Salt Lickers Anonymous

by Lunaguy

Salt Lickers Anonymous

It was a peaceful time of day, right around noon, when all the ponies sat down for lunch to chat with one another and take a break from the day's labor. You had always been fond of joining in on the practice, usually eating with the other ponies at the outdoor diner just at the edge of town.

You look down at your sandwich and vegetable soup, missing the meat in your diet. It wasn't all bad, though, because even if you didn't have meat, at least you had salt. Pulling a salt shaker out of your blazer, you add a generous helping of the delicious fairy dust to your soup.

You always found it strange how hard it was to get a hold of salt, and you never understood why no one in town cooked with it. You had to look for months just to get a full shaker, eventually having to resort to importing it from the Griffon Kingdom. Now that you had it, though, for the past few days, you hadn't gone a meal without it.

You start slurping up your soup and look up. For the fourth meal in a row, all of the ponies are staring at you. You scrunch up your face and try to avoid eye contact, going back to your soup. Bonbon sits at a nearby table, just shaking her head as if there is no hope. You can't take it anymore.

"Look, alright, what is your problem, people?"

Bonbon frowns slightly.

"We aren't the ones with the problem, Anonymous."

"What are you-"

You are interrupted by a hoof on the shoulder. Turning around, you come face to face with Pinkie Pie.

"W- can I help you, Pinkie?"

Pinkie Pie puts on a somber, comforting smile.

"I think I can. I know what you're going through is tough."

You blink.

"What... I'm going through? What am I going through?"

Twilight Sparkle was soon beside Pinkie, along with the rest of the Elements of Harmony. She nods slowly before speaking

"Salt addiction is a scary thing, Anon. I think I speak for many of us when I say we've been there."

You chuckle nervously.

"What do you mean, addiction? I mean, I might put a bit more salt on my food than the average person, but it's not like I can't stop myself."

Twilight sighs.

"Will you please come with us to my library, Anon? We want to have an intervention."

~

"Look, I keep telling you people, salt isn't even a drug to humans. It's just a mild seasoning."

The mane six surround you, who sat on a chair in the center of the library. Applejack steps forward and puts a comforting hoof on your shoulder.

"An' thats the lie they tell ta' reel ya in. And once you start lickin' the salt, ya can't stop. We've all been there, you."

Pinkie Pie whimpers.

"A-after the first lick, I just kept licking more and more, looking for that first lick all over again. I think I turned to sugar to escape it."

You furrow your brow in annoyance.

"I'm not a druggy. Salt has absolutely no effect on me, I can eat this whole shaker in my pocket right now and the worst that'll happen is I'll get thirsty."

Rarity takes her turn to step out of the circle.

"Anonymous, darling, perhaps it would be best for everyone if you just let us hold on to the salt for you."

"No, you can't have my damn salt! This took me months to get."

"Anon, please, we just want what's best for you."

The ponies start closing in, making their circle smaller as they zero in on you. You could feel the magic in your blazer pocket as Twilight tries to lift the salt away from you.

"I can't believe this. Alright, all of you, back up, I'm going to eat all of this right now and SHOW YOU that there's nothing wrong with it."

You grab the salt from your pocket and begin to twist the cap off. Pinkie Pie drops to the ground, wailing.

"No, Nonnie! I love you!"

Twilight tries her hardest to yank it out of your grasp.

"Anon! Don't do this, come on, just drop it!"

You successfully remove the cap from the shaker and empty the contents into your mouth in one smooth movement. The other ponies stare on in disbelief. After taking a few moments to get over the sheer saltiness, you turn to face the rest of the ponies.

"See? No problem here. It's just a-"

You felt a horrible pain at the back of your head before the lights went out.

~

You awake to the sound of a steady beep. With some effort, you force yourself to sit up and crack open your eyes. The source of the beeping is a heart monitor, and it takes you a moment to register that you are in the Ponyville Hospital. Twilight Sparkle enters the room, concern on her face.

"Oh, Anon, you're awake. I hope you can forgive my hitting you on the back of the head, it was the only way we could get you over here. After that huge overdose, we had to act quickly."

You say nothing, only stare.

"Anyways, the doctors say that there's nothing wrong with you! It looks like we got you here just in time, huh?"

Nurse Redheart enters the room, nodding to both of you.

"Actually, Twilight, there was nothing wrong with him BEFORE he got here. The doctors didn't do anything, because there was nothing to fix."

Twilight smiles.

"Isn't modern medicine amazing?"

"That's no-" Redheart rolled her eyes and trotted back out, giving up on the conversation

"Anyways, Anon, I'm glad you're feeling better. Hopefully this taught you something about the dangers of salt addiction."

The only lesson you learned today was about your choice of friends.

Comments

[Skalula7]

god damn it twilight a human just needs his salt fix AND YOU DENY HIM THAT!?!?

[DAT GUY]

A town has been built on the salt trade SOMETIMES THE BUILDING THEMSELVES ARE MADE OF SALT!!!! but seriously humans need salt to live, its like denying them grass saying its weed

[shutaro]

Silly ponies. Humans don't get addicted to salt.
That's just like "Don't do water!", "Carbohydrates? Just say NO!" or "Dr Pepper kills". Complete nonsense!

[OMJay]

Ah, I remember this from /mlp/. Good stuff.

[Regal Shadow]

XD they'd have a field day with my family! We put salt on just about everything, even when it's salty enough to everyone else :P

[SgtFrog]

I see what's going on here...salt is delicious but also dangerous...for ponies. For humans, it's totally okay. But if ponies can't indulge in salt all they want, then NOBODY CAN!

[Zoomwar]

dat ending

[sirraf]

THATS IT! BUILDING A GUN!

[LordBucket]

You successfully remove the cap from the shaker and empty the contents into your mouth in one smooth movement.

Yuck, that would be awful!

[BurningLance]

5184373

yeah yuck

salt may be good in small quantity to improve taste but alot is just horrible like when swimming in saltwater and you get a huge gulp of it bleh.

[WorldWalker128]

.....Never thought I'd say this for fear of being attacked by my own fandom, but, Stupid horses.

[NuclearRage]

This makes me angry. Every situation in a story when a character encounters another which is so self assured when the audience knows they are wrong pisses me off so much. It is the only type of situation in stories that grabs my attention and gives me that weird feeling like I just remembered about something I think I forgot then find it in my pocket.

Good show good sir!

[Rustybuckets]

5750438 Thank god, I'm not the only one who gets pissed at these situations!

[zooba]

5750438
If this story was anything but an exaggerated/satirical comedy one-shot, I would agree with you. As it is, there's nothing really to get upset over.

[Not So Anonymous Pony]

"Actually, Twilight, there was nothing wrong with him BEFORE he got here. The doctors didn't do anything, because there was nothing to fix."
Twilight smiles.
"Isn't modern medicine amazing?"

This is the part where I firmly apply the palm of my hand to my face.

[Raine_Lionheart]

"Will you please come with us to my library, Anon? We want to have an intervention."

This is how NOT to have an intervention.

[NAH223445566]

Es como la película de S. Stallone y W. Snipes.

[SoulstringsReburn]

Poor anonymous