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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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My body was not ready. I made it ready. I greatly approve of this TwiDash
incomplete? Good sir, I hope that was not a mistake.
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Of course not. Chapter 2 is on the way.
And when is chapter two coming, if I may ask? :3
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It's mostly written, then it'll go through my pre reader, which will take at least a week. Should be out before the end of the month
3469721 Almost two months later...
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I uhh.... I started working on something else.
Ponies are allways nude xD
EDIT: I see that this story has them humanized, so ignore my last comment.
I enjoyed it! The descriptions were very nice, especially the ones about Dash's abs and stomach since they always get overlooked in clopfics. Both Twilight and Dash stayed true to their characters and were both sexy and adorable. The sex was also fantastic!
Now, of course there were a few grammatical errors and I think the way you structure your paragraphs could be improved. There were a few paragraphs that could've been broken into two and expanded on. Also, try to avoid writing too much action in a paragraph that contains dialogue. There were some things you did that I, personally, wouldn't do, such as writing a word like this "whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNN!" Instead, just cut it down and use descriptions and imagery to make the scene. Did her voice crack? Was her body shaking, trembling? It would definitely make the sexual scenes that much better.
Those errors aside, I really did enjoy this story. Thanks for sharing it with me!
This was amazing. A very well written TwiDash story. Please tell me more will be coming.
I love this!
Not bad
Me want more