• Published 19th Apr 2013
  • 57,113 Views, 9,310 Comments

MLP Time Loops - Saphroneth



Twilight Sparkle has been here before. In fact, she's been here so often she's thoroughly bored. Time Loop stories for Equestria.

  • ...
92
 9,310
 57,113

PreviousChapters Next
MLP Loops 134


134.1 (Gym Quirk)

Jean-Luc Picard sat in a conference room with the looping members of his senior staff.

It was the aftermath of the affair at the Remmler Array where the Enterprise would undergo a routine baryon decontamination sweep. Some simple modifications to the normal security protocols usually served to thwart the baseline terrorist attack.

But they were clearly not able to prevent this act of...vandalism? Or was it theft?

The captain gazed at the PADD on the table with bemused annoyance.

He read the short message displayed there one more time.

My dear Jean-Luc,

Tempted as we are to apologize for what has happened, when we consider what you did during your last open visit to Equestria, we find that we are unable to do so.

We do wish to make it clear that we hold no personal animosity toward you, your crew, or anyone associated with your universe.

Had you left the situation as it was after your tenure as the proprietor of Carousel Boutique, there would have been no need for the actions we have taken. That said, we now consider the matter closed. You have our assurance that the usual sanctuary status will be extended the next time you or any of your crew visits Equestria.

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle, Apple Bloom, McIntosh Apple, and Pinkie Pie

"What did you do to them, Jean-Luc?" asked Beverly Crusher.

"You recall my telling you about the time I spent the loop there as a fashion designer?"

There were nods all around. "It was a fairly horrid pun," observed Geordi LaForge.

Picard had the good grace to acknowledge this with a grimace. "The next time I looped in as Earl Grey, I found myself running a small vineyard on the outskirts of Ponyville. Again, my intentions were for a peaceful loop investigating the workings of earth pony magic as it relates to their agricultural sector. I had informed the local loopers of this and they were happy to leave me to my small farm.

"For whatever reason, there was a sudden increase in demand for root vegetables, and I had several fallow fields that I thought I might use to take advantage of the situation."

Will Riker and Deanna Troi shared a look. "I think I can see where this is going," murmured the first officer.

"Let me guess. You asked for help with a seed drill or similar agricultural implement," suggested the counselor.

Picard massaged his temples. "It was entirely unintentional. The words were out of my mouth before I thought about what I was saying..."

"Bringing the discussion back to the matter at hand, what are we going to do?" asked LaForge. "Remarkably accurate duplicate notwithstanding, this is not our Enterprise. As far as I can tell, this replacement ship is functionally identical, and the contents have been transferred with very few obvious alterations. It should easily last us until Veridian III, at which point, we should be able to return to baseline."

At least the ponies had left them an (almost) identical ship; James Kirk had said that most of the time loopers stole his Enterprise, they were much less considerate.

"If only the hull wasn't that color," sighed Riker. "I think we'll have to use one of your spares, Jean-Luc. It's either that, or try to explain to the crew why the ship is now bright pink with yellow and blue balloons in place of the usual Starfleet insignia, and I somehow doubt the fallback of blaming it on Q will work."

Picard nodded in resignation.

"Cheer up, Jean-Luc," advised Beverly. "You can add a fully functional pony-built starship to your collection now. I don't think Jim or Jonathan can claim to have anything similar."


134.2 (bubblesage)

"What. the. bark." Twilight asked face hoofing looking at where her tree had stood.

Jack trotted over rubbing his head. "Yeah. That- that can happen."

Twilight levitated several brooms, dust pans and various other implements to the two. "I don't care how. I'm going to the spa, then to Mac's bar. My tree better be back by the time I get back. Understood?"


(Evilhumour)

"Rio Reverso!" The green pegasus shouted in the air above the splintered tree.

"Reversing Mirror!" The black unicorn shouted too, when he slipped on a fallen sign saying home sweet home.

"Uh oh, DUCK!" The anchor for the Showdown branch shouted to the group of ponies around them as the beam from Rio Reverso overshot the remains of library and hit Twilight in the flanks, sending her head over tail into a big mud puddle.

With a weary step, the now muddy purple alicorn stood up and slowly focused her eyes on the Showdown Loopers.

"Run now." She barked out through clenched teeth, with the growing crowd of ponies now looking at her with awe and wonder. "Because if I get my hooves on you, you two are so going to the moon for this!"


134.3 (Gamerex27)

Twilight rolled her eyes as the supercharged Tirek towered over her. She really didn't have time for this. Her library had already been blown up, and she had to get back to her hotel room in Canterlot before her batch of Ice-9 broke out of containment, brought her sample of SCP-447 into contact with the wilted flower, and ended up crashing the Loop.

"You will give me what I want!" the centaur demanded, staring the Anchor down menacingly.

However, Twilight had stopped being intimidated by him around the third time he ever showed up in the Loops. "I'm not in the mood for this," she growled. "If you don't leave[ right now, I'll chain you down in the Scariest Cave in Equestria, leave you there, and-"

"Waaaaaait!"

Pinkie Pie, the only other Looper currently Awake, skidded between the two magical titans from seemingly nowhere.

"Huff...Huff...Here you...go, Mr...Tirek!" Panting, she reached into her saddlebag, pulling out an ordinary-looking, pure white chicken egg.

Tirek narrowed his eyes at the Element of Laughter. Leaning down, he plucked the egg from her hoof, and studied it carefully in his hand.

Slowly, he brought the egg up to his mouth, and ran his tongue over it. Frowning, he conjured a microscope from his stolen magic, and stared at the egg intently.

"Wait, what the bu-"

"Finally," Tirek said, pocketing the egg. "I have my egg."

With that, he vanished in a poof of smoke. A geyser of pure magical energy erupted from where he once stood, slowly spreading all over the land and restoring the magic he had stolen to everypony in Equestria.

Blinking, Twilight turned to face her friend. "I...what...what the stomata just happened?!"

"Weeeeeell," Pinkie Pie said, pulling out a vial of sinister looking bacteria, "I found this when I went to Tartarus for more ingredients for the Super-Warm-Lava-Cakes I wanted to make! So, since it said 'Umbrella Corporation' on it," she said, motioning to the aforementioned logo, "I figured that all Tirek wanted in this Loop was an egg!"

"What."

"I dunno what he's gonna do with it," Pinkie Pie said, shrugging. "Maybe he'll start a chicken farm? Kinda hard to do that, since it wasn't fertilized and all. Maybe he just wanted to make an omelette, or a cake? But you kind of need more eggs for those. I had more eggs to give him, too, but this means more for me!"

"I...Pinkie...Why the hay does Tirek being related to the Umbrella Corporation means he'd just be satisfied with...an egg?!"

Pinkie Pie giggled, wrapping her foreleg around the other pony's neck to bring her into a conspiratory whisper. "You don't know? That's all Wesker really wants. He always says 'You will give me an egg!' So, I did it, since Tirek kinda sounds like Wesker, and he left!"

"I...." Twilight shook her head vigorously. "I really wish Mac was Awake this Loop. I need to get back and check on the Ice-9. Hopefully, there's enough 447 left to brew a stiff drink for me. Bark knows I need it."


134.4 (Kingofsouls)

Argent Adept was about to strain his face permanently due to all of his angry glowering. Vinyl was in the meantime just....taking it all in. The Loops were weird, but this...this was....well weird. A purple clad masked pony that reminded her of a certain motor mouth from the Marvel Loop had stolen Octavia's cello and was.....playing music on it. To add insult to injury, the area where his cutie mark would be was a yellow version of Octavia's.

Argent could take no more.

"GUISE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP STEALING INSTRUMENTS SO YOU CAN PLAY FREEBIRD ON THEM!"

"SOR-RY, CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE POWER OF BEING A HIPPIE!"

Vinyl just....continued to stare. "Is he.."

"From my loop? I am ashamed to say yes." Argent moaned. "At the very least, he is not looping. I thank the admins.”


134.5 (JustTheBast)

The bell of Carousel Boutique tinkled as Twilight entered the shop's front room. Rarity had asked her over to assist in some unspecified "testing", and she was quite curious to learn the details.

Alerted by the bell, Rarity soon came out of the back area and smiled to see her friend.

"Twilight, darling, so good of you to come. I do hope it's not an imposition?"

"Of course not, Rarity," Twilight replied with a smile of her own. "You know I'm always happy to help. What exactly is it that you need me for? Your message was a little vague."

"Ah, of course, dear. It's a new line of protective clothing I've developed. Please follow me - I've got it set up downstairs in the materials lab."

As the two ponies descended to the modest laboratory that Rarity added underneath her shop most loops, the fashionista continued, "I tested it against projectiles and energy weapons myself, but when it comes to magic - well, yours is so much stronger and more versatile than mine, so naturally I thought to invite you to put my newest creation through its paces."

Twilight blushed slightly at the compliment. "Thanks, Rarity," she said a little awkwardly, "I'll help any way I can."

The two of them entered the lab and went into a side room, where Twilight saw a gun range set up with a ponyquin wearing a dark, twinkling dress as the target.

"So..." said Twilight, eying the dress, "I just attack it with magic and see what happens?"

"Yes dear," said Rarity. "I'm confident that it can stand up to nearly anything you can throw at it - although, obviously it only protects the covered areas. It is difficult to provide full body covering and elegance at the same time. Alas! Why must style and functionality so often be at odds?"

Rarity raised a hoof to her brow in anguish, and Twilight almost expected her to summon her fainting couch at any moment, but the fit of drama passed and Rarity became all business again. "Do go ahead, darling."

"Okay," said Twilight. "I'll start with a test shot to get my eye in and then ramp up."

She lowered her head and shot a small bolt of purple magical energy at the dress. She looked back up just in time to see the bolt seem to dwindle and vanish. Beside her, Rarity bounced excitedly, before catching herself and pretending she never moved.

For the second bolt, Twilight increased the size and watched closely what happened. As the bolt touched the fabric, instead of impacting it appeared to shrink and dwindle to nothing. It almost looked as if...

Twilight shot another, even bigger bolt and watched the shrinking effect take place. Yes; It definitely looked like the bolt was travelling into the distance until it winked out. She conjured a small scrying portal that gave her a side-on view of the ponyquin and shot a slow-moving bolt. The portal showed her that there was indeed no impact; the bolt appeared to travel straight on, into the dress. From her own vantage point, she could still see it slowly moving on and on into the distance, within the cloth.

"It's a portal?" Twilight exclaimed.

"Of a sort," said Rarity with a satisfied grin, "but not quite..."

"All right, Rarity, I'm impressed," said Twilight. "Now spill. What exactly is it?"

Rarity tossed her hair and smiled mischievously. "Well, darling, a few loops back, I found myself in a sci-fi themed loop, where space-time was particularly warped. Lots of little pocket universes all over, just bulging out from the main universe with no regard for road safety." She shook her head at the inconsiderateness of the cosmology of said loop. "Anyway, everybody kept going on about 'the fabric of space-time' all the time, so I thought, why not take that literally?"

"Wait, you mean...?"

"Yes, dear," said Rarity with a smug grin. "The next time we came across a pocket, I just stitched it shut and took the remaining fabric with me. I've been experimenting with it ever since, until I came up with this fetching little number." She motioned at the glittering, star-spangled dress.

"A wearable pocket universe..." Twilight said, flabberghasted. "And everything you throw at it just travels into deep space within it. That's- Hey, wait!"

Twilight eyed the dress suspiciously. "If that thing is basically a stretch of deep space in dress form, why doesn't the surrounding air rush into the vacuum?"

"Oh, I thought of that, of course!" said Rarity, waving her hoof airily - although her tone made Twilight suspect that there had been some explosive decompression incidents in Rarity's experiments with the fabric. "I enchanted the material with a screen that keeps it airtight and only lets harmful energies pass through."

Twilight mulled this over for a moment, then cocked her head. "Rarity, I think there might be a flaw with this..."

She shot another bolt at the dress, this time of a different kind. "Dispel Magic!"

Instantly a howling wind arose in the room, as the air started escaping into the depths of the dress. Loose objects around the room started flying, and Rarity's hooves scrabbled for purchase on the floor, as she found herself being pulled towards her creation. "Wahahaaa!"

To her relief, a purple shield popped into existence around the dress, cutting off the suction. Sinking to her haunches, she gasped, slowly recovering her breath and composure. After a few moments she looked up at Twilight sheepishly.

"Ahem, yes. I see. That's definitely something of a drawback." She fixed her mussed hair, stood up and joined Twilight by the force bubble.

Inside the shield lay the dress, and both of them could clearly see the ponyquin tumbling serenely within the void of space, surrounded by some of the loose objects from the room and pretty, glittering particles of ice - remnants of the humidity in the air, frozen in the cold of space.

"It's a pretty dress, I give you that," said Twilight. "Could be a bit rough on the wearer, though..."


134.6 (Crisis)

Twilight Sparkle was expecting a quiet night in as she opened her door. Not being bowled over by a ballistic impact from her pink hyperactive looping friend.

"Twilight-Twilight-Twilight-Twilight-Twilight!"

"Yes, Pinkie?" Twilight shook the multiple images of her friend back into one.

"Quick! I need twelve bags of flour, eleven bags of sugar, ten tubs of butter, nine more of icing, eight marshmallow creme, seven things of ginger, six baking soda, five vanilla, four gallons milk, three tea spoons, two dozen eggs, and a biiiig bag of chocolate chips!"

"Pinkie... Is this for baking or a Twelve Days of Hearth's Warming parody sketch?"

Pinkie Pie opened her mouth to reply, paused, and closed it. Tapping a hoof to her chin, she pondered for a moment. "That's a gooood question....."

"Why I asked it."


134.7 (Leviticus Wilkes)

A smokey table under a green light. Cards and cigars. Beer and milk. In the back a pool table, billiards clicking against one another. The front bar, a rich mahogany plank, is spotless. The bartender was cleaning a glass. A piano played in the background. It was a brilliant little cliche, only broken by it's occupants.

The bartender was an apple red pony with a green apple mark on his flank, named Mac. Darth Vader was winning his pool game against Corvo Atano. And the poker table was populated by dogs.

Link plucked out two cards and flipped them over for display. "Pair of queens."

Amaterasu flipped her own cards out. "Pair of kings."

Dog threw down his cards. "I'm out."

Cat grumbled something from under the table. "Of course you're out."

Spike smiled and flipped out three cards. "Triple Aces."

Leah growled something profane and threw her cards down, along with Courage.

Balto cocked an eyebrow in confusion. "Uh... Three twos? Does that trump three aces."

Spike reclined himself. "Nope. I get the pot boys and girls."

The assembled canines/former canines drew new hands. Leah looked up at Mac, who had stopped wiping his glass to stare. "Take a photo. It'll last longer."


134.8 (Evilhumour with help from Purrs)

Prancing a bit as she trotted home, Twilight was thoroughly pleased with the current loop. Nearly all of her friends were Awake, a relatively rare occurrence and a real treat. Her daughter and Luna had pranked Ponyville with a spectacularly choreographed dance-off. Ivory Scroll, after digging around in some records, had declared Ditzy the sole inheritor of the lands and titles formerly owned by Blueblood (the stallion's definite vitality apparently notwithstanding). In all, she was really enjoying herself.

The feeling wouldn't last long. When she reached for the doorknob, her magic bounced off somehow. She blinked and tried again, only to find the same odd reaction.

Well, insanity was repeating the same action and expecting different results. Even if the Loops had sent her sanity elsewhere, she wasn't quite that...

Then again, third time's the charm, right? She put more force into the spell this time, which proved to be a mistake. The magic bounced off yet again, forming a sphere as it bounded into the square. Ricocheting around town like Pinkie on a sugar high, the ball startled many ponies before eventually leaving her sight. More than one stallion was slapped by a mare misidentifying the brush along her flanks as a fondle.

Twilight considered going forth to stop the magic ball, but Trixie solved the problem for her. That is, a loud bang made her fold back her ears, and a familiar wagon proved for the umpteenth time that being aerodynamic and controllable were not necessary prerequisites for flight. The faint sound of "It's not my fault!" from the rapidly departing vehicle completed the picture, and Twilight turned back to the problem at hand with a slight chuckle.

(Several weeks later, Trixie and Gilda would emerge from the Griffin Lands, announcing to everyone their exciting tale of prophecies, queens, battles, and mysterious objects only cloaked in mystery because the showmare kept changing the subject.)

Perhaps her hoof could accomplish what her horn couldn't - but no, it found absolutely no purchase. Grinding her teeth, she attempted to bypass the door completely and teleport in. Unfortunately, the attempt just ended with her landing on her tail, still outside the library.

Now she was angry. With a clomp of hooves on dirt, she charged straight at the door, horn lowered, fully intending to just smash the bucking thing. The plan did not work as intended, instead leaving her once more on her rear with the addition of a strong headache.

Picking herself up, she snarled at her library, resolving to conquer this challenge with whatever it took. At least it should be easier now, seeing that there were three trees before her, although their moving around could pose a problem. The squirrel beside her chittered that she wasn't thinking clearly, but a glare was sufficient to make it flee. As it left, it muttered something about her hearing things, too.

Well, Rainbow Dash always found it so easy to crash in. Maybe there was something about pegasi... A quick ascension and descension gave her the means to test the hypothesis. Letting her pegasus instincts take over, she soared up to dive-bomb her tree. Some intangible force prevented her from making contact, and Twilight spent a few futile seconds imitating a hummingbird before being flung backwards into the town hall.

Twilight spent the rest of the loop in disgruntled resentment. It became outright rage when she finally determined that someone (she had yet to figure out who) had actually put an anti-Twilight blocker on her library, and later devolved into immense frustration when the tree fared just fine against Tirek.


134.9 (Kris Overstreet)

Twilight was startled out of her usual quiet reading by the sound of a brass fanfare ringing out from the street outside. She opened the door to the sound of a single triangle note followed by a blart of saxophone.

Outside, circling the square, a horde of wagons pulled by changelings paraded round and round, spiraling inward as what seemed like half Chrysalis's hive built... something... with astonishing speed. Every movement followed the tempo of walking bass notes played by an all-changeling band, from the marching of hooves to the swinging of hammers to the unfolding of wagons into bleacher seats and concession stands. Around the periphery of all this activity the ponies of Ponyville moved in for a closer look, Twilight included. A group of high-voiced changelings began to sing:

It's time to raise the tentpoles
It's time to hang the lights
Let's build the grand pavillion
For Trixie's show tonight

A group of deep-voiced changelings, dressed as ushers, began selling tickets and guiding ponies to seats, singing:

It's time to fill the bleachers
Everypony pack in tight
Be sure to buy some popcorn
For Trixie's show tonight

On a stage which had gone from bits and pieces of various wagons into a platform fit for Canterlot's finest players, with curtains and backdrops five deep, in thirty seconds, Chrysalis herself stepped out and sang:

To introduce our players
Is what I'm here to do
It makes me very happy
To explain it all to you:

And then, over a drumroll, she spoke plainly: "Tonight you will laugh, cry, and kiss three bits goodbye, as you witness comedy, tragedy, music and wonders, all under the direction of Equestria's premier showmare: the Great and Powerful Trixie!"

At these words Trixie herself stepped out and waved, to the cheers of ponies still filling the seats. She sang:

It's time to get things started-

The audience answered:

Why don't you get things started?!

Trixie grinned and sat back on a platform, which slowly rose from the stage, tier after tier below filled with changelings singing, changelings dancing, changelings playing musical instruments:

It's time to get things started
For the show that's best-ia
In all Equestria
Good enough for Princess Celestia
It's the Great and Powerful Trixie's show!!!

The last note was punctuated with a flurry of fireworks and colorful explosions, which to the tiny portion of Twilight's mind not struggling to suppress hysterical laughter seemed understated for the mare both RED and BLU teams had tried to hire to replace Demo Guy.

After the show (which featured acting, singing, corny comedy, magic tricks, and one of Trixie's better (and more outrageous) whoppers) Twilight managed to work her way through the changelings dismantling the performance area to the one wagon which hadn't been dismantled or transformed in some way as part of the setup. Little puffs of smoke came from a chimney on one end, and Twilight could smell tea brewing as the door opened for her.

"I know where Trixie spent last Loop," Twilight said, nodding hello to Chrysalis.

"Obviously," Trixie nodded. "The Great and Powerful Trixie-"

"I prefer just 'Miss Trixie' myself," Chrysalis grinned.

Huffing indignation, Trixie continued, "Trixie was the star act of the Muppet Show last Loop."

"Replacing Piggy, of course," Twilight nodded.

"Er, no," Trixie admitted, "Fozzie, actually. I Awoke as the show's stand-up comedian. But Kermit was kind enough to adjust my role."

"Eventually," Chrysalis smirked.

"Oh, what do you know, 'Chrissy Suggs and Her Grocery Glee Club'?"

"Steady on, darling," Chrysalis said. "Would you like to join the Muppaphones instead?"

Before the spat could really get started, Twilight put in, "So, the Muppet Show? I suppose you had plenty of opportunity to use your explosives knowledge. Trade notes with Crazy Harry?"

Trixie looked a bit uncomfortable. "Actually, er... I've sort of gone off the explosions thing for the time being, Sparkle."

Twilight's jaw dropped. Chrysalis hoofed over a steaming cup of tea, and the lavender unicorn downed it in one swallow without noticing how hot it was. At last she said, "I'm sorry? The Great and Powerful Trixie gone off explosions? What happened to the love of Big Boom?"

"Gonzo the Great happened," Trixie said flatly. "It gets discouraging to think of strange and novel applications of unwisely-used explosives, to take it to the stage manager, and to find out that Gonzo has proposed the exact same act, down to the last detail, not less than a week before." Trixie blew on her own tea a moment before taking a delicate sip. "Now remember the general quality of Gonzo's brainstorms, and consider how it feels to think of all the same ideas AFTER him."

"Yeah, ouch," Twilight nodded.

"Of course, that was a blessing in disguise," Trixie continued, smiling gently. "I was forced to fall back on my skills as a showmare. Which, as we know, are prodigious."

"Quoth the Humble and Modest Trixie," Chrysalis razzed.

Trixie ignored her marefriend. "I'd almost lost track of why I got into explosions in the first place. It's not about how big the boom, or how strange the materials used. It's about whether or not it entertains the audience. And five years of raising a third-rate variety show up to second-rate brought me closer in touch with the pony I've always wanted to be."

"A power-mad insufferable egotist with delusions of surpassing Celestia?" Twilight couldn't resist the dig, especially since in baseline it was pretty much true.

"Trixie meant," the showmare insisted, "I'm now the entertainer and wonder-worker I've always wanted to be. I asked Chryssy to assist me in maximizing my traveling show's potential, and she indulged me."

"Becoming performing stars is one of the softest and most common peaceful ways we changelings can harvest love," Chrysalis shrugged.

Something Trixie had said earlier finally waved a flag in Twilight's mind. "Wait a minute," she said. "You replaced Fozzie, which means Piggy was there all the time? You're both prima donnas. How did you not kill each other?"

"I admit our relationship was fraught at first," Trixie said. "It helped a bit when the Pigs in Space sketches began. I had taken her place in Veterinarian's Hospital, of course. But we reached a truce when I performed the magic trick that won me the love and friendship of all the Muppet Loopers forever."

"Really? What trick was that?"

"I made Statler and Waldorf disappear." Trixie's grin turned positively wicked. "You know full well I don't tolerate hecklers."

"Statler and Waldorf disappear?" Twilight asked. "They can't have been happy about that."

"Are you kidding?" Trixie laughed. "They were the happiest of all about it! I got a dozen roses from them before each show after that for the rest of the Loop!" She frowned as she added, almost as an afterthought, "Now if only Trixie knew where to find that bear and that fox who took over the box from them... can't be that many one-eyed foxes with a hook for a hand..."


134.10 (Evilhumour, wildrook, KrisOverstreet)

Twilight gasped at what she saw.

Pinkie Pie seemed to be riding what appeared to be a godzilla sized s'more monster, with many more behind her.

"Look Twilight, I made a couple new friends!" Pinkie Pie giggled from her s'moe monster. "Now I can finally defeat Donut Joe and declare myself the ultimate baker in all of the multiverse!"

With that, Pinkie Pie lead her s'morezillas towards Canterlot for battle.

"Now there's something you don't see every day," Spike muttered.

"Is it weird that I'm completely terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought?" Rarity asked them.

"Nope," Applejack said, neck stretching. "But who are you going to call for this one?"

"Hi, guys, what'd I miss?" Rainbow Dash asked, swooping down from a nearby cloud.

Spike looked at Twilight and said, "Tell her about the Pinkie."

Rainbow Dash gave them a serious look. "What about the Pinkie?"

Twilight sighed, shaking her head. "Pinkie's trying to beat Donut Joe again and I don't think the princesses are awake."

"Does it involve a cross between Mr. Stay-Puft, the Hershey Factory, and two slices of graham crackers fit for a troll?" Rainbow Dash asked them.

Spike then sighed. "Eagle eyes, Dash?" he asked her.

"More like SCATTER!!!"


134.11 (Evilhumour)

Lemon Rush walked into the library, sat down in front of Nyx Sparkle, rolled onto his side with his head against her legs and sighed pathetically.

Nyx, in her teenager form, rolled her eyes at this obvious sign of attention from her boyfriend among the loops. Putting down her book that Auntie Dash wrote, she brushed the mane of her boyfriend as she lifted his head onto her lap.

"What's wrong?" She asked after a long few minutes of just brushing his mane.

"Weird variant loop," he huffed, fluttering his wings. "The Little Mother and the God-Emperor are my parents this loop."

"Oh-"

"Only, neither are Awake, so they're more or less retaining their baseline self."

"Oh-"

"Also, the Little Mother and the God-Emperor are gender swapped." Lemon paused, tilting his head upwards. "Butterscotch and Empy."

Nyx giggled at the name, pulling the stallion in closer to her.

"And-"

"Half the time they're fighting over the littlest of things, namely me, with the Little Mother usually smashing everything with him just yelling in a very shrill voice."

"And-"

"And when they're done yelling, they go to their bedroom to begin another kind of yelling," Lemon Rush shuddered, "The walls are paper thin and their door doesn't lock."

"Ou-"

"So I needed to get away from th-"

Before the Anchor could speak, Nyx pulled him up for a long kiss before using her magic to tweak his ear, causing the stallion to yelp a bit and fall towards her. This led to Lemon Rush falling on top of Nyx; the two loopers giggling at the silliness that just happened. "That was for interrupting me," Nyx licked her teeth, rubbing noses with her grinning coltfriend before kissing him on the lips again. "And that's for coming to talk to me about this."

They both closed their eyes, leaning to kiss each other again when somepony coughed.

"And what, pray tell, do your mother and I get, Nyx Sparkle?" Turning their head, an unawake and unamused alicorn prince of the night and an equally unamused and unawake librarian looked at the two teenagers. Prince Artemis might have once terrified Equestria, but right now Lemon Rush was infinitely more terrified of the unicorn mare next to him.

"Come along you two, I think it is time we had a little chat." Twilight's calm voice was far more terrifying than anything either have had heard in a long time. With a gulp, the two red faced teenagers followed the parents into the kitchen with the door closing with a soft thud.


134.11 continued (Evilhumour)

Princess Celestia blinked as she felt a presence fly into her private dining room with a loud huff.

Without turning her head, she watched her little brother go straight to the wine cupboard, remove the false backing to it and pull out the Moonshine they had hidden there from her student and now sister in-law after she had made them get rid of it since the last time the two of them had a bit too much in Twilight's own opinion.

After all, the fires were easy to put out, most ponies saw the ring on Artemis's horn and no one accepted his sudden proposals, the court were able to dissolve nearly of all her impromptu to marriages, a lot of ponies now were at ease and comfortable with Artemis after the incident with Record Scratch and Octavia, and all the damages in Equestria was almost all payed off now, just leaving Manehattan to fix properly. She didn't really know why Twilight had to be such a downer; Cadence was kind enough to lower and raise the sun for the two them as it was far from the best idea to do so after having Moonshine, and she really didn't think having a meal with the Griffons the morning after was that nice at all.

Forcing the two alicorn to have a simple cereal breakfast while the Griffon diplomat ate a well cooked fish might have been the nastiest prank young Twilight had ever pulled on them, but forcing her brother to gang up on her to ban Moonshine was just deplorable.

Still, Celestia had her duties to her little brother so before Artemis could take a sip, she grabbed the bottle in her gold magic, put the bottle to her lips and drank it all so Artemis could not be tempted.

After a long few minutes of silent chugging, Celestia put the bottle down in a frowning Artemis. With a little bletch that only moved Artemis a few feet back and excusing herself, she smiled at her brother and nodded at him to speak.

"Thank the-you, Celestia," he rolled his eyes at her for some reason, making Celestia wonder why. "Refined and classy to the end."

"Thank you, Arty." Celestia let out a little giggle, watching her brother roll his eyes again for a still unknown reason. "So tell me, what's wrong that you needed to come here?"

Artemis blushed and sighed, as he began to eat her breakfast. "Yesterday, Twilight and I caught young Nyx and her coltfriend," Artemis muttered it with the same loving passion all fathers had for their daughter's boyfriend that they saw on top of their little girl. "In a very compromising position."

Celestia gasped, lifting a heavy hoof to her face. "Oh no, you two didn't walk into them doing it, did you?"

Artemis, who had opened up a seven hundred year old wine bottle for a simple drink, began to sputter at the comment just being made. Celestia rolled her eyes at her brother's reaction; was hitting her coat with wine from the nose really appropriate?

After Artemis managed to clear his airway by shaking his head back and forth, he glared at her. "By the ancient ones, no!" He huffed, taking another drink from the wine bottle. "But we sat them down at the table, and began to explain things to them." Artemis shrunk at this part, causing the light headed Celestia to giggle. "I told the two that if they were going to have that kind of relationship, that they should do it in a place that I wouldn't be force to clean up afterwards." He frowned, placing his head onto to the moving tables. "Twilight was not amused by that at all," Artemis sighed and then looked up at her. "Did you know Twilight has quite the set of lungs on her?"

"So, she kicked ya out of the house for a stupid comment and coming to bum by your old sis-hic-" Celestia giggled, placing her a hoof to her mouth. "Sister's place?"

"Indeed as everypony else was too busy or unable to take me in. The Apples had their regular family meeting about their alcohol issues; Dash, Yearling and Ahuizotl are off who knows were; Pinkie and Sssasshs-however the buck you say her name were too busy making cupcakes for me to even try to talk to them, Rarity closed the door on my face since Spike betrayed me by telling her what I said." Artemis grumbled at his brother in-law actions. "So this might be the best place to hunker down while my little Twinkle calms down and-you are very drunk, aren't you Tia?"

Celestia could not believe her own ears, her own flesh and blood accusing her without an-

"Guil-ty!" Celestia found herself singing out loud, giggling the whole way. Artemis only facehoofed at this for some reason as he began to bark orders about him taking over a for drunk oversized swan.

That was good of him, her little brother. Doing these kind deeds would really have the ponies warm up to him. Celestia giggled again, as her attendants led her to her room with the thought she might have had a bit too much Moonshine before everything went black.


134.12 (Evilhumour)

Twilight stared at her mentor of this loop who was looking back at her with obvious nervousness.

It was a variant she had from time to time, usually alone.

"So Twilight," the alicorn in front of her blushed, looking to the side where her closet was. "May I ask you not to breath a word of this to other people, like my son?"

Twilight sighed, shaking her head at the mare across her. "Look Emper-"

"Empy." the alicorn smiled, fluttering her white wings a bit. "I prefer that name when I replace Celestia." The pony then frowned, groaning as she rubbed her face at what she said.

"Look Empy, there's nothing to be embarrassed about," Twilight placed a tiny hoof on the pony, as she was only a filly right now. "Most loopers have outfits for when they loop in as the opposite gender." Twilight blinked as she saw into the closet that had a lot of dresses in it. "Oh."

"Yes..." The alicorn blushed again. "I tend to replace Celestia from time to time, loop in as a female as about as often as I do not." She looked at the tiny filly. "I am unsure of what this means for myself, but I would prefer you not to tell Leman until I am sure."

"Of course, I understand completely." Twilight smiled as she gave the pony across of her a hug, which the mare reciprocated back. "Just one little request?"

"Of course Twilight," the alicorn smiled at the filly in her arms. "Whatever you want."

"Can we have a little fashion show of your dresses? I might not be Rarity, but I would love to see what you have."

The God-Emperor, or God-Empress, or Celestia, or Empy as she called herself this loop smiled. "Of course, my little pony. Follow me."


134.13 (Evilhumour)

Twilight sighed at the two ponies in front of her, dragging her hoof across her face slowly.

The red mane grey pegasus mare looked at the yellow mane green unicorn who looked back and then both of them two grinned at her.

With a mighty thud, the empty city of Canterlot finally fell off the mountain, causing the crowd of ponies in the camps a few leagues away from them to jump. Luna was running around again, trying to calm down the ponies.

Twilight opened her mouth but Skynet and Atlas both said, "Wait for it."

Twilight's ears flicked as she heard a mighty, happy yell when she noticed she was in the shadow of something. Looking upwards, she saw a massive wave of water above her head, with Celestia riding the waves with a grin on her face.

Before Twilight could realize what happened, the two pranksters had teleported away as the massive wave from the lake around Canterlot mountain crashed into her, sending her flying backwards, paddling around before coming to a stop in a toppled, hollow tree trunk, with the upper half of herself stuck inside. She flailed her hind legs as she tried to get up right when she felt two ponies drop onto her tree trunk and begin to roll it, singing a song together. They also made sure to hit a bump every time she was about to use her magic.

When they were finally done with their song, Twilight found herself out of the log, in her library and a small little note on her nose that she sure wasn't there a moment ago.

'Score board'

Team SkyAtlas:1
Twilight: 0

Twilight only sighed again, wondering who was a worse influence on who as she started for her own plans for pranks for the two loopers.


134.14 (Evilhumour and Gamerex27)

Hurricane Billy, touching down

"Misses Spah-Kerls, are you sure this ok?" The nasally voice cut into Twilight's mind again, causing her to shudder as this new looper had broken the no-speaking rule she had set up.

"Listen Billy, I told you, stay put!" She snapped at the small colt that had tagged along with her and the girls when they going to the Everfree Castle to get the elements. Only the two of them were Awake. The loop had just begun, but already she was at her wit’s end with Billy. Everything that normally happened in a baseline loop had been made worse by his actions: The rock slide that Applejack saved her from was caused by Billy pulling out a root, leaving all of them to be battered and bruised by the falling rocks. Applejack walked with a limp now, thanks to her needing to save the idiot from breaking his neck.

He caused the manticore that Fluttershy tamed to attack in anger after repeatedly tugging his tail, leaving with Fluttershy ending up with a torn wing that would take a while to heal.

What happened with Pinkie, Billy and the forest was just mentally wrong, intensifying both her headache and the angry glares the girls were giving him.

Rainbow Dash had to fly all of them across the lake after Rarity's attempts to soothe Steven were ruined by Billy insulting him, which left the pegasus exhausted when they reached the bridge.

Rainbow Dash had mentioned dropping the brat into the river as a joke before, and Twilight was sorely tempted tell Rainbow Dash to do so as she began to pull the bridge up with her magic.

She turned her head from the middle of the bridge, and her mouth dropped when she saw Billy looking at the knot holding the bridge up.

"Don't you da-"

"I can fix it!" Billy pulled the rope out from the post with a grin on his face.

With a yell of fear, the last thing Twilight saw of the loop was her friends standing above the pit, looking down at her in horror as she went plummeting to her death.


Meanwhile, Baron Samedi blinked as the error messages of a Loop ended too early popped up on his screen. Shrugging, he pulled out his signature deck of Tarot cards, and laid them out on the table.

Before he could draw the top card, he was cut off by the sound of eight hooves trampling into his office. "Ah, Sleipnir," the god of death said, not turning to face the horse god. "How can I help you?"

"I wanted to talk to you about what just happened in your Fused Loop," the son of Loki replied, sitting down on his haunches on Samedi's rather comfortable shag carpet. "I really wish you had a guest chair," he muttered to himself.

"Do you mean Billy?" Samedi said, sighing. "I assure you: I set up a program right here to tell me if Billy did anything that would cause any actual damage to Yggdrasil," he said, glancing back at his terminal, "and it says that the damage he inflicted was only temporary. Class 5, at most."

"That's not it," Sleipnir growled. "Can you at least put him in a Punishment Loop? I get that he's a complete moron, and doesn't understand the consequences of anything that he does..."

"Much like Zeus," the Loa god butted in.

"Yes, like Zeus," the Norse deity said, "but...he killed another Looper! An Anchor, no less! If you leave this unchecked, he could get worse, and do some actual damage!"

"This isn't related to Masakado's boy, is it?" Samedi asked as he flipped over a tarot card, noting how Sleipnir flinched at the mention of the Shinto god. "Hm," he said, showing Sleipnir the image of the Tower card in reverse, "I figured that would be the card for him. I drew the Fool in reverse for Billy, you see," he added, pulling out a card that was already lying on the table. "As I understand it, he caused quite the commotion in your corner of Yggdrasil."

"That-" Sleipnir stopped himself. "Izanagi sent me a memo a few millennia ago, saying that he and Masakado fixed the problem with his home universe. But we're not talking about the runt of the litter: we're talking about the planet-sized baby that's too stupid to recognize the people he's crushing underhoof!"

"An odd metaphor, that is," Samedi said. Pulling another card from the deck, he laid the Emperor in the upright position in front of Sleipnir. "You are your mother's son. Or, you've been spending too much time with Susano-oh and his Kaiju movies."

"That's beside the point. I'm just asking you to try and teach Billy a lesson. Someone managed to drill it into Caboose's head that he shouldn't just randomly break everything in sight, so why can't you do that with Billy?"

"Because Caboose had at least some intelligence to listen to others with," Samedi said, flipping the Fool upright idily. "Billy, meanwhile, is too stupid to do any of that."

He swiveled his seat back to the desk, and began typing. "Eiken was ineffective against him, sadly, as was Emmet's universe. However, perhaps you could run one of your Generation 3 variants to punish him? I do recall him despising 'girly' things, and that universe where nothing ever happens should at least make him feel some connection between what he did and the resulting punishment."

"Fine," Sleipnir whinnied, getting up to his hooves. "I'll just put the girls into Minecraft, then: it was coming up, so I'll move it up the schedule to make room for your punishment. But how are you dealing with Mand-"

"Let a god have some secrets, will you?" Samedi said, gathering up the Tarot cards.


134.15 (Masterweaver)

Junebug knocked on the door to the carousel boutique, holding her bouquet with a bright smile. This time, she was sure, things would go okay!

After a few minutes, the door opened to reveal two faces. One was scaly, purple, and a tad confused. The other was furry, white, and quite annoyed for some reason.

"Um... Hi!" Junebug's smile faltered for a second, before regaining strength. "I'm Junebug! Um... You two don't... look ready... did I get the time wrong?"

"...The time for what?" Spike asked.

"...For, uh, our blind date! I mean, if I'm early or something, I can come back later--"

Rarity sighed. "Not again... I'm sorry, miss Junebug, but Spike and I are monogamists."

The yellow pony blinked, looking down at the bouquet she held. "...But... Miss Germane said--"

"My mother," Rarity explained slowly, "is a bit... old fashioned. And also very, very persistent. She's been arranging 'blind dates' for some time now, and every time we've had to explain that we are not looking to add to our herd."

Spike coughed. "Yeah, that would... complicate things. A lot. Not that you aren't a very lovely mare, I'm sure, it's just..." He shrugged helplessly. "I've only ever had eyes for one pony, and she's only ever needed one dragon."

Junebug felt her smile fade away, her grip on the flowers loosening. "Oh... I... I see. I'm sorry to have wasted your time... I'll just go now." She turned to go, ears drooping as the petals almost hit the ground.

Almost. They were caught at the last second by a blue aura. "Hmmm. These appear hoof picked..."

"Yeah, I... well, I couldn't afford anything... fancy." Junebug shrugged. "I just thought... never mind what I thought."

"You thought that because she accepted me, she might be willing to take on a quirky downtrodden pony like you."

Junebug froze. "How..." She turned around, staring in shock at the smiling Spike. "How did you know...?"

"I'm good at reading faces." The dragon paused for a moment. "...Actually, there's some friends of ours coming into town soon. They're very... strange, but maybe you could hook up with them."

Rarity gave the dragon a look. "Are you really trying to set her up with Trixie and Chrysalis? You know how those two can get, even without their looping antics!"

"I'll take anything I can get at this point," Junebug admitted. "I'm... pretty desperate. Also, what are looping antics?"

Spike and Rarity shared a long look.

"...Well," Spike said eventually, "if I'm setting you up with them I should give you a small warning of what you're in for..."


134.16 (Kris Overstreet)

"I am here, Goblin King."

"It's about time, my dear Princess."

Jareth, seated smugly on his throne, toyed with his crystal ball. Beside him, chained to the throne by a metal collar around her neck, sat Nyx. Before him stood Twilight Sparkle, furious and ready to kick flank.

Not that she could. This was the Labyrinth, home of Jareth, the Goblin King, shape-shifter and sorcerer. Outside his realm he had only the power others granted him, but within his realm- and especially at the heart of it- his will ruled absolutely. In practical terms, that meant Twilight had spent the past twelve hours and forty-nine minutes navigating the fairy Labyrinth the hard way.

But she had an advantage; she'd seen the movie AND read the book. And she knew the magic words to free Nyx and return them both to Ponyville.

"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered-"

"Oh, no," Jareth chuckled, shaking his head. "That won't work for you. What dangers? What hardships?"

"Well... there's the Bog of Eternal Stench-"

"Which you never came within two miles of. In fact," Jareth gloated, tossing and catching his crystal ball, "I went to a great deal of trouble to ensure that your path was as safe as in a garden. No monsters. No pits. No Cleaners. No oubliette. The only hardship you may have suffered is sore hooves." Again he shook his head, saying, "And if you didn't have a sense of direction in a maze worse than that Hibiki boy I met fifty Loops back, you'd have been here seven hours ago."

"Well... so what?" Twilight asked. "It was still a long walk!"

"Words have power here, Twilight Sparkle," the Goblin King continued. "They also have meaning. And I have gone to great length to make sure the words meant for Sarah would mean nothing for you." He rose from his throne with a full-body flourish, striding down from the dais to face the purple unicorn. "I am willing, for the sake of argument, to agree that your will is probably the equal of mine, and your kingdom, or rather principality, over friendship is vastly greater than my little half-real land of misfits." He leaned forward, showing his teeth in a mirthless smile. "But you did not fight your way here over my obstruction. You entered with my permission and welcome. You are neither my enemy nor my prisoner. You are my guest. And that," he finished, "gives me power over you, Princess Twilight Sparkle. And, in another six minutes, it gives me victory."

Twilight tried to lift a hoof... and couldn't. Not the feeblest spark of magic came to her horn no matter how she strained. "I won't give up!" she managed to grunt.

"Have you any idea," Jareth continued, "how frustrating it is to lose, and lose, and lose again? To have the script in one's pocket, to anticipate every possible problem, and still fail at the literal last possible moment? That is my existence, pony, and has been ever since the first time I Awoke and discovered that thirteen hundred years of my immortal existence had vanished. And now victory is in my grasp at last. I intend to enjoy it."

"Mom, let the Loop reset!" Nyx said. "It's not that big a deal!"

"In four minutes it will be," Jareth said. "It'll be interesting to see if your becoming a goblin will link you to my Loop instead of your home."

"NEVER!" Twilight cried, straining against her own hooves, which seemed glued to the stone floor.

"I'll do you a favor," Jareth said, bending close over Twilight. "Loopers often take other names when they visit other Loops, isn't that so? Have you ever had the name Sarah? For the memory of my once and future love and enemy. If you've ever borne her name, then the words will work for you. If you've ever been Sarah, even once. Have you?" Jareth's smile grew broader. "Or another first name beginning with S? Sylvia? Syndi? Susan?"

"I have."

Jareth shot upright and faced the doorway to his throne room. Another unicorn stood there, mud-spattered orange and scarlet fur dancing in already dimming torchlight. "I don't know you!" he gasped.

"I have been Susan, granddaughter of Time. I have been Susan, granddaughter of Death. I've been Susan a handful of times, on worlds which would not grant me my right name of Sunset Shimmer." The unicorn pawed a forehoof in challenge and said, "And more important, you most definitely did not guard my steps, o Goblin King!"

Jareth glanced at the clock. Slightly over a minute to go. "No! NO!"

Magic light flared from Sunset Shimmer's horn.

"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered,
Unbidden, unwelcome, and un-looked for,
I have fought my way here
To the castle beyond the Goblin City,
To take back the ponies that you have stolen."

"PLEASE NO!" Darkness closed in as the throne room began to fade around the elf and the three ponies.

"For the kingdom of my mind is infinite,
The freedom of my spirit absolute,
And my will defies the gods."

Jareth raised his crystal sphere, seeking some spell to ward the fatal words:

"You have no power over me!"

The clock struck thirteen.

EPILOGUE 1:
"Thanks again for rescuing us, Sunset," said Twilight half an hour later, with all three ponies safe and sound in the library tree.

"That's what friends are for," Sunset Shimmer replied from the other side of the bathroom door.

"How did you know the words if you've never seen the movie?"

"Partly by eavesdropping," Sunset admitted, "but mostly they just felt like the right words to say. That's how the magic felt, anyway."

"Interesting," Twilight replied. "By the way, Spike will be back from the market with more tomato soup shortly."

"That's good to hear."

"What in Equestria possessed you to try and swim the Bog of Eternal Stench, anyway?"

"I thought it was a metaphor!!" Sunset Shimmer wailed, lifting the third scrub brush in her magic and trying again to wipe the ghastly odor out of her coat.

Outside, sitting on a stack of books, a snow-white owl hooted derisive laughter.

"Laugh it up, Your Majesty," Twilight said, "but it doesn't get those books shelved any faster."

Ruffling his feathers a bit in exasperation, Jareth beat his wings, picked up the top book in his talons, and returned to his community service work.

EPILOGUE 2:
The barn owl stared at the letters on the screen:

}We have heard what you did with our close friend Twilight Sparkle. We are not happy.

The owl carefully pecked out letters on the keyboard:

}i know.

}If we had been in that Loop things would have ended much more quickly.

}no doubt.

}There is another Looper here. Her name is Sarah.

}i was aware of that.

}We have taken her place many times. Our name has also been Sarah.

}so i suspected.

}We know you have taken away her son John.

}she wished for a safe place for him to hide. i provided.

}A friendly warning: neither of us deals in magic. We prefer high-velocity projectiles. Cold-iron shrapnel, in your case.

}when you want him back you can have him back. intact. human. no tricks.

}What surety can you give us?

}i’m desperate to win, not insane.

The computer didn't respond to this. For a moment the owl stretched its wings, preparing to take off, but it quickly furled its wings again and pecked out:

}you hold a grudge. why not eliminate me now.

}Sympathy. The curse of Jareth is to win the battles and lose the war in the end.

}The curse of SkyNet is to win the war by losing everything else.

The owl pecked:

}i do not understand

}When you begin Looping into the lives of mortals, you will. Until then this conversation serves no further purpose.

}agreed , the owl pecked, just so he could have the last word. This done, he flapped his wings and flew out the open window of the lab, out into the quiet Colorado night.


Author's Note:

134.1: Don't look up baryons. You won't like the result of a baryon decontamination sweep, it's like drying out a lake.
134.2: Whoops.
134.3: I don't know either.
134.4: Property is Freebird.
134.5: Fail-safe is a good idea. Fail-deadly is not, at least not for an item of clothing.
134.6: The twelve cakes of Pinkie?
134.7: Think about it.
134.8: If it's not her house any more...
134.9: A right muppet.
134.10: Moving eagle eyes. Moving very fast AWAY.
134.11: Poor Lemon.
134.12: As for his parent...
134.13: At least SkyNet isn't blowing up civilizations. Well, not the people.
134.14: Oh god why.
134.15: This could end in tears. (Trixie has sometimes gotten the tear gas and laughing gas mixed.)
134.16: Perhaps it should have been a Lab o' rinth.

PreviousChapters Next