Simon Cowell
Joined 14th Jul, 2013 ·
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What. Was. That.
I enjoyed it :')
Well done
and I applaud your skillful evasion of the two word vocabulary. 
Two minutes?
So much for Earth Pony fortitude
Still fappable.
Huh. Not bad.
~Regidar
That was actually the best CheeriMac story I've ever seen.
Including the canon one. (Suck it. CMC. You didn't know the first thing 'bout shipping anyway.)
I fapped the good fap.
cunt-guzzle. i hate that fits word, but besides that, a very good fic
myfacewhen.net/uploads/4011-time-to-fap.jpg
Indeed. I quite agree. Context is vital to proper usage of those words.
P.S. Good story.
I like this.
When you set a scene up, you have to have things that appeal to all the human senses.
This could do with some sprucing. You have our Sight (light and shadows), our Touch (soft breeze), and some sound (silence). But it needs something more. The first sentence runs on pointlessly, we don't know why there's a cool wind in the room, and the last sentence feels tacked on. We could fix these issues thusly:
As you can see, the first sentence is chopped so that it keeps to the main idea instead of inserting a new idea midsentence. The second idea is made into its own sentence, and the metaphor is described in a way that feels mysterious. The tacked-on feel of the last sentence is taken away by simply adding it to the previous sentence.
I would think it's Cheerilee who'd break the silence, since she's the more-talkative one.
Well, I get that their first time is meant to be awkward, but a lot of what they say to each other is actually kinda mean-spirited and thoughtless. Their comments come off less like suggestions or demands, and more like insults. I would have thought they'd be a bit kinder to each other.
There should be a space there between "to" and "put".
3115289
I genuinely appreciate your input, and will put it to good use.
3116863
Thank you for pointing that out.
This was hilarious!
Another masterpiece!
10/10
Good job m8
poor big mac, but mostly cheerilee.
Well...
That could have gone worse.
Honestly, I was sold as soon as Cheerilee corrected Mac's profanity while they were trying to talk dirty
Glaring inconsistency is glaring.
The swearing just destroyed it for me.