Good day readers, I don't have anything to announce other than to listen in to your questions regarding some stories which I will gladly answer in the comment section of this blog post.

Now you may be asking, "Escalator why do you want to do a QNA?"

To be honest with yall, the amount of typing, editing, and rereading stuff kinda takes a whole toll on your health and sometimes makes you think a bit about your future. (Also because I'm bored :D)

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Treatment starts tomorrow.

I've been under observation for almost three days after checking myself into the ER here locally, and now I am finally back home again.

Upshot is that I'm going to be starting the ECT treatments immediately (next Wednesday or Friday).

This is probably closer to accurate than you'd expect.

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So, I'm back. No memory loss, not much tiredness, nothing notable (apart from a little emotional breakdown afterwards while still struggling to breathe again post-procedure). It was simpler than going to the dentist, truth be told. If it's this easy I might not need to take as much time off work as I'd been planning.

Oh, one more thing. I woke up in the middle of the procedure.

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I have about twenty stories going at once, but I'm grading this weekend. The semester's nearly over, however, so I'm probably going to publish a bunch of stories at roughly the same time. In all likelihood, I'll start doing this in a week or two, so be patient.

That said, I have a little mystery to solve.

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A lot of things have been happening to my body and brain, and so far it has mostly been ordeals without a clear resolution (low response means we had to try a new anesthetic that hurts like fire going in, might be changing electrode placement which could lead to memory loss, the vein the anesthetic went in when I woke up during the procedure is hardened and itchy now, and so on). But I'm in good medical hooves, and expect that things will turn around eventually.

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Things were delayed a few more days, but it's all clear now. My first electroshock treatment commences tomorrow at 9:30 am EDT (less than fifteen hours away).

Yeah, it's probably not going to shut me up either.

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I made a mistake today. It was a tiny mistake, but it feels like a humongous one.

Learning to put mistakes in perspective is something I'm still learning how to do, since finishing my course of electroconvulsive therapy.

This silly pony helps me in so many ways.

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I'm looking into convulsive therapy, where they shock your brain to make you spasm and for some reason it also makes you not sad all the time anymore. It has the highest success rate of any depression treatment, but you tend to lose some short-term memories as you do it, so it's obviously not a first resort.

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Okay this is fucking insane.. Completely stupid-batshit-insane. The prospect of undertaking this massive fucking idea in my head is scary.
I think that means I'm doing something right.
I'm talking about Fallout: Equestria levels of goddamn.

For the past 2-3 years, I've been sorta visualizing-cooking an amazing internal universe inside my head. Every fucking day I think about it. And every fucking day they're screaming to get the hell out.

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Okay, so apparently the ECT doctor is still conferring with the doctor who installed my neurostim implant so it will be safe to proceed. That means no zap today.

In all likelihood the zap will be Wednesday morning. I'll post about it after it happens.

EDIT: Zomg they're still not sure about doing it with the implant in place and now they have to talk to the manufacturer! Earliest will be Friday and even then I don't know.

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Happy pony holiday because EVERYTHING MUST BE PONI

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ECT has failed. It worked wonders while it was happening, but a week after my last treatment I began to slip. Now a little over a month later, I'm right back where I started.

I am now embarking on about seven different medications at once to see what happens. One of these is lithium, which is likely to help me. Keep your hooves crossed, fillies and colts. Now, what's next? Oh, right.

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