Perspective · 10:38am Jan 2nd, 2023
Nothing good happens at 4 a.m.. If you've stayed up that late you're being chased by a pack of vicious emotions that you have no hope of escaping from and if you have to wake up that early you're probably barely surviving on an endless stream of bitter coffee and obligation. This is a hopelessly difficult time of day that's never to be truly trusted, but we all occasionally suffer the consequences of our mistakes, don't we?
If you've stayed up this late you've likely lost the battle with your own insomnia. The veil of darkness over the mind and the environment is thick and impenetrable by the feeble attempts of man alone. I've told myself to stop listening to melancholic screams in the darkness but still they echo, emboldened by the shadows they've come to call home. If you want my advice, never listen to any negative thought you have about yourself or your life after 9 p.m. regardless. That could save your life.
Here I stand, however, holding a bouquet of lamentations while draped in cloak of past regrets. As the little white lines on the edge of the screen have finally whisked themselves into shape, I realize it has been a whole decade. That's right, ten years. Ten whole years next month that I put my fingers on the keyboard and wrote my first story. Ten years since I first thought writing might be something I could actually enjoy. Wouldn't you know it, it'll also be ten years in June since Sunset first appeared before us in all her vitriolic glory.
I know I'm not even close to the person I was ten years ago. Time has been cruel and I've done my best not to be, though I know I've likely failed in that endeavor more often than not. Looking back over so many friends made and lost, so many mistakes and achievements made, and so much time doing my best to embrace happiness through the depressive haze. I'm grateful for all of you that have stuck with me through all this time and I apologize for the shortcomings of my lackluster productivity.
I often wonder what legacy I'd leave behind should my efforts stop entirely. Would I be known for Little Stars? For my endless second-person Sunset simping? My slice of life stories? The, uh, horse relations? Or would I be known more for my interpersonal failings? The friends I've accidentally scorned? The botched suicide attempt that caused more havoc and worry than should've ever been spent on me? I'll never really know for sure. Who knows if there are really that many people outside of a few friends that are still glad I'm here. All I can do is make my apologies and hope for the best, hope my efforts are worth something.
To my former friends that did their best for me despite my difficulty and to all the people that did their best to try to keep me here. Things seem so quiet now, but to whoever needs to hear it from me: I'm sorry, and thank you. Maybe the warm and hopeful intentions can reach through the endless void and comfort someone who might need it, or perhaps at least partially cool the searing chains of bitterness I might've forged. I'd like to do my best to make things right in the world and ensure as many people leave with more joy in their hearts than they came in with. My own attitude often doesn't work with me towards that goal, but what can I say? All we can ever do is our best and I certainly haven't been perfect, but I'd like to at least try.
I've always been a bit of a loner. Never really connected with the community in a meaningful enough way. Even now I feel like an outsider on the site I've poured my passion into for the better part of the decade. I suppose this is all to say that I'd like to change that in this special anniversary. Just because the regrets adorn a body like scars does not mean the soul will fail, and there's no better time than the present, right?
In the coming weeks, I'm going to try to do a couple of things to reignite the passion that existed here once. I've found the spark I needed to enjoy my craft again. Perhaps merely a flash in the abyss, but I'd like to get through at least one story a month this year, if not more. I'd also like to open up my discord server and have it be more of a Sunset-centric community server to keep the love alive. Finally, I'd like to do my best to be more communicative with the people that still care enough to be here, whether through blogs, comments, community interaction, whatever.
This place, these characters, this world, it's a wonderfully special flame in our existence and after ten years of holding it like a candle to our chest I think it deserves to burn brighter on a bonfire, at least for a little while. So keep an eye out. I'll be doing my best to make some more consistent blog posts and perhaps do more reviews. I'm excited for what this year might bring, despite the disappointment of previous years. For once, things look hopeful at 4 a.m. and I think that life will be better by the end of this year than they have been for a long time, or at least, I'd like to do my best to work towards that.
So, maybe this is just a little sneak peek, or perhaps it's unnecessary 4 a.m. rambling? Maybe I'd just like to test the waters after another six months of radio silence. Either way, what do you think about 10 years of Equestria Girls? 10 years on fimfiction? What kind of ideas did you have for Sunset you still want to see realized in a story? I'd love to talk about it with you, now or hopefully very soon in the comments somewhere.
Wow. That must be hard for you, Holy. I don’t exactly know the extent of your pain, but you’ve my sincerest sympathies. I’m confident you’ll end 2023 better than how you started. Thank you for the inside look in your life, and keep the Magic of Friendship alive.
Sounds like a good plan! I need to read more around here. Maybe something to add to my New Year's resolutions.
Ten years. Jeez. It's hard to believe I was a teenager when these shows came out, when I still watch them to this day when I can.
I am really sorry to hear you've been struggling. I hope these plans help.
Glad to see you’re still around and that it’s going to stay that way.
I first started following you after the incident, I think(not sure anymore) I helped pay the medical bill with whatever i could at the time, and have been a proud Patreon supporter as well(not by much, but due to my own struggles, its all i can really spare) and have been happy to see you recover back to full health, and have read all your posted stories.
I cannot say for certain why, but at the time, I felt like it was the right thing to do. Even if its not much, its my way of saying that I care, even if I cannot hug you and show it physically, due to a distance barrier.
I hope you stick around, and show everyone out there that things can get tough, tough enough that you just want to give up, but that there will always be someone out there, hoping to prevent it in any way they can.
I will stick around on the discord, Fimfiction and IRL, and always ready for a chat if you need it(or someone else). when my life is more back on track I will likely also raise my Patreon level(just because I can, and YOU can't stop me
)
now before I get more tears in my eyes from being "sappy" I think 10 years of Equestria girls has lead to some amazing stories, awesome fanart, and some banger nsfw content
I just hope the community continues to produce awesome content, whether that be EQG or regular MLP content.
Sunset confronts the other Sunset???
Happy ten years of writing and being in the fandom!
I'm glad you're still with us even though life has been tough. Keep at it. You're a strong one👍
I don't have a lot to say, but I'm someone who's glad you're still here.
Man, crazy that it's been a whole decade of horse. All sorts of stuff has happened over that time...art, music, stories, games, people met and lost, new friends and connections, life-changing events...yeah...
Y'know, for what it's worth (from my limited perspective on FiM fic and Discord, anyways), I feel like you've been doing a lot better as a person over the past few years.
I haven't been around much in the past year but I still check in once in a while, if only for a few minutes. Despite this, and even though we don't know each other personally, I want you to know that you were the first person I followed on this site and I'm one of the people who are glad to know you're still here.
Beautifully said
Take care, and thank you for everything.