Chapter 2
Twilight purred into Fluttershy's ear, "Now, where were we?" She gave a small smile as Fluttershy's blush became more prominent on her face.
Twilight kissed her cheek, getting Fluttershy to smile and kiss back. As Fluttershy was pulling back, Twilight pulled her back in with her magic eliciting a small squeal of pleasure as their lips smashed together.
This time, Twilight lead. She parted her lips slightly and pushed Fluttershy's lips with her tongue, asking for entrance.
Unsure, but not wanting to disappoint Twilight. Fluttershy parted and allowed Twilight's tongue to explore her mouth.
Twilight moaned in pleasure as Fluttershy pushed back and then into her partner's mouth.
They stayed like this for a couple more minutes before they broke apart, both panting for air.
Fluttershy was the first to speak up, "Wow..." she whispered, short of air.
"Yeah," Twilight added, "Why don't we move this somewhere more comfortable?" She asks, unsure if Fluttershy would reject it.
"Uh... I don't know..." Fluttershy replied, blushing deeply.
"Oh no... Nothing like that. We can just cuddle, if you'd like."
Fluttershy visibly relaxes, “I would like that...”
The two of them get up off the floor with Fluttershy moving closer to Twilight. They trotted up the stairs and into Twilight’s bedroom. Fluttershy getting nervous, nuzzles Twilight to calm herself down, receiving one back.
Twilight notices her nervousness and stops, turning to Fluttershy, “Hey... what’s wrong?” She asks.
Fluttershy shakes her head, “You’re going to think it’s silly,” She quietly replies.
“I could never think anything you say is silly...” Twilight replies, moving closer and giving a soft smile of reassurance.
“Alright...” She looks about before locking eyes with Twilight, “Ihaven’tsharedabedwithanyponybefore.” She blurts out, catching Twilight by surprise.
“I...” Twilight takes a second and figures out what Fluttershy said, “Oh... Is that it?” She tilts her head to the side, “That’s nothing to be ashamed about, neither have I.”
Fluttershy glances downwards for a couple of seconds, before getting the courage to speak up, “Come on...” She grabs Twilights hoof and pulls her towards the bed while closing the door with her wing.
“Woah!” Twilight says, “Where did this come from?”
“I think I can handle this, especially with my...” She pauses, relaxing as she says, “marefriend.”
Twilight smiles, “I’ll get the light, you can get into bed.” She goes over to the light, flicking it off with a twitch of her hoof. After she trots over to the bed and moves the covers. getting into bed, Twilight can feel the warmth emanating from Fluttershy, causing her to instinctively move closer.
Fluttershy lied there, unsure of what to do, until a leg wrapped itself around her midsection, she held onto the hoof, feeling safe and secure for the first time in a while, “Twilight.”
“Yeah ‘shy?”
“Sweet Dreams.”
“You too...”
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2477502
Mass of gramatical errors? ok, ill take it down then fix it up
Yay TwiShy!
Though... It was a little too fast. One moment Shy is cold, a few minutes later they're tongue kissing. Just a little.
Well, a lot. It wasn't meant to be that long, I can tell, but the pacing really might bother some people.
But it was TwiShy, so you at least grabbed my attention.
But rushy but still cute.
I enjoyed it, if not for the fact it was TwiShy, then for the sheer adorableness of it. However, there is room for improvement. Much look to you and your future things and stuffs
Aww so cute this is. Like what many others here said it was a bit rushed, but it's something that everyone does. Could also do with more full-stops, or periods, as I think they're called (I always call them full-stops).
But that doesn't take away the adorableness of it all. Good show.
A bit rushed but still so cute it is hard not to like this story.
ugh, while this was cute... the pacing sucks. i know you have gotten that A LOT, but it is worth repeating (especially since i have a bit of a thing about bad pacing). anyways, pacing seems to be the most difficult thing for most fanfic writers to get, so don't feel discouraged. just keep practicing and you will get there. or at least i hope you do (we need more twishy shippers).
As the others said, you need to drag this out a little, perhaps explain how atleast one of them feels beforehand, instead of it just spouting out from the blue, that felt unnatural, that was all. While that have been said, I did like it alot, good luck.
I have to agree with the other comments. Nevertheless, it was a short twishy and a adorable one as well, so I liked it. Greetings
Too fast.... More detail on the conflict.
It's probably just me, but I feel like a lot of romance stories move at an awkward speed. Like, one minute they're friends who happen to be in the same place, and the next their making out in the bedroom. Even when one character has been harboring feelings for a while, as soon as they reveal it, the two ponies' relationship skyrockets. Relationships in real life don't tend to work out that way. A lot of people won't even say "I love you" until they have been together for quite a while. I get that this is a fictional universe, so the rules can be different, but everything always seems rushed as soon as they're in a relationship. Twilight seems to me like she wouldn't immediately kiss Fluttershy the moment feelings started stirring. She's ridiculously analytical, and would probably plan a thousand steps before taking just one. Well, that's how I see her anyway. I guess different people have different ways of looking at characters, but she seems a bit out of character here. She doesn't necessarily have to be a nervous wreck, but I feel like she would at least take more time to think on it, seeing as she apparently developed these feelings in one day. But I'm ranting. I guess I can give it props for being cute or whatever, but I really feel like it needs more build up.
Definitely has some issues... far too fast-paced and I'd really suggest sticking to past-tense. Cute story though. Keep practicing. :3
Hey all, thanks for the feedback :)
I do have a proofreader, unfortunately he was unavailable for this one, I guess it shows XD
Anyway, ill be updating it in the next few days. By making it better paced and adding stuff.
2500862
I do not think you are reading the story wrong, the thing though is that she actually brings up two points. Although better than one, it's still not good.
I havr just edited it to have her list more than one, or two points. I hope this will make her less 1d and actually have some reasons.
If it's not, feel free to pm me some ideas on how to make it better. :)
Very cute, I liked it
This was cute but it feels like a submissive fling for Fluttershy.
Raises a question though, is she a dominant or submissive type?
Oh well.
So, I do agree with the other comments--needs work with pacing, a few grammatical errors here and there--but I like the story itself. TwiShy is what got my attention here, but I really think this has potential. I feel with more practice, (or perhaps another proofreader--the more, the merrier!) you could seriously improve. You have the main ideas down--needs more details, more conflict, and more emotion--but you're not bad. Honestly, I'd love to see more from you. So, have a watch.
(That means write more Twinkie and TwiShy...
)
Nah, I'm joking with you. Regardless, I'll look forward to more installments in your stories Baking a Little Magic and Timid Magic, as well as any new stories you may come up with. If you need help with anything, feel free to ask.
Or more constructive criticism, of course. 
This is a great example of generosity, a friend getting caught in the rain, taking her in and helping her warm up, then realizing that you love said friend, that's a whole new level.
it's cute seeing Twilight get flustered over the fact that she loves Fluttershy but isn't sure what others will think of them being together, she wasn't even sure if Fluttershy loved her the same way until Fluttershy asked her.
cute, a bit rushed, but so cute.
from me you'll get a 3/5. Need to work on phasing
~Tobben