[disclaimer] This goes slightly against the cannon of Halo: Reach. If you don't like stories like this then you should probably go read something else. Otherwise, enjoy. [/disclaimer] Six, having been fighting for several hours, was nearing his end, he was nearly out of ammo, and was getting tired from the non-stop fighting. But he still put up a fight, he never backed down. And when the end came, he found it was just the beginning.
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this looks promising
Cool story dude
. And also, can you use proper grammar, spelling, and the like? I'm kind of a Grammar Nazi
. Also, I'll go ahead and Like and Fav. Later!
i like
. i also liked the fighting parts. good thing he did not kill any of the ponies too. (fav.)
this, this has promise, i await your next chapter good sir
NIce. Now, like the last guy said, we need proper grammar.
A few mistakes here and there but pretty good overall.
I will be waiting for more.
First
2488883
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/5281726720/hE92497A9/
Pet peeve of mine: People, irregardless of how brutal or bloodthirsty they are, getting sent to Equestria and having a sudden impulse to Oh, I shouldn't kill anyone.
I say this story's a solid 6.5/10 to me.
I don't think you're supposed to write the characters' lines inside the paragraphs. By that I mean you're supposed to press the enter button when somebody's about to speak.
EX:
"Like a BOSS!" Meme exclaimed proudly.
"... You're a dumbass." Peter said.
"And you just jelly of my swag, BITCH!" Meme shot back.
NOTE: It's up to you to decide how many times you press the enter button. I usually press it twice 'cause I think it's easier to read. But this is your story. Not mine. That's all for now. LATER!
i dont know what you mean by not following the history, but i like it, many people make the same mistake that Spartans will kill if they are threatened, but you the right thing of "im not going to kill you but im going to beat the shit out of you"
2488883
well i think that this story is very promising, many people think that there were only 300 spartans lll but there were 2 companies (beta and alpha i think) and they had a project with 300 spartans each
Grammar and punctuation are not your strong suit. I suggest an editor or at least that you go over the story a few times just to double on check any mistakes. Other than that it seems good so far. I'll like it and fav.
The story so far right now seems a little dull to tell you the truth, but if you can pull it together then I'm sure this might great.
As for the grammar and creative writing, I suggest rereading your write-up a couple of times and see if you can spot the mistakes in your work. Heck, you might even add more interesting ways to portray your story if you can find it in you.
Nonetheless, I shall like and favorite this story. Oh and can you check out my story 'Halo: Only Death Stops Them' and give a similar review if you have the time?
I'll give it a 3.8/5
"More effort is needed but I am confident that it could be better."
Best of luck,
WarKing76
2489113 Ok, I was hoping someone would bring this up. First of all, we do not know if SPARTAN B312 is a brutal bloodthirsty killer, sure he kills covenant, but that's because they are at war with the covenant. Second, I believe he might be kinda like Jun, sure he kills the enemy, but he doesn't necessarily hate them. And third, Six doesn't want to f*ck up first contact with a new alien species. He only acted in self defense. However you do bring up a good point and I will acknowledge the validity of said good point.
Ehh, sorry, but this needs some serious grammar editing. There should be a new paragraph every time a character speaks and after and you were missing several parenthesis marks in the last chapter. Doing so makes it difficult to determine who and when a character is speaking. And why is Six just sitting there in the cell like he can't break out? I think he should at least make it clear that he easily can.
2489350there were actually four companies of S-III's (Alpha, Beta, Charlie, and Gamma), with more planned when Onyx was activated.
2490215
Good to know you can acknowledge that whole piece of logic. Yeah, you wouldn't want to eff up first contact, but the UNSC really doesn't care about that right now, regardless. And B312, by all canon definition, is as lethal as the Master Chief.
2491561 Several good points, I Will be going back and editing both chapters, could you specify what you mean by 'parenthesis marks'? do you mean '(' and ')' or do you mean something else?
2491940 Parenthesis as in " and ".
2491825 According to the wiki, B312 and the master chief are the only spartans to receive the 'Hyper-Lethal'. Hyper-lethal means very dangerous, so that just means that both the master chief and SPARTAN B312 are very dangerous. (especially to their enemies.) but just because someone is very dangerous, doesn't mean they will kill everything on sight without being provoked. And you have to remember, that while the UNSC may have won the human-covenant war, when reach fell, the covenant were winning, and there was nothing between them and earth, so I believe that the UNSC were looking for friendly alien life wherever possible.
2491940 And, yeah, I think Noble Six should make it clear to Shining Armor that he's no pushover and can break free at any time. He's only in there establish a good relationship. I mean, we canologically don't know a thing about Six, but it's obvious he's no pushover.
2492041
Or running from alien life whenever possible. Or stabbing it. Eh, otherwise, hostile actions unprovoked from the guards aside from his appearance and direct threat of imprisonment would have me cutting somebody.
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2492041 they didn't win yet. And don't forget humans lost their most influential planet to the covenant. So six would be a little pissed
2497686
ROFL
O-ok... P-RETTY quick man. Just because you dont pump out a chapter every few days doesn't mean you need to do a hiatus. Trust me, the tolerable limit for updates with the length of yours (not that this length is bad) is like every 1-2 weeks, but up to 3 is usually in the norm. And if you need any advice/clarification/editing, feel free to contact me.
If you ever need help with this fic, don't hesitate to ask me. I have read all the Halo novels and played all the games.
well This fic is dead. :
2885157 Just because I haven't put out a chapter in a while doesn't mean the fic is dead. I just need some time to figure out how I want to continue with it.
2885163 Sorry but it has been on Hiatus sence May to me that equales dead or at least in a coma. I will keep my eye on this though
I agree with Fugly duckling, this does look promising.
Listening to Halo Reach: Winter Contingency while reading this!
Is just me or does Celestia or the Royal Guard always f*ck with humans when they arrive at Equestria?
i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/000/574/moar-cat.jpg MOAR PLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No more?
~AnimatedGamer
* Tumble weed rolls across the screen.
To be honest with you B312 was used for going behind enemy lines basically use for assination missions on covenant outpostes even though most Spartan 3s were expendable and basically used for the exact thing quoting the head hunters from halo waypoint animation movie. B312 is not expendable unlike most of the spartan 3s after all he is on pare with master chief making him highly dangerous in lone wolf/team based operations after all that makes B312 the most bravest/recognized spartan either it be oni or the unscrecords/files he will always be one of the 6th Spartans to be remembered on reach for self sacrificing for the greater good for mankind. Even though records of him saying date and month of his death is not recorded in either Oni or unscfiles/record gives us a belief that he never died he is only missing in action but to be serious I know he's dead but Spartans never die.There!!! oh you get it. there I'm sorry if this seems like crap or it's simply too stupid I probably have some run on/bad grammar this is from research I did on B312 and from the halo lore I used from facts therioes and used the old halo waypoint for information so if it seems really sappy well I'm sorry if it does there im done prove me wrong even though I left some information out of it I'm just trying to prove a point on his lore after all I'm not the creator of halo so If I'm wrong well then I'm wrong https://tenor.co/ziCl.gif