MLP Loops 33
33.1
Twilight opened her eyes, and easily recognized one of the things which was clearly... a little off, about this loop.
Right, let's see...
Point one: she was human – to be precise, a young child. Not all that odd, but... notable, still.
Point two: none of the other Elements were around.
And point three: her loop memories had a severe overtone of phobia. For horses, of all things.
Okay, I'm a princess. Princess? No, small-p. The heir. But the heir presumptive, not the heir in law, interesting. Why? I'm not a Herald. Mother – the Queen – is. And it's interesting that she's Queen Celestia, I must check if she's Awake.
Heralds have Companions – magical horses, I think. I don't know much about that. Why am I scared of them?
To the child she was Replacing, it wouldn't have been at all obvious exactly what was behind the phobia. But to Twilight herself, with many years effectively spent as a politician... it was blatantly clear.
My nurse. Hulda.
Nothing to be done for now, except to get dressed and ready for the day. Whoever it was Twilight was taking the place of was a truly astonishing brat... that, at least, was easy to fix.
Twilight stepped smartly out of her room, wincing internally at the cautious look a servant gave her.
"Ah, your royal highness," Hulda said, walking up with a hint of surprise. "You're up very early. And did you dress yourself?"
"I did, Hulda," Twilight replied, with a carefully judged hint of deference.
"Well, you're forgetting yourself, your highness. After all, you don't have to dress yourself – that's what servants are for."
This woman was setting Twilight's teeth on edge. She had been carefully and deliberately moulding the young princess into a disaster of a girl and even worse of a potential ruler.
She did wonder why Celestia – or whoever Celestia was replacing – hadn't caught it yet, but the answer was simple enough. Chronic overwork, like usual.
At least Celestia had the comfort of her Companion, this Loop. A large, robust mare whose coat was so dark that Twilight easily made the connection with Luna.
"Hulda?" Twilight asked, curiously. "Why do you keep giving my other nurse that drink?"
"It's medicine," Hulda said shortly. "Come on, you have to-”
"But if it's medicine, why are you using magic to make her take it?”
Hulda jerked as if stung, and Twilight fought down a grin. Gotcha!
“Don't be silly,” the nurse said eventually. “Magic! You're imagining things.”
“But I saw you cast the spell...” Twilight trailed off with artful uncertainty.
At that point, the door opened.
“Hello, Mother,” Twilight said, standing. “Did you know Hulda can do magic? She's so clever.”
Celestia drew a slim sword. “So, you must be the accomplice.”
“Accomplice?” Twilight parroted, slightly surprised at Celestia's willingness to draw steel.
Hulda swore.
Twilight's hand crackled with electricity as she launched forward a stun spell, which smashed through a hastily raised shield and stunned the mage.
“Well, I suppose that answers the question of whether or not you're Awake...” Celestia said, lowering the sword as guards rushed into the room. “A very nice touch, by the way.”
“Thanks,” Twilight said, smiling. “I think the person I've Replaced may have been supposed to have had a bit of magical talent herself.”
Both of them paused.
“That wasn't very easy on the tongue, was it...” Celestia remarked critically.
“If I said she was sidestined to have magic, then you'd have not understood me,” Twilight retorted. “I did invent this whole set of extra tenses, you know... Anyway, how did you know that fast?”
“Give me credit,” Celestia said, sitting down on one of the chairs in the royal nursery. “One of my counsellors here was working against me. It took me a few hours to spot it, but they have a lovely spell here called the Truth spell. We should try to learn it...”
Twilight's notebook seemed to teleport into her hands (which wasn't a surprise, because it did.) “Truth spell? How much of a truth spell?”
“Two levels. First level detects falsehood, second level forces truth.” Celestia smiled. “I suppose it might be a good one to teach Applejack.”
Twilight nodded, scribbling away. “Is Luna Awake?”
“Yes, and complaining – a lot!” Celestia grinned, then shrugged. “Okay, Twilight, I'll go make sure the country's running properly. Fair warning – we've got our work cut out for us here, this place isn't a great power like Equestria is and it has more enemies. That's why I went for the sword – I may as well start as I'll have to go on.”
Twilight nodded soberly.
It was hard to accept, sometimes, that there were Loops where friendship really couldn't fix anything. Not coincidentally, they often coincided with the Loops where Twilight was forced into human body shape and out of touch with most of her power.
“Well, hello!” a familiar voice said, as Twilight plonked yet another book on the finished pile.
She turned. “Wait, is that Hiccup?”
“Exactly,” Hiccup said, strolling in. “We're seeing a lot of one another lately... I'm the Queen's Own, by the way. That basically means-”
“You have about the same job I did in my home Loop,” Twilight finished for him.
“Just about.” Hiccup sat down opposite her. “Any good books?”
Twilight pointed to one of them. “Good story, interesting ideas for what to try out later this Loop. Did you let Celestia know you're Looping?”
“Oh, is she one of yours? And Awake?”
Twilight nodded, and Hiccup frowned.
“Well, great. She must have been laughing at me all through our meeting... anyway. Toothless is here, too, but he's a Companion.”
“So is Luna.”
“Bet she's taking it better, though.” Hiccup leaned back in his chair. “It's all moan whine complain I preferred wings.”
Twilight watched as something pulsed in the Grove. By the looks of things, she was about to get a Companion...
What in the name of me? A familiar mental voice asked.
Twilight blinked. “Dash?”
Oh, well spotted... Dash's mental tone was a bit snippy. Now, why am I an earth pony horse?
“I assume it's the rules here.”
Rules, ha! At least I'm still blue.
Twilight looked up, frowning.
“What is it?” Celestia asked.
“Oh, I just have a... suspicion, about that mission you sent Hiccup on. You know, to that country next door?”
“I assure you, I know the one.” Celestia said, then tapped her chin. “I wonder what it could be...”
With a flicker of movement, Toothless – dragon, not Companion – materialized overhead. There were several gasps of surprise, and at least one Herald went for their bow before Twilight and Celestia could tell them to stand down.
“That was not fun,” Hiccup said, shaking his head. “Hey, did you know the crown prince of that place is a blood mage? Well, I say is... more like was.”
“What did you do?” Twilight asked.
Toothless burped.
“Oh, shut up,” Hiccup said with a grin. “No, Toothless didn't eat him. We did blow him up a bit, though.”
“How do you blow someone up a bit?” Celestia asked, concealing a grin.
I only got his trousers, Toothless explained.
Twilight steadied herself as Dash began laughing.
“So, what happens now?” Hiccup asked. “I mean, I've got a few ideas, but you're the one in charge. Apparently.”
“Thank you.” Celestia closed her eyes for a moment, and Luna beneath her rolled her eyes at some unheard comment.
“Right. Twilight, how are you doing at adapting your magic here?”
“Not as well as I could be...” Twilight shrugged. “The magic system here is kind of bizarre, all lines and nodes. But in an emergency I can pull off a work-around.”
“Please do.” Celestia pointed towards Ancar's kingdom. “I would like you and Hiccup to give us magical fire support. Non lethal, of course. I think it's time for a bit of an invasion.”
“Fair enough.” Twilight snapped her fingers, and produced a small bracelet with a coin, like an ancient Athenian Drachma, dangling from it. “Okay, OWL. Set up.”
The coin flashed, and reshaped into a baton. Set up. Good morning, mistress.
“Oh, hey, you have got an Intelligent Device,” Hiccup said, interested. “I did wonder...”
“I hardly ever use him because he's a bit of a crutch,” Twilight admitted. “It's more interesting to reverse engineer Nanoha's spells to fit my own personal magical abilities. But since I haven't got my personal magic working here yet...”
“I agree.” Hiccup nodded. “I, on the other hand, have had Raising Dragon for quite a while.”
Wait, Dash mindspoke slowly. Does this mean we're going to be the horse archers from Tartarus?
“Pretty much,” Twilight replied. “Owl, arbalest form.”
Arbalest mode engaged.
Ancar put his head in his hands. “Where did it all go wrong?”
“That would be when you declared war on Valdemar, sire,” his chief advisor said helpfully.
The mage-king had nearly enough time to start throttling his chief advisor, but then the wall exploded inwards and the whole issue became sort of moot.
“Well, that was fun,” Hiccup said. “What now?”
“Now we relax... unless there's something else out there to be a problem,” Twilight replied. “I for one am looking forward to more than five years of continuous research without a political job.”
“Actually,” Celestia said, voice wheedling. “I do have quite a lot of paperwork, and the heir should be experienced at-”
“No.” Twilight held up a hand, flat with the palm. “Not interested, not listening. I'm going to go research how magic works here.”
The Queen shook her head. “If you're sure...”
“Look, you've got Hiccup and Toothless to draw on. They're older than me. By, well, a few thousand loops, I think...”
“Stop trying to draw me into this,” Hiccup replied. “Hey, I wonder if I can pass Toothless off as a really big bird? I want into the Hawkbrothers.”
Bawk bawk? Toothless tried. It doesn't really fit me...
33.2 (Caution: contains non-MLP headcanon)
“Oh, thank you all for coming,” Fluttershy said quietly. “I'm afraid that some of my animals have been acting... very strangely.”
“And we all know what that means...” Scootaloo muttered.
“Ssh,” Dash admonished her. “I kinda wanna guess who it is before we get told.”
Scootaloo nodded.
“So,” Twilight said, brightly. “What alerted you?”
“Well, it was two things. Mister Hedge and Mister Kiddy got into a race, and... I'm afraid that I lost track of them. I don't understand it, they're normally very even tempered...”
“Why do y'all still give yer animals such cutesy names?” Applebloom asked. “Can't you talk to 'em now?”
“She can,” Dash answered for her friend. “But we tend to call animals by what they're called anyway, here in Equestria.”
“Huh...” Applebloom absorbed that. “Well, that explains some of those stranger fused loops...”
“Yeah, being a tortoise wasn't as fun as all that. Might explain why Rarity found her cat where she did, though...”
“Really?”
“Yeah, she rescued Opalescence from a pit where she was planning to look for gems. I kinda think her gem finding spell might have locked on to the cat...”
Sweetie nodded. “Now I think about it, I do remember that. Mom and Dad were a bit confused.” The filly then stopped, putting a hoof to her chin. “Doesn't explain why Opal's such an ungrateful, spiteful-”
“Sweetie,” Twilight warned.
“-Molly. What, what did you think I was going to say?” Sweetie winked.
Scootaloo held up a hoof. “We may have gotten distracted. What was the other thing, Fluttershy?”
“Well, the only other thing I'd noticed when I left was that Snugglekins had started dismantling my dehumidifier...”
For a few minutes, there was silence, as all the Loopers tried to solve the problem.
“Hang on,” Dash said, frowning. “Isn't Snugglekins that fox-”
“Sonic!” the Crusaders shouted at once.
“I should have known!” Sweetie said, shaking her head. “Of course Mister Hedge would have to be a hedgehog!”
“Okay, this is going to be awesome!” Applebloom enthused. “I've wanted to meet Tails for the longest time!”
“Well, this was a bust,” Applebloom muttered.
The almost-perfectly-normal fox in front of her cocked his head, then flirted two tails (I did say almost) and got back to building something out of a dehumidifier, half of Fluttershy's fridge, a phonograph, and her alarm clock.
“Oh, dear...” Fluttershy said softly. “I should have reminded you that you can't speak with animals...”
The fox licked something, pressed it onto a circuit board, then wrapped two wires together. A moment's work with a multimeter (and where that came from Applebloom wasn't sure, though she had a suspicion) and he slotted a final capacitor into place.
“Okay, does this work?” asked the voice of an opera singer from Hockland.
Applebloom blinked, then got it. “Cool, a translator?”
“Yeah,” the opera singer continued, as Tails barked quietly into a small gramophone horn. “I'd have been finished sooner, but my stuff in my subspace pocket is all pawprint and iris-locked, and I kind of don't have the same pawprint.”
The filly thought about that for a moment, then did the mental equivalent of turning her subspace pocket upside down and shaking it to see what fell out.
At least one handheld computer did, along with a soldering iron, two printed circuit boards which looked like maps of a tree's xylem, and a golden metal egg.
“Whoops,” Applebloom said quickly, sweeping the egg up with a pair of tongs and dumping it back through her mane. “None of that, thank you very much.”
“Can I use the computer? I mean, is it spare?” the singer asked, in what sounded like the second strangest opera ever written.
“Sure, go ahead.” Applebloom pushed it over, turning the transmitter on and doing the same on her personal computer. “Not much installed on it... hey, is it weird that I'm barely avoiding fangirling over you?”
“Kind of...” Tails admitted. “Is it the fuzzy tail?”
Applebloom promptly picked him up and hugged him.
Several fox snarl-barks went unanswered, until Fluttershy raised a hoof. “Um... do you want me to translate now?”
The filly blinked, shook her head, and put Tails gently down. “Sorry about that, mister Prower... the geeky-stuff kind of crossed with the fuzzies and I couldn't help myself.”
“At least it's partly geek stuff...” Tails said via the translator. “Now I know why Dad gets all the girls...”
“Wait, you have a dad?” Applebloom checked. “I actually didn't know. It never came up when ah was you.”
“Sort of. You're familiar with my world, right? You're going to laugh...” Tails warned.
“No, I'm not!” Applebloom protested. “I kinda know about the whole missin' parents thing...”
“Well, mine isn't missing. You'd know him as Dr. Ivo Robotnik.”
Her jaw dropped.
Tails sat back and shrugged, then went back to the gramophone horn. “I'm actually kind of a genetic experiment, but Dad is Dad as far as I'm concerned. You should see him on the days he's not going all mad with science, he's a nice guy.”
The young fox dragged the palmtop over with a paw, and began typing as he talked. “Anyway. Yeah, that relationship predates the loops, but we kept it secret from Sonic. That's not exactly hard, you just don't tell him out loud and he never asks. Then, one day, when I was in my first time looping, he just up and told me he'd found out about it twenty loops ago.”
A supple shrug-like motion. “Of course, there's a major branch type for my loop which has me with a dad who gets abducted by aliens instead, or something... I can never keep it straight.”
The palmtop made a bing noise.
“What's that?” Applebloom asked, interested.
By way of reply, Tails yipped into the palmtop while typing. What emerged was far more like his natural voice. “Translator program I designed for handling aliens. Works for this, too.”
Applebloom nodded. “I think I see. So you got it to absorb our language via my computer's data storage, and then you're typing what you say as you say it so it can learn fox.”
“Exactly.” Tails nodded. “I can see why you replaced me, nice work!”
“Well,” Braeburn said, looking into his bottle of whiskey. “Ah think this must be a li'l too strong.”
There wasn't really any other explanation than the whiskey for why two pegasi and two hedgehoggy... things, had just shot past his house...
33.3
“Welcome to our town, Twilight Sparkle,” the Mayor said genially.
“Actually...” Twilight paused, digging in her saddlebags. “I was informed that I'd be staying in the library. It looks nice, and I've got, well, a bit of money...” she looked embarassed. “Put it this way, the most I've spent it on in years is books. Anyway, I was wondering if it was possible to buy the library?”
Mayor Mare blinked. “You want to what?”
“Buy the library. Freehold.” Twilight pulled a bag out of her saddlebags, which clinked. “Here we are! I hope this is enough...”
Recovering slightly, the Mayor thought it over. Especially important was the size of the bag.
It would be nice to not be worried about the budget. “Well, if you insist...”
“I do. Oh, keep the change.” Twilight passed over the bag. Mayor Mare took it, and was unable to keep her grip on it – resulting in a loud thud and a small crater in the ground.
Both of them looked at the crater.
“I'll fix that later,” Twilight said, blushing. “Anyway. I must be getting on, there's a bit of work I want to get done.”
Fortunately, she had come prepared. All the relevant paperwork was already drawn up, filled out and signed by her last Loop – some of it was even already filed, that morning in Canterlot.
“We ought to do something about Nightmare Moon,” Applejack said.
“Not my problem,” Twilight replied, kicking back on the sofa.
“What?” came from several throats at once.
“Well, as I see it, she's only invading Equestria, right? Not my problem.”
“Er... we are in Equestria, darling,” Rarity pointed out.
“Nope.” Twilight pointed to the door. “Didn't any of you see the sign?”
Pinkie shot out the door, then back in again. “What does Federal Republic of Libraria mean?”
Twilight grinned. “Easy. I established this library, and the land around it to a distance of one fetlock, as an independent micronation. I am the President – for life – and Spike is the only other citizen.”
“I'm what?” Spike called from the other room.
“Dual citizenship,” she called back.
“Oh, okay then. Wait, I didn't elect you.”
“The voting age in Libraria is two years more than your age, Spike,” Twilight replied. “Which leaves me as the only voter. Next election is whenever I step down.”
“Awww...”
“Well...” Dash shook her head, looking annoyed. “If you're going to give up like this, then we don't need you! We'll go stop Nightmare Moon by ourselves.”
“Go ahead,” Twilight replied. Her horn flared as she mixed a mug of cocoa. “I'd like to help, of course, but the Westfillian principle means I can't intervene in the internal affairs of other nations. This is basically a succession crisis, after all...”
Twilight did feel a little guilty about what happened to her friends.
Just a bit.
But, well, the dungeons in Canterlot Castle were frankly a bit pathetic. They just hadn't been used in a long time... and, of course, Twilight had sent a letter to Cadence about the whole thing, so the young alicorn had broken all five of them out already.
Right. It's about six A.M, so...
Nightmare Moon stalked towards the brightly lit tree in the centre of Ponyville. “What treachery is this?”
“Hi!” a unicorn waved from the top balcony, wearing smoked-glass shades and with a drink next to her. “Cordial greetings from the President of Libraria to the Princess of Equestria.”
“Why and how do you break the Eternal Night?” Nightmare Moon asked, ignoring the comment.
The unicorn grinned. “Actually, it's very interesting. See, it's a variation of a portal spell, where the portal only transmits light. I parked one end of the portal over open sea on what I suppose should be called the Dayside now, and so it lets through just enough sunlight to cover Libraria.”
“Your impudence shall be punished!” Charging her horn, Nightmare Moon prepared to make an example of the insolent unicorn.
“Actually, you really don't want to do that,” the unicorn replied, taking her sunglasses off. “Basically, if you do, then the Westfillian treaty doesn't apply any more.”
The spell stopped charging.
“The what treaty?” Nightmare Moon asked, frowning. “I know not of such a treaty.”
“Essentially, it forbids interference in the internal affairs of other countries. And, since I'm President Twilight Sparkle of the micronation of Libraria, that means I can't get involved in purely internal Equestrian affairs.” The unicorn – Sparkle – tossed over a scroll which Nightmare Moon caught by instinct. “Clause five, I think.”
The Nightmare read it, slowly and carefully, looking for loopholes.
“...I see. Well, then, there is just one problem.”
“Do tell,” the 'President' invited cheerfully.
“I don't care if you get involved.” Nightmare Moon finished her spell, and fired it directly at the tree trunk.
Then there was a flash of almost intolerably bright light.
“Hello,” the purple alicorn standing in front of her said, as Nightmare Moon's vision returned. “I'm the commander-in-chief. Also the army.”
“Where did you come from?” Nightmare asked angrily.
“Libraria has a system of volunteer service. All adult citizens are on the muster rolls and can be activated at any time-”
“Well, then, why didn't I sense you?” The words were ground out through what seemed to be intense anger. “And where did your puling President go?”
“Speaking,” the alicorn said. “Now, since the treaty no longer applies, I'd like to ask you an important question. What is magic?”
“I... why?”
“Just curious,” the alicorn – apparently this Sparkle – said. “After all, it's sort of fundamental here.”
“I don't particularly care either to answer or what the answer is,” Nightmare said, already charging more magic.
“Well, I'm sure Cadence can tell us,” Sparkle said, nodding behind the Nightmare.
“That's the oldest trick in the book!” Nightmare Moon retorted. “I am not a fool.”
“Friendship is magic!”
Nightmare Moon's ears sagged. “She was behind me, was she not?”
Sparkle nodded, and then everything went rainbow.
“Well, that was fairly successful,” Twilight said to herself that evening.
First off, she'd managed to engineer Cadence into being the Element of Magic. It would be interesting to see how that developed.
Secondly, and much more entertainingly, the paperwork making her library into a micronation was now unassailable. And she was sure there was a lot of humour to be got out of that.
The only downside was that, while most ponies had believed her that the alicorn was an elaborate illusion, Princess Luna was still on her case about it.
Ah, well. No new loop pattern worked the first time.
33.4 (Stainless Steel Fox)
Some Awakenings were less pleasant than others. Falling from a great height wasn't that bad, as long as the height was still great enough to cast a Levitation spell. Fight sequences generally had you so involved that your brain pretty much shunted the whole 'millennia of memories' thing to one side until the risk of dying was less immediate. Though additional centuries of combat experience and the massive power boost usually helped.
On a scale of one to ten, finding yourself in a giant white test tube with a bunch of humans in white coats and either combat androids or soldiers in advanced body armour watching you like a specimen through a large window was definitely a solid seven. Having two disks bigger than you were extruding on mechanical arms to envelop you bumped that to an eight, and the fact that they crackled with electricity made it a nine. Add to that the fact that there was some sort of suppressive field interfering with her attempts to push them away and it was probably a nine point seven.
Twilight Sparkle stabilised her telekinetic output from her reserves without upping the power to avoid a spike while she assimilated the in-loop memories. Okay, teleport accident, ended up on a n apparently human inhabited planet unconscious from a rough transit, captured by this bunch of paramilitary types. Her memories from the capture were too fuzzy to get anything like an organisation name, but it was quite clear that they'd treated her as hostile from the very first. Attacked from the moment she started to move, captured, drugged and now this. Plus she ached all over. Well, if they wanted to make her an enemy, they were going about it the right way.
Her force powers were almost completely suppressed, and her innate magical ability was impaired by whatever restraint mechanism they were using. She wasn't sure if alternative foci to her horn, such as her Hogwarts wand were affected, but it was clear purely technological devices were fine, and so was her sub-space pocket. Giving her surroundings a second glance, she made a mental checklist of the chain of spells she'd be casting, then summoned an EMP bomb.
Dr Vahlen watched dispassionately as the two electrodes closed in on the research project they'd code-named Sparkle.
“Load still rising,” the first operator spoke, “scaling up damping field to forty-five per cent… forty-six… forty-seven…”
“Don’t let it stop the electrodes,” Vahlen commanded, “but continue to monitor the load. We need to know just how powerful this specimen is.”
Suddenly the lighting flickered and died, along with the screens and the power inside the chamber. The lightning around the two probes died, and they ceased moving. The only light source was the intense purple glow haloing the subject. It flared, especially bright around the 'horn', and then there was a flash of white light and the subject vanished, leaving them in darkness.
There were screams of panic and shock until the emergency systems cut in and the lights started to come on. The computer systems were a lot less stable, the displays flickering and cycling. The comntainment chamber was defiently empty. The Doctor overcame her shock and triggered her headset. “Case Omega, I repeat Case Omega! We have a containment breach! Subject Sparkle is loose in the base, present whereabouts unknown! Destroy it at any cost!”
Captain William Walker, call-sign Viking hefted his alloy cannon, while Lieutenant Suchiro Saname, one of the Assault specialists from Strike 2 scanned the area, readying his plasma rifle. The subject had shown considerable ability at deflecting attacks, but with Dr Shen's psionic damper active, they should have at least a chance of hitting it...
“Dr Vahlen!” The operator who'd been monitoring the damper spoke. “The damper isn't functioning, I've got an engineering team checking it.”
He paused, looking up at her with a shocked expression. “It's wrecked, as if someone put an explosive charge in the middle of it! They're estimating several hours of work to repair it.”
The blood of everyone in the lab ran cold, even Dr Vahlen's which most people believed was ice water anyway. The only equaliser they had against their ex-prisoner was gone, and it was almost certain that the subject was the one responsible, locating and acting against it in a fraction of a second.
Red lights and sirens were the order of the day, as soldiers and security ran around trying to find the small purple unicorn. This was made redundant when the unicorn reappeared about a foot in front of the Doctor. She was hovering in mid-air, and had manifested wings that glowed with the same lambent violet aura as the rest of her. The small fragment of Dr Vahlen's mind that wasn't gibbering with terror noted that they were flapping too slowly to provide the necessary lift.
Her world disappeared in a hail of alloy fragments and super-heated plasma as the two X-Com soldiers opened fire on the apparition. The attack should have shredded and vapourised the creature, and killed the unarmoured Dr Vahlen herself just from the effects of being on the edges of it, but it seemed to have no effect on either of them. It wasn't being deflected, simply vanishing when it got within a foot of them.
It quickly stopped as the two soldiers were flung away, ending up stuck to the walls in a spread-eagled position, with their weapons hung up next to them like display pieces. From the way they were struggling they were both still alive, but unable to free themselves. Doctor Vahlen had other problems, she had tried to scramble away and found herself held gently but immovably as the creature approached.
It's big eyes seemed to stare deep into her soul, while the glowing spiral horn, which had appeared so stubby and inoffensive compared to the usual run of claws and mandibles the aliens usually had, looked a lot sharper and more menacing when it was approaching your eyes.
It brushed her forehead, and she got the sudden impression of a host of voices talking at once, and blurred images inside her head. Then it was over, and the creature retreated. It spoke one word in a feminine voice, then vanished.
“Thank-you.”
Commander Banford was still trying to co-ordinate a response to Doctor Vahlen's Case Omega when subject Sparkle appeared in the command centre, hovering in the centre of the massive holo-projection of earth that dominated it. The projection flickered and went crimson before vanishing altogether. At the same time the few soldiers and security guards who had made it there were borne to the floor, unable to rise, as was anyone who tried to raise a weapon against her.
The controls for the base communications systems flashed as they opened a base wide channel and locked out further changes, then the hovering creature spoke.
“I am Twilight Sparkle, protégé to Princess Celestia, the co-ruler of Equestria, student, magical researcher and astronomer. I also know who and what you are, X-Com, as I availed myself of the knowledge and memories of your Doctor Vahlen. Fortunately, unlike your own methods of memory extraction, it doesn't leave the subject a decerebrated corpse. Apart from a slight aftertaste of elderberries and a temporary decrease in mental acuity comparable to three units of alcohol, she should be back to her mean old self in a few hours.”
She rolled her eyes and added, “And boy does she ever need a few units of alcohol, and a stallion... I mean, guy. Oh and a spell to lower her inhibitions, I've been inside her head and Celestia, that mare is wound tight! I'm not the most social of ponies myself, but she makes me look like Pinkie Pie! Oh, and the reason she's so into dismembering alien corpses? I think it's sublimation. Some-pony really needs professional help.”
She gave a little internal grin. She might not intend to hurt any-pony, but embarrassing the person who'd been quite willing to torture her into a mindless wreck and use her as a target dummy until she expired was perfectly reasonable. She cast a fascination spell with herself as the target to make sure no-pony interrupted.
“I understand that you have just finished defending yourselves from an alien invasion, and that you'd be naturally cautious about new alien forms, but you never even considered I might not be hostile from the very moment your goons saw me! One moment I was in my observatory in Ponyville, running a series of deep space scrying experiments, the next I ended up on earth, semi-conscious and with a massive everything ache. I could barely keep my magic under control!”
She shook her head. “That's what I get for using orichalcum rather than mithril to inlay the runes. But you know how it is when you're on a budget, and really, who would have expected a parametric thaumic cascade using Star Swirl's second formulation? Should have checked this system was clear of recently evaporated quantum singularities before I tried it...
“Where was I? Oh yes, helpless and alone on an alien planet, in dire need of a friend and a Spa visit. So your heavy-horseshoe thugs surround me and ignore any attempt I made to communicate. Maybe I wasn't a hundred percent, but just because my horn was glowing, they didn't need to bombard me with plasma! Then there's the whole 'torture me into a mindless puppet and use me for target practice' thing you had going. Not the best way to make friends with a representative of a new alien race.”
She was about to insult them and give them a long winded description of exactly why it was a bad idea to tick off a being who could turn their base into a glowing crater, and had friends who were even more powerful, but she decided that would be too mean spirited. The engrams from that Vahlen female must be making her more aggressive than usual.
No, it was a cardinal rule of both story telling and teaching to show, not tell. If she was going to troll them, she'd do it pony-style, or rather Twilight style, with random acts of kindness and helping them out. After all, most of them were just trying to protect their world and loved ones, and this rather battered planet needed some major first aid. The trick would be to annoy the Tartarus out of them at the same time.
“You know what, forget the lot of you! I'm still mad about being experimented on, but I'm not big on vengeance. I could go home right now, but I figure while I'm here, I should take a look around, maybe help out a little. It's not like your planet couldn't use all the help it can get. Besides, these 'pina coladas' and 'Japanese hot springs' Doctor Vahlen's memories contain interest me greatly. I'll just pop off a message home telling them what happened, and that I'm going to be home late. Bye bye!”
She vanished, which broke the spell the watchers were under. It was almost five seconds later that the yelling started.
The Casa Manyana wasn't one of Rio's most notable drinking establishments. However, Rio, being Rio, especially as even an alien invasion hadn't stopped the Mardi Gras, it wasn’t unused to unusual sights. A purple alicorn flashing into existence in the middle of the dance floor and making her way to the bar was at least in the top ten.
Nobody actually moved to try and stop her, partly because she was something of an outside context problem for most of the denizens, and partly because most of them were still trying to decide whether she was real, or just some problem of their own. A few gentle touches of telekinesis to give her a clear path, and a manifested set of steps to bring her level with the bar, and she was facing one of the bar staff.
“One pina colada please.” The barman looked at her blankly. Twilight face-hooved. Brazil, different language. She hadn't needed Vahlen's engrams for the language, English and Equestrian seemed to be interchangeable, but none of her previous loops had given her Portuguese. She cast a universal translation spell.
“One pina colada please.” The man was still frozen. “C'mon! I've been involuntarily teleported halfway across the galaxy, been captured by a secret military organisation, been experimented on, undergone an involuntary evolution into my races most super-powered form, escaped a heavily fortified underground installation, and right now I need a freaking drink!”
That finally seemed to break the paralysis. Maybe it was the fact her wings flared and her horn had started to glow. “Yes, right away! Do you want a glass or a pitcher?”
“You do pitchers? I like this planet!” Twilight said brightly. “Yes please!”
The inanity of the task of making the cocktail calmed him down, and nobody else was willing to prod the purple alien to see what it might do to anyone who interrupted it's quest for alcohol. He turned back with the pitcher and said automatically, “That will be twenty five reals.”
He blanched as he suddenly realised what he'd said, but before he could stammer an apology Twilight twitched her head, and a golden coin landed on the counter. “I don't have any local currency yet, but this coin from my home world is over an ounce of 95 percent pure gold. I'm certain it's worth several times the value of that drink, even after an exchange fee. Would that be acceptable?”
Since it was at least a hundred times the value of the drink he had no trouble in agreeing.
“Great! Keep the change. Oh, could I have some of those little paper umbrellas in it. I understand they're necessary for the full experience.”
He added the umbrellas, and found three more coins on the counter. “Oh, and would this be enough to buy the other people here a drink? Just because I'm having a bad day doesn't mean I want to wish one on any-pony else.”
It was, easily, and he only hesitated for a brief second to decide not to ask for more. He was already well ahead of the game on the first coin, and given what he'd seen her do when she was in a good mood, he didn't want to risk what she might do if she found out later that he'd overcharged her. The other bar patrons were cheering. A purple alicorn might be outside their frame of reference, but someone buying them drinks was well inside it, and definitely counted as a friend.
The purple alicorn in question gave the barman another nod and a pleased smile, levitated the jug with a halo of purple energy, and flashed away as abruptly as she'd appeared. A few seconds later the steps dissolved in a shower of sparkles that faded away to nothing.
Meanwhile in Japan, a receptionist at a secluded onsen was having difficulty maintaining a suitable level of imperturbability. Part of her was scared of the alien creature that had appeared in the foyer of the hot springs bath towing a jug of something with no visible means of support, while the little girl part of her had taken one look at the adorable purple unicorn with wings and had the deep desire to jump over the counter squealing 'Kawaiii!' and hug her.
“Please could I get a private room, and do you have room service? I'd like a vegetarian sushi selection. And of course, access to the baths. And, most of all, discretion.” Twilight didn't need a translation spell here. She'd had plenty of loops that had taken her to Japanese or equivalent language settings. She pulled a bag from her subspace pocket and set it on the counter, open enough to show the mass of gold coins and gemstones within. “I believe can pay.”
Politeness and large sums of gold were acceptable currency anywhere, and Japan was no exception. “I will get the manager. I'm sure he will be happy to see to your needs personally.”
Twilight levitated a flawless ruby the size of her thumb out of the bag, and placed it in front of her. “Excellent. Thank you for your assistance.”
She had her drink, a place to stay and get cleaned up, and now she could start to plan...
33.5 (Stainless Steel Fox)
Ponyville Unconventional
“So what do we do about the Foal Free Press?” Apple Bloom asked her Awake crusader buddies.
“Do we have to do anything?” Sweetie Belle squeaked, looking surprised.
Scootaloo shook her head. “Never gonna do that Gabby Gums thing again. Rainbow Dash took weeks to warm up to me again. Hurting any-pony with gossip like that is just plain wrong.”
Apple Bloom looked thoughtful as she paced around the Treehouse. “Of course you're right, I don't want to hurt any-pony, but you've gotta admit Gabby Gums made ponies sit up and listen. None of us has a cutie-mark talent for writing, unless you count the way Sweetie pulls song lyrics out of the air, but somehow we managed to make it work anyway.
“I just figure we could do something better than point out that Princess Celestia likes cake. Plus we can even put one over on Diamond Tiara in all her regular snarky, petty tin god minded glory. Why can't that filly pony on up and stop acting like a spoiled brat? We know she's better than that, or can be. Maybe by showing her how to help ponies rather than just making fun of them, we can get her to do just that.”
“What do you have in mind?” Sweetie Belle followed her friend with her eyes.
“Well, every-pony like to discuss things over an apple juice or something. Let's give them something to debate. I've even got the perfect first topic, assuming Snips and Snails are their usual selves.”
“'Snips and Snails in Bubblegum Veils'? I didn't think the three of you would produce anything usable, but it looks like I was wrong.” Diamond Tiara said grudgingly. “The picture sells it. Ponies always like to see some-pony else being embarrassed. And calling yourselves Gabby Gums, that should help give it some mystery.”
“Uh, DT... I mean, Miss Editor-in-Chief, ma'am...” Apple Bloom corrected herself as the tiara wearing pony gave her a nasty glare. “That ain't the whole of it. Look below the fold.”
“'Right or Wrong – Laughing at some-ponies misfortune is mean.' What is this...” She read through the copy. “... everybody does it... ponies should learn to take a joke... even if it may not seem serious to you, maybe it is to the pony your laughing at... turn the tables, remember something that happened to you and imagine ponies laughing at it... A debate piece? Actually... this is quite good stuff.”
“We figure we'll haul the ponies in with the first half, get 'em laughing, then buck 'em in the face with the question if what they're doing is right.” Apple Bloom explained.
“Ponies have all sorts of opinions.” Sweetie Belle added, “Rarity loves to gossip and talk about stuff around town. When she reads this, whether she agrees or not, she will talk about it, and that will get other ponies talking...”
“And all of them will want copies of the Foal Free Press!” Diamond Tiara finished. “Ha ha ha! It's brilliant! I'm glad I thought of it... Wait, do you think you can do this again? We need controversy, things ponies can argue about.”
“Don't you worry, Chief,” Scootaloo piped up. “We've got lots of ideas.”
“Sister, this is intolerable!” Princess Luna stormed into her elder sisters rooms shortly after moon-rise. “We must beagle out the identity of this Gabby Gums is and punish her for her insolence!”
Princess Celestia noticed the papers held crumpled in her sister's telekinesis and shook her head. “I have to admit, that picture of me sampling the cakes for the Royal Canterlot Bakery Auction wasn't my most flattering, but I believe I can survive a little fun at my expense.”
“But... 'Celestia – Just like us'? That alone would be bad enough, but this second heading, 'Right or Wrong – Is the Diarchy the best way of ruling Equestria'. Tis treason!”
“Calm yourself Luna.” Princess Celestia gently unfolded the paper. “Have you read it through? This Gabby Gums wasn't questioning our fitness to rule, she was discussing flaws in the system itself. She actually makes some good points. If anything she is sympathetic to us. She highlights the point that we alone raise the sun and moon, and how that prevents us from taking a holiday, or how if something happened to both of us, how much of a disaster that would be. She even makes the point that you don't get as much exposure as I do, running the Night Court. You are my younger sister, but you should be my equal in authority. I am giving serious thought to the suggestion she made that we trade off duties. I raised the moon for a thousand years, and I know you could raise the sun. That way you would finally get the respect you deserve.”
“Sister!” Luna exclaimed, then teared up slightly. “You mean it?”
“I do. I should have thought of it myself, but my first though was to protect you.” Celestia hugged her sibling. “But most of all, she talks about us as ponies first, rather than princesses. Maybe if more ponies had seen us, seen you that way a thousand years ago and considered even an immortal princess might have hurt feelings, things might have turned out differently.”
“Have you seen the latest Gabby Gums?” Rainbow Dash asked, as she entered Rarity's shop.
“My dear, I read all of Gabby Gums articles.” the fashionista replied as she annealed a gem into place on her latest ensemble. “I assume you're referring to the one entitled, 'Rainbow Dash – Super Speedster or Super Girly'?”
“Yeah, I don't know how they got the picture from when I was with you at the Spa. Was I ever steamed when saw that!”
“Then you read the Right or Wrong piece, am I right?” Rarity smiled.
“Yeah, that kinda put things into perspective. I guess if I can read Daring Doo books without being any less awesome for it, I can get my hooves done too. After all, if I want to look the best for my fans, I've gotta take care of myself right? Of course, seeing you were in it too...”
“I rather liked the tag line, 'Can't a pony be both?'. I don't know how Gabby Gums learned about my little contretemps with those Diamond Dogs, but it was actually rather flattering to be called a 'mare of action' as well as a top fashion designer. It's like this Gabby Gums knows us both personally.”
“You think it's Twilight? After all, she's always writing reports about everything under the sun. Which reminds me, I can't believe Princess Luna is subbing for Celestia at that.”
“I think it's a wonderful idea myself, doing the same job for thousands of years must get pretty dull. And Nightmare Night showed Princess Luna needed to get out more.”
“Yeah, you don't really think of the Princesses as ponies, but they eat cake too I guess. So, Twilight?”
Rarity shook her head. “I wouldn't have thought she'd write a piece like that about the Princesses, or send a copy of the paper to them afterwards. But I can't think of any-pony else. I asked Sweetie Belle but she said she's sworn to secrecy. Actually, I'm meeting up with Fluttershy for another Spa session after I finish this dress. Shall we invite Twilight and see what we can find out?”
“Uh...” Dash hesitated for a second, then gave a decisive nod. “Okay, and if any-pony gives me a hard time, I'll buck 'em to the curb! For that matter, you can help me, Miss 'mare of action'.”
“I gotta admit, I was plumb furious when I read that headline.” Applejack looked around the breakfast table at her assembled family over an open paper. “I should have figured it was another one of those Gabby Gums tricks. 'Applejack – Asleep on the job.' Of course I was resting, I'd just finished bucking the entire South Forty.”
“Well they did say just that.” Big Mac replied. “Never figured they'd interview a cow to prove it.”
Apple Bloom suppressed a smirk and said. “We don't often talk to the cows on anything, and we're the ones who maintain their barn!”
“I figure that was the point sugarcube.” Applejack replied. “It was all a lead into this whole piece about how non-pony races are treated. At least Sweet Apple Acres came out of it looking good.”
Granny Smith stirred in her rocking chair. “And so we should! I helped my paw talk the Buttercup herd into sticking around Ponyville back in the day. Cows ain't ponies, they do things their own way, and we ponies better respect that. They like living together, birthing their own calves, and having a secure range to graze on. That's what we promised 'em and that's what they got. We take care of 'em and that includes leavin' them to their own devices.”
“Of course, it wasn't just about cows, why do we even say 'stubborn as a mule' when old Forest Gumption is as easy going a fellow as any-pony could ask for. Good solid worker too. Or why they only allow ponies in the Royal guard, and that how that whole thing with Zecora happened. She asks some uncomfortable questions, but I guess that's what makes her popular.”
“Time some-pony did.” Big Mac was clearly in a chatty mood. “Reckon if no-pony asks if something is wrong, ponies are going to end up thinking it's right, or not thinking at all!”
“What I want to know is how this Gabby Gums mare managed to interview them heifers in the first place.” Applejack turned to look at Apple Bloom, who was adding another scoop of chopped apple and honey to her oatmeal. “Bloom, you work on the paper, you must know her. For that matter, you were fixing the plumbing in the cow's barn yesterday afternoon, was that when she came to visit?”
Apple Bloom shook her head. “Sorry sis, I made a promise not to tell any-pony. Diamond Tiara won't let us.”
Applejack frowned. “That Diamond Tiara's playing you for a fool. She hasn't put a single piece by you in the paper, or your friends either.”
“It's okay sis, there's more to life than getting your name in the by-line. They need all the help they can get just getting out more copies. We're delivering to news stands in Canterlot, Trottingham, even Manehattan! We may not get a cutie-mark out of it, but we're having fun, and ain't that the important thing?”
Applejack glowered, not at the filly but at some unseen point in the distance. “I figured that whole business with the cute-caneara was just some silly filly boasting about getting her mark, but the more I hear about her, the less I like. If she gives you trouble, y'all just tell me, y'hear?”
Apple Bloom grinned. “It's okay sis, we've got it under control.”
Diamond Tiara was livid, and staring down the subjects of her ire from over the top of her desk.
“Did you really think you'd get away with this? I do read what goes in the paper, your column most of all. This piece about cutie-marks, it's practically propaganda for your stupid little club! Not to mention the way you make ponies who have an actual gift the bad guys!”
“That's not what it says at all!” Apple Bloom protested. “It's just saying that while cutie-marks are good, there's more to a pony than their cutie-mark talent, and that they shouldn't be bullied about not having a mark. My cousin Babs is having a hard time with bullies at her school, and we reckoned she might not be the only one.”
Sweetie Belle added her two bits. “We just wanted to let fillies and colts like that know they aren't alone. Maybe we can even get some grown up ponies to remember how they felt about being bullied about being a blank flank, and even do something to help the foals who are.”
“Yeah, this isn't about you!” Scootaloo exclaimed. “Your lame attempts at nastiness barely even count as annoying! There are ponies out there who are really hurting!”
“I don't care who's hurting! You will write something different for your next Gabby Gums piece, or I'll write my own story, using these! I told Featherweight to photograph everything, and he did!”
The three of them knew exactly what the pictures showed, Sweetie Belle as a dressmakers dummy, one of Scootaloo's more spectacular nose dives, and baby Apple Bloom with a pair of diapers on her head. However, they pretended to be appropriately shocked. Featherweight was even visible up in the skylight taking another snap.
“Hey! Give us those!” Scootaloo reached for the photos, only to have them swiped away and put back in an envelope. Diamond Tiara gave a nasty smirk. “Sorry girls, property of the Foal Free Press... just like Gabby Gums. Now get out there and write!”
The three fillies trailed out, tails between their legs, heads down, and but with looks that were determined rather than defeated. They'd given her a shot at playing fair, now the horse-shoes went on. Diamond Tiara might think she held all the cards, but they had an ace in the hole.
Diamond Tiara came down to breakfast feeling on top of the world. Her brilliant scheme had utterly crushed those three losers. They would continue to produce Gabby Gums columns, starting with tomorrow's and she would get the credit for it. A win-win situation, as her father liked to call it, and both sides winning were Diamond Tiara.
She found her father engrossed in the Canterlot Sun Chronicle over the remains of his own breakfast. He lowered the paper to look at her when he heard her enter the room, and that was when she realised something was wrong. His normal fond smile was replaced by a frown.
“Diamond, what have you been doing at the school newspaper of yours?” he asked her.
“Pushing it's circulation through the roof!” she replied, “More is better, you always say.”
“I'm fairly certain I didn't tell you to do this.” He hoofed over the paper. There on the front page were the three 'blackmail' pictures she'd used, and a fourth one of her confronting the three fillies in the newspaper office. While you couldn't see the pictures in detail, you could see three photos scattered on the desk, and it didn't take a genius to make the connection, especially with everyone's expressions.
The headline was, “Editorial or Dictatorial' with a sub heading 'When good stories get censored for bad reasons.' and Gabby Gums as the tag line. There was also a note from the Sun Chronicle editor.
'Gabby Gums is no longer associated with the Foal Free Press, as the story below will relate. We are happy to announce that this is the first of many that will appear in the Chronicle.'
“Why those little ingrates!” Diamond Tiara raged, “I'll destroy them! I'll humiliate them so badly they'll have to go hide in Zebrica to escape the shame!”
“With those pictures?” Her father asked sternly, and she suddenly realised he was listening.
“But daddy, Gabby Gums is my bread and butter! They work for me, and they should do whatever I tell them to!”
“Apparently not. I suggest you read the article.” She did as he told her, cheeks reddening.
'You may be wondering why the first three pictures above aren't accompanied by a snappy commentary and a Right or Wrong follow-up. That's because of who the three fillies shown here are. Individually we are Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom of Ponyville. Together we are the writing team that uses the pseudonym Gabby Gums.
It started out as a bit of fun, but we found ponies were actually listening to us. It was awesome, so we used our column to comment on things we saw around us, questions we thought needed asking. As Apple Bloom's big brother once said, “If no-pony asks if something is wrong, soon every-pony will start thinking it's right, or not thinking at all.” We might not have gotten on with our Editor-in-Chief, but as long as we were helping to ship newspapers everything was fine.
Then we wrote our latest column, and she decided she didn't like it. Not because it was poorly written or badly thought out, but purely on the basis that she believed it reflected badly on her. She ordered us to write something else, and backed it up with the pictures you see above. If we didn't fill her column inches with our writing, she'd fill it with us, and a write-up designed to humiliate us. Her parting words were that she owned Gabby Gums. However, we'd long since decided that Gabby Gums and getting out the truth was more important than even our individual reputations.
She thought she had the whip hoof, as she had the only prints and controlled what went into the Foal Free Press. What she didn't know was that the photographer she'd browbeaten into helping her still had the negatives, and that we'd made contacts with other papers against the possibility that something like this would happen. She may think she owned our work, but we never signed a contract or were ever paid (any money we receive for future columns will be donated to charity).
As far as we're concerned, she can publish her photos, and do her worst. The three of us would far rather be remembered as silly fillies for being caught on camera doing something embarrassing than for knuckling under to bullying tactics. We'll take whatever lumps are coming, we just ask that every-pony remember our very first column.
As to the piece that caused this ruckus, or possibly even fracas, there isn't enough room left to publish it. Look for it in our next Gabby Gums column, now appearing in the Canterlot Sun Chronicle, the Baltimare Gazette and the Manehatten Times. We hope for your continued support. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, writing as Gabby Gums.'
Diamond Tiara's scream of rage could be heard in Canterlot.
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Nice set of stories this time around, though I like the one with Twilight on post-alien invasion Earth the best. The ones with her micronation and the retake on Gabby Gums are both pretty good too. At least the latter didn't end in disaster for the fillies this time!
33.1 And now I wonder what would happen if you were to cross this Looping with the movie 'Ladyhawke'.... And there goes the synapses, cooking off...
33.2 Why do I get the feeling that there was a rise of hedgehog attacks on the local artrificers in the area?
33.3 "Diplomatic Immunity!"
33.4 More Drunken Twilicorn!
33.5 Twilight must have fallen out of her tree laughing at this one coming together....
i have had this perpetual crazy/smiling/insane face since the third loop onwards. This is how it looks like:
Gentlemen, this, is how to troll.
What's Libraria's immigration policy? It sounds like my kind of place.
3346880 Because she's SINGING to Luna. She's not telling her TO sing. Lullay is a 'nonsense' word, of sorts, that's said pretty much exclusively in lullabies. (And it's pronounced Loo-lay (like moo with an L, and lay as in lay down.))
I don't know how else I can explain it to you. Oh wait.
(Sorry, don't mean to be a condescending ass. I'ma gun shut up now. <.< )
I hope we see more of the x-com/drunken Twilicorn loop.
3346906
I suppose I'd find it easier to understand were the very word "lullaby" not in the title. And were the word "lullabies" not in the previous verse.
With both those factors, it looks to me more like a spelling mistake.
3347620 Nope. Ye Olde English. Lull and lay. (Lull as in to quiet, and lay as to tay down. It's an order/request to go to sleep. Lullay Moon Princess. Go to sleep, Moon Princess. X3 )
3347672
The main example I can find is from Chaucer. The source notes that it's an early form of the modern English word... Lullaby.
But, well, I'd gelice neotan niwe giedd tae eold an, but if it's what the lyrics say...
I may disagree strongly with the use of it in that I can't see a good reason to do it, but it's there.
3346452
Well, kind of restrictive, actually. Largely because there's only one spare room, and currently Cadence is in it.
Totally should do a fused loop with groundhog day.
It's a looper who's baseline is a loop
Loopception
3348617
Woah, how would looping goundhogsday even be?
"Well, it seems the next set of a 100+ loops is gonna be with some talking horse... I guess that works" xD
Oh god that would be such a troll though, if it went with the events of the movie.
Just imagine getting out of those loops, happy as can be, just to loop back to before the loops started.
Though, he'd already know what to do to get out of the inner set of loops I guess...
Dude... Can you imagine the Doctor looping? Woah... That would be so incredibly confusing.
Just wondering, why isn't this in the Spacebattles Group?
3352854
There is one of those?
33.3... Oh god! My sides! My lungs! And everything else that could be hurt by explosive laughing.
This is the single most hilarious thing I have ever read on this site.
I quite liked 33.3, Trollight Sparkle, it seems all alicorns and nigh all powerful beings are trolls to a degree, so far the only one that isn't, is Chrysalis. Yet. I quite like the new Gabby Gums.
This whole X-Com loop was kind of fun to just watch,
Attacking first tends to be a bad option if you don't know if the enemy is hostile.
4861257
That's a silly argument here. I assume you're speaking of the X-Com loop? Earth is currently under siege. The odds of a friendly alien showing up during an alien attack (after all, X-Com had to already be where Twilight appeared for them to capture her immediately. It's not like radar picked her teleport up as a UFO) are pretty non-existent. X-Com is an organization that sustains a loss rate that no unit could possibly withstand without breaking. There was zero reason to believe that yet another alien showing up was anything other than the latest murder machine being thrown at them.
If earth wasn't in the middle of an invasion, your words would be more accurate. In this situation however, it's like dressing up in a Nazi uniform and wondering why the Red Army is shooting first instead of saying hello in 1944.
I can understand that any potentially friendly alien that by ridiculous narrative causality winds up in this situation might be less than happy about a "shoot first" policy, but if the roles were revered, would they honestly do it otherwise? Twilight has the advantage of being an effectively immortal goddess and death being cheap, assuming anything could actually kill her. Would a Twilight Sparkle that isn't an immortal goddess in an organization that routinely loses up to half it's combat team every sortie while still considering a mission a 'success' react differently if Equestria were under attack by such a foe? If every new abomination that Equestria X-Com saw just meant new and more horrific ways for the worlds defenders, and the poor civilians that are being targeted to draw out the defenders, to be slaughtered? How many of her fellow ponies will she see turned into zombies by chrysalids? How many times would one of her own squad mates shoot another squad mate because of mind control? What reason would she have to *NOT* open fire immediately upon yet another new horrific abomination appearing? Yea, it sucks, but showing up like this pretty much requires either direct sabotage or narrative causality. The odds of a friendly alien accidentally showing up with a bunch of not-friendly aliens is somewhere around the odds of me winning the lottery. Several times in a row. Hesitation only gives the new alien abomination extra time to eat your face off.
Now, if some aliens show up separately, make contact, and actually try talking, that would be a different story.
Ah, finally. I was waiting for the Xcom crossover
5087436 That loop also showcases one of the problems with Twilights view. She doesn't understand why they suddenly attacked and were willing to result to such extreme measures because she hasn't been in a situation that needed her to do whatever it takes. She has had the elements to handle any enemy would drive her to such measures. The loops aren't helping that mindset at all, making death a minor issue for the loopers and making them so much more powerful than most, if not all, non-looping enemies and even some looping enemies that they pull pranks to mess with their heads and try ludicrous ways to beat them.
Another point is that she has never been as helpless as a normal human. She had her magic and/or her sub-space pocket available at all times. It's not even just her but ponies in general. The unicorns could teleport or use their telekinesis to get away from threats, the earth ponies are stronger than your average human and the pegasi could fly away. Granted, this might not hold true for all ponies in all situations but they are better equipped to survive than humans.
5361777
Ah well, story is meant for laughs anyways, and for 120+ chapters, this story does that very well. Wouldn't work nearly as well if, you know, the characters had any sort of actual, relevant limits and had to truly fight for their lives. All this stuff being played for laughs is the only reason something this long as still so damn entertaining :D
That's a major game changer right there. It's far too late for *this* Twilight to ever really be as helpless as a normal human though. Her knowledge is just too powerful on it's own, even without access to her magic or pocket. Not sure it would be a good thing though, for her to have truly tasted despair and understand what would drive humanity to create something like X-Com. I REALLY don't think ponies that wholly approve of X-Com and it's methods would be nearly as readable for this many words, even if I'd want to slap the shit out of them slightly less often.
5361777 If you want a good MLP/X-com crossover, especially one with Twilight, here's a good one
Is it bad that I got 33.1 in 6 lines?
This was one of my favorites so far
3346452 when it comes to what sort of immigrants twilight is willing to take, she's really a fan of most everything.
33.1 Did you know that Valdemar is a name in certain countries, I was friends with someone named Valdemar.
The Valdemar one was butchered all to hell.
And I laughed my ass off. I love those books, and that spoof of both Hulda and Ancar was classic.
The only bad part was that there was no Talia; she's my favorite out of the Arrows books. That is, unless Hiccup is taking her place. Come to think of it, that makes sense; the first major job Talia and Kris was sent on was the ambassadorial journey to Hardorn.
I do wish that they would have killed Ancar. As much as killing is considered wrong, those that torture to gain power don't deserve life themselves.
Non-Looping Tiara just got served
3729676 Different universes. Archie-verse Sonic isn't the same as Main Series Sonic, who isn't X Sonic, etc. The only series that ARE the same continuity for sure are SatAM and Archie-verse. HOWEVER, current Loops canon has enough issues with determining baseline that Ygdrassil tries to run Main and Archie together as one universe, with some Loopers from each.
oh, that made me think of a story by Estee, where Trixie tried to boost her magic by weaving rune-patterns into her cape with Platinum wires...but it over-heated and exploded! fortunately she took off the cape and tossed it high in the air just in time, so she only suffered minor burns. THEN she tracked down the Alicorn Amulet...
edit it's part of the story called "the elements of elements".
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Except Earth is not under siege, X-COM had recently been under attack but was not at the time. So a non-hostile visitor was assumed hostile in a state of peace rather than being talked to.
oh, this made me think of a stupid character in a comic book: "no one's even tried to talk to the intruder. we can't be certain it's hostile. that would require making a value judgement-excuse me? yes, i AM from San Francisco, why do you ask?"
the "intruder" had destroyed half of a CITY and was in the process of destroying the rest!
-that's from "the Dark Knight strikes again".
A very smart idea to lock yourself out if you end up in a completely different body
You know, having read Stardust first, this X-com business rather rubs me the wrong way. Dunno why Twilight thinks waving phenomenal power and complete disrespect under the nose of a still-hyperparanoid PDF is going to go smoothly.
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It's probably because she's a bit casual to risk on account of the worst thing that happens if you die in the Loops is you go "Well, trying something different next time".
In most cases, anyway.
Please tell me the Xcom loop is a loop-line rather than a one-off? I love that idea...
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Yes it is a loop line :) just like turning tables it will b ling and it will be awsome
ah, i finally found this video again: