I'm from Sweden and I read a bit.
Our planet is on the brink of an alien invasion. One nation has been trying to take down the invaders but failed before they even could begin.
Now the members of the Magica World Governments has created and are founding a multinational task force to investigate and combat the alien invaders. And the name of this force is X-COM: The Extra-Terrestrial Combat Unit.
And this is their story...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I am not good whit english and I try to do my best.
just tracking so i can look at it later
On first glance, you need a spell check. What's with the weapons on the first page? I wonder how did the Pegasus/Griffins managed to move up with such sophisticated technology?
I like the idea of a X-COM/MLP Crossover, but some work needs to be done. For starters, the chapters could be a little bit longer. Not a lot of people like reading short chapters, myself included. Also, your grammar could use a tad bit of work. If you're looking for a pre-reader to check for any spelling and grammar issues, feel free to message me.
All that aside, I'm tracking this, as it has a lot of potential and I am curious to see where this is going.
I have to agree with the others, I know you say English is not your native language, but that means you should get a program with a spell-checker that works in English, a dictionary and/or a native speaker to double check your work before posting it. Language differences should not be a reason for posting badly written work, especially when there's plenty of people willing to check things and several programs have multiple spelling checkers available.
Second point, we don't need a UFOpedia chapter right at the beginning of the fic, especially not one that looks like it's a rip from the game's UFOpedia. Most of us that would read this because it's an X-Com cross know of the sort of equipment available in the first game, even if we didn't start playing with that one and most of it is *not* relevant to a My Little Pony crossover because it's Earth tech. If you're going to use things like weapons, you need to either have anthro characters or weapons that would make sense for a quadruped, like saddle-mounted weapons and reflex triggers or bite triggers.
Third point, as one of the others said, the chapters could do with being longer. Most people seem to write and prefer to read chapters that run from 1,000 to 10,000 words as an average, myself I prefer 5-10 thousand words for my writing target.
Point four, your second chapter, once again, looks like a direct rip of the original X-Com game, specifically its intro sequence. Don't do that, your first chapter is supposed to establish the scene and the world, most of us that have played X-Com UFO will recognise that and it jars us out of the story to see it barely rewritten to take Equestrian politics into account. I think what would be better would be going off of the established canon for the series, so having Equestria and the Gryphon, dragon and zebra countries commented on along with say Nightmare Moon and Discord.
In fact, you could use Nightmare Moon as a keystone. "The stars will aid in her escape." Remember that? It's a quote from the first episode of season 1. Five years on, Luna starts having nightmares about strange creatures that she doesn't recognise coming to the surface, then ponies, gryphons and others start going missing, only to turn up later with bits missing or other bits in place. Magic, speed and dragon breath don't stop the aliens once they actually become known so the governments convince Celestia to use the Elements of Harmony, which prove equally ineffective.
Two years later, after a lot of struggle, they finally manage to make a machine that can match the alien craft enough to bring it down, only to find that their people are slaughtered. Banding together, they start planning as invasion commences, managing to capture something to give them a start on basic firearms or the zebra or somepony else finds gunpowder and they figure out weapons, but they're far from effective so they have to crash the program while training people to use them. Eventually they get something effective enough to put into the field, maybe even open a gate to another world or a friendlier alien gives a hand... in fact, friendly alien could be similar to the natives and maybe rescued after a midair battle between two groups of aliens. He/she drives the development of weapons, armour and vehicles to the point of Earth cira 2000-2020AD from memories and recovered data from his ship. Bases are set up with mixed groups. Gryphons and Pegasi acting as pilots or aerial scouts in the main, dragons for heavy support, Earth ponies and zebra for line troops, unicorns for support and maybe even sea ponies for aquatic operations. Heck, maybe the Flutter ponies are found, or are the aliens that help out and add to the forces as scouts and support.
From there we come to the chapter above, expanded out to introduce at least the main concept of the base just starting up and how the mixed troops are reacting to things... maybe even have the mane 6 involved.
Frack... I think I've done enough ripping apart of people's stories for now...
Especially when giving a basic potential rework of an entire chapter...
I will need much help whit spelling. I can many words but I am useless whit grama.
309006
Whell you can say it is a good bit in the future from the series.
After all it is 1999. They had stream driven macinery in the series and on around 1000 years tecnologic gose up. And don't ask about how it whas whit the contry names. I took the first I culd come up whit. I am almost 16 so don't press me to much. I sleep almost only 4 hours now thanks to all fic I read. And I am working on the first battle.
And about the first chapter is that it is a list of X-COM weponry and it will be updatet whit recertch of alien weponry and crafts. It was boring making it.
And I think that a pegasus/griffin wuld be safer in a armoured aircraft then on there own. They can atleast whitstand being attaked by a UFO that way.
309167
Thanks for your critic.
I only wroth this and I have no knowled of how to get these programs. I also don't know how to give people to pre-read whitout posting the whol thing.
309192
http://www.libreoffice.org/download/ - LibreOffice is a good MS Office alternative and free.
http://www.ravensheadservices.com/ - WriteItNow 4 isn't free, but it's fairly cheap and has some useful features for fic writing.
Both have English spellcheckers available.
As for people, Equestria Daily has an IRC chat available and one of its channels is fic related, asking there would be a place to start. After that, email or an IM client such as YIM, MSN Messenger, Skype would work. Heck, I'd be willing to run things through things here.
309205
I don't know what an IM client is or what YIM is. I almost never use MSN anymore and I don't have Skype. I don't know what a IRC is and I can't download anything that costs money.
Have wrout the next capter now
>>kimdan6_creature_homie
IM is Instant Messenger, MSN Messenger is one, YIM is Yahoo's own version, Skype has that function as well.
IRC is Internet Relay Chat, or chat room.
As for downloading, I'd say go for LibreOffice and yWriter (google it). LibreOffice has a spell checker in English that will allow corrections through the right-click menu, yWriter will let you write things out as scenes then muck around to get them into place for an export to LibreOffice. It also lets you track your characters, locations, props and timeline. After that, once you've got everything done as much as you can, I believe the site has Private Mail functions, you can PM me and RoflNom and send us the document for the chapter once you've worked things out with us as to what you want and what we can offer, we'll check things over, edit them, probably in LibreOffice or Microsoft Word and send them back to you to re-edit.
309237
I am only feling more and more like a idiot. I am not a good autor I know that. But when I started the group I had traped myself and must take this as a punishmen. I can atleast get something from my English techer when he sees this.
I will thank RolfNom for pre-reading and fix this new chapter.
this isn't readebull at all
for fucks sakes it takes a doctor to get his head around your pathetic writing
plot was good, but your writing gave me a goddamn headache
309711
Sorry for the headache but english is not my main lunguits. And you forgot capital leters.
If you wana se me say what i mean in swedish hear you have it.
Förlåt för huvudvärken men engelska är inte mitt huvud språk. Och du glömde stor bokstav.
I've yet to read this, but I'm doing so now.
As I, too, am working on a MLP/X-Com crossover and wanna make sure we're not doing identical stories.
Edit: Second thought, NVM. We're DEFNITELY not doing simmilar stories...
310565
I am going after the X-COM story timeline but everything betwen I make.
When this is done I will start on X-COM Terror from the deep.
311566
I was referring to the plot, actually.
From the looks of things, way different from how I'm writing mine.
311695
If you wonder how i came op whit the names for the contrys and citys? I only took the first thing that came up.
And I'm wrhiting the next chapter at the moment. And I think I'm geting a hang on it.
311701
Yet again, not what I meant.
I, too, am writing a MLP/X-Com crossover.
I wanted to make sure we DON'T do things identically.
I now know we won't.
Because, unlike you, I've got the Mane 6, the Princesses, and several others being sent to earth and forced out of necessity and the need to do the right thing joining X-Com.
And unlike you, the sequels will NOT be directly taken from X-com's sequels.
That's what I was trying to say.
311705
mm
This is the type differenses between game crossovers.
1.Take the game to equestria.
2.Take equestria to the game.
3.Let the events of the game go pony stile.
4.Let the events of the game interact whit the series.
311720
With mine, it's a mix of 2 and 4.
And then I start writing and crazy s#!t happens and things get buckin' epic.
That's...kinda how I write. I can't NOT write over the top epicness.
311732
You have my blessing. Good luck whit it and I will read and se how it goes.
You can add your story to my X-COM grop if you want.
311736
I will, though onlythe first of the series will be directly X-Com related, the sequels will involve the aftermath of it.
Should I keep using picturs of the aliens or do you want me to take them away?
311778
Go ahead and keep using them. X-Com, awesome as it is, is still a rather old game with few people that still play it, let alone know what it is, so they can prove rather useful.
Okey.
I have bean writing for 5 hours now. And it is almost as many words as the equipment list but I'm not don whit it yet.
The nexr chapter is curently on 1775 words and still not done yet.
309237
I will need all your help to get my fic to the epic level that you can do. When I read thru it I was a bit proud but it felt also a bit boring. Your version was all i culd dream of in the chapter. I hope you will say yes to make my chapters epic. I like what I write but I also wana feal the adrenalin of battle. And I want the readers to do the same. You are beter and you deserv more then enugh to be in X-COM whit your caracter. It may not be from the game but you deserv it.
>>kimdan6_creature_homie
Epic? Most of what I've been doing is cleaning up and bulking up what you've already got. If there wasn't the element of awesome in there to begin with, I'd have to completely rewrite the entire thing from scratch rather than reworking stuff to improve what's already there, and at that point I may as well do my own fic.
In terms of the battle writing, I think it's because I've always had an inclination towards writing combat and I've read enough to know when to do the moves and counters, when to leave things vague and when to comment on something that adds a little bit extra detail, such as wounds, scents and sounds.
315698
I think I need to read more apocalytic fic then only Falout Equestria: Project Horizone
And many more war books on english but it is hard to find.
>>kimdan6_creature_homie
I'll be honest, I don't think I've read a straight up war story, most of it has been either sci-fi, fantasy or sci-fantasy. In terms of the books I've read... Margret Weis, Tracy Hickman, Anne McAffery, Mercedes Lackey, David Weber, David Eddings, John Ringo, R. A. Salvatore, Timothy Zahn, Warren James Palmer, Walter Hunt, Harry Turtledove (watch it with him, he's good and broad, but his books need a map to follow most of the time)... those are the authors I've read stuff for that I can name off hand that I've ready and they've got armed conflicts in their books.
Best books for something like this... probably Palmer's Star Web quadrology, first two books, the Republic Commando series and the March Upcountry series would give the best idea of small to medium unit tactics. Get them in Swedish if you can't get them in English. It's not the language you need to look at with them, it's the style of writing action and the tactics employed. Also take a look at the Dawn of War, Republic Commando and Company of Heroes games, Band of Brothers and the Starship Troopers CGI (do NOT go after the live action films, their tactics suck big time, and deal with masses of troops, if you're sticking to X-Com tech, the max troops is 26 for a single transport, that gives you an understrength platoon at most and that's the level you need to look at, preferably along with guerilla warfare and special ops.
315787
I understand. I will look for them but it is not much time left for me on my school. If i get on that school in Helsingborg I will be abel to live ther for up to 4 years and thet will give me time to find the books in the libarys that city have.
And do you think i don't know that max troops in X-COM 1 was 26 fore one mission. I know the Avenger's capacity of troops. The 80 item limit I screw. It is to hard to limit a dicent kit of weaponry whit how much you need. I don't have much place for suport items els. Whit suport I ment things like electro-flares, smoke granade and that kind of stuff.
315830
The last is one of the reasons I prefer Apocalypse to UFO. Granted I never really used more than one or two full squads of six, but you equipped them out of battle and you could send them in max gear.
316057
Have you sean metalcanyons x-com lets plays? He has two apocalyps. On tb an one rt
316098
Haven't watched any let's plays of the X-Com series, though I know Kikoskia and Necroscope have some, I think of single base challenge games at that.
316104
X-COM is suposed to gard a whol planet. Or in apocalys case Mega-Primus. More then ome base is needed.
316155
That's why single base is a challenge game not a standard one. You have to do everything from the first base alone.
The prolog and the first two chapters is going to get a bit changed but I will still have the orginals up so you can still read them in my horibel grama. You will more then likely like the re writhen versions.
And the credid gose to Ghrathryn who takes his time to fix and re write my story.
I want my readers to get a as good story as posibel.
X-COM Commander Kim F. out.
Don't worry the re-writhen capters will come soon. It will take a few days but I know you can wait.
I hope you like Ghratryn's re-writen version. And he is better then I will be on accenst for sure.
309006
This mesage was provided by X-COM internationl. Thanks for reading this.
Intresting
~Iambrony
The new chapter is comming soon. But I don't know when I will get the last of the chapter.
X-COM Commander Kim Fareseed.
I hope you like this new chapter. It took some time to get together. And I'm will always own Ghrathryn one.
334778
Good jooooob
Future plans, or are you going to just let me find out?
335250
have started the next chapter. You will be in soon but I must sleep now. Its 02:50 at night. And i consider puting a romance tag up fore next chapter.
335315
Didn't have to tell me that I was going to be in it, thats a SPOILER!
I want to find out WHEN i'm in it, not that I know I'm going to be in it, be like: "Ok 'll add you."
NEever addme again lol