A CPA making his way in the corporate world.
Looking for Editors3,384 stories ·5,414 members
Love and Tolerate6,284 stories ·814 members
Pinkie Pie's Smile Party Association627 stories ·392 members
The Pleasant Commentator and Review Group!149 stories ·1,289 members
Fanfiction Audio Readings807 stories ·334 members
Poniverse1,391 stories ·427 members
At the request of the Mayor, the ponies of Ponyville and Cloudsdale take an IQ test. The Mayor wants to show that the ponies have become more intelligent since she was elected (knowing full well of course that Twilight now lives in Ponyville).. there are two genius ponies - Twilight Sparkle and a pony Twilight would never expect to be on par with her intellectually.
Page generated in 0.093 seconds
Total duration
669 users online
902,305 hits today, 2,205,040 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Not bad but rushed and the sentencing structure needs work. I would consider picking up an editor, breaking this up into chapters, and revising it.
this is like that episode of Doug where Skeeter aces and IQ test and they try to send him to a school for geniuses.
Pinkie's randomness knows no bounds.
I can see where you were going with this, but first things first, structure. The story is massive walls of text; hitting space TWICE after every sentence will make it easier to read.
Second, tone. More than once, I was unable to figure out the tone of what someone waas saying until afterwards. Putting it in for a joke is all well and good, but otherwise you really need to have some description of what others are doing apart from saying. "Oh yes I am so much in the mood for a party", said Rarity. is an example. It wouldve been better to write "Oh yes I am so much in the mood for a party", Rarity smiled.
And finally, never, ever put in aside comments in the middle of dialouge about what you have done.
Other than this, it was actually fairly good. Plot was there (if a bit chliche, but nothing wrong with that). Dialouge was soilid, and it was an interesting read.
3530856
Action tags are their own sentence, unlike conversation attributions. Since you can't smile conversation, it'd be: "...party." Rarity smiled.
Thanks everybody for all the advice! I plan to fix up the structure/organization somewhat for this fanfic.
Great little story. I've always been a fan of intelligent Pinkie.
The grammar was just horrible, the spelling was only slightly better, and the rest of the story was nothing to get excited over either. Everyone was OOC, no one did anything except vomit exposition, and this made the dialogue extremely difficult to get through.
I'm sorry, but this needs a lot of work. If you can't do it yourself, then find a proofreader to help you. To be honest, even that won't be enough for this. After fixing the spelling and grammar, you'd then need to deal with all the other major issues filling up this story. As it stands, I couldn't actually read it all. I pretty much skimmed the middle part.
Again, I'm sorry for how harsh this probably sounds, but someone needed to bring up all the issues here.
3735984
Thank you for your comments. I gave the story another read and made some changes. Some of the mistakes were fixed. I will be honest. I didn't proofread the story when I submitted it. When I have time, I will read the story again to fix some more errors. I know it could use some improvement. I would have made some of these changes earlier but I got excited about some of my later fanfics.
One thing though, you might be a tad bothered by my "..." style. (Even though you didn't say this explicitly, I have gotten comments on that in the past.) However, that is just part of my writing style and it is something I don't plan on changing regarding pauses in dialogue or thought.
Finally, the only pony I consider OOC in my story is The Mayor. The writers haven't really given the Mayor enough character development though in the show so far. I used "The Last Roundup" for inspiration regarding my characterization of The Mayor.
Gave a commentary in The Pleasant Commentator and Review Group!!
3822625
Remember to leave a link in the comment
This awesome link right here!
Also, I think you guys will really enjoy this commentary.
I enjoyed reading this story. I'm looking forward to more from you down the road.
I get it. She has an Identic Memory. Remembers everything she reads, or hears. In almost every detail of it.
very nice. I always knew that Pinkie was many things. random, bubblehead,
ditz, birdbrain, but definitely NOT stupid. I imagine it must be a bit of a shock
for Twilight that her fuschia friend is as smart as she is. sort of like Hermione
being shocked that Crabbe or Goyle is as smart as she is. entertaining story
and clever idea. do keep it up.