New Story · 12:43am Oct 20th, 2017
Hi everyone, how are you all?
Hi everyone, how are you all?
I think it's time I owed you all an apology for my absence. I'd been too ashamed of myself to face any of you after this, but I feel it's time to finally come clean... I lost my drive to write in the worst possible way, in the most embarrassing of ways.
So, after bidding farewell to another awesome writer, this question popped into my head: How happy are fimfiction writers?
Gah, I finally have all the notes for Lightbearers done, and now I cannot wrap my fucking head around it. I can't even figure out where the fuck I was trying to go with it. Trying to put this monster together is an exercise in frustration and depression, nothing is making a single damned bit of sense and I want to just throw it all out and pretend it never happened. I think the only reason I don't is the fact that it's a fucking year's worth of work at this point and my brain won't let go of
Trigger Warning: the following is an in-depth, candid article about emotional trauma and the resulting suicidal ideation, written by someone with severe C-PTSD.
So, as many of you know, I was on here before desperately trying to cling to a fake life that I had created for myself. I honestly despised living and hated waking up in the morning knowing I was too cowardly to say anything about it. So I withdrew myself from all of that and left the site in hopes of learning to love and accept myself again. It hasn't been an easy journey but it's been one that I've needed.
So much bullshit going on in my life right now. Looks like all my serious writing, and especially reviewing, is going to be on hold for a while. No clue how long, but definitely for the near future. This sucks.
This dude was depressed as fuck when they wrote Where Blood and Fire bring Rest. I relate so hard to that because of all the shit that's happened to me.
I've been meaning to post a blog, but have been having trouble deciding what to write. The hard part is that I don't want to post a blog on Fimfic's shitty mobile version! (I hate typing on my phone's tiny keypad, anyway.) So, I'm writing this on my antique laptop. It's close to 20 years old, and runs WinXP. Thank Celestia that Mypal 64 was designed for "legacy" devices, and actually WORKS!!! Every other browser I tried, from Opera to Chrome, kept giving me bogus "Security Certificate"
Wow in the past year I went from feeling angsty to feeling so mushy that I can't stop grinning like an idiot and my heart swells up. Now those feelings are amplified. I guess it's the good version of PMS? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ In the past, I've lost all my impulse control right before my period, and I've drowned in my own tears. Now I want to cuddle, look at the sky, go on a picnic, listen to each other's heart beats, and stare into some lovely eyes. Dammit I'm so cheesy what kind of cheese
23 more days before a fat fuck with diabetes comes down the chimney
I made a mistake today. It was a tiny mistake, but it feels like a humongous one.
Learning to put mistakes in perspective is something I'm still learning how to do, since finishing my course of electroconvulsive therapy.
This silly pony helps me in so many ways.
So if I'm quiet... That's why. I feel bad physically and emotionally...
Well, I'm exhausted. Trotcon was fun, but to follow it with BronyCon the following week may be pushing things too far.
I got my hair cut depressed-Pinkie style, but the coloring came out more like Cheerilee than Pinkie.
I think I'm going to start doing these monthly. Keep myself accountable, and all that. I'm currently averaging about a chapter a week:
As I feared frankly expected, the chapters are still being split for length, so it's getting kind of hefty and we're looking to shoot for the 200k mark. I'm sure they'll get edited down a bit in rewrites, but probably not to the point where I can condense them back into singular chapters.
Heyya guys, life has been pretty rough for me for the past few days, from turning 18 years of age, to my lack of a driver's license, and to my, hopefully, last year of high school (though I doubt it, considering what I have left to do in my remaining classes).
Some time ago, I came across a picture that really stuck with me; a picture that speaks to all people broken, hurt, depressed, and at the end of their strength. I'd tell you about it, but it's better to let it speak for itself.
The following blog is rated Mature due to adult and possibly triggering content. You have been warned.
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So, winter was hard. I found myself a cave to live in through it all.
Well if you're reading this, its because I'm still alive.
I'm sorry I scared you all.
I guess I kinda owe you all an apologize.
I just don't like the way my life has been going.
I should be in a mental hospital right now, but I don't want to.