Stargazing Together

by Slateblu1

Tavern Smiles

I still can’t get that image out of my mind. Her face. Her smiling, laughing face. The way her cheeks scrunch up. The stretching of her lips as the part to reveal two perfect rows of teeth. The little twitch of her nose and the way her ears perked up. It’s all etched into my mind. I can close my eyes and see it as clear as if she’s standing in front of me again. I can see her mane falling around her face, framing it, drawing your eyes in. The laugh that slips out is musical; light and airy.

But it was those eyes that I couldn’t look away from. The smile on her face died at the edges of those teal orbs. They’re filled with pain. So much pain I can’t begin to fathom even a fraction of it. I’ve only seen it once before in all my years running this bar. In the eyes of a mare who held her newborn foal as they passed from this world. It was that same kind of pain. The pain of one who had watched as everything good in their life had died and withered.

I don’t know how she keeps going. I can’t begin to understand that kind of pain. Even half of it would have sent me to an early grave, and yet there she stood. Still somehow managing to bring out a laugh. I can only guess as to how she keeps going, how she keeps getting up in the morning. Not that there is much else to do, I suppose.

The night she walked into my little bar was a lively one. The place was packed; ponies had trouble just coming up to the bar to place their orders. I had called all hooves on deck, begging for two of my workers to come in on their nights off. But as the door swung open, the room froze. Like time itself waited for this mare’s approval. As one, everypony in the place turned to look at her. We drank in her presence like it was the only thing keeping us alive. All for a moment, before the door clicked behind her. Like a spell being broken, one we didn’t even know we were under, everypony returned to what they were doing. I’m not sure anypony else even noticed the pause.

I watch her out of the corner of my eye as she makes her way to the bar. I don’t know if it was her, or just pure luck, but the stallion at the far end got up with his mug and tottered off. I didn’t care where he went, so long as the only seat available remained. She slipped up onto it, her expression a long perfected mask. I can’t very well justify skipping everypony else to go wait on her, though a voice tells me nopony would complain. I know I served everypony between her and I, but they’re all a blur, a fresh dot on an already filled page.

By the time I reach her, a few bits are waiting for me on the counter. “Mulled wine. Warm.” Her voice is calm and direct. For an instant, the bar stops again, letting her words cut through like a knife. Blinking at her preparedness, I scoop up the bits, count them for accuracy, then nod and move off. For some reason, I’m disappointed I didn’t get to talk to her, to hear more of her voice. But the night is young and I have plenty of time.

Over the next six hours, I watch as the crowd flows and ebbs, slowly trickling out into the moonlit streets. She never moves. Each time I pass her, making sure her mug is full and her stomach happy, I study her face a little more. There are wrinkles hidden in her sky blue coat. She made no effort to hide them, though they were mostly hidden under her fur. The bags under her eyes were deep and mournful; they spoke of long, sleepless nights and troubled, painful days. For reasons I still don’t fully understand, I wanted to reach out and stroke her cheek. Tell her everything would be fine. Hold her close as she drifted to sleep before watching over her to ensure her sleep was deep and restful. I felt called to take care of her like she was my own.

The whole night she watched the crowd. I watched as her eyes drift from the band to the tables and across everything in between. There is no judgement in her eyes, unlike most ponies who pony watch. She merely observes and takes note, like somepony who had no real interest, but needed something to do.

At the end of the night, with dawn only a few hours away, everypony has left. Everypony, except her. Now she watches me, observing as I clean the counter. I should have asked her to leave already. I needed to close up, pay my employees, and head home. Something stops me though. I can’t bring myself to ask her to leave. I can’t even bring myself to talk to her yet.

I don’t get long to put it off though, as my cleaning brings me to her quickly enough. Her head is cocked to one side, regarding me as one regards a misbehaving foal from afar; My actions intrigue her, but they are of no concern to her. “Ma’am I- I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave soon.” It’s all I can bring myself to say.

Her nod is slow and calculated, but her expression doesn’t change, it doesn’t leave my face. “Tell me, Mr. Cider,” she gestures over my shoulder at something on the wall. “What is with that sign?” Now that I can hear her clearly, without the din of the bar, her voice sends a shiver down my spine. For an instant, I’m reminded of the night my father passed. I watched the stars for hours, hoping for some kind of sign. Pulling myself back to the present, I glance to see what sign she is referring to. I can’t help but let out a small chuckle.

“In the Princesses we trust. All others pay in bits.” I read aloud, the laugh still on my lips. Some ponies take it way too seriously, seeming to hold it in religious regard, almost like they worship Celestia. I put it up because I got a kick out of it, and because a few too many patrons had tried to renege on their tab. “Exactly what it says, ma’am. You’re not one of the princesses, so I expect you to pay in bits. I don’t do trades or take any other form of payment.”

She shook her head, a soft smile lifting the corners of her lips. “Nay, ‘tis the ‘princesses’ part that concerns me. I-” She paused, like she caught herself before saying too much. But then she thinks, like she’s choosing her words carefully. “Princess Luna has been back nary four months. Has thou always had that sign?”

The old ponish catches me off guard, but I shrug it off. A few of the noble houses seem to like using it, and so long as I understood her, it didn’t bother me. Looking up at it, I frown. “Well no. Didn’t know Princess Luna existed till recently. Came as a real shock. But,” I pause, trying to find words myself. “You could say the night princess is my patron. With her here now, I couldn’t very well leave her off my sign, so I custom ordered a new one.”

“Your patron?” she asks, her voice lilting with an accent I can’t place.

“Well, not directly no. Would love if she was, don’t get me wrong, but that ain’t ever gonna happen.” I turn to regard her again. Her face is calm and relaxed, but her eyes are focused and slightly narrowed at me. “I just mean that my bar here makes its profits at night. So, the princess who watches over the night is kinda my patron.” I pause, unsure of myself. “If’n you get what I mean.”

She nods slowly, draining the last of her wine. In the instant she set the mug down, a flash of emotion flits across her face. In that moment, I realized that she is wracked with a deep pain. “Mr. Cider, if I may,”

I shake my head. “Please just call me Cider. No need to be so formal.”

That laugh of hers escapes again. Her eyes lock with mine, and for a moment, all my worries are gone. I can feel a cool night breeze roll over my back and I can see the night sky in her eyes. Just as quickly as it came, the moment is gone. “Very well, Cider. Might I inquire for some advice?”

I’m torn. It’s so late it’s early. I’m ready for bed. I really should have kicked her out by now. But something deep inside tells me not to worry. Reminds me that I have always helped out a pony in need. Tells me that Luna, my self proclaimed patron, wouldn’t like me showing a needy pony the door. “It’s late, but I suppose I can try and help.”

Her thanks are barely from her lips before the mirth drains from her face. With a groan she turns to look out over the now empty bar. Her troubles don’t take long to explain; She’s fought with her sister again. Another bitter fight with painful words thrown from both sides. The love she holds for another was brought up and used against her. She worries her love is unrequited, that the one she longs for is simply an unwitting pawn being used to hurt her.

Worst of all, she’s unsure of who she is anymore. Her sister calls her a monster, and she knows there is merit behind it; There are things she’s done that warrant that title. She doesn’t know if her love thinks of her the same of her, or is just oblivious. The monster that her sister sees, she says, is still there, hiding below the surface. But she doesn’t want to be that thing anymore, she wants to be better.

I mull over what she’s told me for a while. Can’t say I’ve ever had that kind of trouble before, but a few friends of mine have taught me some important lessons. “There’s a thousand different versions of you,” I explain. “There’s the you who you think you are, and there’s the pony you want to be. And then everpony around you has their own version of you in their head, based on what they’ve seen you do. All anypony can judge another on is their actions, as we can’t see into another's mind.” I give her a small, comforting smile. “Best we can do is make our actions reflect the pony we want to be. If we make ourselves be who we want to be, and act like it, well-” I shrug. “Nothing you can do beyond that.”

Her incredulous gaze is boring holes into my side. I shake my head before continuing. “I can’t recall the words exactly, but there’s this philosophy my pa taught me. Something about controlling what we can and accepting what we can’t.” I try to recall the exact phrase for a little before giving up with a shrug. “Anyways, point is: You can’t control how others see you. All you can control is what others see of you. Your actions are yours to decide. Their thoughts are theirs to think. If you live the life you want to, and they don’t like it, well, too bad.” I can’t help but laugh. “You can’t make everypony like you. In fact, you can’t make anypony like you. They have to come to like you on their own. All you can do is be you.”

She closes her mouth and mulls over what I’ve said. “I suppose your words have merit, Cider,” she says slowly. “‘Tis true indeed that we can not control another’s mind.” There’s a brief pause as she rises. “Thank you.” A bag of bits appears from under her cloak and she drops it on the counter. “‘All others pay in bits’ I believe.”

I laugh and roll my eyes. Picking up the bag I can immediately tell it’s far too full. “Miss you-” I look back up to confront her, to insist that she need not pay so much, but she’s gone. I don’t know where she went, or how she went so fast. But for some reason, I’m reminded of the dew at dawn. Blink, and it’ll evaporate before you can see it.

Author's Note:

Lord, grant me the Strength to change the things I can
The Courage to accept the things I can't
And the Wisdom to know the difference

Comments

[Solid Punch]

It's alive! Thank you, dear author! Hope you won't leave for so long again!

[Slateblu1]

10073238
I don't want to get your hopes up. I can't say I'm writing again, as they implies a continuous process. This isn't even new writing, just an edited and revised version of things I already had written.

[Solid Punch]

10073254
I hope inspiration will strike you again soon. And give you strength and mood to wtite.

[dlazerous]

I hope you keep working on this, I love the world you crafted and would love to see more.

[flowgninthgil]

chess by corresspondance? I can only agree! Nightmare feelin like she has nothing left? only if the plot justify it well, and it does! Twilight falling for nightmare without knowing it? obviously! Celestia being a wrek 'cause she finally noticed that she can't control everything and she might hurt by doing it? it was time! the next chapter of this story? can't wait for it! I just wish it won't die... that's why I can only do much as expecting a new chapter one day and not expecting something AWESOME 'cause it's never easy to get new inspiration when you lost it

[Crimson Eclipse77]

That was really cool! Nightmare moon and Luna sharing the same body and mind is very interesting.