MLP Loops 171
171.1
Gilda drew her tail across with a slashing motion, slapping the projectile aside. "Your guards are unconscious, and you can't do a thing. Give up!"
"Yes!" her opponent said, nodding eagerly. "Anything!"
"Hah!" Gilda said, eagle-claws slamming down on the packed earth. "Okay, there's going to be some changes around here. For starters, this is a pathetic imperial palace."
"Sorry, what?" he asked. "Imperial palace?"
"Well, yeah," Gilda said, shrugging. "Why?"
"...this is the town hall."
Gilda looked around. At Griffinstone.
"Oh, damn and blast," she said, closing her eyes and putting a clawed forefoot up to her face. "Wrong kind of Griffins."
"Something wrong?" Guido asked, nervously looking up to see if his guards were awake yet.
"Right," Gilda sighed. "Oak-ay, new plan. I wanted an empire this time, so I'm making one. I think there's some unclaimed land somewhere over to the east of the ocean..."
171.2
Fluttershy looked up, and smiled. "Ah, excuse me a moment."
Her interlocutor shrugged. "Okay by us."
The pegasus got up, and opened the door. "Hello, Nyx - what a pleasure. How are you today?"
"I'm okay," Nyx replied. "I just wanted to come over to snaffle some of your tea."
"Well, you'll have to move quickly," Fluttershy replied. "My guests are trying to do that as well."
"In our defence," the coyote said, picking up another cup. "It really is very good tea."
The great big wolf next to her muttered something.
"Oh, quiet," smiled the coyote, flicking her tail at his flank. "We're guests here."
The wolf contrived to make it clear that it was the coyote whose manners were in question, not his.
"That's very impressive," Nyx said, nodding. "You did that without a single word or noise. Was it really all body language?"
The coyote rolled her neck, and then turned into an earth pony with a paw-print cutie mark. "Honestly, I think he just likes showing off. But it's magic - it's pack magic, drawing strength from the entirety of an alpha's pack."
She smiled. "Which means me at the moment, of course. Mercedes the Volkswagen mechanic, at your service."
Nyx looked politely blank.
"Mercedes... Volkswagen... they're different kinds of cars?" asked the coyote shapeshifter, then sighed. "Oh, whatever, I guess there have to be some places they don't get the pun."
There was a clatter from in the kitchen.
"Now, look here!" Fluttershy's voice came, stern but fair. "I know you enjoy tricking people, but I was carrying boiling water and could have gotten badly hurt!"
A clatter.
"Sorry, Mrs. Hauptmann," Fluttershy sighed, coming back into the main room with a stick in her mouth. "This naughty little scamp tried to trip me up, so I've told him off ever so much."
"...that's a walking stick," Nyx said, pointing. "How..."
Angel looked up from his hammock and gestured.
"I know I'm a secondarily-looping daughter of an evil side and a blood sacrifice, but it's not polite to say it," Nyx retorted.
Angel flipped the bird and got back to snoozing.
Amused, the big wolf rumbled.
"No, you can't eat him," Mercedes said. "You wouldn't anyway, you big softie."
171.3
Celestia looked up as a letter materialized.
"Ah," she said, smiling. "It seems my student has sent me a letter. Luna?"
Luna looked up from what Celestia considered exquisitely made tea and Luna considered an inadequate supply of biscuits. "Sister?"
"Would you like to read it with me?" Celestia offered.
Luna considered.
"All right," she said. "But mayhap we can get a refill of the biscuits? The chocolate ones, which are a remarkable invention."
"Of course," Celestia agreed.
Biscuits obtained, Celestia unrolled the scroll.
As she did, she noticed that Luna was already on her third biscuit, but didn't make an issue. "Let's see, now... Dear Princess Celestia..."
She blinked.
"What might it be, sister?" Luna asked, swallowing.
Celestia showed her.
Luna's eyes flicked over the parchment, and she blinked.
Dear Princess Celestia, it read.
Gur svefg pyhr vf ng gur obggbz bs gur Pnfgyr bs gur Eblny Cbal Fvfgref.
Cvaxvr cebivqrq gur cevmrf. Rawbl!
c.f. Gur Pnxr vf Rabezbhf.
"...has thy student lost her mind?" Luna asked, examining it. "It does not seem to be Equestrian, nor Old Griffish, nor any other tongue I have read nor spoken."
Celestia shrugged. "I've no idea."
"...and then, when they get knocked off the path by the boulder, they'll be all 'oh, no!' until they land in the lava and find it's really cotton candy lava," Pinkie rattled off.
"Are we absolutely certain this is a good idea?" Spike asked.
Twilight shrugged. "I wanted to do something sweet."
Spike winced. "That pun was old the first time around."
"Besides," Twilight added. "I checked the library records to be sure, but Luna's already read all the Daring Do books just in the month since we cured her. This is basically live-action Daring Do."
"If you say so..." Spike opined.
"So?" Spike asked. "How'd it go?"
"I may have overdone the puzzles," Twilight admitted. "Who'd have thought they'd get stuck on the 128-bit private key encryption problem in the third temple?"
"Almost anyone," Spike deadpanned.
"Fortunately, Pinkie made the door out of gingerbread, so they made it through anyway," Twilight shrugged. "And I think the jump-scare bit should be—"
The ground shook.
"—about then. And it seems like Luna's easily surprised," Twilight went on, as though nothing was amiss.
"Wait." Spike raised a claw. "They're still in the puzzles?"
Cadence stared at the pile of paperwork and the herd of petitioners.
"...they're both missing, see," explained the seneschal apologetically. "And we found that you're third in precedence, so..."
"But..." Cadence blinked. "Wouldn't it be Blueblood?"
"Would you accept Blueblood, or look for a loophole?" her boyfriend asked sotto voce.
"...okay, fair enough..."
171.4
"This is Rarity, Princess," Twilight explained. "She is the Bearer of Generosity."
"Noble Rarity," Celestia repeated, bestowing a smile.
"Actually, your Solar Highness, I'm just a shopkeeper," Rarity said.
Celestia's eyes twinkled. "Not any more."
Rarity blinked. "What?"
"You are now Lady Rarity Belle of the Carousel Boutique," Celestia explained.
There was a soft sliding sound, and Rarity fainted onto a couch.
"Was the couch there before?" Celestia asked.
"No, she does that," Dash explained for her.
"Thank you. And... you must be one of the Apple clan," Celestia noted. "Who might you be?"
"Applejack, ma'am," Applejack said. "Ah run Sweet Apple Acres with m' brother."
Celestia nodded. "Ah, your apple products are the delight of many a day. But - is there any way I can reward you for your aid to my sister?"
Twilight winced.
"Nope," Applejack replied. "There ain't a single thing."
Celestia blinked. "Really? How can this be?"
Twilight winced again.
"Well, 'cause of th' time travel, an' all, ah know how t' handle most anything that might crop up," Applejack said.
There was a moment of silence.
"Applejack," Twilight said, not unkindly. "We need to talk about dissembling."
"What, like unbuildin' things?"
"Sorry, Twilight," Celestia said, slowly. "Did she just say—"
"It's a long story," said Twilight, who was now an Alicorn. "We're still getting to grips with it."
"Hey, how come SHE gets to time travel?" Dash asked. "I'm the one who can travel at, like, faster than uncool..."
171.5 (Evilhumour)
Rainbow Dash flew into Mac's bar and leaned heavily on the counter.
"Strongest you've got and most undetectable, stat!" she groaned, eyes darting towards the door.
"Okay Dashie, truth time, what's wrong?" Twilight's curiosity was peaked and thus she leaned in to hear what got Dash so worked up.
"Starlight Glimmer did it again, tried to mess up my first Sonic Rainboom," the mare sighed, holding a hoof up to stall her friend. "Only this time, Glimmer decided to go after my family first, and..." she groaned, faceplanting into the counter.
"Wait, are you saying what I think you are saying Dashie?" Twilight's mouth was curling up into a grin and right on dramatic cue, a certain mare entered the bar.
"There you are, my little Dashie!" a much older Starlight Glimmer bounded over to the pegasus mare, wrapping her hooves around the Element of Loyalty tightly in a hug. "So this is where you and your little friends go to have fun?" she then turned and flashed Twilight a big and honest smile. "I have heard so much about you Twilight, and all your adventures with my Dashie here!" Glimmer then, with Rainbow Dash still in her forelegs, used her magic to lift out a big thick book. "Care to see some pictures of my Dashie when she was little?"
"Mom!" Dash squeaked out, her face going red as her step mother showed her friends the only pictures remaining of the time that Dash was in the ballet.
171.6: (ORBSyndicate)
Gravity Falls: Friendship is Magic 5: Gideon and Ghosts.
Go to the Tent of Telepathy, Twilight had thought. It’d be a good idea, Twilight had thought. It would annoy Stan and it would be much more interesting than watching the utterly brainless TV shows this Loop had, Twilight had thought. Maybe he really was psychic and could be interesting, Twilight had thought. This could be fun, Twilight had thought.
Now Twilight was being levitated in midair with a pair of shears directed at her face.
She was really, really, tempted to just burn the little ventriloquist dummy and get it over with, but he had an air of importance about him that Twilight had learned to detect from millennia of looping.
So that was out of the question.
To be honest, Twilight hadn’t really expected it to go like this. The strange boy had asked Rarity on a date. (The thought of which was absolutely disturbing to begin with.) Rarity had shut him down.
The First time it was a gentle “no”.
The next time involved a bit of slapping.
The third turn down Rarity called her friends (or siblings) in.
It was quickly discovered that the little “psychic” was a big. Fat. Creep.
Who also, for some reason, had a folksy voice that made no sense in an eight year old.
“Y’all are in the way of my sweet Rarity Diamond! I will have her! Ya hear? YA HEAR?”
Applejack had done her human-form-buck to get the boy far faaaaaar faaaaaaaaaaaaaar away.
And yet, somehow, he was back, using his now apparent psychic powers to point a pair of shears at Twilight’s face.
She cursed herself for thinking his plot line was over.
“Now… You are just one of five in the way of my conquest of Rarity! She will be mine!”
“Look, Gideon. You probably aren’t aware of this but back home she already has a guy. He’s named Spike and he’s quite nice—“
“I SHALL BLOW HIM OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET!”
“Yeah okay kinda figured you’d say that…” Twilight muttered. “Was worth a shot I guess…”
“Now be a good little sheep and lose your face—“
“GIDEON!” The voice of Rarity yelled throughout the warehouse.
“Darlin…?” Gideon said, a smile growing on his face. “I knew it! You’ve come to me!”
“Yes yes now put my sister down please…”
“Of course my sweet—“ Gideon said, lowering Twilight.
What happened next involved Rarity levitating Gideon’s necklace right off him, and then proceeding to toss the pudgy child around like a golf ball.
“OW! OW! HEY! DARLIN! I THOUGHT—“
“YOU THREATEN MY FAMILY, HAVE THE NERVE TO FORCE YOURSELF ON ME, AND ABOVE ALL WANT TO WIPE SPIKE OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET!” Rarity stared deep into Gideon’s eyes. “YOU. MADE. A. BIG. MISTAKE.”
Twilight was quickly reminded why she never got Rarity mad…
Gideon roared. (Or tried to, with all his bruises it kinda came out as a MArGFFF!)
His amulet was gone. His precious Rarity had just been mind controlled to beat him up. How cruel!
She was being kept away. That was the only answer. She couldn’t think that of him. He was a true gentleman!
Gideon was not known for his knowledge in the matters of romance.
He pulled out handmade dolls of the entire pines family and set them up on a replica of the Mystery Shack.
Kid was beyond creepy.
Gideon picked up the Twilight doll. “What are you going to do without your precious amulet???” He mimicked.
He grinned, pulling a book out of a bookshelf. “Ohohohoh… You’ll see. You’ll see.” He looked at the cover, which displayed a golden six-fingered hand with a “2” on it.
Far away, both Pinkie and Rainbow Dash twitched. They exchanged glances.
“How’d you get that?” Pinkie said, confused. “You don’t have Pinkie Sense…”
“No…” Rainbow said, looking at Journal 3. “But I do have this… I wonder what it means?”
Pinkie, with a faraway look, spoke in a monotone voice. “That plot is coming…”
“What?”
“Dashie you seriously aren’t going to make a butt joke about that remark?”
Rainbow Dash was completely bewildered. “I. Wait. What? Plot? But. Uh…” She shook her head. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“AB-SO-LUTELY NOTHING!” Pinkie said, grinning.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, not thinking more of it.
“So. Uh. This is awkward. Today’s the day one of you is supposed to get a crush on Wendy, or at least reveal it to everyone.” Stan said, looking at all six of them awkwardly. “Uh…”
Everyone stared back at him blankly.
Pinkie spoke first. “I PUT FORTH APPLEJACK AS TRIBUTE TO WENDY!”
“PINKIE!” Applejack yelled. “You do realize there are TWO problems with that right? One, I don’t want to. TWO, she’s the older sister of Applebloom this loop! IT’D BE LIKE DATING MYSELF!”
“Aw okay…” Pinkie said, dejected.
Twilight frowned. “Isn’t she like three years older than us? In this age range that generally isn’t an accepted thing…”
Stan shrugged. “I said nothing about her returning the affection.”
“Ah. Tragic and overused plot line.”
“Tell me about it.” Stan said, proceeding to choke on some Pitt Cola. “Anyway, you kids probably want to join Wendy and her friends in their little outing. Go forth and have fun.”
Rainbow Dash and Twilight shrugged. Why not.
“STAAAAAAAAAAAAN!” Twilight yelled at the top of her lungs as the entire abandoned convenience store’s gravity went upside down.
“I’m going to punch him when we get back.” Rainbow Dash muttered.
Wendy looked at the two of them. “What’s he got to do with this?”
“Uh…” The two of them said, trying to think of a way out of this,
A possessed Fluttershy quickly provided a distraction by blowing up a shelf full of popcorn.
“Okay okay…” Twilight said, thinking hard. “There’s probably some reason behind this and we have to be able to solve this without sending Pinkie crazy…”
Rainbow Dash quickly flipped through the Journal. “Um… There’s some stuff in here about using a silver mirror…”
“Yeah I don’t think that’s going to work.” Twilight muttered. “Since we have no silver mirrors.”
“Check your Pocket.”
“Oh… Wait. I’ve got it. What was everyone else doing when they were… “haunted?””
“Being sarcastic? Cellphone?”
“TEENAGER STUFF!”
“So—“ Rainbow Dash blinked. “It can’t be that simple. No. It can’t.”
Twilight poked her head out. “HEY GHOST!”
“YES?” Not-Fluttershy said, turning a full 180 with the head.
“I’M NOT A TEENAGER!”
“OH I’M NOT SURE ABOUT THAT. YOUR MIND IS VERY IMPRESSIVE, THERE IS NO WAY YOU’RE THAT YOUNG.”
“Oh. Great. The one time being a Looper is a disadvantage-“
“WHAT THE HECK IS A LOOPER?” Wendy asked.
“Uh…” Rainbow Dash said, looking around nervously. “How about we just agree that that’d take too long to explain and just scar your mind more than it already is?”
“Ah.” Wendy responded.
Twilight was quickly levitated by the ghost, and… just vanished.
Rainbow Dash blinked. Twilight would have at least tried to defend herself at that point. How did the ghost—
Pinkie roared, revving up a pink flaming chainsaw. “ALLRIGHT GHOST! This is an exorcist’s old weapon from something so long ago you couldn’t even comprehend the eon! AND I WILL USE TO SEVER YOU FROM FLUTTERSHY!”
“WON’T THAT HURT HER?”
“Eh probably but she’s been through worse.”
“YOU WILL NOT USE IT!” It said, snapping Fluttershy’s fingers (in such a way that made them break.) The chainsaw vanished.
Pinkie began to light herself on pink fire. Her voice deepened. “You are going to regret—“
“Wait!” A little voice said, running into the room. Applebloom fell to the floor, Sweetie and Scootaloo close behind her. “These are our friends! Please don’t hurt them! We’re just kids!”
Fluttershy was instantly dropped and a pair of old ghosts appeared. “Oh just wonderful! Children! Hello there!”
“Hi!” Sweetie said, suddenly not as afraid. “Yeah can you not hurt them? Please? They’re nice…”
“And one of em’s mah sister!” Applebloom yelled.
The two ghosts frowned. “We could let them go… if you did a cute dance and song.”
The Mystery Crusader’s eyes lit up. They asked for the ghosts to give them their special costumes…
“TAKE YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS OUT OF HERE! THAT RACKET WAS WORSE THAN RAP MUSIC! WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH CHILDREN THESE DAYS?”
The teenagers, mane 6, and Mystery Crusaders left the building running. Some from the horrible racket that the Mystery Crusaders had let out rather than the ghosts themselves. (Twilight hated that song. Every time it appeared, it was just bad. Not even the Looping crusaders could seem to sing that song well, although they had’t tried that much.)
After they paused to take a breath, everyone began laughing.
“THAT. WAS. AWESOME!” Wendy yelled, high fiving some of the guys. Rainbow Dash whooped and Pinkie ate an entire packet of Smile Dip.
Fear struck Twilight’s heart. Oh no…
For the moment, however, Pinkie didn’t explode. That wouldn’t last long though.
The teens were happy. The Mystery Crusaders were happy. Everyone was happy and laughing and having a good time.
Except Robbie, the annoying guitar player guy.
“Look at these kids! They’re just lame kids who got us into a big mess!”
“Um…” Wendy said, cocking her head. “As I recall they saved us.”
“Whatever.” Robbie muttered.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. What a dolt.
She quickly turned to the Mystery Crusaders. “Now… what were you three doing there?”
“Uh… Uh….” Applebloom said, trying to think of a way out.
“We were watching you!” Sweetie said, grinning.
“Why?”
“MYSTERIES!”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “It’s likely going to get dangerous. Please stop watching us. And Scootaloo?”
“Yeah?”
“Stop drawing pictures of me in that notebook while I’m talking. Actually just stop it.”
“What? But how did you know?”
“Maybe I’m psychic.” Rainbow Dash said, grinning. “Now stop watching us. We don’t like to be spied on…”
Fluttershy walked up. “I mean, we forgive you, but it is a little creepy…”
The three hung their heads. “We’re sorry…”
“Oh don’t be sad…” Fluttershy said. “You can hang out with us now! I’m sure everyone’s really happy you saved them.”
The three crusaders looked at the group laughing and having fun. “Ya think so?”
“I know so.”
“YIPPEE!!!”
At that point, the Smile Dip settled into the consciousness of Pinkie. “OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH I WANT MY CHAINSAW BACK!!!!!”
Everyone stared blankly as the abandoned store went up in flames.
“We’re not gonna to spy for ya’ anymore.” Applebloom said, looking up. “It’s rude and they’re nice people.”
“Rainbow Dash is coooooool…” Scootaloo said, trying hard to resist the urge to sketch.
“Basically, we’re lettin ya do yer own work. We won’t tell on ya though, yer nice enough for that.”
“But we’re going.” Sweetie said. “You do your own thing.”
As the Mystery Crusaders walked off to join their suddenly large circle of friends, their “employer” frowned.
Lyra folded up a large mint-green journal engraved with a design of two five-fingered hands.
She supposed she’d have to investigate on her own now.
All the better.
Obud Khduwvwulqjv-Slqhv
171.7 (Masterweaver)
Twilight groaned as she entered Mac's bar. "Can I get something for 'what the hay just happened' please?" The stallion slid her a drink, and she nodded in thanks.
After a sip, she sighed. "Last loop was.... okay, so Granny Smith was a changeling. And had always been a changeling. And for some reason, decided to moonlight as Vinyl Scratch and actually fell in love with Octavia. And then helped save the world by destroying the force field around a demonic basketball hoop so Celestia could do a slam dunk."
She threw her head back for another gulp.
"...Seriously. It was just... what. What the heck happened?"
Sleipnir jerked awake, pulling his head off the keyboard. "Wha-huh?!"
Skuld glowered at him, arms crossed.
"Aw, crud." Sleipnir gave an embarrassed chuckle. "Sorry, I was just... I was just up all night, checking my daughter's room for monsters, you know how it is—"
171.8: (Masterweaver)
"So... what is it about Starlight's time travel that gets you so riled up?"
Twilight groaned as she enchanted another loop-unique book and put it aside. "Every time I cycled through that portal, there was a different timeline. That's seven timelines—baseline! Not counting the variant timelines where something else happens, which don't really matter because Yggdrassil can 'forget' them easily." She pulled another book off the shelf and inserted it into the datascanner. "Even now that I know how to short-circuit Starlight, it's not guaranteed to work, and it's not always her that casts the spell—plus, it took me a couple of tries to figure out the wording, which means the timelines iterated enough that Yggdrassil is trying to firm them up." The scanner beeped and glowed red, so she put the book back on the shelf. "That means that the next few expansions are actually going to be 'sideways' instead of 'forward', because Yggdrassil is going to be busy trying to fill out the gaps, so we're going to end up in the Sombra war, or the Changeling resistance, or the Nightmare realm or the world of Chaos or Tirek's reign of terror or Flimflam incorporated—I don't even know how that happened!"
Rainbow nodded. "So, all the extra timelines are bugging you?"
"That's only part of it. A big part, but..." Twilight sighed, turning away from her task. "Time travel is delicate at the best of times, Dash. And with Yggdrassil in the state it is, we're nowhere near the best of times. I'm worried that she's going to make some minor change to the spell, some unique variant... I'm worried that she's going to pull a Lyra on us. I mean, I know that Sleipnir is watching constantly, but with the sideways expansions and how hard it is to pin her down before and after the village, all it would take is one little detail and bam!" She slammed her hoof on the floor. "Equestria glitches out of existence." She turned back to the shelves. "I know it's not likely, and I know she's intelligent enough to try to avoid that, but she's not looping, Dash. She doesn't KNOW. That spell is dangerous."
171.9 (Scorntex)
"The night shall last—!"
Nightmare Moon stopped, looking about the hall of startled and terrified ponies, her ears twitching.
"Did anypony else just hear that?" Several ponies numbly shook their heads. After a few seconds the armoured alicorn shrugged.
"Oh, well. Where was I?"
"The night shall last forever?" Fluttershy murmured. Nightmare Moon nodded.
"That's right." She coughed, and raised her wings once more.
"The night shall l—there it is again!"
Several ponies in the audience, now feeling slightly less terrified, exchanged odd looks and confused glances (Pinkie Pie, meanwhile, just looked disappointed).
As for Twilight Sparkle, she was examining a bowl of punch she conveniently happened to be nearby.
For while Nightmare Moon had been mini-monologuing, the bowl had been shaking.
Somehow, she had a horrifying suspicion that this had something to do with the fact that all of the Crusaders had been missing since shortly before she'd arrived in Ponyville.
"Really," Nightmare Moon demanded, "I cannot be the only one here who can hear it. No-one?"
Fluttershy raised a hoof. "I think I can hear it, your highness."
The ripples in the bowl were increasing, and now Twilight was certain over the murmur of the crowd that she could hear something herself.
It sounded like something going thoom.
"You know what? Never mind, I shall deal with it in a moment," the dark alicorn declared. She coughed again, but with much less patience this time.
thoom.
thoom.
thoom. thoom.
"THE NIGHT SHALL LA—!"
Twilight wasn't actually certain if Nightmare Moon actually finished her declaration, as just halfway through the roof caved in, when a great green copper hoof effortlessly smashed through it, splintering wood and glass as it descended towards Nightmare Moon.
About the only thing missing as the poor mare was flattened instantly was a comical sound effect.
Twilight looked up through the sizable hole in the roof, and saw the sight of the Statue of Harmony (which was kind of obvious, with the giant metal hoof and all) standing there.
Over the noise of bits of building still falling, Ponyville's citizens reacting with their customary restraint and caution, and a muffled moan from Nightmare Moon, Twilight could hear music (Sweetie Belle, from the sound of it) coming from the surprisingly animated statue.
That, and the distant sound of Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara arguing over who got the "next go".
She sighed, as she prepared a lecture on animating statues and/or historical monuments, and why while it was fun, it was also very wrong.
171.10 (Evilhumour)
Not surprisingly, there was mass panic in Ponyville.
"It's the end of the world!" one pony shouted, looking up at the celestial body in the sky that was coming closer.
Surprisingly enough, it seemed to be appropriate for once as the moon was jerking erratically in the sky while all the time coming closer to Equuis.
Twilight Sparkle, Anchor and mage supreme, was already on the case and she was not amused by what the cause was.
"Lemon, quit it!" Nyx Sparkle giggled and snorted as her fiancé ran his wings along her side, her horn still glowing and attached to the moon.
Panting, Nyx turned her head to the purple mare banging her head against the wall. "Oh, hi mom, what's wrong?"
171.11 (Masterweaver)
Pinkie didn't even need her loop memories to hit to know this was going to be a bad one. True, she'd Awoken with a flat mane before, but the short-cropped tail and the distantly familiar scent of pony sweat on top of that made for a foreboding combination.
Still, she wasn't quite prepared when the truth arrived.
Luna—dead, killed by a conspiracy theorist Twilight Sparkle when she returned. Celestia, raging, breaking Discord in two when he emerged. Chrysalis... missing, for some reason. Perhaps because Celestia forbade Cadence from ever leaving her sight after Luna died, or maybe staying hidden out of fear.
And then Sombra emerged....
She'd been warned by Twilight that this was likely to happen. Twilight didn't know where anybody but Applejack and Rarity would be in this timeline—but Pinkie, oh, Pinkie rapidly assembled all the memories from her life, her service in the army, her partnership with her sister and the Unbroken Flyer. Her years, and years, and years of hate.
She sent out a ping. She got a few in reply. Then, with the power of lantern and chaos and force, she reached out to touch the mind of her anchor, languishing in a dungeon.
Twilight, please tell me we don't have to play this straight.
There was a moment of terse silence.
...not this time, Pinkie, the telepathic reply finally came, almost relieved. Go be a beacon.
Normally, Pinkie's smiles were filled with cheer and endless joy. But just this once... just this once, she allowed herself a grin as grim and dark as the world she was in.
"iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT'S PARTY TIIIIIIIIIIME!"
The creature that exploded out of the barracks was nephrotic, glimmering, cackling, and dusky dusky pink.
Across the battlefield it charged and danced, smacking soldiers away from each other, long curling arms taking darkened helms and throwing them into the massive maw. Mad laughter spun about, the confused armies finding themselves wearing colorful conical hats that oh so incidentally kept them shielded from any assault. Even Celestia paused as the monstrosity whisked past her, blinking in shock when five eyes seemed to wink eagerly.
Sombra quickly rose up on his crystal, but it was no use. The thing crawled up and curled around it like a tower, sharp teeth exposed. "OH HO HO HO! SOMBRA, DEAR KING SOMBRA. Are you afraid?" Its voice suddenly dropped to velvet. "You're the guest of honor here, Sombra. You shouldn't be afraid... no, I have something special planned for you. You... should be... COMPLETELY TERRIFIED!"
171.12 (Masterweaver)
The Time Out Tale, Part 1
Cheerilee looked up from her papers as the school door was almost slammed open. Almost, because while the door did swing fast and hard, the pony with her hoof on it still had just enough control to bring it to an abrupt stop before there was any real damage. Of course, given who the pony in question was, such a level of restraint wasn't really surprising... although the unnervingly wide smile and the odd springs of hair curling away from her mane did give the schoolteacher some pause.
"...Hello, Twilight. Is there something I can help you with?"
"Yes, actually!" the unicorn chirped just a little too brightly. "You heard all the pings, I hope?"
"Yes. It... seems as if every looper's Awake right now." Cheerilee cleared her throat. "Is there a reason for that?"
"Oh, we're fillysitting. See, Sleipnir's kid got up to some antics with a dollhouse and a rubber duck and the Amala code and... well, apparently Al Saiduq is dealing with a minor case of Cathisophobia, the whole branch is locked down while the admins try to make sure Lucifer isn't looping, and guess where dear old dad decided to put his precious tyke in time out!"
Cheerilee noted the odd twitch to Twilight's ear. "Ah." She paused. "Is she... really that bad—?"
"Cheerilee, she's been staying with me for three days, and while I normally try not to leap to conclusions, I can very definitively state that she is worse than... than..." Twilight frowned, thinking. "....than Diamond Tiara as raised by prince Blueblood!"
The schoolteacher frowned. "Tiara changed in baseline, as I recall—"
"Yes, I get it, overly stereotyped, not fair to the filly, look Cheerilee I am really stressed out." The unicorn leaned forward with an earnest look. "I need some relief. I need some time where I can gather myself. Please, let me enroll her here; eight hours a day away from her might be enough for me to handle this."
Cheerilee looked into her Anchor's eyes for a long moment.
"....alright." She began pulling out the necessary paperwork from her desk, retrieving her Element of Generosity from her subspace pocket. "So, I assume since Sleipnir isn't here, you're her legal guardian...?"
Apple Bloom rose an eyebrow as she entered the schoolhouse, her eyes falling on not one, but two black alicorns seated near the front of the class. The one on the left was familiar, at the least; a frazzled blue-purple mane, weary slit indigo eyes, and just the hint of fangs in her forced smile. The one on the right, though...
Her luxurious crimson locks cascaded from around her elegantly spiraled horn, rippling to a rest between an incredible set of delicately feathered wings. Her eyes, gold with violet speckles, stared haughtily at Nyx as though judging her just worthy of attention. Apple Bloom glanced about as she moved to her seat—yes, yes, all the colts were staring at her astounding form, some part of their hind brains trying desperately to jumpstart puberty.
The farmer leaned toward Sweetie. "So, we got a Sue this loop?"
"Worse." Sweetie discreetly nodded to the pair of black ponies. "Apparently that's Sleipnir and Epona's kid. As in, the Admins."
"Nyx told us that she's been locked into Equestria for a loop," Scootaloo confirmed. "So basically, she's a brat and now we have to deal with her."
Silver Spoon let out a sigh. "Come on, just because she's a red-and-black alicorn doesn't mean she's a bad pony. Maybe she just made a little mistake—"
"Ahem." Cheerilee stood in front of the class, absently nudging the Element of Generosity around her neck. "Class, before we begin, I'm sure some of you have noticed our two new students. I know many of you remember Nyx from the Summer Sun celebration, and I've been assured she's been trying to make friends with many of you, so I don't think I need to introduce her to anyone. Especially not after yesterday's little ice cream incident."
There was a smattering of giggles from the foals, and Nyx blushed. The other alicorn briefly had an expression of confusion, about to speak—
"The other, however, is a last minute transfer." Cheerilee smiled gently at the red-maned filly. "Why don't you come up and introduce yourself to your classmates, dear?"
Apple Bloom noticed the way that the filly paused, considering their teacher for a brief moment. Almost instinctively, she summoned Smart Cookie round her own neck; to her left and right, she saw the other Founders flash into being.
With utmost regality, the black alicorn stepped out of her desk and walked to the front of the classroom. She gathered herself, looking just a touch nervous—but only a touch.
And then...
"BEHOLD THE GLORY OF JORUNN! CHILD OF THE GREATEST OF DEITIES, SORCERESS SUPREME, APOTHEOSIS OF ALL! SHOULD YOU WISH TO WORSHIP SHE WHO IS BETTER THAN EACH OF YOU, YOU WILL FIND NO OBJECTION! SING WHATEVER HOSANNAS YOU SO DESIRE!"
The filly stood, panting and grinning before the stunned foals. For a moment, everything was silent.
Diamond Tiara's shoulders slumped, letting her head meet her desk in a simple and elegant expression of aggravation. Apple Bloom reached out and patted her comfortingly.
Cheerilee sighed. "Yes, well. I'm afraid I cannot allow hosanna singing during classtime. Please take a seat, Jorunn."
"...and so, after the Count surrendered, Fillydelphia became the first township to have an electorally selected mayor." Cheerilee turned from her easel of education to look to the class. "Does anypony want to tell me what that meant for Equestria?"
Twist hesitantly raised a hoof, clearing her throat as Cheerilee gave her a nod. "Um, the ethablithment of local governerth for all townth in Equethria?"
"That's absolutely right Twist!"
Jorunn flipped her mane dismissively. "And having said that, you have made your sole contribution to this classroom, township, and country and will now fade into obscurity."
Cheerilee frowned at her. "Jorunn, Twist is your classmate and I expect you to treat her as such."
The alicorn scoffed, giving her a challenging look. "And just how am I supposed to treat my classmates? Let us not forget that I am inherently superior to them, simply because of my heritage!"
"Being more powerful, or having more powerful parents, does not make you superior." Cheerilee gestured to the easel. "I just finished explaining what happened to a pony who thought that."
Jorunn glared. "So you want me to prove my own greatness?"
"I want you to treat everypony with respect."
"And what have they done to earn that respect?"
"They exist. That's enough."
"Um..." Twist cleared her throat. "Miss Cheerilee?"
The schoolteacher broke off her glare competition and shook her head, giving the filly an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry about that! I shouldn't have gotten caught up in... well, ahem. Where were we?"
"...and that is how my father saved your entire world for the fourth time," Jorunn finished grandly, staring out at the enthralled masses... well, alright, they were only her classmates, but apparently that was important enough.
"Um." A tall, yellowy orange colt in the back raised a hoof. "I... don't remember any of that happening."
"Well, of course you wouldn't. Only the ponies that were looping then would!"
"Oh." After a moment, the colt raised his hoof again. "So, um... your dad sounds... awesome?"
"Merely AWESOME does not even BEGIN to approach the MAGNIFICENCE of SLEIPNIR ODINSTEED!"
"Hey, if your dad's so awesome," squeaked the rotund bluish-green colt next to him, "what are you doing here?"
Jorunn's feathers tightened for a moment, but she rallied quickly. "My presence here is a test of my own skills. I was placed in this world to train my powers, and in so doing become worthy of joining my father in his glorious duties!"
"Oh yeah? How?"
"I—!" Jorunn's hoof held in the air for a moment. "I... am not sure, but I KNOW that I can complete ANY task set before me! That is why I was granted the magic of your unicorns! THAT is why I have the WINGS of the PEGASI!"
There was a quiet moment.
"Er..." Apple Bloom cleared her throat. "And... the strength of the earth ponies?"
"Wh—? Ahem, yes. I have THAT as WELL!" Jorunn decreed haughtily. "In fact, I'll prove it! Right now!" She hopped off the table she was standing on, putting her forehooves underneath and straining. "Watch in, unngh, unabashed AWE, unf, as I easily, nnnrgh, lift this fjandinn þungur borð Viðskiptamiðstöð!"
The foals, looping and none, watched with flat gazes as she struggled to gain purchase on the grassy ground beneath her, trying to lift the wooden picnic table with various grunts and groans of effort.
Eventually she did manage to nudge it to the side, letting out a heavy breath. "What... what kind of enchanted wood is this made from?!"
"Ah'm thinkin' apple," Apple Bloom deadpanned.
"Could be oak," Nyx added with a shrug.
"You're not actually an alicorn are you," Twist stated. "You're a... what'th the word? Pegacorn?"
"I... perhaps I do not, in fact, have the strength of the earth ponies," Jorunn allowed. "But that does not LESSEN my deific HERITAGE in the slightest!"
"Oh come off it!" a pegasus colt snorted. "You're just building up all this pretend story about your dad being some awesome hero because you're jealous that you're not a princess!" He stood up, walking away from the audience of foals. "Come on, guys, recess is half-way over, let's not waste any more time on her."
"What?!" Jorunn cried, waving her hoof as the other foals began to get up and follow the pegasus. "That is preposterous! Every word that has left my lips—well, every word in regard to my father is real! What are you—where are you all going?! Get back here! Þú þrisvar-bölvaður börn! Hvernig dirfist þú hunsa glæsileika minn! Ég mun rífa sálir yðar út og nota þá eins og smjör! Fjandinn ykkur öll!"
"Just ignore her nonthenthe," Twist advised the others. "My mom thayth ponieth like her thrive on attention."
Cheerilee frowned to herself. This was the third day in a row that Jorunn had opted to remain in the schoolhouse during recess. The crusaders had, of course, explained what had happened, and today it was Silver Spoon who was sitting next to the black pegacorn; Jorunn was fiddling with her magic, trying to grip a pencil in her telekinesis.
"...I wish I was back home," she grumbled. "I could just shapeshift hands... why didn't Father tell me earth ponies had magic? If I'd known, I'd have made sure my mortal vessel had it too!"
"Most ponies don't get to choose how they look at all," Silver pointed out. "The only reason I can shapeshift is because of hard work and a random glitch."
"Yes, you earned that gift, I've heard the story." The golden magic levitated the pencil half an inch off the desk—before shorting out with a violet spark. "GAH! I rigged my unicorn powers to be incredibly potent, but this óheillvænlegur lítið stafur keeps mocking me!"
"Power and control are two very different things," Cheerilee explained calmly, putting aside the papers she was grading for the moment. "You're actually doing very well for a filly of the age you assumed."
"That was Mother's one stipulation," Jorunn grumbled, flexing her wings. "She let me have a coat as ebony as her own hair, and the red mane of great uncle Thor, but I would appear as a child of the pony race. I did not realize it would come with so many restraints..."
"And what would you do if those restraints weren't there?" inquired Cheerilee. "If you could do all the things your parents can, if you had their power, what exactly would you do?"
Jorunn frowned. "I... Well, I wouldn't use Equestria as my dollhouse. Doing that is the reason I'm stuck here in the first place."
Silver blinked. "That raises so many questions I didn't know I wanted to ask."
"Still, that doesn't answer the question of what you would do," the schoolteacher pointed out.
Jorunn was silent for a while.
Then she tried to levitate the pencil. This time, though, it caught on fire.
"AAAAARGH! Til fjandans með þetta! Ég hata þetta örlítið stafur, ég fyrirlít þetta heimskur heim, og ég er orðin leið á háði barna Þeir hóra er ég neyddist til að skóla með!"
Silver Spoon frowned. "Their mothers are actually mostly respectable mares, þú skíthæll."
The black filly whirled on her. "Wha—you understood that?!"
"Kindness. Omniglot. Speaking of which, Miss Cheerilee!" She raised a hoof melodramatically, waving it for attention. "Jorunn said a bad woooooooord! Are you going to wash her mouth out with soap?!"
Cheerilee shook her head. "The soap treatment can have terrible side effects." She pulled a drawer open and withdrew a bottle of Listerine. "I prefer mouthwash."
"I'm worried about her."
Twilight looked up from her cup of tea. "Who? Jorunn?"
Cheerilee nodded. "When she first came to my classroom she made a speech. 'Behold the glory of Jorunn,' and all that. But after she tried to show off in front of her classmates... well, she's grown more withdrawn. Especially around nonloopers." She took a sip of her own drink. "And around loopers she just... grumbles a lot. Curses in that tongue of hers..."
"She threw quite the tantrum the other day," Twilight revealed. "Demanded to know what it takes to become an alicorn, and—well, she didn't take it very well when she realized she'd need to find a cutie mark first." A weary chuckle escaped her lips. "I swear, if this keeps up Davenport's going to be one rich pony."
The teacher nodded to herself. "I did notice she didn't have a mark... do you think it's possible for her to attain one this loop?"
"I... maybe?" Twilight waggled a hoof. "Cutie mark magic is a mystery in baseline, and even with all my research there's still a bit of weirdness. And Jorunn isn't all here anyway, technically; as I understand it her actual extra-dimensional form is basically VR'd into Equestria." She rolled her eyes. "I don't know if I've ever heard a more literal interpretation of 'bring your daughter to work day'."
"Still, from our perspective—which is being forced on her, if I understand correctly—she's still got quite some time left in the loop." Cheerilee rubbed at the flower-shaped jewel round her neck. "...actually... I think I'll test it."
"What?"
"I'm going to try to help Jorunn get her cutie mark," she explained. "It might do her some good. It'll give her something of her own to be proud of. Not something she needs to piggyback off her parents."
Twilight Sparkle nodded. "Well... I guess you did always care for your students a lot. It's worth a shot."
"Hmm." Apple Bloom tapped her pencil on the paper. "Well... we could throw her through all our baseline attempts... wouldn't necessarily help her reputation, mind..."
Scootaloo shrugged. "At the very least, we'd get an idea of where her interests lie. We can work on directing her attention after that."
"I don't know girls... a lot of this seems to be more about her position in the pantheons," Sweetie mused. "Maybe we should run through the norse and celtic lists, see if there's anything missing?"
Cheerilee sighed, rubbing her forehead with a frown. "I should have known that this would be more complicated than I thought..." She gave the fillies a small smile. "Thanks for taking the weekend to help me with this. I know you must have your own plans—"
"Eh, this is more important than trying to set Braeburn up with Lil' Strongheart again." Apple Bloom rolled her eyes, idly scribbling down some basic crusades. "Honestly, Ah can never tell which way he swings... every loop it's always either stallions or mares, never both, even when he's interested in people outside his species. Never bi. Statistically it's weird as all get out, but there ya go."
Sweetie gave her a look. "Huh. Is there a trend in either direction?"
"Not any real big one. It's always ten loops or less in one direction or the other."
"Wow, that is weird. A near-even binary split trend... We'll have to talk to Cadance to figure out what that means."
Scootaloo cleared her throat. "As much as I adore talking about a cowpony's sexuality, I think we should focus on our current project. Besides, he's obviously a closeted ace."
Apple Bloom blinked, then facehooved. "Why didn't Ah think o' that?! Herd based society in early industrial revolution, obviously asexuals would not know what they are—"
"Well, to be fair," Cheerilee pointed out with an amused smile, "you three don't have a track record of recognizing a pony's romantic preference."
"Hey, the love poison was just one time!" Scootaloo objected. "And me and Di are just taking it slow, is all—"
"Wait," Sweetie Belle interjected, "you're dating Diamond Tiara?! When did this start?!"
"She was getting kind of annoyed at friendzoning Alula every loop, my in-loop parents were always seeking to pair me up with some rich colt, we decided to give it a shot—I mean, we're not sure if it's serious or not, but this has been going for a few loops now."
"Huh." Apple Bloom looked at the pegasus. "Ya know, that would explain why you're missin' every fourth saturday. It's just... you and Diamond?"
"Berry's dating Discord," Cheerilee pointed out.
"Yeah, but... they're both kinda weird. Ah'm tryin' ta figure out what it is that would keep Scoots and Diamond together..."
A great and massive roar resounded from outside the house. The four of them shared a look.
"...I don't think we had any monster attacks scheduled for today," Sweetie Belle mused. "Maybe we should go check that out."
"GRAAAAA! YOU PATHETIC LITTLE PEST!" A massive red claw swiped at a black spot in the sky. "GIVE ME BACK MY GOLD!"
"Gefðu það til baka? Hvers vegna ætti ég gera þessi þú gróin eðlu?" Jorunn dodged the swipe and blasted at the claw with her magic. "Ég ætlar að nota allt hoard á og ganga úr mundlaug á við það, svo að ég geti synt í blóði flæðir frá lík þitt!" She grinned maniacally as the crown she was holding juggled from one hoof to the other.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU FACE?! I AM VERTRAINZER THE GRAND, TERROR OF—!"
The red dragon blinked as Jorunn rammed into his chest.
"...What are you doing."
"Glæsilega blað mitt má gata brjóstið og setja hjarta þitt á eldinn!" the tiny pegacorn cried, pushing her head into his thick scales. "Logarnir verður ljós á næturhimninum í margar vikur til að koma!"
"...you do realize I don't understand you, right?" Vertrainzer sighed, reaching down to pluck Jorunn off. "Of course I'd have to deal with the crazy pony hatchling... Now why don't you give me that crown and AAAAARGH!" He opened his claws and tried to shake the filly's toothy grip off.
It was at this moment that the twenty-four associated bearers of Harmony (and Angel Bunny) all gathered at the mountain base. Twilight Sparkle pulled a megaphone out of her subspace pocket. "Okay! This fight is over! Mister Dragon, please put the filly down—"
"This crazy pony attacked me!"
Twilight sighed. "Jorunn, please stop attacking the dragon. And give him back whatever you stole—"
"I WILL NOT BE DENIED MY GLORY!" Jorunn crowed, flying high and lancing a beam of magic up the dragon's arm.
"See?" The red reptile gestured at the filly. "She's the one pulling all this!"
"Is she actually hurting you?" Twilight asked through the megaphone.
"Well..." Vertrainzer raised a claw, and then lowered it awkwardly. "No, actually, she's not."
For some reason this only got Jorunn to scream louder. "Ég mun mala beinum yðar í ryki og ganga úr kökur út af þeim!" She dove at his wings. "Ég mun rífa augun úr höfuðkúpu þinni og umbreyta þeim í mikla rúmum í eigin höll minni!" Magic lanced from her horn. "Innyflum þín verður ... vera ... vera eitthvað virkilega fínt og skelfilegur!" Her hooves pounded at his scales. "Og ég ætla að skera út styttu af mér úr höfuðkúpu þína!"
"...Well, now she's hurting me just a little bit." The dragon rolled his eyes. "Can you understand what she's saying?"
Twilight glanced at Derpy, who shook her head flatly. "You don't want to know."
Silver turned to Cheerilee. "How many bottles of mouthwash do you have?"
"As many as I need.... Twilight, can I have the megaphone for a moment?"
The purple unicorn shrugged, handing it over. "Go ahead."
"Thank you. Ahem." Cheerilee brought the megaphone up to her muzzle. "Jorunn, fighting a dragon isn't brave, it's reckless. Especially if the only reason you're fighting is to prove yourself. What are you hoping to accomplish with this?"
"I FIGHT FOR GLORY!"
"You won't get any glory here. You'd be more likely to get glory if you helped your classmates out."
"NO! I WILL FINISH THIS!" Jorunn darted toward the dragon. "PREPARE TO Drrrk—!"
Vertrainzer looked at the pony gripped between his thumb and forefinger, raising an eyecrest as he plucked a gold crown from her hooves. "This is mine." Without another word, he released her and turned around.
The pegacorn shook her head, slightly dazed by the grip but focusing on the large field of red in her vision. "Urrnrngh... GET BACK HERE YOU COWA—!" She failed to notice the massive yellow wing until it clonked her in the head.
"Mmmmrnnngh. Unnn... hunh?" Jorunn's ears perked at the odd beeping sound she heard. Beeping... was she home?
"Looks like you're up."
No... that was the voice of the teacher pony. So she was still in Equestria. But what would the beeping...?
Her eyes shot open and she catapulted to a sitting position. "WHAT BLASPHEMOUS—?!"
"You were knocked out by the dragon's wing when he turned around," Cheerilee explained. "Dash managed to catch you before you hit the ground. The doctors say you're going to be fine, though—"
"NO! I WAS—I was... No. Nonononono. NO. No..." Jorunn buried her head in her hooves. "Noooooooooooo.... I was so close. I was so close."
Cheerilee frowned, but said nothing.
Jorunn started to sob. "WHY?! Why do you seem so determined to, to keep me away from everything?! Why.... why... why..."
The students had, of course, heard what happened. There really wasn't any way to avoid it: A filly purposefully antagonizing a dragon would make news anywhere, especially in the small town of Ponyville.
Their responses were... mixed.
"...she only did it for attention," Rumble pointed out. "She even said so herself! Everyone knows she attacked him 'for glory', whatever that means!"
Twist shook her head. "I'm not thaying that'th not true, it'th jutht... how crazthy do you have to be to try that? How dethperate?" She glanced toward the schoolhouse. "Have you notithed she doethn't ever come to retheth with uth?"
"Yeah, so? She's trying to be all high and mighty up in her palace."
"Or maybe she doethn't have any friendth..."
"Nyx and her buddies seem to do fine with her." Rumble snorted. "I don't know why they're wasting time with her, but whatever."
Twist gave him a long look. Then she trotted toward the schoolhouse.
"Hey! Where're you going?"
"I jutht want to have a chat with Jorunn, that'th all."
"...Fine, whatever. We'll be out here once she's done yelling at you."
Twist rolled her eyes, pushing open the schoolhouse door. The fillies known to the rest of the class as the Nyx Six had always kept an eye on Jorunn in shifts, but ever since the dragon incident they'd really upped their attention; no less than three of them remained with the black pegacorn. Today it was Diamond, Sweetie Belle, and Nyx herself.... and of course miss Cheerilee.
"Did you need something, Twist?"
"I jutht wanted to talk to Jorunn." The filly adjusted her glasses. "That'th okay, ithn't it?"
Cheerilee nodded, giving the sulking pegacorn a glance. "I don't have any problem with it if she doesn't."
Twist approached her classmate slowly. "Hey there."
"...Mmmm."
"....so. Uh... how've you been?"
"Why would it matter?"
"Um... becauthe you're... around," Twist managed lamely. "If you're here, then how you are matterth, right?"
Jorunn gave her a flat look. She picked up a pencil. "Does this matter?"
"...I'm going to thay yeth. Becauthe... becauthe you can write with it!" the filly claimed triumphantly. "Tho, thinthe you matter, what you write matterth, and that meanth what you write with matterth!"
The pegacorn stared at her, violet-flecked golden eyes half lidded.
"Look, my point ith I... want to know how you're doing, becauthe I kind of care about you. Ath a friend."
Jorunn looked away. "We're not friends."
"But we can be, if you want."
"Why bother? Loop ends, you'll forget me, and I'll be back home."
Twist bit her lip. "That.... Okay, I thill don't get that, to be honeth, but if it'th true that'th all the more reathon for me to be your friend now! Cauthe you've gotta treathure ponieth while they're around."
There were those golden eyes again, giving her that look. Twist stood firm, though, smiling back at her.
"...I suppose I was put here for a reason," Jorunn finally allowed, giving a reluctant sigh. "If you really must know how I am, I feel..."
She trailed off.
Twist nodded. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeth?"
"...I don't know. It's not sadness, sadness is active. But it's not boredom, boredom just... covers. It's... hollow."
"Lithleth?"
"...Listless," Jorunn agreed with a nod. "That's a good word for it."
"Huh. Well when I'm feeling down I can alwayth go home and bake something. Maybe you could help me with that?"
"Well, I suppose. Not that I have anything better to do, and from what Apple Bloom's mentioned you will—"
"Ut-Ut-Ut!" Diamond interjected quickly. "That particular part of the future is something we don't reveal."
Jorunn blinked. "What? Why would you not—"
A pink hoof pushed into her muzzle, and Diamond shot Twist an apologetic smile. "Could you excuse us please? She'll be at your home later today, I promise, we just need to clear this up real quick."
"Uh... sure?" Twist tilted her head. "Are... are you god-child time travelerth too?"
"No, just ordinary time travelers. Long story, we can explain later." Diamond nodded toward the door. "For now, though, please?"
"Oh. Uh... okay." Twist backed out of the schoolhouse, returning to the rest of the foals.
"So?" Rumble asked. "Did she start swearing in that fake language of hers again?"
Twist frowned at him. "No, she did not. In fact, she'th coming over to my plathe later. Tho there!"
"....Thooooo," Twist said casually. "Why are you here, Mith Cheerilee?"
"Well, I'll admit that Jorunn is a special case for me." Cheerilee gently ruffled the grumpy pegacorn's mane. "So I decided that I'd join her in her little trip over. Don't worry, I'm just here to keep an eye on her, you won't even notice me."
Jorunn said absolutely nothing. The grim scowl on her face was enough.
"....Ooooookay then." Twist turned to the filly with a wide grin. "Hey, wanna thee where I make my thweeth?"
"That is what I came here for," Jorunn deadpanned, giving her a glare.
"Great!" Twist cried, pretending not to notice. "Come on, the kitchen ith thith way!" She grabbed Jorunn's hoof eagerly and dragged her into her home, Cheerilee following with an amused smile.
As soon as they entered, Twist went about gathering sugar and starch, peppermint and vanilla, various pans and pots, all placed around a central stove-top oven. Jorunn found herself stuffed into an apron, her wings fluttering rapidly as she was pushed toward the cookware. "What are you—?!"
"Well, if I'm not going to be around after thith loop thing you talk about a lot, I have to teach you how to bake thweeth now, right?" Twist grinned, slipping on her own apron. "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing, and if anything goes really bad Mith Cheerilee will pull uth out of trouble."
The pegacorn shot a pleading look to the schoolteacher... who merely crossed her forelegs and leaned against a wall. "She's got a point."
"Þú slægur svikari...."
"Just because I left my mouthwash at the school doesn't mean I don't take notes."
"I wasn't swearing," Jorunn smarmed, fluttering her eyelashes innocently. "I was only comparing you to my grandmother."
"Oh, you have a grandma?" Twist asked brightly. "What'th she like?"
"Very intelligent, great sense of humor, accepts all sorts."
"Thoundth like a nithe lady." Twist looked over her shoulder. "Uh... Mith Cheerilee, are you laughing?"
"No. Most certainly not." The schoolteacher couldn't keep a smile off her face. "You were going to show Jorunn how to bake sweets?"
"Oh yeah!" Twist turned back to Jorunn. "Tho what we do firth ith check to see if our cooking toolth are clean. We can do that by—"
Jorunn washed a wave of magic over the pots and pans.
"...um, what did you juth do?"
"Cleansing spell," replied the black filly. "This body is technically a construct, so I wasn't sure if it was immune to common Equestrian diseases, so I kind of sort of made purifying things one of my natural abilities."
"...riiiiiiiiight." Twist decided not to press any further.
"The spell really does work," Cheerilee added from behind them. "I've seen Rarity do something similar once or twice."
"Rarity? Thweetie'th thithter?" Twist frowned. "How many of you time travelerth are there?"
Cheerilee pursed her lips. "Let's see... four sets of bearers, that's twenty-four, plus Celestia, Luna, Discord, Cadence, Shining Armor, and Angel... an even thirty, I think. Oh, and Mac, can't forget him! Not counting the Founders, or Pinkie's A.I. grandaughter or that talking fruit hat she carries in her pocket... or Applejack's magical science fiction tree, that's another soul-bound intelligence—"
She belatedly realized Twist was staring at her and coughed. "So, thirty-one regular timer travelers and a few associated others that kind of tag along."
"...um. Right." Twist shook her head. "I'm not even going to quethion it. Hey, Jorunn, what'th your favorite candy?"
"Rocks."
"...you mean rock candy?"
"No. Rocks."
Twist blinked. "But... you're not an earth pony—"
"Not literal rocks, Rocks! They're... I don't know, they have nuts and raisins in them, and some spices..." She waved vaguely. "I think it's a kind of cookie."
"Oh... Oh! They're called Rockth cauthe they look like rockth, right?" Twist was already pushing away most of the dishes and putting together an assortment of ingredients. "Okay, what I want you to do ith to meathure out the ingredienth I athk for into thith bowl..."
171.6 continued (ORBSyndicate)
Gravity Falls: Friendship is Magic 6: The Diner
Rainbow Dash stumbled into the Diner, clothing in tatters and looking like a haggard mess. Her wings were manifested, although folded up.
The patrons of the diner gave her a glance, but quickly got back to their coffee. It was way too early in the morning to deal with a harpie.
And it wasn’t like they’d remember any of this in an hour anyway.
Rainbow sat down with the rest of the 6 and Stan.
“Uh… Rainbow?”
“Yes Stan?”
“The only thing you’re wearing for a top is a big leaf.”
“I had to go with what I could find.”
Rarity blinked. “You do keep extra clothing in your pocket right dear?”
Rainbow sighed. “Went through all five outfits today.”
“What on earth were you doing?”
“Well Stan remember when I was trying to karate chop that plank of wood?”
“And you failed miserably?”
“I still think it was rigged.”
Stan grinned. “So what if it was? You needed a lesson in humility.”
“Uh-huh yeah. So I stormed off into the forest punching trees down and stuff…” Rainbow went on, taking the smoothie Derpy Hooves managed to bring to the booth without anything breaking in a spectacular fashion. After quick slurk, she continued. “And then I sorta got involved with some manataurs in a bit of a manliness tester…”
“HOLE OF PAIN!”
“I CAN TAKE PAIN!”
“ACROSS A GORGE!”
“I CAN HAVE WINGS!”
“MUSCLES!”
“I HAVE WING MUSCLES!”
“WRESTLING!”
“TAKE THAT MANATAUR!”
“WARPAINT!”
“AAAAAAAAA!”
“DRAMATIC SHIRT SHREDDING!”
RIIIIIP!
“ONE HIT KNOCK-OUTS!”
PUNCH.
“YELLING FOR NO REASON!”
“AAAAAAAAA (reprise)”
“EPIC TRAINING TAPE”
“THIS SOUNDS LAME!”
“DRAMATIC CRITICISM!”
“THIS SOUNDS LAME!”
“Tea Party.”
“SMASH ALL DISHES!”
“…Then of course I was told to, for the final test, kill the Multibear beast. Turns out he’s a nice guy, even if he does have odd music tastes. So I returned and told the manataurs that I wouldn’t do their dirty work.” Rainbow guzzled the rest of the smoothie. “Then. Well. I went back and announced that I wouldn’t do anything to the bear. Then…”
“What are you some kind of girl???” Tirek, king of manataurs roared.
“ACTUALLY YES!” Rainbow said, grinning, pulling the only dress (and last outfit) she had out of her Pocket. “TAH-DAH!”
Gasps were heard around the group.
“Man you guys are stupid.” Rainbow observed.
“But.. But…” Pupitaur said. “How? HOW ARE YOU SO AWESOME!”
“FEMALES CANNOT BE AWESOME!”
“RUN MY BROTHERS! RUN FROM THE ABOMINATION!”
Tirek stood, glaring at Rainbow Dash before enveloping her in flame.
“…and that’s what happened to my dress. My other outfits were consumed by the tests. Two by the hole of pain.”
Stan rolled his eyes. “That was dumb.”
“I know.” Rainbow Dash said, grinning. “I now know I can pass a manliness test.”
“You didn’t take out the Multibear—“
“I did bring them a T-rex head.”
Stan blinked. “…Fair enough.” He said, chugging some Pitt Cola. (He had long ago mastered the art of swallowing the pit.)
Lazy Susan walked up to them, saying “WINK!” while looking at Stan. She giggled. He laughed nervously.
Rainbow Dash’s face turned into a sly one. “Oh? Oh what’s this? What exactly is happening-?”
“I told the Pinkie and Rarity that I didn’t want to get hooked up with her this time!”
“Oh darling…” Rarity said, a bit sheepishly. “But she seemed perfect at the moment…”
Twilight blinked. “What is WITH everyone and playing MATCHMAKER this Loop?”
“Demonic influence?” Pinkie offered, her eyes going completely white.
Stan blinked. “Just to be clear, she’s NOT a demon. Right?”
“Oh no of course not.” Rarity said, smiling.
“She’s just a Goddess of Chaos.” Fluttershy said.
Stan took a spit-take, launching the Pitt into Fluttershy, knocking her out cold.
“TWENTY MANLINESS POINTS!” Rainbow yelled.
Stan backed away slowly. “You don’t mean… one of THOSE Chaos Gods? Please no.” Stan said, backing away, bad memories flashing across his mind.
“I take it you’ve been to 40k then?” Twilight asked.
Stan turned to glare. “I. Absolutely. Hate. Those. Guys.”
“Oh the looping ones are much nicer…” Fluttershy offered.
“Can it Empress.” Stan grumbled. “WHAT is SHE?”
Pinkie stood on the table in front of Stan. “I am Pinkamena Dianne Pie Pines, Chaos Goddess of Parties, Fun Lord of the Sith, The One Who Sends Shoggoths Gibbering in Terror, the Joy of Faust, the One with Cosmic Pinkie Sense, the One who is Sometimes Made of Cotton Candy, the Pink One of Many Skills, Seer of ALL and BEYOND, The Koopa King's Former Roommate, Part-Time Eldritch Abomination, and I am here to SPREAD PARTIES!”
Stan just stared, unblinking. After what seemed like many long minutes, he spoke.
“So, worse then?”
“ABSOLUTELY!”
Stan turned to Twilight. “Yeah. She’s the second most terrifying thing I’ve ever met.”
“What’s the first?”
“You’ll find out.” Stan said, his face clouding ominously.
“I already know.” Pinkie said, staring deep into Stan’s soul.
“Yep. This just got weird. Goooodbye.” Stan said, standing up and walking out.
The mane six were left in the diner. “So…” Applejack said. “Anyone got a new shirt for Rainbow?”
“The leaf functions just fine.” Rainbow said in a huff. “I can survive on my own clothing skills.”
Applejack blinked. “Uh-huh. Yeah. You do realize that there’s a caterpillar on it slowly eating it away.”
“FIIIIIIIIIINE.”
“Ooh!” Pinkie said, grinning. “I have just the thing!”
And that was how Rainbow Dash ended up wearing a pink sweater.
Stan walked out of the diner, breathing heavily.
That pink girl. That pink girl was just… bringing back many bad memories.
He was fully aware old loopers had really impressive resumes and he was fully aware that Pinkie wasn’t listing even a small percentage of what she knew. He had heard about her, the Looper who was able to retain many many many abilities between loops. The party pony. The creature that had only one purpose in existence: to party.
That wasn’t what concerned him. (Although his rather unpleasant experiences with the other Chaos Gods had been horrid, he could at least understand them after a bit of thought.)
The vast majority of people he came across he could understand, analyze, figure out how to swindle or otherwise.
Pinkie defied that. However, plenty of people out-swindled him throughout the Loops.
No - What concerned him is the WAY she did it. Complete randomness. A look of all-knowing. Staring into spaces where there was nothing, and somehow knowing too much. A mind that is always working, continually plotting things out. A mental state that seemed random, but couldn’t be, because it got so much done.
She was a being of nigh-unimaginable power.
And she had a mind frame suspiciously close to that of Stan’s enemy…
Lyra sat at the diner, observing. She was sitting at the same table as Berry Punch and Bon Bon, carrying on a conversation of sorts. In reality, she was just trying to look like she was. She had discussed with Bon Bon the art of pretend conversation. Bon Bon was controlling the topic, and Lyra was nodding and apparently fixated on the conversation. Berry Punch was there as an unwitting part of the plan: she was drunk as a skunk and was talking louder than a wolf howled, and Bon Bon was responding. With the three-way dynamic of conversation leader, crazy drunk, and quiet responder, it looked like they were having a very in-depth conversation to the casual observer.
Lyra was, in reality, scribbling in her Journal under the table. (She had long ago mastered writing without looking at the paper.) And was making note of Rainbow Dash’s… well wings. Not to mention that the girl was all beat up like she’d just been through a trial.
Lyra pondered this. Possible run in with the manataurs? Multibear? Nah the Multibear was a nice guy. Bit odd taste for music though…
Pinkie and Twilight were the other ones she was watching closely. She had caught Twilight using magic effortlessly, which should be impossible. Everything Lyra ever found needed some form of energy conversion, and more often than not an incantation of some sort. From what she observed Twilight had just used magic with no outward change, no loss of energy… Perhaps she just wasn’t using enough or had some kind of magi crystal?
Then there was Pinkie.
Lyra had forty pages on Pinkie.
She still understood nothing.
Pink fire seemed to be a theme with her, as were the party cannons. She was either the most friendly person ever, or the most ominous. Lyra didn’t get it.
The other three, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity seemed more or less normal. Lyra suspected she just hadn’t found out what they were capable of yet.
As the six of them walked out of the diner, Lyra folded up her book. “Bon Bon, let’s go.”
Bon Bon nodded.
The two left Berry Punch (drunk as a skunk) talking to nothing.
They walked out, carefully avoiding the red-hooded men surrounding the diner…
Ylen naq Fjrrgvr Qebcf fubhyq ernyyl gunax Oreel Chapu...
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Well, things are quite complicated....
A long story indeed.
171.11 ... may what ever gods that may exist beyond the realm of the admins have mercy on sombra... because pinkie is annoyed....
Why not both? She's the most ominously friendliest person ever.
What does nephrotic mean? When I tried googling it, I only found something about a kidney disorder.
6940356 This is why you do not ever ask "who is best pony?" within hearing range of anybrony.
I just imagined a British Gilda. It's hilarious.
I get it.
*amused snort*
You're goddamn right they are.
BOOO!
Me.
You make an excellent point.
Eh?
My headcanon is it's a basic summoning spell.
How fast is that?
Oh my YES!
OK then.
Oh boy.
Uh, no.
Yep.
She's taking this remarkably well.
Oh boy. Also, Crusaders'.
Yikes.
Wat.
Yikes.
Didn't expect that.
Of course.
The Sombra War timeline.
She's gonna enjoy this a bit too much.
Eep.
Oh wow.
And an entitled brat I'll bet.
And I thought Thor needed to be brought down a peg.
From the looks of it.
She has a point.
Heh.
If you say so.
Weird.
Indeed.
Huh. Neat.
Excellent point.
I don't know what that means, but that sounds hurtful.
Perfectly.
Quite.
Nah, just a normal time traveler.
Fair enough.
Her grandma's Loki. Oh my god this is great!
Quite a lot.
Agreed.
Uh,yeah.
Relax, the looping ones are relatively harmless. And she is the Chaos Goddess of Parties, she's harmless unless you piss her off.
Also the Element of Laughter and master of toon comedy.
Yeah.
Bill Cipher. Think Discord but more psychotic and less funny and possibly more dangerous.
Kinda want to see Pinkie go up against Bill Cipher now.
Both.
Homophone scan... deedley deedley dee...
piqued
I sometimes forget how scary Pinkie's list of titles actually is
I see what you did there. Her "grandmother" would be Loki.
Oh gog, I just realized. Poor Eragon, his first who-knows-how-many loops must have been terrible. Anyone who's read the series should to the end should know what I'm talking about.
I really liked having icelandic, but icelandic is hard and something I did't like were some errors in it. So I make some notes for you, please note that they are not perfect, but they are better than you have.
if you don't mind
damn heavy table a business center!
a damn heavy table a business center!
???fjandans þunga borð
NEW NOTE1
icelandic nouns have a gender,
adjectives have the same gender as the nouns.
NOTE1:borð is a it
A/N:How did you get Viðskiptamiðstöð?
You thrice-cursed children! How dare you ignore my elegance! I will rip your soul out and use them like butter! Damn you all! "
Þið þrisvar-bölvuð börn! Hvernig dirfist þið hunsa glæsileika minn! Ég mun rífa sálir yðar út og nota þá eins og smjör! Fjandinn hafi ykkur öll! "
NOTE1:börn are a it/they
NEW NOTE2
you = Þú, þið
Þú is a singular
Þið is a plural
sinister little stick
óheillvænlegur lítill stafur
NOTE1:stafur is a he, lítið is for a it.
NOTE3+:Here are... sálir, I (verb)...sálir
To hell with this! I hate that? tiny stick, I despise this stupid world, and I am weary of ridicule children they whore I was forced to school with
Til helvítis með þetta! Ég hata þennan litla staf, ég fyrirlít þennan heimskulegan heim, og ég er orðin leið á háði barna sem þau hóra ég neyddist til að ganga í skóla með
hell = helvíti. (NOTE3)to hell = til helvítis.
NOTE4:Fjandinn = the devil
this or that?
this = þessi, that = þetta.
NOTE3:"þennan" is a accusative of "þessi"
I am not sure how to explain more. this is confusing
"þessi" and "þetta" is a same word(NOTE1) and not the same word(this&that).
NEW NOTE3 pronoun
nominative: is...stafur
nominative: Jorunn's...stafur
accusative: about...staf
accusative: I (verb)...staf (sample: Ég hata þennan litla staf, ég fyrirlít þennan heimskulegan heim)
dative: from...stafi
dative: in...stafi
genitive: to...stafs
UPDATE NOTE3+:sometimes is nominative and accusative alike
noun stupid = heimskur, adjective stupid = heimskulegur.
NOTE3:"heimskulegan" is a accusative of "heimskulegur"
A/N I do not get "Þeir hóra er ég neyddist til að skóla með""they whore I was forced to school with"
you jerk
skíthællinn þinn
"Give it back? Why should I do that you overgrown lizard?"
"Gefa það til baka? Hvers vegna ætti ég að gera það, þú ofvaxta eðla?
I am asking you please "gefðu" it back, I am not going to "gefa"
"ofvaxta(ofvöxtur)"is a hard word, not sure it is a right verson of it.
over- = of- ; grow = vaxa ; growth = vöxtur
"I plan to use all the hoard and make a basin with it, so I can swim in the blood flowing from your body!"
"Ég ætla að nota allan forðann og gera úr því mundlaug, svo að ég geti synt í blóðinu sem flæðir úr líki þínu!"
"Ég ætla að nota allan forðann og gera mundlaug úr því, svo að ég geti synt í blóðinu sem flæðir úr líki þínu!"
NOTE1: blóð and lík are a it/they
NEW NOTE4: a or the
a blood = blóð
the blood = blóðið
NOTE3&4: (nom)blóðið, (acc)blóðið, (dat)blóðinu, (gen)blóðins
"Glorious blade pierce my chest and put your heart on fire!"
"My glorious blade pierce your chest and put your heart on fire!"
"Glæsilega blað mitt mun gata brjóst þitt og setja hjarta þitt á eldinn!"
"The flames will light up the night sky for weeks to come!"
"Logarnir munu lýsa upp næturhimininn fyrir vikur að koma!"
"Logarnir mun lýsa upp næturhimininn næstum vikum!"
"I will grind your bones to dust and make cakes out of them!"
"Ég mun mala beinin ryk og gera kökur úr þeim!"
"Ég mun mala bein yðar niður í ryk og búa til kökur úr þeim!"
A/N: "yðar" is a a ancient Icelandic
"I will tear your eyes out of your skull and convert them into high beds in own my house!"
"Ég mun rífa augun úr höfuðkúpu þinni og umbreyta þeim í háum rúm í húsi mínu!"
"Ég mun rífa augun þín úr höfuðkúpu þinni og umbreyta þeim í hátt rúm í húsinu mínu!"
"Visceral will be ... be ... be something really fancy and scary!"
"Innyfli þín mun vera ... vera ... vera eitthvað sannarlega ímyndað og hræðilegt!"
"And I'm going to cut out statue of me from your skull!"
þína > þinni
A/N:good jod
"You crafty traitor ...."
"Þú prettvísi svikari ...."
V yrtvgvzngryl guvax V nz fgnegvat gb ybfr zl fnavgl.
oh, that reminded me of that comic book story, "superman/batman: absolute power" where 3 super-villains from the future (might as well call them the "league of super-villains") went back in time and adopted young Bruce Wayne and Kal-El...and eventually conquering the world with their help!
oh, that made me think of "shifting melodies", where a Griffon was wearing a "manly pink scarf"...(his pink girlfriend borrowed his usual one)
You're welcome for the answer to the Caesar Cipher Letter.
You're welcome for the answer to the Caesar Cipher Letter.
Ooooooh, I do love seeing the admins interacting with whom their looking after more. Especially now that we have a kid admin in the story!
7400724
Icelander here. Seeing Icelandic used "in the wild" is always real fun, but yeah, the Google Translate is real strong with this one.
An apt description
What’s with the random gibberish at the end of each Gravity Falls: Friendship is Magic episode?
9535980
During the credits of the original Gravity Falls episodes, they included a special cryptogram that people could translate in order to figure out a secret message. The guy who wrote those snips did the same thing.
Until next time...
Anon e Mouse Jr.
Well she's certainly one violent little filly. 'I'll grind your bones into dust and make cakes out of them'? I doubt that's a proper translation, but still, how is this story managing to get by on an E rating?
6940640
AND THIS IS WHY WE NEVER PISS-OFF PINKIE PIE.
Missed a pun not calling it Gideon at the Ghosties.