TTV_KingPhoenixEmbers
Joined 20th Apr, 2012 ·
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Eeyup, this is definitely going on the Read Later list :)
Your writing is good, but this story feels incredibly rushed. You could have added a few more chapters explaining how anxious the two lovey-dovey ponies are to get down to business; there definitely should be more padding between the beginning of naughty times and Cheerilee's finish. Currently this is what it feels like:
I'm gonna sex you!
*weird magicks!*
C: Oh, my!
C: *explosively cums all over the couch*
Also, when you make time pass in the narrative, there should be a couple more line breaks, some ~~ or a
to signify it explicitly. Otherwise people get lost and the immersion fizzles out of existence as they expend some mental focus on doing the jump themselves.
Writted. Somehow, I feel like I'm not going to like this story despite the Cheerilight
"giving me horn"
Hah! This was rather enjoyable, if a bit too quick, a few more descriptions would have been appreciated, but all in all, a nice Cheerilight story. Not sure I could see Cheerilee calling Twilight "babe", but that's really not an issue, haha.
2105766 Eh, this wasn't my favorite thing to write, but it's at least silly to read. I'm not going to be adding anymore chapters, though. I was really rushing ot finish it at the end there, because the tumblr I was writing it for only gives 60 minutes to write the story (but unlimited time to plan it). Halfway through writing I got distracted by RoosterTeeth and by the time I got back to writing I had, like, 10 minutes left... stupid distractions! Oh, well, just means I can do better.
2106659 Oh, yes, more descriptions would've been nice. If I had planned my time for writing better. Naturally, I also didn't plan my plot for this at all except for a vague idea in my head. Whoopsie.
Hot! Have a Luna Batman!
th08.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/162/0/3/batmare_by_escagorouge-d534dkk.jpg
Horn...gasum. o_O. Right, I'm off. No offence, but jam coming out of a horn?
Tasty all the same.
Appears to be legitimate. We shall ponder on this during our midday tea.
The benelovent
King Lazaro Sol of Ziolia
Love seat.
Very aptly named, don't you think?
Good pair-up
Hope Chapter 2 comes out soon,
It would be funny if Spike walked in on one of their "Activities"
2341082 This ain't gonna get a second chapter. Did you even read the description?
On an unrelated note, this was surprisingly good for a 60 minute time-limit; I could clop to this.
2105766
"Explosively cums all over the couch"
Wow. That's one way to put it.
A
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/1/24/532648.png
i was looking for a nice story to read not a goddamn sex novel
4707075
I'm not sure why you would read a story clearly marked both Mature and Sex if it wasn't what you were looking for.
Then...don't...read it....?
Good story. Seemed a bit rushed but still worth your 100th upvote.