CheckerBoardAZN
Joined 25th Jul, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Changeling Dashed · 16k words · 38 5 · 2.4k views
- Jewel_Eater_Dragon · 7.8k words · 49 5 · 2.5k views
- supercomputer276 · 30k words · 85 3 · 2.8k views
- Regidar · 2.8k words · 69 7 · 2.7k views
Featured In22
Shipping 💖11,678 stories ·9,745 members
- Adventure2,991 stories ·1,218 members
- The Sci-Fi Ponies1,804 stories ·2,076 members
Human in Equestria16,990 stories ·16,837 members
The Writers' Group56,470 stories ·9,300 members
Humanized Ponies!5,597 stories ·3,469 members
- Adventures - AU1,445 stories ·776 members
Alicorn Twilight2,143 stories ·2,854 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.153 seconds
Total duration
699 users online
812,288 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This wasn't bad favoriting.
no offense but the number 1 would of been better than 2
1 looks like l
2 looks like z or slightly s reversed
otherwise an interesting story
Eeeeh, not a bad first chapter. I'ma keep an eye on this.
More
First, the constructive criticism: The grammar and blunt story telling were kind of a turn off for me in all honesty. Not to mention you label this as a ship fic, adding it to two different shipping folders, and yet you blow right through the actual meat and potatoes of the shipping, making it almost feel background to the rest of the fic. Which is not to say there is anything wrong with that, but it was kinda a let down. Beyond that, Twilight was rather Mary Sue for an established character. Also, invest the time in some scene breaks. They help to differentiate when a large group of time has passed, like a full on change in days or location when you just jump around.
Now the good: I love the hook that Twilight is pursuant to the mission as a means to fund her own research. That is rather original, even if it is a bitch move. I love that everyone is trying to keep hushed about pony Twi. And Shining a Marine? To this Military Brony, hells yes son. I'll fave depending on how well your next chapter improves, but I won't downvote this either for the time being.
I feel this story is a bit rushed, but otherwise a fine piece.
this Twilight reminds me of Okabe from Steins;Gate. Her ego, being genuinely smart, talking into her phone for no reason, and giving off a general mad scientist vibe etc.
when's this gonna be updated?
Please do continue whenever you can!
Twilight reminds me of Souji Tendou. Next you know, she'll be spouting advice from her grandmother, and kicking monsters in the face.
why is this taking so long?!
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha poor Twi. sooo we can expect that every alt friends is in love with Twi??
Hmm, a few troubled spots...
As examples, these best sum it up.
For the good though, I love the concept. Alt Twi trying to break into Equestria is great, and I love that you've picked up the RariTwi shipping a notch as well. So have a fave, and know I'll be keeping tabs. If you ever need help, just ask
The mare’s mouth moved as if speaking english, but now words came out. Twilight felt as if her soul had been yanked out of her body. The initial adrenaline of my Kumite and stairs debacle must be reaching it’s limit. She fell to the floor and her vision faded.
How does this fic not yet have a comedy tag? It's jam packed with hyperbole. I'm still not sure whether it's supposed to be a parody or not.
Nice chapter!
when is this going to be updated again? the idea behind it is very intriguing.
Try and keep it going love this Twi and you made her have bigger boobs funny