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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This looks good, but I'm hesitant to get into such a long story.
The latest chapter says Jun 9th. It's Jun 8th.
Damn you for tricking me, you time traveling hobgoblin.
11266492 Muahahaha, you shall never learn my time traveling hobgoblin ways!!
Brony on!
11266471
Do it, it’s definitely worth the read
Huzzah! It lives!
hmmm now to see miles reaction to this develpment and damn been a while sense last update
oddly timed with bad mondays hmmm
My first story was finished 2 years ago and I'm still rewriting it until now because of how much grammatical errors my stupid English would place it. Even I learned my mistakes as I'm writing another story takes place in World War 2. But seeing more than 1 million words in this story and despite the English is way better than I have years ago, I can't comprehend and find it interesting to read anymore.
First, you put 5 chapters in the beginning, only to get us baited until in Chapter 6 you literally went like "oh hey, let's skip the time so that we can explain it when Miles having/explaining memories with his pony friends". It won't be any problem if you skipped it like a year but SIXTEEN??? Yeah, that's already a red flag for me but I kept on to see if you can actually improve.
Second, when he first arrived in Ponyville, it's nothing but complete random. I can't understand a single shit. Like in Applejack's house, he panicked, and then he calmed down after introduction, and then panicked AGAIN just because of stupid reason.
Third, I can see clearly that you're going to be shipping Luna and Miles. It's plainly obvious, I don't even have to tell you the things that are plain as day.
Fourth, after I read the chapter where Tempus and Spatium met Miles, I was pissed. If Miles gave the tiara to Celestia and the fact that she called him Uncle Miles, she would've recognise the name when Luna said his name multiple times. God's sake, Celestia would've AT LEAST found it strangely familiar to her instead of making her sit on the castle and let Luna do it herself all the damn time. It irritates me A LOT to see that all of the characters are acting like they have damaged their own brains.
Fifth, I don't know about people, but changing perspective like this is really confusing me. I mean, the title is definitely Man of War so it's going to be Miles as the protagonist as well as the main character. But why changing perspective? Especially when it's first fucking person? Stories like this should at least be viewed from Third POV so people will understand better. Even if you put the Perspective: Luna, etc, it's still doesn't sit right. It complicated things. If you wanna go to First Person might as well to go all Miles, not changing perspective from one person to another. If you're sticking to the First Person method then use the Third Person when there's a thought/discussion/talks that's NOT INCLUDING Miles.
Sixth, the last chapter I wanted to see. Chapter 33 just made this thing a whole lot weirder and I just can't take it anymore. And what the fuck does the title on Chapter 33 "Salute to the Dead" have any relations with romance like THAT, let alone the whole damn chapter. Somehow, I started to appreciate your work that it's slowly keeping the pace and the plot, flowing with the line but BAM. Brother, I'd rather to make a group to place their bets to see if I can survive to jump off Niagara falls. This chapter destroyed everything. The sudden lovey fucking dovey between Storm and Twilight, that fucking Minotaur that came out of nowhere, Miles that suddenly can see the future, Gabriel Iglesias' reference... I'll get myself a dinosaur asap.
I've read many novels, both in English and in my native language. And yeah... no. That's it, I quit. I understand why in kindergartens they taught us to draw according to our imagination. In order to make a good story, you must know the fucking plot. This one is just, scrambled all over the place. I'm not saying you're bad, you're just not ready yet and you're wrong to think that by this story there will be no painful advices. It's better to fix from the start than continuing it.
Coolio, didn't even realize this updated. RIght on!