Detective Chmilewsky
Joined 29th Sep, 2011 ·
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This will be interesting to read.
Watching.
2353739 Thank you for your watch.
Damn. I may have to step up my game if I wish to combat you, my friend. But I am yet to be defeated! En garde!
2354498 3.bp.blogspot.com/-FRT_KylRjDM/Tish1PxNcoI/AAAAAAAAA5o/YJY9cHy3gVY/s1600/SwordFight.gif
Nice, a fallen earth crossover. Haven't seen one of these before.
2354712 I love the game very much, and because I loved it so much, I took the opportunity to do something no one else has done.
2354802
I've gotten pretty bored of the game now. Can't be arsed to start grinding and investing time, not to mention the farthest I got was the northern border of sector 1.
2354810 Ah. I never did grind when I played, I just did the quests. In doing so, I have come to understand a good deal of the lore behind the game, and I have even done a lot of roleplay.
You know, there is actually a group just for these crossovers. I like your take on it, and they probably would too.
2354853 Oh? What group is it?
2354861 Two, actually. Fallout: Equestria and Fallout: Equestria Related Fics. Both have several hundred members, and they all get notices when you add a story to their group.
2354881 I've actually added my story to both of them, but thank you for telling me, I do appreciate it.
2354895 ...oops. Sorry, I'm new.
So there's a side bar on the story? I'll keep that in mind.
2354907 Don't worry about it, I just sort of noticed that myself, actually.
2354981 Hehehe, and you've been around for a while! So wait, this story is your first after like 78 weeks? Bravo!
2354989 Hehe, yep. Finally gathered up the courage to try my hand at writing, and after a half-decade of roleplaying, a few months of actual writing, I can't say that I'm not satisfied with the results.
2355057 Eight favs and only two dislikes. That's like an 80% approval rating, so I'd say that's pretty sweet! Just saying.
2355073 Certainly does seem like that, doesn't it? All's good on this front, I think it is safe to sleep now.
2355095 Good night! That's in your part of the world, I'm guessing?
Keep up the good work I'm really intrested in seeing where this is going.
2355877 Thanks man, I'll definitely be adding more later on.
Good story
I had an idea like this for a Fallout 3 story where a ghoul OC ends up in the wastes
2359478 No ghouls in Fallen Earth, heh. That will be an interesting scene for when the time comes.
It's still formulating in my head. plus I think he might get ponified
I LOVE the game fallen earth. I just can't play it anymore cause my alien ware computer went up in flames so I'm stuck with a crappy old desktop for now. Anyway, love the story mate! If you ever need a pre-reader, just give me a PM.
2361219 Fallen Earth has gone free, in case you didn't know. And thank you for the offer of a pre-reader, but currently I have a blood pact going on with my current one.
Currently working on chapter 2.
This is actually the second Human in Falllout: Equestria fic i saw.
2386167 I believe this is the third I have seen (since I wrote this one, making it the third), however one of them I saw skewed the Fallout Equestria canon so much that I don't count it as a Fallout Equestria story.
2389703
Is this it?
2393156 That is the other Fallout Equestria fic that I know of, but the one I was "bashing" was one where the war was between humans/bronies and ponies, and Littlepip never existed and neither did the Zebras. It was a very confused story.
Normally I am leery of crossovers, especially double crossovers (or is this a triple?) but I am glad I gave this one a go. I am impressed with how you have handled the pony character's mannerisms and actions in this- such as having her dig like a quadruped actually would, checking for a pulse with her nose rather than a hoof, etc. Most writers around here tend to write their pony characters as humans with equine anatomical terms substituted, so kudos to you on putting the extra effort in.
2396324 Thank you very much, that means a lot to me. I actually spent a lot of time looking at equine anatomy and had discussions with my editor about how some things would go.
Hello Detective, it's me Delvius! I happen to like what you're writing so far; it's unique from the majority of FoE stories and it's definitely one of the top ten I've found on this site that is NOT a major story like Pink Eyes (I don't even read it). It's quite good in some aspects -- I particularly like how well-worded your paragraphs are, though I must say that some of the description-giving ones such as those used to describe the details of a location could use a little more work. The problem in that regard I feel are that some of the words mean something that isn't common knowledge, hence people will be a little confused. I hope I didn't sound too harsh there.
Now, dialogue-action wise, the dialogue for me is a wee bit bland, if only for the fact that the characters themselves don't seem to talk too much. The actions that come along with them saying these words, though, are pretty clear and believable, so kudos to you; I can actually imagine it in my head!
This is pretty interesting so far, so I'm faving it and following you to see where you'll take it.
I'm only on chapter one so far, but already I'm liking it!
2458476 Thanks! I appreciate your comment and criticism, and I have lately been working on area descriptions on the current chapter I've been writing. One thing I would like to ask though is an example of one of the things you mentioned in this snippet of your comment:
"The problem in that regard I feel are that some of the words mean something that isn't common knowledge..."
Can you go into more detail as to what you meant by that, so I can help improve?
2458644 Oh, sure. Let me take the prologue as an example...
The room that the man was in had metal grating and panels for a floor and steel-panelled walls, the ceiling having large portions of it lined with ventilation ducts and various pipes. One side of the room had a line of empty metal pods that were festooned with cables and other bits of machinery that filled the gaps between the pods. On either side of the line of pods was a wide staircase that lead up to the surface.
The other side of the room was a different matter altogether; the center part of the wall was concrete with a large, black sphere, possibly representing a planet, covered in a dense grid with bright points at each intersection. Beneath the logo was one word: “GlobalTech”.
On the floor just before the concrete wall was a raised dais that had a steel safety railing around most of it save for where a small metal stairway on either side of the circular platform connected to the floor. On the section closest to the wall was a semi-circular row of computer banks and terminals, the rows and panels of blinking lights occasionally interrupted by a blue screen that either showed the logo on the wall or other information that wouldn’t easily be readable to just anyone.
Now, while I certainly can understand this after several reads, I think it would be much more efficient if you simply used simpler language so people could get it right away. For example, festooned. Now, after a quick internet search, I have come to learn what it means. You could, however, have simply said coiled or bundled or... or strung-together or something of the sort.
2459937 Ah, I had no idea that that wasn't a common word (not implying anything, just didn't know). Thank you for that information, I'll be sure to use the simplified versions of words next time.
It's pretty good so far, each character was interesting in their own way, and I could see any one of them developing into someone amazing.
However, for constructive criticism I feel I should tell you that a few places struck me as repetitive and unnecessarily wordy. Here's one example: “I can still hear you, sweety,” called a voice from around the corner, followed by a chuckle. The man’s ebony cheeks reddened slightly, embarrassed that his bad-mouthing had been heard by the person it was directed at. We don't need to be told why he's blushing, that much is obvious in the context.
2493294 Ah, thank you.
This is really good :3
2520693 Appreciate the compliment.
This is pretty good.
2619918 Thank you for the compliment. As a note to everyone else, a new chapter should be ready by Monday.
2621480
Oooh, neat.
You're welcome by the way.
Finally! You have no idea how long I've been waiting for a story like this!
2646087 Oh? Do tell by what you mean "like this".
Also, thanks for the favorite and upvote!
P.S. I've been waiting for someone to use that avatar. That time has apparently come.
2646114
Fallout-Fallout:Equestria crossovers, they're rare and none have ever been any good.
And I love this avatar, saw it on Derpibooru and had to use it...
2646127 Eh, gotta tell you man, this isn't a Fallout X Fallout Equestria crossover. It is a Fallen Earth X Fallout Equestria crossover. Fallen Earth and Fallout are two different things (post-apocalyptic areas existed before Fallout).
2646167
Well fuck, I read that wrong. Oh well, close enough...
2646228 Limited nuclear war and super virus does not equal full scale nuclear holocaust, my friend.