Sometimes, there are states of emotion that can overwhelm even the mightiest of creatures; or so they say. Queen Chrysalis had never taken stock in such tales, nor the creatures that told them. Until today that is.

Artist is hotkinkyshy

Rainbow Dash works the night shift at Freddy's for five terrifying nights.

...Except she doesn't.

Now with added Pinkie Pie!

Cover image belongs to Gardelius.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders have no common sense. Be very careful about telling them anything, because they will almost definitely find a way to misconstrue it. You learn that lesson very quickly... not that you particularly care.

Anon has been living in Equestria for some time, and has very little to show for it. Shunned away from most cities, he finds solitude of a sort in Ponyville. But there are few places for an omnivore to satisfy all his appetites, so when he meets a fellow omnivore, both parties find more uses from the other than they'd expect.

Salt is a terrible substance. Once a pony starts licking it, they can't stop.
It takes a truly brave soul to leave it behind...

This is an Anonymous in Equestria story. Please demonstrate your ability to read by not pointing it out an infinite number of times in the comment section. Thank you.

Don't write on two hours of sleep, trust me.

A story with an Anon and the methods he takes to dissuade the Princesses from asking him so many questions about his home and culture. Lacking the basic courtesy of a pony and definitely disregarding their pride in magic, this human drops to lows that are usually seen only in the most disgusting of humans.

Enjoy or not, I had fun writing this and it's more for my sanity than anything.
PS- No actual sex is in this story so calm yourselves.

Professional Reviews

"drunk/10 not bad" –NuclearWaffles21

"I'm seriously rock hard right now." –Rebel

"yeah the 3 children in my basement won't shut the fuck up" –Winter the Gimp

"This is both extremely stupid, and written in such a way that I expect your non-trolly-stories to not be extremely stupid." –bobbananaville

"I don't remember how I found this story, but it was weird, and I liked it." –Narlepoax III

”I like story! Is very good! Now you go to Gulag!” –Joseph Stalin

This story is a sequel to Celestia's New Assistant

He makes Discord look sane. Most ponies resent him. He is the most chaotic thing to ever live.

Will he save Equestria? Will he doom it? Will Citrus Fruit be involved? More then Likely. Beware, he is...The Human.

"I simultaneously want to know what's going through your head when writing this, and don't want to know what could inspire this." -Love the Changeling

"MOST. RANDOM. STORY. EVER." -jackofalltradez

"I mean... stare too long into the abyss and the abyss stares into you, and the abyss has skittles apparently" -ShadowsAndDust

Discord suddenly has a protégé of sorts. If only his new student wasn't already a master of the chaotic arts....

This story is a sequel to Discord's Assistant

Discord is sick of his human assistant. Too crazy. Even for him, but hey, not his problem any more. Princess Celestia might have a way to deal with him. He's not going to terrorize everypony....right?

"This is the PERFECT THING to read at midnight!" -Dream Seeker
"WHAT ARE YOU ON AND CAN I GET SOME." -Disconcerted
"This has to be the greatest thing I've ever read." -Azurus

A lot of people demanded a sequel, so here it is! I want to thank everyone who helped me. Without you guys I doubt I could have done it.

Proofreading done by SteelxPaladin

Almost a year after what seemed to be the concluding battle in Celestia's great crusade against necromancers, something Mortem believes to be borderline discrimination, he discovers one of Celestia's armies setting up camp just outside his stronghold.

Not wanting to jump to any conclusions or risk angering the very powerful Princess, he concludes a diplomatic solution would be the best way forward. And so, he writes a letter.

Proofread by the wonderful Soren Mercer
Featured on Equestria Daily here
Audiobook versions by Illya Leonov and TheArchitect are here and here respectively
SoundCloud verion of Illya Leonov's is here