The world is young, cold, and lifeless. The Sun and the Moon aim to change that. But life isn't always as predictable as you think, and sometimes needs a guiding hoof. Or paw.
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- Member Since 30th Nov, 2011
- offline last seen March 12th
Cloudhammer
I never make mistakes. I thought I'd made one once, but I was wrong.
Cloudhammer
Joined 30th Nov, 2011 ·
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Eleven moar words... just eleven moar...
First.
#YOLO
Edit:
Its good.
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#YOPS
you only post Second
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I... I'm not first...
*clenches head in torment*
2029563
Oh I know, it was sooo close
Soooooo, to anyone else, thoughts on the story itself please?
I, for one, am impressed. Lots of great ideas that fit together very well. I had always thought of the "Diamond Dogs" seen in the show as a somewhat outcast gang, but having that be the true name and nature of their species is an interesting possibility, to say the least. I wasn't too sure about them being formed from timber wolves, but the line about the burning wood "compressing into dense bones" sold it for me, since diamonds are just heavily-compressed carbon. (I don't know if you did that on purpose or not, but it worked perfectly.)
All in all, 8/10. Definitely deserves to win more than my piece of silliness, that's for certain.
2031718
), but I think it worked. Sirius mainly needed a form to mold into his children, just like Celestia and Luna used the four-hooves as the base mold for the ponies. *blinks* Dang, this story has more origins than I thought it did 
I did in fact, on my friend Aegis' suggestion. The part about them being born from the timber wolves was a spur of the moment thing (granted, the entire story was, but that's beside the point
This is a different take on the Equestrian creation myth, and its focus on something other than the dominant species is a nice change of pace. Like Educated Guess, I was about to call shenanigans on the diamond dogs originally being timberwolves at first, but ... damn. Impressive.
I was pretty surprised at first when the 'first sin' of the species resulted in apotheosis for Sirius, but after hearing Celestia's reasoning it makes a bit more sense. (Though personally, I think she should've had a bit more inner conflict rather than just going to Luna for confirmation--nature or not, Sirius did kill one of their ponies.)
Huh. That was pretty solid. Nicely done.
2096285
Also, any idea when the results of the January contest go up? My family stopped letting me chew on their fingernails 
Thanks
God, I love this. My only complaint is that the ending is abrupt; I think it could use a few more paragraphs of denouement. But the journey there is sublime.
No semicolon. Just a comma.
You accidentally a word.
*though she knew
Anywho, let's take a look at some of the issues I pointed out last time...
With regards to the plot:
Though I don't have the original for comparison purposes, my gut says this was a little better. Still felt rushed, but not as much as my memory tells me it was. Or I could be crazy and it might be exactly the same. If you happen to have the original, I could say for certain.
On to characterization:
They still seemed flat. My gut tells me nothing is all that different, either.
Mechanics:
See what I said for plot.
World-building:
I think we got a little more information this time around, but again, a copy of the original would be incredibly useful. My memory isn't so great on the specifics.
So, yeah, in sum, I feel like it's gotten better, but the changes aren't noticeable enough for me to say for certain. If I had a copy of the original for comparison purposes, I could catch all the more subtle changes and then make a firmer decision on whether this did indeed improve.
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Yeah, sorry. Don't have a copy of the original anymore
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Darn.
Well, I hoped that helped at least a little bit.
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Somewhat, though I'm not really interested in expanding on Celestia/Luna (mainly because I felt like doing so not only would break the Jan contest rules, but also because I despise writing from the mindsets of my deities). Sirius was a bit of an exception, but I still don't like doing it.
Creation myth for the Diamond Dogs?
There should have been more butt sniffing and less poetry!
Nah, I'm just kidding, it's great.
It was a very interesting take on a mythological old Equestrian history, with particularly great pacing. I love this "Silmarillionesque" style, so of course I am a sucker for this story.
My only issue was with the ponies you introduced in opposition to Sirius. They build a feeling of a larger world, but they were ultimately pointless to the story.
Daaaaaaaaaaammmmmnnnn...
This is a hell of a origin story for the Diamond Dogs. It's really quite solid and, above all else, works well.
Not only that... The relation to the Timberwolves is a connection I could actually see being possible.
Very well done, chief.
~Skeeter The Lurker