‘A horse walks into a bar...’

One evening a despondent Applejack walked into Ponyville’s tavern. The next morning she was gone without a trace.

In the days following her disappearance the inn’s landlord recounts events in Ponyville as the town searches for its lost friend, struggling to understand why she left, and where she went.

No one asked for it! No one demanded it! But here it is anyway: pure, distilled essence of badfic, satirized for your protection and diluted with enough water to keep you from going blind. In addition to the two terrible and wildly unoriginal shots that have been available separately on Elric's blog, this collection contains a previously untasted third chug of intentionally painful and derivative awfulness. (Do not operate heavy machinery while under the influence of bad fanfiction.)

Universally admired original characters, show characters acting out of character, stupid names, implausible shipping, gratuitous tragedy, and more -- it's all right here. Read if you dare.

Any resemblance between these OCs and any other OCs, living or dead, is purely coincidental maliciously intentional.

The Canterlot Archive decides to create a document listing the age of every pony in Equestria. It's impossible to mess this up.

The Canterlot Archive messes this up.

Proofread by Octavia Harmony.

Special thanks to Selbi for additional help.

Live reading by CaptainBron3y

Fluttershy and Discord are torn apart by him reading her diary, but Rainbow Dash is confused of why that would tear a relationship apart so easily. Soarin and her had fights all the time, but not once have they considered a break-up. Well, at least he hasn't thought about it. Rainbow Dash had plenty of reasons that a break-up would be necessary. But she doesn't find these feelings until a certain evening. Fluttershy's Birthday. By the end, Soarin and Discord, however, are not very happy. But they have to learn the hard way how to pay attention to their marefriends feelings.

Proofread and edited by:
Jarvy Jared
Rainboom205

Twilight is almost used to being an alicorn now. She's accepted that unexpected change, and is even happy about it, most of the time. Her magical abilities have grown by leaps and bounds, and she's starting to enjoy the freedom offered by flight. While she can't imagine ever being as good as Rainbow Dash, anypony with reasonable standards would by now consider her quite competent in the air.

But despite her growing enthusiasm and confidence, there's something that she has neglected to deal with. Something that's bothered her at times ever since the transformation, but kept getting shuffled down her list of priorities. Fortunately, she knows just the pony to talk to for help, and she won't let nervousness and self-reliant rationalization hold her back anymore. The latest of Pinkie Pie's parties provides a perfect pretext for a conversation she should've had months ago.

If you're confused by the date listed on the chapter, that's just when I originally uploaded it for pre-reader viewing. Life got in the way and I didn't get around to hitting Submit until Feb. 7, 2016.

On a dark night filled with even darker magics, an insane cult attempts to give Nightmare Moon a body and life of her own, utterly separate from Princess Luna. But, when the spell is interrupted by Celestia, something unexpected is created.

Now, a little black alicorn filly named Nyx finds herself living under the care of Twilight Sparkle, only to be haunted by memories and emotions from her past. Is she Nightmare Moon reborn or is she simply a doppelganger with a soul and mind of her own? Can Twilight Sparkle protect Nyx from those who refuse to see past her dragon eyes and black coat?

Or, will Nyx be forced to inherit the sins that may not even be hers and become the greatest evil Equestria has ever known?

Following the events of "Rarity Investigates," Soarin becomes depressed over what he said to Rainbow Dash about being banned from the Wonderbolts if she didn't prove her innocence. Now, the Wonderbolts most promising reserve must try to get through to him.

-OR-
How Derpy Got her Cutie Mark and Learned to Love the Bubbles

My alternative headcanon for Derpy - perhaps she's not "a few sandwiches short of a picnic" like we all thought! There's not much actual fear in the story. And no loathing at all. Misleading title — sorry.

WARNING: Muffins!

This was written as flash fiction. Flash fiction is traditionally under 1000 words, but this site places a 1000 word minimum length on stories, so I've also included an epilogue, which fills out Derpy's story even more. (The epilogue can be seen as an optional extra - each chapter can be read as standalone story.)

The cover image uses this picture of filly Derpy and this muffin. Much thanks to all those people who create such beautiful pony art and give others the freedom to remix it. You are gems!

Professor Cooke is a pony of principles; anypony who has known him well can testify to that. As an established history professor at Canterlot University, he knows the dangers of opening borders to a hostile nation; his anti-changeling stance may seem harsh, but the safety of Equestria comes first. It's not about the species; it's the cultural dangers of a society of infiltrators, liars, and saboteurs on Equestria's border.

He's going to stand by those principles for the good of Equestria. Nothing can change that, not even one of his closest friends turning out to be a changeling... right?

(Can be read standalone, but serves as a sidefic to The Queen and I Book 2: People and Problems. Click here to see the larger fic 'verse.)

The alternate timelines visited by Twilight Sparkle during her showdown with Starlight Glimmer were shown only for a moment. But what is a day in the life like for her former friends and neighbors? This series peers into the lives of those living without the magic of friendship to brighten their world.

Rainbow & the Pie sister's story to come next chapter!