilliant. Godspeed to you!
So you made Applejack a liar not only to herself, but to her friends when this comes up, and even though she's not into mares (even in your story), you made her have sex with a minor character she barely knows and you're trying to fit your overly talkative shit with the cannon of the show *and* your *let's make every pony a whore* Romance Reports? Yeah, no. I'm surprised you didn't make this into a brothel (like everyone else) and have AJ just randomly fuck anypony that came in while she was "discovering herself".
I've been waiting for another story from you for a long time. Excellent work, really. Characterization is good, and even if the plot is nothing that special in and of itself, the circumstances surrounding AJ's stay in Dodge Junction, the new town to explore, how she's eventually going to have to go home... this is a writer's playground. With so much to work with, I can't help but be filled with glee when I think about all the things you could do with this.
Love, love, love, love, love, love this story and where it's going. Just update a little more often with this one, okay?
Hey, glad to see everyone's enjoying it. Like 314963 said, AJ really needed a little time in the spotlight, and I needed to wade back into things, so here we are.
313813 Duly noted - I'll go through and make corrections when the next bit gets posted. Thanks. Except, that is, for this line - “...tangled up with some mother mare,” That was intentional. Cherry Jubilee even noticed and got confused, but Applejack just kind of rolled on and didn't realize her tongue-slip.
315202 Interesting point - up until now I had assumed all this happened after the events of the show. RR had to come after Luna Eclipsed, in my opinion, since Twilight and Luna basically first meet in that episode, excluding the whole return from darkness thing. Hearts and Hooves Day was interesting to watch with RR and Need in mind, but I hadn't thought about the other possible implications you mentioned. I've been trying to keep it ambiguous in terms of timeline, but as 317334 mentioned, the setup Last Roundup gave us with AJ is just too good.
317340 It's okay, man. I love you too. It's going to be okay.
322735 Re: mother mare. Curses! I have failed at reading comprehension! The shame of it all.
On the up side, that was my initial reading of that line, but then I saw "other mare" immediately below and thought, "well, maybe 'mother' was a typo, because AJ was thinking that the 'other' mare was other than Dash [or whoever it is that AJ is attracted to but doesn't realize she's attracted to]."
Again, Sleepless, you don't disappoint. I never once thought of these two getting at it, and when I read the premise, I wasn't able to even conceive how you'd pull it off, but you did. I applaud this story and eagerly await more.
... I can't think of a good analogy for what I want to say, so I'll just say it like a normal person:
I feel disturbed that I'm learning so very, very much about writing from such a strange, strange source... and yet, the reward is worth the obscurity. You forget everything about your own world as you're reading this.
And, you know what? For character introspection, this may have actually succeeded Romance Reports. You nailed Applejack's mindset in a way own Ashleigh Ball could manage, I think.
Keep up the whole "freaky master artisan in the trench coat down the alley" routine, Sleepless Brony. I need my learning drugs, and I enjoy getting them from you.
Second, ye :-P
Thi- *FALCON PAWNCH!*
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER
Oh, God, another one of these...
29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwzjpsTjKm1qkicnko2_500.gif
Oh god yes, another story![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
This fic in a nutshell.
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Way to drag this fanfic for as long as possible (words words words). And thanks for turning Applejack into a deceitful character that's not only lying to herself, but will lie to her friends because "Nopony will ever know." Thanks.
I really loved this, a wonderful exploration of AJ and her insecurities, especially in light of her struggles in RR. Great work as usual!
So much love for you and your stories Sleepless (no homo). To much epic and win to be contained.
Wow. Clicked this for something to read, and came away with another story to track.
Good show sir, this was a really good concept, and INSANELY well done.
Keep it up!
I'll take this chance to tell you that I love every single one of your stories. The way you take us inside the characters' minds is absolutely amazing, and ever since I read Romance Reports (Twi is best pony
), is even then just a small fraction of what keeps me wanting more of your writing, everything is just... perfect!
Please keep it up!
If she didn't lie to herself, at least for a little while, it wouldn't feel impactfull, So I liked this, a lot.
Wonderful freak out and I liked the thought process she had.
Fluttershy stopping by with eggs like she always does, all blushing and muttering – Her accent fell off here.
Boy howdy can’t wait to get a taste of these cherries. – I laughed pretty hard at that, that's great foreshadowing.
There are indentation issues throughout the story. Excepting, obviously, the intentional indentation play during the climax (pun fully intended) of chapter two.
“Bucky McGilligan lands solidly against the trunk...” – It's Bucky McGillicuddy. Arguably, it's also Kicks McGee instead of Magee.
“...fly off on flight’s of fancy.” – Flights.
“...a growling hunger just barely whet.” – Should probably be whetted, although I do appreciate the wet/whet homophony.
“She doesn’t pay it any mind.”
“Now what just a darn minute...” – “what”.
“...tangled up with some mother mare,” – “Other,” I assume.
“Uh...y’know, if. Righ?” – Right.
“...throws it’s hooves up in consternation.” – Its.
“...as she pulls, calling goosebumps to attention all over her body.” – That narration is unclear as to whose body the goosebumps are on, and whether they're being raised or whether they were already there and are just now being noticed.
“...looking back up at it’s owner.” – Its.
“...about to take a jump and win the whole darn thing.” – I love that turn of phrase a lot.
“...and chomping at the bit.” – Champing.
The denouement was heartrending. Poor Applejack. : (
I'm happy this focused more on the inner turmoil rather than the clop. Gewd job.![:applejackunsure:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/applejackunsure.png)
like fav track even with out reading it yet thas my love for you SleeplessBrony![:heart:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/heart.png)
313813
'Champing' is technically correct, however 'chomping' is also acceptable because it's so commonly used, I hear both at horse shows and around the barn.
314382 You're right, "chomping" has entered the vernacular, but for my taste, in pretty much any context, the right phrase is the right phrase.
I was definitely not disappointed. Good show, sir!![:ajsmug:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/ajsmug.png)
You know, that was exactly the kind of story I wanted to read from you after Romance Reports. I always thought AJ got the short end of the stick in RR, which is fine, I guess, since it was Twilight's story anyway. But I really wanted to read more about her, she came across as very lonely and frustrated there. It's nice seeing that explored a little more.
And as with Romance Reports, I don't mind that I'm actually reading a clop story, because you put enough story around it to make reading this worthwhile.
Looking forward to more!
Very nicely done.
There is one thing though that just destroys things for me, and that is use of the word 'arm'. It is fairly clear these are not anthropomorphic ponies, but actual four-hoof ponies, and that means the use of 'foreleg' rather than arm.
It really does wreck otherwise brilliant writing for me. Please, please consider using foreleg rather than arm. Ponies don't have arms, they have legs, fore and hind, and words are the only way that pictures and images can form in text. The right word is a important to a story as the correct graphic element or texture is to a game.
315043
Ahh, this debate again. Let's set the facts straight, shall we?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arm
"In other animals, the term arm can also be used for analogous structures, such as one of the paired forelimbs of a four-legged animal or the arms of cephalopods."
Furthermore, while I would never berate any author for the use of the word foreleg, the word would imply that the front two limbs of a pony are used just like the rear limbs, as legs, and this is simply not true. In the show, a pony's front limbs are used to manipulate the environment, to pick up items, to hug. These are not the sorts of actions associated with legs, they are things one generally does with one's arms.
(inb4 that Wikipedia article is edited to not have the line I quoted anymore)
Now, onto the story at hand... I am thrilled to once again read about the world of Romance Reports. I am happy to see us in the mind of Applejack, who bordered on being an antagonist for part of RR and will likely be an antagonist in the FlutterMac Chronicles (or whatever it will be called); a chance to be the protagonist and focal point of a story is just what the doctor ordered for the farmmare. But I am most intrigued by the simple truth of what this story implies: that the events of Romance Reports did not, in fact, throw us right off the rails of the show, that episodes still happened.
Even before the end of this story, I find myself curious about how other episodes went down in this universe. How did "Luna Eclipsed" go down with that unresolved tension between Twilight and Luna? Were the events of "Hearts and Hooves Day" averted altogether, or were the CMC kept in the dark about their teacher's alternative lifestyle, leading eventually to the former lovers being forced back together via magic? (Not to mention the repercussions from Twilight and possibly Fluttershy afterwards. Or the re-repercussions when Cheerilee realizes the love poison formula came from Twilight.) How did Cheerilee react to Future Twilight in "It's About Time"? (I swear I'm not just fishing for a threesome there...) The possibilities...
Sleepless, you are sitting on a veritable motherlode here, and I for one wouldn't mind you mining it for all it's worth.
God damn, Sleepless, it's been too long! I have been waiting for another piece of yours for a very long time! And to finally get something... well... made my day.
This here, this is marvellous. Your depictions of the characters are magnificent and just feel so natural. And your writing style! //swoons I love how you structure internal monologue. It jumps to and fro, backwards and forwards, just like real thoughts do.
In other words, this is just fantastic. I can't wait to see where you take this story, and I am confident it will be brilliant. Godspeed to you!![:heart:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/heart.png)
315043 To add on to what Krizak said, have a look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equine_anatomy and note that equines have a forearm. Arm is a correct anatomical term.
315202
I stand corrected. In the corner. With a dunce cap on my head. Facing the wall.
316454![:yay:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/yay.png)
Aww, you're not a bad pony, you just made some bad assumptions.
So you made Applejack a liar not only to herself, but to her friends when this comes up, and even though she's not into mares (even in your story), you made her have sex with a minor character she barely knows and you're trying to fit your overly talkative shit with the cannon of the show *and* your *let's make every pony a whore* Romance Reports? Yeah, no. I'm surprised you didn't make this into a brothel (like everyone else) and have AJ just randomly fuck anypony that came in while she was "discovering herself".
Yes, yes, yes!
I've been waiting for another story from you for a long time. Excellent work, really. Characterization is good, and even if the plot is nothing that special in and of itself, the circumstances surrounding AJ's stay in Dodge Junction, the new town to explore, how she's eventually going to have to go home... this is a writer's playground. With so much to work with, I can't help but be filled with glee when I think about all the things you could do with this.
Love, love, love, love, love, love this story and where it's going. Just update a little more often with this one, okay?
316904
Oh, you mad.
317334
No I'm not. See?
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I'm happy.
317340
I'll settle for wrong~
312809
312906
Bloody hell, you like whinging don't ya...
Was wondering when she'd come 'round.
Hey, glad to see everyone's enjoying it. Like 314963 said, AJ really needed a little time in the spotlight, and I needed to wade back into things, so here we are.
313813
Duly noted - I'll go through and make corrections when the next bit gets posted. Thanks.
Except, that is, for this line -
“...tangled up with some mother mare,”
That was intentional. Cherry Jubilee even noticed and got confused, but Applejack just kind of rolled on and didn't realize her tongue-slip.
315202
Interesting point - up until now I had assumed all this happened after the events of the show. RR had to come after Luna Eclipsed, in my opinion, since Twilight and Luna basically first meet in that episode, excluding the whole return from darkness thing. Hearts and Hooves Day was interesting to watch with RR and Need in mind, but I hadn't thought about the other possible implications you mentioned. I've been trying to keep it ambiguous in terms of timeline, but as 317334 mentioned, the setup Last Roundup gave us with AJ is just too good.
317340
It's okay, man. I love you too. It's going to be okay.
322735 I accept your love! Have a cute .gif.
28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0udy8t8eo1qcfwqjo1_400.gif
322735 Re: mother mare. Curses! I have failed at reading comprehension! The shame of it all.![:raritydespair:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/raritydespair.png)
On the up side, that was my initial reading of that line, but then I saw "other mare" immediately below and thought, "well, maybe 'mother' was a typo, because AJ was thinking that the 'other' mare was other than Dash [or whoever it is that AJ is attracted to but doesn't realize she's attracted to]."
Never had a problem with my boss sexin’ me up back home.![:rainbowlaugh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowlaugh.png)
Bahahahaha!
Amazing as always, Sleepless.
I saw this and was like, "No way even Sleepless can make that ship work."
and then i read it
I don't know why I ever, ever doubt your ability with characters. This is - yet again - a masterpiece.
Again, Sleepless, you don't disappoint. I never once thought of these two getting at it, and when I read the premise, I wasn't able to even conceive how you'd pull it off, but you did.
I applaud this story and eagerly await more. ![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
... I can't think of a good analogy for what I want to say, so I'll just say it like a normal person:
I feel disturbed that I'm learning so very, very much about writing from such a strange, strange source... and yet, the reward is worth the obscurity. You forget everything about your own world as you're reading this.
And, you know what? For character introspection, this may have actually succeeded Romance Reports. You nailed Applejack's mindset in a way own Ashleigh Ball could manage, I think.
Keep up the whole "freaky master artisan in the trench coat down the alley" routine, Sleepless Brony. I need my learning drugs, and I enjoy getting them from you.![:derpytongue2:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/derpytongue2.png)
... wait, why would Rarity make such a big deal about hiding her one strip of leather if Applejack has a whole hat of it?
This chapter was quite enjoyable!![:heart:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/heart.png)
![:twilightblush:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightblush.png)
332426
It may be that Rarity was being facetious and meant that it was unfashionable. Think fashion police rather than real police.