Pokey's Holiday (or Trixie's adventures in Bureaucracy land)

by Talon and Thorn

Weekend - Bureaucracy land and return of the Pokey

Saturday

Trixie walked the halls of Canterlot castle they were at once familiar and strange. For some reason the halls were empty of ponies but full of forms stretching all the way from the floor to the ceiling far above. They towered far over her head, swaying in the breeze like strange trees. It felt like the paper had eyes which were following her as she went. Some instinct told her she was being followed by something just out of sight, panicked she ran increasingly fast from room to room.

Finally her flight brought her to the throne room. It had seemed to have grown to an even larger size than normal, the far end, including the throne itself, was enveloped in darkness. Trixie slowed to a stop and looked around, even here paperwork was piled high around her stretching up into the darkness.

“Trixie.” came a voice from the far side of the room, Trixie recognised it as Princess Luna but it seemed to have a scratchy undertone the princess of the night did not usually have. “Come closer.”

Although unwilling Trixie’s hooves refused to obey her and she slowly cantered forwards towards the sound of Luna’s voice. She came to a halt just at the foot of the throne although only feet away she could not seem to bring her eyes to focus on the chair and its occupant.

“Are you ready Trixie? Are you prepared for the next phase of your life? Your new form?”

“New form? I don’t understand.”

“You want power don’t you? You want to be part of the night court? Well this is the cost. Come and join me.”

Suddenly Luna leant forward out of the darkness, instead of a flesh and blood pony their sat an alcorn shaped construct formed out of folded paper.

Trixie staggered back gasping.

“What’s the matter Trixie? Don’t you like paperwork?” asked the false Luna. She shot out a hoof and grabbed Trixie by her arm pulling her towards the nearest pile of paper.

“Wait, I don’t want this,” yelled Trixie, struggling both physically and with her magic but the grip was unbreakable.

With a flip of her hoof Luna threw Trixie into the pile of forms which toppled down around her. Trixie struggled trying to escape but the paper seemed to suck her down. Suddenly one of her hooves broke out of the pile and she pulled herself free. Gasping she collapsed onto the ground

Around her a horde of paper ponies had gathered, she recognised the whole of the night court there watching her, they began to chant, “One of us! One of us!”

Trixie backed away using her arm to shield her face. But the limb she raised was not made of flesh and blood. Like the other ponies around her arm was made of paper, panicked she turned to look at herself, her entire body was formed of forms. She tried to cry out but not a sound escaped from her paper lips.

“Welcome to the herd!” announced Luna.

****

With a scream Trixie awoke to see piles of paper rising over her bed. She screamed again and threw herself off the bed and into a further pile of forms which collapsed onto her. In panic she lashed out with her telekinesis, forms, boxes and the other contents of her bedroom were thrown aside burying the floor in a deep layer of paperwork.

Breathing heavily Trixie started to come back to her senses. It had all just been a dream. She looked around at the mess and swore, she’d have to tidy all of this up now. But first she needed to clean herself up, she was soaked in sweat and she hadn’t bathed properly in two days now. Trying to keep her breathing under control Trixie staggered out of her room and down the corridor towards the bathroom. She had to empty the shower of the forms that had been stored in it before she could use it.

****

Once clean Trixie felt almost equine again. The idea she had had yesterday was still on her mind and it seemed to make sense. It was simple really, all she had to do was her job, not cut corners, and just do it.

While she had been away a pile of post had built up, not overwhelming but enough to keep her busy for most of the day. There was also things left over from earlier in the week but if she kept at it all day she should be able to get it all done. But first she thought about Carrot Tops problem, the audit of the union’s grants. She ran through some of the dusty procedure notes in her cupboards, once she had cleared the forms from in front of them. As she suspected, she could act as an auditor herself, if she did it all herself then there shouldn’t be any delay and the grants could be paid out in the next few weeks. She’s need to get the files from the basement to check some things but it didn’t seem too hard.

She opened the door to the basement only to find that the whole room was full of crates from floor to ceiling. Ok, maybe it would be a bit harder than she had thought.

After half an hour of sweating and moving boxes around, followed by two hours of calculation and writing she was finished. It had not been half as hard as she thought it would be, in fact she had sorted some extra funding for some of the union projects. Carrot Top should be pleased. Maybe this paperwork did get something done after all.

Her first task completed Trixie moved on to the rest of the backlog with renewed vigour.

****

Many hours had passed before Trixie next looked up from her work. To her surprise her in tray was entirely bare, she was completely up to date and it had only taken most of the day. She stretched to work the kinks out of her back. Her rumbling stomach reminded her that she should probably see about getting something to eat. Then she remembered that the larder was almost empty and if she didn’t hurry the market would be shut soon. Still she carefully bagged up all the outgoing post and placed it close to the door so she wouldn’t forget to take it to the post office on Monday.

This resulted in her head being very close to the door when a loud knocking was heard, she jumped back in surprise. She tripped over one of the many boxes covering the floor and fell awkwardly. She blinked to clear her vision only to see a vast pile of papers falling on her from above. She braced against the impact but felt the weight of countless sheets of paper cover her completely from horn to tail knocking the air from her lungs. She struggled briefly against the press of the forms with both her limbs and her magic but it was no use, she was completely trapped.

Well, she thought to herself, I did always think paperwork would kill me someday, I never thought it would be this literal. Still it’s quite comfortable in this womb of forms, I suppose this isn’t a bad way to die actually, maybe someone will find my corpse eventually and erect a statue to me; The Great and Powerful Representative Trixie, Luna’s personal student, element of magic, died in the line of duty, sort of.

There was a faint sound from outside her papery tomb, was there someone out there? I’m not going to smother without a fight, she struggled against the weight above her and suddenly her right fore hoof was free. It brushed against something warm and she heard a girlish scream. Taking as deep a breath as she could she yelled, “Help me!”

“Trixie? Is that you?” came the reply, it was Pokey, what was he doing here?

“Get me out of here!”

Trixie felt some of the weight lift off of her chest and suddenly she could see again. Framed in the light was Pokey’s face, covered in sunglasses and wearing a large straw hat. To Trixie it was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen. “What are you doing there?” he asked.

“Drowning,” she gasped.

“You certainly got buried in your work.”

She glared at him and he looked a little abashed, “Just help me out.”

It took half an hour for the two of them to completely excavate Trixie from the pool of paperwork. She limped over to her chair and plopped herself down while Pokey leaned against one of the boxes.

“Just as well I decided to pop in once I got home. What happened while I was away?” he asked.

Trixie took a deep breath and proceeded to give a shortened version of her woes over the last week. Once she stopped she feared that he’d burst into laughter at her misfortunes but instead he looked at her sympathetically.

“That was harsh,” he told her, “But you should see some of the mistakes I made when I started here?”

“What mistakes?” she asked suspiciously.

“Oh nothing too big,” he replied backpedalling, “I guess I’m just better at hiding them than you are, plus I’m the assistant so there’s a limit to what I can get blamed for. Anything big is officially your fault.”

“You know I might have to check some of the files from when you started now, I’m starting to get used to this paperwork stuff now. Anyway haven't you got a home to go to?”

“Yeh, I suppose I should unpack, but I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? That’s still your holiday.”

“We’ll it’ll look bad if I keep working for public enemy number one, so I should try to improve your reputation. Besides, I’ve got some ideas on how to fix your problems.”

As she stood to let Pokey out Trixie’s stomach growled noisily.

“Have you eaten anything today?” he asked.

“I got a little caught up in my work, before it decided to attack me,” she made a face, “I forgot to go shopping as well.”

“So we can eat out, my treat.”

“Pokey, that too kind. You don’t need to do that.”

“Don’t worry, I can tell you about my holiday while we eat,” he gestured for her to leave the residence, “While I was away I met these two guys, Sonny and Rico were their names and...”

---

Sunday

This time Trixie’s sleep was not interrupted by nightmares and when she awoke it was almost noon. She completed her morning ablutions and trotted down to the office to find Pokey was already there at his seat.

“Morning Boss,” he said, “I saved some donuts for you,” he gestured at a greasy bag sitting on her desk.

“You shouldn’t have,” she said picking out the first of the treats and biting into it.

“We’ll unlike you I have to keep my slim figure so I couldn’t eat them all. Anyway I think I’ve sorted out your problems.”

Trixie let her barb slide off of her, “How?” she asked.

“Well the prohibition thing was the easiest. I went to the Mayor’s house and asked for a look at the wording of the original law.”

“How is your relationship with the Mayor?” asked Trixie remembering Ivory’s outburst from a few days ago.

“Fine, she’s always been very friendly and helpful to me, she’s definitely got my vote come election time.”

“I think it may be more than your vote she wants,” muttered Trixie, Pokey looked confused, “Anyway continue.”

“Well the law has a whole bunch of loopholes in it: - It doesn’t cover anything purchased before it came into effect, only covers purchases in Ponyville and only applies if the only thing you purchase is alcohol. Thus if you buy, for instance a form,” he levitated one of the many forms around the building, “and a beer, you can still get the beer post prohibition. So I managed to hoof off a few thousand forms to the bars around town to sell until we can get the law changed again. They’re still not happy with you but I don’t think they’re baying for your blood any more. Now for the Apple Trust problem that’s a bit more complicated but I think if I get into Canterlot tonight with the money I can get a form sorted out, a few ponies own me favours. Which leaves me to the third problem, the forms.” he glanced around at the towering piles of paper, “If you hadn’t unpacked them I could probably just get them returned you just send in an order form with a negative number on it. I’ve already done that for the rest of the express order, which knowing how those go out will probably arrive in a month or so. However, this time of year everybody needs loads of these forms, everyone in the whole of Equestria has to complete them, which is probably why they had so many available to send to you in the first place. So we can arrange to send them to other offices when they need them in exchange for stuff we actually need, you might have to learn to live with them for a while but I think we can get rid of them all eventually.”

Trixie looked impressed at all this planning, “Wow you are good at this!”

“That’s what my last performance review said.”

“What review, I didn’t write a review.”

“Well you signed one, it was very glowing. I’m expecting a good raise based in it. Anyway, as to using all of our budget on the forms, well look at this.” he held up a sheet of paper. “This is our stationary budget, now what’s that?” he pointed at one entry, much larger than the rest.

Trixie squinted at the writing, “That’s you, that’s your salary.”

“You really think I’m a pony shaped piece of stationary?”

“Well I didn’t know what else to do when I hired you.”

“There’s a special budget for staff you know, I sorted it out during my first week on the job.”

“I’ve been paying you twice? Is that how you can afford all that horn sharpening and enlargement equipment?”

“No.” said Pokey sounding annoyed. “You’ve been paying it into a holding account, we can just access it and use it to get whatever we need for the moment. The only thing I can’t fix is your hat, I’m fairly sure Money Penny exceeded her authority there. She really doesn’t like you, did you melt her house or something?”

“No I didn’t.” said Trixie sounding annoyed, “You melt one ice palace and they never let you live it down. Still I guess I’ll have to take responsibility for that, Luna will probably yell at me about that but I’ve done worse so it shouldn’t be too bad. Anyway you’ve really worked on all of this, I’m beginning to agree with that review I didn’t write. But I have figured out how to stop any of this even happening again.”

“How?”

“I’m cancelling all of your holidays from now on.”

Author's Note:

Well that all folks.

Not my best work I think, its not that funny a comedy and a very pedestrian slice of life but I think its got some fun bits in it.

Turned out much larger than I'd though it seems each story I write is longer than the previous ones.

Feedback please!

Comments

[RainbowDoubleDash]

Trixie: I’m cancelling all of your holidays from now on.
Pokey: ...
Trixie: It is a brilliant plan, that surely carries with it no negative consequences whatsoever.
Pokey: Trixie.
Trixie: Yes?
Pokey: I know where you sleep.

[Briianz]

2903984 That was in "Heat of The Moment," a non-canon fic.

[wolfstorm56]

I thought this was hilarious. Utterly worth the fave and upvote.

[Grendel_Town]

That was a pretty entertaining, definitely needs a once over again for random spelling and punctuation issues though. I really like the idea of Mayor Mare being related to Pinkie, haha.

[Talon and Thorn]

2903984>>2904641

Yeh, I generally ignore that on the following grounds
1) Heat of the moment is non cannon,
2) Everything I write is non cannon
3) I generally interpret the line in Heat of the moment as being Pokey's version of letting Trixie down gently although I think another character repeats the same fact independently later so its probably not the writers intention.
4) I'm a Trixie / Pokey shipper.

In my stories Pokey is mildly bisexual / mostly straight and fairly sexually active. He hits on Notary in 'Tale of Two assistants' and is interested in a holiday fling here. Whether he's interested in the Mayor's advances might pop up in my further scribbling's.

2904128
I think that's most peoples writing styles apart from those with Iron wills. So far this weekend I've written nothing.

2904378
Sorry to disappoint. In one version during the riot someone was going to throw a rock at Trixie's window and it would bounce off and Trixie would gloat that she magiced her windows to be rock proof before someone threw a stick at them and smashed them. But I decided to cut it out.

2906541
I'm fairly sure I stole the Mayor being Pinkie's aunt from somewhere else, I think it might be Today I will be a princess by Cloud Wander, it has a charming interpretation of the Mayor in it, so enthusiastic about doing the best for Ponyville while at the same time so fragile about whether she's competent for the job.

[yayme]

2904281

[FanOfMostEverything]

2904641 2908279 2910054
Fair enough. I'm not fully versed in Lunaverse lore, so that was the indication I've seen one way or the other regarding Pokey's sexuality. Consider the matter dropped.

[Talon and Thorn]

2984385

It probably no where near as organised as that place.

[Sea Song]

Some incredibly good bits here! Poor Trixie.. Loved how slowly and "organically" she made things worse, and how they all then combined their forces for explosive results. The crowd scene with the Holy Grail reference was brilliant, as well as the bar scene at the start!

[Walabio]

This is a very funny story. Pokey Pierce is indispensable.

[Themaskedferret]

I really enjoyed this. I dunno why you felt it wasn't your best work. My only gripe is BonBon's obsessive hatred of Trixie as it makes her a very boring one note character.

[Talon and Thorn]

3579870

True, although as this story is mostly fixed on Trixie that applies to most of the other characters, everypony is boring and one note compared to the great and powerful one

If I was writing about Bon Bon I'd probably give her a bit more character.

[Housecarl of Clan Drops]

“Are you ready Trixie? Are you prepared for the next phase of your life? Your new form?”

New form...

The bureaucricorn has apparently been taking joking lessons from Pokey.

I guess I don't have any room to judge though, I make plenty of puns too.

[Jetto]

More people should read this story. Just saying.

[ShadowLDrago]

2904281

That would probably be Pokey's response.