• Published 12th Jan 2013
  • 5,506 Views, 144 Comments

Contact - MyOwnNameWasTaken



How Rainbow Dash seems upset at the prospect of a hooficure -- even for health reasons! Fluttershy tries to help -- and uncovers a shocking secret.

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Author's Afterward

Greetings, everypony! Thanks for reading my 'fic! This is one of the first pieces of creative writing I've done in my life, and certainly the first I've shared with complete strangers on the 'Net, so your kind comments were very encouraging! I'm sorry for those who seemed to be expecting a much longer tale, but this was a first attempt, and I felt it reached a natural conclusion. This story is, after all, about Rainbow and Fluttershy making, well, Contact. Further developments in their relationship will have to be explored in later stories -- or I suppose I could switch this story's status back to "Incomplete" and keep going from there. Either way, I didn't want to keep waiting indefinitely for something that may not come.

I realise an afterword isn't standard procedure at Fimfiction.net, but while I've seen authors post their acknowledgements and attributions in their stories' long descriptions, I felt it would interfere with the description's aim of hooking potential readers, and so I've added them as an additional chapter. As long as I publish it immediately after the last chapter to contain actual story, I shouldn't get a "bump" and so abuse the submission system.

This story owes a great debt to CLAVDIVS CEASAR's Ditzy Doo's Dismally Derpy Day, already mentioned in the Author's Notes. Not only did the author dream up an explanation for Derpy's cutie mark so fitting that I simply can't imagine it meaning anything else (and thus, I used it in this 'fic), but the details on hoof structure prompted me to do a little research on my own, which led directly to my imagining that pegasi might need to trim their hooves regularly, creating the hook for this story.

I would like to extend a big thanks to my pre-reader for all the helpful input!

This story is dedicated to Mai, who taught me that tickling isn't always fun and games.


"Is this really Romance?" Alternatively, "Isn't this Dark?"

I hesitated over whether to add the Romance and Dark tags to this story.

I put something quite dark in Rainbow's past, but the story isn't about her abuse, but about that abuse acting as a catalyst to allow her to finally open up to another pony, about many things that might have been weighing on her mind, especially when one considers how much Dashie has grown as a pony since she first crashed into Twilight in "The Mare in the Moon." As such, I felt that the Dark tag didn't reflect the tone, and that the Teen rating and cover picture were sufficient.

Contrariwise, this 'fic can be read as a pure friendship 'fic, but I felt the Romance tag was necessary, because I see Rainbow Dash & Fluttershy's relationship as romantic.

Edit: I have since removed the tag. While I see their relationship in this story as romantic -- my reasons are explained below -- a number of commentators didn't, and ultimately tags serve as tools to guide readers to the stories they want to read. A reader coming here expecting a full-blown FlutterDash romance is going to be disappointed, so I finally decided the tag would be best unchecked, at least until I return and extend the story.

Both pegasi were raised in Cloudsdale, and both left it behind, moving to Ponyville. Fluttershy's reasons for doing so are obvious: she didn't belong in the clouds. Rainbow, on the other hand, clearly loves Cloudsdale: this is obvious even in "Sonic Rainboom," and Discord broke her by trapping her between her loyalty to her friends and her loyalty to her home -- explicitly shown to be Cloudsdale. Further, she aspires to join the Wonderbolts, and she lives for flying. Everything about her, right down to her colour palette -- rainbow on azure -- calls her skywards... and yet she turned her back on that sky to live in Ponyville, a sleepy (well, it was, until Twilight came) little town where she works a two-bit job as a weather pony, a job that clearly neither interests nor challenges her.

The only thing that could have drawn her there was Fluttershy, and yet Fluttershy proved such a draw that she outweighed everything else. This is all the more telling when we realise that Rainbow and Fluttershy can hardly be described as "friends," at least according to C.S. Lewis.

Lewis termed the love between friends philia, and defined it as a powerful bond that comes from sharing mutual interests or activities. Rainbow is ceaselessly trying to do things with Fluttershy, mostly by forcibly dragging her off on escapades, but once even trying something Fluttershy wanted to do (specifically, watching the butterfly migration referenced in "Dragon Quest"). Rainbow is trying hard to develop philia with Fluttershy, but one must wonder why it matters so much to her.

She actively avoided Pinkie Pie, regarding her as a nuisance, until she learned that they were both pranksters. She didn't spend time with Twilight until she discovered the joys of reading, after which she began dropping by the library. She has yet to voluntarily do anything with Rarity that didn't involve the whole group, because they share virtually nothing in common. And yet, while Fluttershy has no more in common with Rainbow than Rarity, Rainbow keeps trying to make friends.

I believe that Rainbow actually craves romantic love, which Lewis called eros, from Fluttershy, probably without realising it. Eros is characterised by a deep, intimate emotional connection to another, or at least, the longing for such a connection. (Note that it need not involve physical attraction.) While this story is only the tentative beginning of a possible romance, my view of their relationship coloured the writing throughout, and thus I felt the Romance tag was necessary.

Comments ( 30 )

your story is awesome and you should feel awesome

Honestly I loved the stories progress and intimacy of their friendship as they had been friends ever since they were little; however, :duck: I would like to make the point in saying that this story has great potential to either continue on as a more romantic flutterdash shipping story more than anything, but if you intend to keep it a more close true friends fic thats fine too. :raritywink:

Overall, the beginning first 5 chapters were essentially a brilliant start for the flutterdash concept I hope will ensue if you decide to continue this story. Thanks for the great fic added to favs. (heres a song for the theme of this story tell me what you all think) kudos to the author! peace.

I found this story quite enjoyable, I'll have you know.
And while you may be questioning earlier decisions, and wondering if this will continue, rest assured in the fact that you have a brilliantly written story.
I applaud you with the highly esteemed "Five Moustaches and Five Yays" award!
______________
/ \
I :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache: I
I :yay::yay::yay::yay::yay: I
\ *award* /
-------------

I enjoyed the entire story. Then you added that afterword and blew my mind. I believe you just proved FlutterDash is cannon. :yay::heart::rainbowkiss:

Your fic is original, intricate and while not perfectly plotted, paced or planned out deserves acclaim nonetheless. It shows an authorial care and appreciation for correctness in both language and meaning that I find almost intoxicating.

I'm looking forward to seeing what you'll produce in future.

This is not a bad story by any stretch of the imagination, and I do hope that you carry forward either with additional chapters or a second story. However, I agree with the part of you that doubts whether or not this story should have a romance tag. You've laid a good foundation for a romance story down here, but intentions and headcanon don't change the fact that there is currently no actual romance in this story.

A surprisingly delicate story that touches a lot of bases without leaning on any of them too hard - nine fanfics out of ten would blow either the romance angle or the friendship angle or the dark backstory angle by emphasizing them too much and making them overly melodramatic, but you managed an excellent balance with a light touch between all three. I'm surprised you don't have more works floating around, your prose is very smooth and well-researched for an early attempt! I'll definitely be keeping an eye on your future output.

...and I kind of want to see the Creepy Tickler appear just long enough to die in a grotesque and arbitrary way. Is that an unhealthy emotional reaction? Hmm.

Sequel, sequel, sequel, sequel!!

I do see why you added the romance tag, but there actually isn't any romance involved. I do agree with what you said, and you really brought up some good points about Rainbow and Fluttershy together, which...yeah, actually makes a lot of sense. :pinkiehappy:

But really, if you were hinting to it more or even having Rainbow question it a bit, it might've made sense. That, or if you're planning to continue the story right here, then it'd be right to keep it there. Otherwise, eh, I don't know.

Overall though, I really look forward to how you develop their romance! :pinkiehappy: The story was still good and a great setup for it. :twilightsmile:

really good fic to bad it was so short lol

Though, as you have said, you have laid the basis for a possible romance, the problem with the romance tag is that there is no romance in this story at all, and unless you change it back to incomplete and continue into romance here, rather than on a separate follow on story, I don't think the tag should be there.

Regardless, this was a good and unique story, and I do look forward to any continuations you may make.

2034967
That's an interesting take.
While I don't doubt that your psychology is right, that particular scene really disconnected me from the story, which is why I made reference to it.
*possible spoiler?*
And isn't DUNE that one book about these boys finding a whale skull and thinking it's a fossilized, never-discovered dinosaur?

Either way, beautiful story.:twilightsmile:

2035107

Hmm... so the scene really took you out of the story? Well, that certainly didn't go according to plan! Thanks for the heads-up, though -- feedback is how we learn.

But no, Frank Herbert's Dune is a seminal work of science fiction. It was the first SF novel to tackle environmental themes, or focus on sociology, psychology and biology rather than physics, chemistry, and engineering; and a major departure from the traditional "introduce a new gadget, work out ramifications thereof" school of SF writing. The world-building is of a depth and scope comparable only to Tolkien's Middle-Earth, and the plot explores the impact the appearance of a messianic figure can have on a culture, and the human habit of surrendering personal accountability to one's leaders. Some rather interesting films have been made of it, and I enjoyed them all, but nothing compares to the book.

You might find it interesting even if you don't like sci-fi, given the novel's well, novel approach.

2035244
Cool. I'll look into them.:rainbowhuh:
I was thinking of the book SAND. It's a little easy to get the two confused just by name.:facehoof:

I appreciate your appreciation of my concerns.:twilightsmile:

...Pickle barrel, kumquat! Pickle barrel, kumquat!:pinkiehappy:

2029014

Thanks for your kind words; if I do continue the story, it will definitely end up romantic.

...I'm not sure if it's right to weigh in on my own story's themes (it feels a bit egotistical :twilightblush:), but while the lyrics certainly have relevance, the singer is a bereaved individual who longs to die to join her loved one. :fluttercry: Now that definitely would have required the Dark tag! If we're going to use Evanescence songs, the feelings I was aiming for were closer to Bring Me to Life:

"Wake me up inside / Call my name and save me from the dark /
Bid my blood to run / Before I come undone / Save me from the nothing I've become"?

But storytelling is very subjective, after all! :trollestia:

2029422

Thank you for your encouraging words! They mean a lot to me, since I really don't have much experience. I'll definitely be writing more, it'll just take awhile.... :facehoof:

And I think that :flutterrage: is a pretty understandable reaction to Rainbow's abusive foalsitter: Rainbow herself would definitely buck her flank if she ever saw her again!

true true thanks for the reply. Yeah I had hard time really knowing what would fit the story as it is so unique in essence that a song for the story was harder for me than expected. thanks and as always loving the story cant wait to see more great installments one day. :raritywink:

While I was on the subject i think this song is much better choice plus its a great video. :raritystarry:

I hope you develop the friendship more between Rainbow and Flutteryshy before going into ship stories. fimfiction has many many many Flutter/Dash stories already, so reading something like this is a bit refreshing. perhaps some slice of life stories where Fluttershy drags Rainbow Dash along (with the puppy eyes and a squee) to do more activities together.

and we'll all be waiting for the spa story I'm sure you'll inevitably write. also would make for some great comedy when Rainbow and AppleJack see each other unexpectedly at the spa :twilightsmile:

Nice work, now I feel that odd emptiness I feel after I finish reading a good story.

It fit the moment!...... it fit the moment( dramatic pause) idk I was like yeah so perfect for this fic :raritywink:

I ship FlutterDash, and whilst this wasn't overly romantic, per se, I found that there were enough undertones to enjoy it. Also it was just a good story on its own.

Great job :raritywink:

What a heart warming story!

How in all that is good and holy have you only written one story? You have a gift with writing of which I haven't seen...well, maybe ever on here. Your grammar is superb, the word choice is great, and the background knowledge of pony anatomy you wove into it really added to (atmosphere? idk) of the story. Without even taking the actual plot into consideration, this is easily one of the best stories I've read on this site. And coming from someone who has read well over 100 stories on this site, I think that's saying something. You should definitely write more. It would be a crime to let talent like that go to waste.

Well, this must have a sequel :yay:
MUST HAVE A SEQUEL!
Or continue the story from the last episode.
Love the story so far, please keep going whit it! FlutterDash is my favourite couple :twilightblush:
Now, just a little critique:
This Story got a lot of pottential, is quite good.
But, there's really the need of saying a lot of complicated words in the text?
If you gonna use that kind's of words, is fine (Actually, very good) but maybe is more usefull to put the Vocabulary in just one chapter, like doing one chapter whit all the words that you use (Frogs, personally i didn't know that it was a pony part :facehoof:)
Sorry for my english :twilightblush:
BTW R'u Spanish or Latinoamerican?
Because of the FIN, maybe you are French or Italian too.
Not being racist, is just curiosity :raritywink: (Actually im Latino)

4147704
Thanks for the kind words. As it happens, I grew up in Quebec, Canada, and so I speak French as well as English. I guess I chose 'FIN' over 'The End' because it has a more fluid sound? It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.

I was wondering about the vocabulary -- I really enjoy the fact that the characters on MLP are as much ponies as they are people; it ads something special to the show, making it unique. The inclusion of pony related terms or puns in the language of the characters ('goody four-shoes', 'on the other hoof', 'everypony', 'neigh-sayer') is a great part of this effect.

Also, I did some research on pony anatomy (inspired in part by the excellent fic 'Ditzy Doo's Dismally Derpy Day' -- find a link to it in the afterword -- although I'm sure Equestrian ponies walk barefoot, contrary to that fic) and built it into the story, so some anatomic vocabulary was needed.

However, as I wanted to write the story from Rainbow's point of view, I wasn't sure how much explanation I should put in the narration, since Rainbow would have been intimately familiar with all those things. I hoped to put in enough description in character quotes, so what I meant would be obvious in context, and thus the reader could read the story without having to refer to the footnotes (which damages reader immersion), but while I think I did well enough in the first chapter, my research made me overly familiar with some of the words and I went overboard (was 'croup' really an improvement over 'rump'? At least most readers would have understood that).

The frog was the hardest to introduce. I guess I should have defined in right in the narration, after all, to make sure it was clear. I could go back and change it -- indeed, there are a number of things I'd like to re-write -- but then I'll be constantly fiddling with what has already been published, rather than moving on to new material (and I'm such a slow writer already...).

So I'll let it stand, and maybe some other fanfic writers can profit from my mistake. I'm glad you enjoyed the story in spite of that, though!

4138524

...That may honestly be the warmest praise I've received in my life. Thank you very much.

I do want to write more, but the things you list as strong points in my writing don't come at the drop of a hat: they're the result of careful planning, proofreading, and many re-writes, which means it takes me awhile to produce something. Also, I got a new job and it has rather long hours, and I haven't been organised with my time when I wasn't working, and so I haven't been able to make much progress on the several story ideas I have.

I'll try to accelerate the process!

8678552

Well, I wrote the story long before he was introduced! My story has slipped further from canon...

She has yet to voluntarily do anything with Rarity that didn't involve the whole group, because they share virtually nothing in common.

You should watch season 8's "The End in Friend", where Rainbow and Rarity finally try to do something together after others comment on their lack of common interests. I think you would like it. There is also season 5's "Rarity Investigates!", which plays with the noir detective genre and features Rarity and Rainbow again.

10814481
Lol. I am very happy with the turnout.

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