It's my 25th birthday - April Update · 2:44pm May 3rd, 2020
Well... today's the day. April went okay for the most part.
I don't know if I really have much to say anymore, but I'm sure I'll find something. Today is never really a good day for me; as I look around I can only be reminded of the friends I've lost along the way. The last four years haven't gone well and I told myself that if I could make things better by today I shouldn't have any reason to want to leave anymore. A lot has happened since I told myself to wait until now to make that decision, a lot of attempts to get back on my feet and a lot of horrible things that have set me back to square one. I kind of jumped the gun back in September, since I knew it wouldn't end up well and didn't want to live with everything that happened anymore, but that obviously didn't work out.
I'm in a better place mentally I suppose. I'm doing my best to look on the bright side and be thankful for the things that bring joy to my life, but honestly? I still don't want to be here. The soul I'd been closest to throughout my entire life—the best friend I'd spent ten years being closer than brothers with—already killed himself two years ago. We spent almost every single birthday together, and the last time I saw him as we used to be was on mine in 2016. In times like these, I just wish I could talk to him again and have one last positive moment together. It was the bright side in my last suicide attempt: that wherever I was going, I'd be in the same place as him and that certainly was a more positive draw than having to stay here and try to deal with the constant mishaps and misery of what my life's turned into.
Obviously, I made the decision to leave early. As much as my mindset has improved, I honestly haven't had a day yet where I was glad I didn't die that day. Maybe someday, but not yet. I'm not going to do anything today anyway. I don't mean to worry anyone and honestly I told myself I'd cut down on these kinds of blog posts, but today wasn't going to be filled with good reminders despite the occasion.
But hey, I can finally rent a car on my own so that's something, right?
I'm doing my best, anyway. Writing has been getting done and I have some Sunset stories waiting in the wings to post. In contrast to the previous years, I've actually gotten two updates done in the last month, and one just a few days ago on Odd One Out, so for productivity's sake things are going in the right direction for now. I don't really know what I'm going to do going forward, but I'm doing my best not to let depression consume me completely and cost me the friendships I have left. I'm going to stick around for now and try a little more and hopefully things start turning out better than they have. Wish me luck.
Thanks for reading.
Because she helps me to feel better and there's been some great art out lately, here's some Sunset to brighten the mood:
Patreon link if you'd like to help me out: https://www.patreon.com/Holy
My Discord if you'd like to talk to me directly about something or want to try making a new friend: Holy#4599
Discord Server: currently for donors/friends only.
Thanks to my patrons: Knoster, Liger Storm, JrWubMaster, ShimmeringSunset93, X865, RoboRed, Hahapie, Hoovier, RustDust, Pesoen and three currently anonymous donors.
Happy birthday. From all of us here.
Happy Birthday!!!!
Happy Birthday!
Take care and stay safe!
Eeeeeeee! Happy Birthday, silly!
derpicdn.net/img/2016/11/25/1303393/large.jpeg
Happy Birthday.
Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday. There's always light at the end of a tunnel.
Happy Birthday Holy. And you are very welcome for the Patreon donations, just wish i could set the limit up more, but my budget is unhappy enough as it is.
Just wish there wasn't such a great time difference between us, would love to talk more with you in general. Maybe become a long distance friend, however hard it might be.
As always, you can reach me if you need me.
Happy Birthday!
happy birthday holy glad to see your ok and hang in there ware all here for you
Happy Birthday! We'll stick by your side, no matter what!
Happy birthday!!!
Hang in there Holy, congratulation on your car and 🎉Happy Birthday🎉 Proud of you to keep it going. 🎊
Happy Birthday.
Happy Birthday
Happy birthday
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Those are some nice SS pics! Hang in there, Holy! You're not alone!
Happy Birthday 🥳
Happy Birthday!!!!!
i.pinimg.com/474x/de/0d/ca/de0dca28008789ea3d7e9a5ec0aee7de--sunset-pony.jpg
Happy birthday.
Happy Birthday!
Now the real question is; will someone say something different?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
May today day be well for you and your accomplishments succeed on this; the anniversary of your birth
Happy birthday
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday! 🎉🎈🎊
Happy Birthday! And I'm glad you're hanging in there, even if things haven't become great yet. Don't give up!
tse3.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.-1RyDUfD6AujrMTz1B5o5QHaHA&pid=Api
Omg I,m old I,m 29
Happy Birthday and hang in there and Don't give up. We are all here for you.
25? You’re a little bit younger than I am.
Happy Birthday, man.
HB!!
Hi! I found you yesterday, and checking on you, I see today is your birthday! What a coincidence!
But all I want to say is I'm so glad you're still here and you're still writing. From what I've read from you, you are an amazingly talented writer, and the world would definitely be hollower without you.
Keep up the great work, and happy birthday!
Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday
Happy Birthday, Holy. I hope things get better.
Ayy Happy Birthday!
Happy Brthday, Holy!
I'm proud of you.
Sometimes OK is all we can hope for. Certainly if every day was amazing then it would all kind of blend together. I'm sorry that a day like today has sad memories associated with it, even if they aren't actually bad memories.
Sorry you’re having a sad birthday and still coping with your friends being no longer with us Holy. I wish I could say something to help you out with this but I’m bad with words and would probably just mess it up.
Happy birthday! Good to hear that you are willing to keep going.
..not sure if I have much to say any way ... But may be just this thought: even 'trivial' (ordinary) humans might be not very trivial, just they lack possibility to express themselves. I tend to look unhappy at things and ideas I consider _too widespread_, and this includes, well, human-like beings ..who are too human like. But may be I'm wrong and interesting/important/unusual story can be written about beings who have much more difference than just hair/skin color (compared to humans here). Different kind of difference ...
Happy Birthday Holy!
I'm glad you're here. 
Sorry I'm late to this, but happy birthday!
happy birthday ! 🤍
Happy birthday, Holy!
Happy belated Birthday