• Member Since 3rd Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 3rd, 2015

ihatethisfreakingwebsite


this fucking website gives me so much secondhand embarassment

T

Fluttershy and Twilight have been spending a lot of time together recently--mostly stargazing-- and Fluttershy's been acting differently as of late. Twilight is determined to find out why, but soon she begins to feel strange new feelings that she can't explain. What is it about Fluttershy that makes her feel so different?

CREDITS
Cowritten with a person


Twilight's vector is by this guy and Fluttershy's vector is from here.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 49 )

A really nice start in my opinion. Excited for the next chapter. :twilightsmile: Greetings

Awesome Prologue and first Chapter my friend ^^ I cant wait to read more ^^ Ur story good friend Has a Favorite

with her half eaten lying on the

Need a noun there, bro. Half eaten what?

Other than that, adorable. Has a favorite and a moustache. :moustache:

<3 DarqFox

2390689 Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it!

2393096 More will be coming soon enough, I promise!

2393563 Thanks, it should be fixed now. I'm glad you like it!

Damn I should have supplied some insulin, because this has started adorably well. Love Twishy stories, and this one looks set to be good. Have a fave and a thumbs up from me. :pinkiehappy:

I feel horrible for not noticing this earlier. I'm supposed to see every TwiShy fic within 10 minutes of their posting time ;-;

Either way, looking forward to the rest of this.

One problem though: Stuttershy. Flutters doesn't actually stutter in the show.

2398399 I'm glad you're looking forward to the rest!

Possibly spoilers below? I mean, if it isn't already obvious, but I don't want to just make assumptions and make anyone mad.

On the "Stuttershy" issue, I can see your point, although you have to remember that she hasn't shown any romantic interest in the show before.
...It's also because I find it hard to convey her quiet and nervous nature :P
Thanks for the advice though! I'll try to keep the stuttering to a minimum (if possible!)

Spoilers above in case you happen to be scrolling up.

2398545

Well of course she hasn't shown any romantic interest in the actual show. I think Faust confirmed at one point that the Mane 6 will never be involved or interested in any other characters romantically.

Stuttering is a very common way for people to try to write a shy character, and actually being a pretty shy person at times, it's probably easier for me than for a lot of people.

Good luck with the rest, though.

2398589 I know. I was just saying that I don't have a basis to go on when writing her in these kind of situations. I appreciate the advice though, and I don't mean to come off as defensive.

2398636

Well, you'll get better the more you write. It also doesn't hurt to read a lot of other people's works, to help inspire you and it might even help you with how to express Fluttershy in situations like this.

2398670 All right. I'm a huge fan of TwiShy pairings, so I'll try to do a lot of reading in order to improve my portrayal of her. Thanks!

Speaking of which, I just read "Love Light, Sleep Tight" and absolutely loved it! :twilightsmile:

2399930

Glad you enjoyed it! That seems to be the most popular one that I've worked on...

It was good. I highly enjoy TwiShy, so this was nice to see! Sorry for not getting to it sooner!

I have a couple of things I'd like to say, though. Someone's already pointed out the over-dose of stutters, but I find that "Oh" comes out a bit too often from Fluttershy--almost as often as people abuse "darling" from Rarity. Try not to do it as much. Also, it feels like it's rushed. Add more details, and give Twilight more time to come to her senses. Obviously, Fluttershy already has feelings for Twi, and vice versa, though Twilight doesn't know how she feels. Make sure things aren't so abrupt and short. Longer chapters, maybe, and be sure to show, not tell!

Despite all of that, I did enjoy this! I want to see more. Good job so far. :pinkiesmile:

I completely forgot I faved this! :rainbowlaugh:
Nice chapter! :pinkiehappy:

A multi-chapter TwiShy! Yay! :yay:

Faved.

2841837 I'm glad you liked it! Sadly, TwiShy isn't a mainstream ship so you don't see too many TwiShy stories, but nonetheless I love the pairing so I strive to portray it as best as possible.

2406951 Thank you! I've taken in your advice and tried my best to work it into later chapters, and will at some point get around to perhaps rewriting the prologue and chapter one as personally I think I can make them much better.

Umm, I'm not expert or anything, but you are not supposed to tell someone that someone likes you, just encourage them to confess :twilightsheepish:
And... Pinkie messed it up, I hope it gets fixed! :pinkiesad2:

Holy Fudge Cake!!!!!
:trollestia: < I WANT THE CAKE!!!!
No Celestia not that kinda cake.......
:trollestia: < Damn.....

Anyway with Celestia out of the way..... WTH PINKIE!!!!! Why did you Ruin it??????
and Twilight.... like always.... ur a dunce... finally figure out your in love huh?

Dammit, Pinkie :twilightangry2:

This chapter just ruined the story for me. The numerous grammar and formatting errors are the least of your problems. I was planning on touching on a few scenes, but after a quick glance over the chapter I realized that all of your scenes are incredibly generic and your characters are OOC. There is not a single paragraph of this chapter that I enjoyed. I don't know what happened as your previous chapters were at least decent, but I would seriously consider scrapping this chapter and trying again.

2920907 Well, I appreciate the feedback! If you could give me a few specific examples of some of those things you noticed, that would most certainly help me improve it, but I can't improve on it if I don't have a good idea of what the issue is.

Way to go Pinkie Pie. :twilightangry2: :ajbemused:

2921123
Well if you really want then I'll do my best to point out specific flaws.
The first scene's main problem is that you bludgeon us with how Fluttershy feels.
"Fluttershy had been having feelings for Twilight for a couple of weeks now, and at first she couldn't understand them. Then, the first time she and Twilight stargazed together, she realized that she loved everything about Twilight" is a prime example. This comes out of nowhere and is incredibly blunt. Following it up by listing all the things She loves about Twilight just continues the trend and turns this from some sort of revelation of her feelings into an info-dump. The end about how the thing she liked most was the gleam in Twilight's eyes when talking about stars and books was nice and I would have just used that and use that as a foundation to build the slow revelation of her feelings from.
Man, forget it. I rewritten my comments on the rest of the scenes three times and I just can't get it to come out right. So instead have some more general advice. Let your characters build your scenes instead of forcing them into cliche skits. Proper characterization is vital for a romance story. That means not just having the characters act believably, but they also need to sound similar to their canon selves. Try to add personality to their words and thoughts whenever possible. That was one of the major problems with Fluttershy; her inner thoughts sounded incredibly generic. I know that you can do this as you've done it in earlier chapters and here and there in this chapter, it just needs to be more consistent.
Well that's all I've got at the moment, hopefully this helps you some.
P.S. You're not supposed to use indentations with dialogue.

pleeeeeeaaaaassseeeee continue :fluttercry: so sad....

3321151 At some point, I'd like to do so. However, life's just too stressful for me at the moment.

3333603 I understand :) just glad you didn't abandon it or somethin

read over it, and you'll see everyone instead of everypony, but otherwise awesome!

3631284 Thank you! I've fixed all the "everyone"s to "everypony". :twilightsmile:

A good start if a bit short it was still good.:ajsmug:

Something tells me that itchy left hoof is a sing for "One of you'r friend s are about to fall in love with each otter" or something like that.:rainbowhuh:

Nice chapter not mush to say about it relay. Looking forward to the next one. :twilightsmile:

All i have to say about this chapter is "Love is a complicated thing" :raritywink:
Looking forward to the next one :twilightsmile:

wow!!! i really liked this story!!! this new chapter was a great way to end it

Well god for you i'm not american.
A TwiShy story should always end happily and with lots of cuddles so
Good bye i guess
TTFN
~Tobben

thinking 1 of 2 things happened. His account got hacked 1 or 2 someone is on his pc playing around. either way i am just gonna wait and see whats going on.

*patiently watches on in hopes of this being the result of a hacker and not a legit thing*

<3 DarqFox

I am going to assume his account was hacked - shame, I really liked this story.

The last comment was at least a year or so ago, and nothing's happened. I'm gonna go ahead and say this fic is done for.

7842714
Um. The "Cancelled" thing, and the fact that the last chapter can only be described as an elaborate shitpost, didn't tip you off?

Also at this point it's been 3 years. Last comment before yours was 8th of december 2014.

8601304
It did tip me off, I was just adding my own two cents like that last comment before mine

I honestly forgot all about this story until you said something.

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