...More of a Sidekick Really.
Discord watched with both wonder and disinterest as a psychotic human chased a group of ponies through the streets of Ponyville with a muffler stuck on his arm, laughing like the mad man he was.
"I. Am. Muffler Man! Ahahahaha!"
Three days ago, Discord would have loved to have a minion so dedicated to spreading chaos. Three days ago he showed up, and Discord was delighted. That delight lasted eleven minutes and went downhill from there.
The human popped up from seemingly nowhere. "So what we gonna do next, huh? Fly a rowboat to Canterlot? Go sledding in Appleoosa? Moonwalk on the Sun?" He questioned, gibbering at an incredibly fast rate. Discord only sighed in response.
"We already flew a rowboat here, we went surfing in the Crystal Empire, and if we tried to walk on the sun we would burn up and even I don't have the power to stop that." Discord deadpanned.
"Well maybe we can put on T-shirts that say 'Life' and hand out Oranges." He smiled devilishly as dramatic Lightning stuck behind him. "They can't make lemonade then! Muhahahaha!"
"I...what?" Even Discord, Lord of Chaos and Master of Disharmony, couldn't keep up with his randomness.
"Ooh! Something shiny!" The human shouted before darting off, leaving a face palming Draconequus in his utterly random wake.
"Put me back in the statue...please jut make it stop." He wailed.
Suddenly the former Elements of Harmony appeared in an attempt to intervene. They did not seem to enjoy how Discord's sidekick was harassing ponies.
"Discord! Call him off. We have had no less then a dozen complaints." Twilight ordered.
"It's not like I have any control over him." Discord scoffed. "Why does he have to be my problem? It's just his voice is so annoying! Like a billion Pinkie Pie's talking at once!"
"Hey!" Apparently Pinkie took offence to that.
"Discord! You can't just leave him with us!" Twilight protested.
An explosion could be heard, and the human was seen sailing though the air.
"I have become a seagull! Bow before me mortals and present your offerings of French Fries! Caw CAW" He commanded flapping his arms. How he was still airborne was a mystery.
"I thought I was crazy, but he's about as bright as a wet match in a dark cave." Pinkie Pie said with a straight face.
"Why are Pinkie and Discord acting so...calm? It's like he's leaching their....weirdness." Rarity commented.
The human, unusually calm, approached Applejack.
"I..er... howdy?" She greeted with a sheepish smile.
"Not now talking horse thing! My planet needs me! Earth! Fire! Wind! Water! Heart! Gooooo Planet!" He hollered abruptly, and began to ascend into the sky.
"It's like the dark side of the internet got stuck in a blender." Pinkie Pie sighed.
"I..what?" Rainbow Dash wondered.
In fact at this point everypony was incredibly confused. Deciding his planet did not truly need him, Mr. Human used this opportunity to impress his boss while everypony was confused. He shuffled over to Discord and presented him with a pastry.
"I baked you a pie!"
"Oh boy what Flavo- Gah!" Discord asked before being suddenly cut off as Pinkie Pie tackled him to the ground.
"Hit the dirt!" She shouted. Everypony had just enough time to duck before the pie erupted into smaller pies which proceeded to explode, leaving a smiling and scorched human standing in a small crater.
"Did I win?"
Two Hours Later...
"Please Celestia make him stop!" Fluttershy cried.
"You can't handle the truth!" He yelled, running away. Discord noticed this and was rather concerned.
"No! don't let him leave! It only gets worse while he's not nearby!" He exclaimed.
Far too late...
Sugarcube Corner exploded in a rainbow of color while the human was flung yet again through the air like a ragdoll.
"Rainbow Nuke!" He sang out while sailing overhead. "Now I'm free! Free falling!"
"But...but." Pinkie could only sputter. "My job! My house!"
"Good thing the Cakes were out of town." Applejack whispered solemnly.
"I don't think we had insurance!" Pinkie cried. The human approached her and attempted to comfort her.
"There there, I doubt there's such a thing as rainbow nuclear insurance." He said calmly, gently patting her on the back.
"But...but.." She wailed. The human reached into his pocket and appeared to pull out nothing, but began rubbing his index and thumb together. Much to everypony's surprise, sad violin music began to play. Finally Pinkie Pie broken down in tears.
"It's not fair! It was ok when Twilight's library got wrecked, but why did it happen to me?" She sobbed.
"Maybe now you'll get to be a princess too?" Discord offered. Pinkie shot him a glare and he backed off.
"If all it took to become royalty was property damage, I'd be Supreme Commander of the Universe by now." The human added.
"Let's just leave him, maybe he'll go bother somepony else." Rainbow Dash recommended.
"Agreed." Discord muttered leading the group away.
They bumped into the bipedal menace not a half a minute later.
"Ice cold water! Only one dollar! Ice cold water! Only one- oh, hey guys!" He waved. Somehow, in the course of a few seconds, the human had set up a multibillion bit bottled water tycoon. Ads for his drink were plastered everywhere and nearby ponies sat at a café chatting over bottles of the ice cold refreshing goodness.
"I....how.....what?" Twilight sputtered.
"Impossible! I can't even pull something like this!" Discord shouted.
"Which is why I'm the master and your the apprentice." The human replied sagely.
"Master..."
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But where's the guy yelling, "Peanuts! Peanuts peanuts peanuts peanuts!"?
please make a sequel for the love of celestia please make a sequel!!!
4842057
I.....maybe. 
i could not handle the random. i am now dead. i am typing this because i died and am now a zombie.
aaaa.. the story of my mind. how chaotic......
This is almost like a Dream I had about two weeks ago.... Bad Pasta and Not sleeping for three days straight before hand can do that to you.
I.. I love you. This. Is. Gold!
Oh god it's a troll! An INTERNET TROLL!
NOW.... NOW THIS..... THIS IS COMEDY!
(5 ROTFL RDs UP!) +1~
This is the best random fic i have ever read!!
I wonder is a sequel could be brewed up?
God damn it, 4chan, how did you get to Equestria?
Oh my fucking GORD! That was hilarious!
I can't
Aaaand I was right in guessing that it would be AN HOOMNA!
You should've warned us about the "Logic not Required" warning in the beginning.
*gasp* HAPPY NOODLE BOY HAS ENCOUNTERED EQUESTRIA!!!!!
i143.photobucket.com/albums/r155/shweigh112/Happy%20Noodle%20Boy/thnoodle20boy20vroom.gif
Lol Good one!
Sequell!!
PLease tell me you have more planned? :D
4844632 So many people asking for it. I think you'll have to wait and see.
Well... this is unique! Wonderful fun as well!
I think you might be missing a letter there.
4845255 Confound my glitchy S button!
I know there wasn't a crossover tag, but I was half expecting Kreig from Broderlands 2 when I read this first line.
Anyways, it wasn't bad but imo the humor feels forced. Doesn't seem like, in my opinion, that it flows naturally.
Still, the writing's good and the concept is unique, you still get a like from me.
4845639 The First line? Muffler man? That's a joke a friend of mine started. Maybe the sequel will be The Adventures of Muffler Man and Windshield Wiper Boy.
I'm sorry if the jokes seem forced, first time writing full blown humor.
What did I just read?
4845923 Even I don't rightfully know.
4845966 It was fantastic but all I really got from it is Water Bottles and Life and Oranges. Which I am fine with for that matter.
4845983 Sound like a nice lunch.
YOU CANNOT STOP THE POTATO APOCALYPSE
MY CAT CANNOT SPEAK SPANISH WITH A TROMBONE
MY GRANDMA IS A PLAYABLE CHARACTER IN STREET FIGHTER II
4847812...Balrog?
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140713125626/zimwiki/images/6/6e/Awesome_fae_guy.png
im...confused but...somehow happy
At the end there: was Discord actually calling him master, or was it said in a more defeated tone?
That was awesome! Thank you so much!
I.. buh... How in the...
Brain.Exe has stopped working
Would you like to reboot?
Y/N
...erm ok then.
I believe I shall now question my sanity, considering I actually managed to keep up with this enough to spot a couple of slight errors:
Draconequus
wrecked
Now for my thoughts about the story (if a tired mind is even capable of these so-called "thoughts"):
Guess who's voice I read the Schrödinger's Cat line with? That's right, Patrick Stewart's!
I read the rest of this particular string of jumbled up words in Keith David's voice. Except when I didn't.
When life gives ME oranges, I make grape juice. Then I sit back and watch the world wonder how I did it.
Two things:
1. I wonder if any of these ponies have ever heard of the famous Mister Ed?
2. A Captain Planet reference? That's just a little too common to be completely random...
I've figured it out! This particular human is Michael Bay, isn't it?
5005346 That last one got me. Genius.
OMG THE RANDOMNESS IS SPILLING OUT THE EARLOBES!
Yes!!!!
ALL THE YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a cookie
ONLY ONE DOLLAR
Do you have an idea what this human would look like?
:
The secrets of the universe have been revealed to me.
4963617
*selects Y*
*takes orange, juices it, adds vodka and sits and watches the insanity*
Sometimes, I eat my itchy eyebrow because every year, people farms play eighties cartoons while Kakarot, formerly known as the Face of Boe, is hunted for his ivory sharpie.
Well, okay then . . .
I am stealing that quote and there is nothing you can do about it. Also, this is absolutely bat-shit hilarious.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
That's, a human that no one can stop, seriously, Pinkie was right! Tis' like havign the whole dark side of the internet stuck in a blender! For that, I like this human!
And suddenly, another human wearing a sombrero, dress shirt, tie, blazer, and no pants) moonwalks by, screaming,
"Run for your lives, IT'S A ZERG RUSH!!! Save the women and churros!!!"
2 seconds later, half-pony, half-zergling versions of every filly, colt, and foal in town come stampeding after him, giggling, screeching, and carrying multiple churros.