• Member Since 26th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen June 3rd

P0nies


Just here to read, and write, some FanFic. I really enjoy this stuff, so if you ever need an editor I can look it over for you, just hit me up!

E
Source

Fluttershy longs to be with Rainbow Dash, but she doesn't know how to tell her foal-hood friend of the love in her heart.

Chapters (11)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 167 )

OK, not sure how well this will turn out, I decided to try out a FlutterDash, and it is going to have at least 2-3 more chapters, I hope. And if you notice any errors, or anything wrong with how I act out Fluttershy or Rainbow Dash, Let me know!:twilightsmile:

I must know what is on that letter!

"it's far to early to eat" First "to" should be "too"

" small bunnies sight" Should be "small bunny's sight"

Besides those 2 errors, nothing else spotted

Very well written, I'll be following this story here to see where you take it! :yay:

Feels like a very good story. I like the way it's written. There is only one thing that confuses me...

"As she left the cottage, her face came into contact with another mares"

What does this mean? Did you mean to say: 'her face came into contact with another mare'? It could be just me, though. :twilightsheepish:

Looks interesting, can't wait for next chapter.

Fix what?:rainbowderp: I'm perfectly okay with this!
Can't wait to see the rest of it!

Rainbow that letter best not say what I think it does...:pinkiecrazy:
Carry on please!:pinkiehappy:

Yay:yay:

You got me. I want more.

WHAT WAS IN THE LETTER?!?!?!

dammit....... this is gonna drive me crazy.....

622730 Mission accomplished. :trollestia:

i enjoyed this story id like to see more chapters.:rainbowlaugh:

picture is adorable also wtf was in the letter

620255 The way i wrote it, it goes towards that this ->her face came into contact with another mares. is meaning -> her face came into contact with another mares face. just left the word 'face' out because i felt that it somewhat helped it flow a bit better than being repetitive with the whole face bit.

623679
Ah, thank you. That cleared it up. It still is a good story, nonetheless.

I hope this turned out OK, I'm doing the story in each of their viewpoints for each part of the story to get a view into each mind.

letter reveal :yay: - and will this pov thing be happening for every chapter or just something your experimenting with?

Read most of this with some smooth jazz playing..

Was pretty good. Damn good writing, mate.

I'll be watching. :pinkiecrazy:

624843 If you guys like it, ill continue to do it. Otherwise, ill just stick with more of a single. SO, do you think it is something that i should continue to do? or just stick with a single character?

This was BRILLIANT! I LOVED THIS! :yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay:

Great! The only problem I think there is by doing the double POV is that you kinda just tell the plot, then elaborate. Because, I still don't have my questions answered from the first chapter. Maybe you should move in a bit deeper into the plot in each one.

Other than that, great story man!

628316 so what in the first chapter do you still not have answered? and yeah i prob do need to go deeper, maybe another story within a story :D

628489 What was in the letter, pretty much. I just feel like the story goes roundabout with a double brief, if you don't progress.

628603 Yeah, now that I look back on it, I could have done a better job and made Dash's POV with more... scenes or whatever you call them. will be sure to make better chapters though, and after all each story and chapter is a different learning experience :twilightsmile:

and no updates tonight, too tired so I'll get them to you guys tomorrow!

good story , needs an alpha reader for grammer checks though. keep writing :coolphoto:

Hope you guys like this update! and more will be explained through next chapter, so be patient! :twilightsmile:

Error: "she hind behind" should be fixed

FINALLY!
Couldn't wait for this next chapter to be released!

642744 Patience is a virtue, my friend.

Worth the wait.
Good job.

Good, but I found one major typo. "...the cobble stone on the bridge partially damn from the morning dew." Damn should probably be damp. I only noticed it because it was a funny typo. :rainbowlaugh:

649178 Thanks for the typo find! :derpytongue2:

:yay: for our resident mailmare!! Way to go!
Keep up the good work! :twilightsmile:

663635 I just thought she should be in this :derpytongue2: and thanks for reading :twilightsmile:

Yes! Derpy! :derpytongue2:

I know anxiously await the next chapter.

Wow, that chapter was insanely good! I really liked seeing Dashie's emotional instability come into play more. We've seen what it could do to her at the Young Fliers Competition, but it never really got played up. Here we see a perfect example of how her fear and confusion could literally send her on a downward spiral, simply because she's not used to dealing with that kind of thing.

Can't wait to see the next part!

Well, that was sudden. :rainbowderp:

Well, Derpy saved somepony's life! Good for her!

Want. More. Please.

Very good. I love where this is going!

The story thickens, great Chapter

I've been waiting for this!

I like the chapters' naming system.
It leaves you wondering what's next. Good as always

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!