No one asked for it! No one demanded it! But here it is anyway: pure, distilled essence of badfic, satirized for your protection and diluted with enough water to keep you from going blind. In addition to the two terrible and wildly unoriginal shots that have been available separately on Elric's blog, this collection contains a previously untasted third chug of intentionally painful and derivative awfulness. (Do not operate heavy machinery while under the influence of bad fanfiction.)

Universally admired original characters, show characters acting out of character, stupid names, implausible shipping, gratuitous tragedy, and more -- it's all right here. Read if you dare.

Any resemblance between these OCs and any other OCs, living or dead, is purely coincidental maliciously intentional.

It's your three month anniversary, Rainbow Dash! So what are you running from?

Pinkie Pie was coming over to Fluttershy's house to invite her to a party when she witnessed a shocking scene: Gilda trying to eat Fluttershy's tongue! She immediately knew she had to get her friends so they could stop that mean griffon before it was too late. After all, why else would Gilda have her beak in Fluttershy's mouth?

Braeburn’s met the filly of his dreams, and he’s corralled Cheese Sandwich, Equestria’s premier party planner, to throw the biggest wedding Appleloosa has ever seen. Of course, he’s only exchanged letters with his intended, but Braeburn’s sure she’ll be everything he ever thought she’d be.

Braeburn/Cherry Jubilee --- or not; strongly implied CheesePie.
100% approved by Twilight's Library
Reviewed on Seattle's Angels.
Featured on Equestria Daily.
Packed full of fruit and good for what ails you.

If you enjoy this, you may also enjoy its sequel, Slice of Life.

Applejack catches Rainbow flirting with another woman and she is none too pleased about it. Now, Dash is in the dog house, and she'll do anything to get out of it!

Trender is back in town and he wants to make amends with Applejack. Applejack is suspicious at first, but relents. They go to a bar along with the rest of the mane six and Spike to talk things out. Things go well until Spike catches Trender slipping a love potion into Applejack's drink. Soon after he proposes, and to everyone's surprise she accepts! Now it's up to Spike to stop the wedding and expose the truth!

Twilight demands a rematch against Rainbow Dash swearing she's better at soccer than she was before. The game eventually turns into a soccer lesson, which would be fine if only she could actually focus on the actual lesson and not on the body of her instructor.

Discord has always had a thing for Princess Twilight. Unable to resist Twilight's bookish charm, he tries to woo her but she won't have any of it.

Edited by Draconian Soul

Applejack teaches her little sister an age-old family craft: how to knock an annoying and sleeping pegasus out of your apple tree.

This is a gift for a good friend of mine, Nobody47.

Vanilla oat swirl ice cream is a girl's best friend when she's alone on Hearts and Hooves Day, and at half-off, it would be a shame not to buy any. But when Rarity runs into Applejack at the store, Applejack offers to keep her company.

Rarity is thrilled that she has someone to commiserate with about being single.

Applejack is happy to have a date for Hearts and Hooves Day.

This may be a problem even vanilla oat swirl can't solve.